Undergraduate / Female Characters in Video Games - Common App Essay #1 [10]


This part definitely shows how much you know about these characters and it's really an interesting way to present that. I just found it a little bit too long... If you could make the sentences shorter it'll be easier to read in the parallel structure.

It really is a very interesting and nice essay to me though! :D

Writing Feedback / Study 11 months a year can improve students' efficiency in learning much better than long-time learn [4]

more and more people are/became concerned about how to make education better and efficient.
attending school is to get well prepared for the work in the future.
"students can realize which knowledge and skills are crucial for the work."- this sounds a bit weird...