Writing Feedback / School subjects are equally beneficial to students' future career success IELTS [NEW]

Hi guys, can you guys do me a favor and review my IELTS Writing Test Part 2, really appreciated, I will help you guys to review yours in exchange.

Subject:
4 Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students' future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People in China usually put a lot of emphasis on the courses given to students which can be beneficial for their future career success, sometimes subjects like music and sports are often ignored or played down by teachers, parents or students themsleves, from my point of view, I believe that there is a good reason to have these subjects of which are considered irrelavant by some people.

There is no doubt that students should put emphasis on the main subjects for their study. For example, Chinese students in secondary school will have to study hard on math, English, Chinese and Physics to ensure that they could get good marks on these subjects, and consequently they may have better chance to get admitted by prestigious universities, in that way students may gain better qualifications for their future career, and quite likely to be successful. All other subjects like music, sports and military training doesn't count in terms of universities' admission.

On the other hand, it is reasonable to consider other subjects are equally important. The purpose of our whole educational system is to prepare our students for their future career and life. For instance, sports class can teach students how to work their body out, enable them to have a better health both physically and mentally. It's out of question that successful career can not be accomplished in such a fierce job market without a good body. As for music subject, there are lots of companies do have a tendency to hire people with extra talents unrelated to their job, such as music, sports and speech talents, and they can surely stay conspicuious when there is opportunity. And possibly may give them an upperhand if students perform equally well with their job in the future.

In conclusion, no subjects should be treated as not important, otherwise the teachers wouldn't need to teach them in the class, I strongly insist that all subjects given by school to the students are equally important, in one way or another, they all will surely serve the students well in the future and eventually contribute to their career success.

Writing Feedback / Detailed Crimes in the media should be controlled [3]

Nowadays, the media is a very convenient for information to get away quickly, we are exposed to all kinds of contents through these media, of which also includes detailed crimes aired, people believe their coverage should be strictly controlled, it appears like a good idea to me.

Firstly, the kids usually are not suppose to watch detailed crime scene as they may not have the mental capacity to accommodate the crime scenes shown in the media, a moderate level of exposure might be just fine, but if they encounter some photos, TV programmes or movies which are purely violent and criminal, they might try to mimic the behaviors shown in the media and even became one at their real life. In some cases, people with psychological conditions also might not be suitable to watch detailed crimes, and that could destabilize their fragile conditions.

Actually there are plenty of controlling methods already available at the market. The movie industry implemented a rule to classify the movies according their contents, such as explicit nudity or detailed crime descriptions, and the kids are not be allowed to view certain level of movies in the theaters. There also are signs at place in the theaters to remind people who have health conditions to watch movies with crime scenes with their own discretion. Some TV programmes operators also provide parental control with the channels of which will enable the parents to prevent their kids to view some specific programmes or channels.

To summarize, it's reasonable to have tight control over the exposure of detailed description of crime on the media in favor of our kids and people with conditions, and eventually benefit the common interest.