Posts by prashantic

prashantic

Nov 13, 2014

Undergraduate / "Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. [12]

I'm still deciding whether or not I want to switch the paragraphs, but I think the additional sentence would fit into the third paragraph if I add it as a closing as you suggested. I think it could also fit into the beginning of my second paragraph as an intro.

prashantic

Nov 13, 2014

Undergraduate / "Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. [12]

Which sentence addition will you be making? And thank you so much for the advice! I'm glad you think it fits the prompt well because I was stressing out about whether or not it was relevant. I like the idea of switching the paragraphs, but would it be weird to have the anecdote as a second paragraph?

prashantic

Nov 13, 2014

Undergraduate / "You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels" - UC Personal Statement (Prompt #2) [6]

This essay is really unique, I love it! It's not a cliche essay which makes it stand out a lot. Great job! :)

prashantic

Nov 13, 2014

Undergraduate / I have a true passion for fashion and beauty - Fashion Institute of Technology essay [3]

When you mention the moment you had as a child, I think you should go more in depth with it and describe how you felt in that moment so that they can truly understand your passion for fashion that you've had since such a young age.

prashantic

Nov 13, 2014

Writing Feedback / Some international student choose American roommates. Others choose students from their own country. [4]

"While an American roommate can help you out in many ways associated with English but in the meantime roommate from your country is the only person who might be able to deeply understand you and your speech."

This sentence does not really make sense. Instead change it to, "While an American roommate can help you out in many ways, such as with speaking English, a roommate from your country may be the only person who is able to deeply understand you and your language."

Also, in your first paragraph, don't introduce how you are going to talk about the pros and cons. Instead, find another way to lead it in.

prashantic

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / "Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. [12]

Thank you so much Louisa! I felt like I lost the sense of direction in my essay and your suggestions really put me back on track. They were extremely helpful! I will get back to you after I am finished for your opinion on my second paragraph. I am almost done but not sure if some parts fit properly into the essay or not.

prashantic

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / "Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. [12]

My narrative is 252 words and the max word count is 650 so it is less than half. I think I am going to keep the narrative because I am extremely short on time, but I will definitely use your suggestions of continuing on why this place made me feel content. Thank you so much!

prashantic

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / "Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. [12]

So should I describe how the experience in my anecdote makes me happy instead?

prashantic

Nov 12, 2014

Undergraduate / "Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. [12]

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there and why is it meaningful to you?
*this is not finished yet, I just want to know if I'm on the right track!

"Pass me the ball!" I shouted as I sprinted across the gray concrete driveway. The scorching, humid Georgian heat beamed onto my tanned skin as I shielded the sun's gleaming rays from my eyes. It was an intense game of basketball between me and my siblings. My stepsister and I challenged my brother and stepbrother. The first pair to make in five baskets would be the winner and the losing team had no choice but to buy Taco Bell for the four of us. Both teams of two were tied at four baskets. My stepsister had the ball and I was wide open, standing next to the towering ten foot basket. She launched the fluorescent orange ball at me. My brother and stepbrother both looked at me with widened eyes as I caught it, aware that they would be doomed to defeat. I effortlessly aimed the ball at the basket and casted it up in the air, watching it as it cascaded into the hoop swiftly. I leaped into the air with enthusiasm, mocking my brothers. We were all fatigued and hastened to the car to fill our vacant stomachs with our favorite meal-Taco Bell. It didn't matter who won; we all enjoyed spending quality time together as a family. It's not very often that my brother and I get to see my stepsiblings, so every moment counts. Visiting Georgia with my family to spend time with my stepmother's family gives me bliss because of the valuable moments that we all share together.

To me, contentment means being able to wind down and saying goodbye to any stresses or worries that I may have at the moment. It is being pleased with what I have and not wanting to ask for anything more to make me feel secure. From having to sit in our spacious minivan for a prolonged fourteen hour drive from New Jersey to Georgia, to simply playing a short, competitive game of basketball, spending time with my family is my place of contentment. Being with my family enables me to overlook the pressures of life and instead focus on having fun. I'm not much of a fan of sports, but playing basketball on the driveway with my siblings gives us a chance to bond with each other. While my siblings and I run around on the concrete, dribbling the ball back and forth to one another, our parents sit on the porch swing watching us laugh and joke around. Their eyes gleam as they watch us all getting along together and building a connection with each other. In that moment, I don't need to reflect about anything else besides taking delight in having a great time with the people who I can completely be myself around. When I am spending time with my family, I truly don't feel the necessity to ask or want anything more in that moment. The minutest things, such as playing a game of basketball with my siblings, are meaningful to me because I am able to make several memories and capture specific moments of my life where I am content.