Writing Feedback / Both parents should have the same impact on raising their own children - IELTS [4]

Hello ! I would be really greatful if you could read my essay and how much marks should i get ? And this is my first ielts essay so it will be nice to receive some some valuable tips :) !

Topic:"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is suggested that paternity should be as eguivalently important as maternity. Although there is a stereotype that women have to raise children whereas men ought to support family by earning money , I strongly believed that both fathers and mothers should to have impact on raising their own children no matter what are their roles in life.

One of the reasons why the children should be brought up by both parents egually is due to the fact it can has a positive influence on our kids. The recent studies show that children who are raised by both parents , are much more cheerful. Besides that , kids are not bothered by the question ' Why my father never spend time with me?'. Therefore , children become more aware that if they have a problem with their education or are a bit bored, they can rely on mother and father.

It is certainly true, that there are a range of topics such as like quarrels with schoolmates , sport and entertainment , which children prefer telling father about. To be more precise, father have better ideas how to awaken the soul of the child athlete or deal with tension between friends. For instance , my cousin was bullied at school and he was more willing to tell his father about it instead of complaining to his mother.

Another reason for that is in the era of modern society, there is a tendency that the number of women having a well-paid job is still increasing. In result , some wives have more profitable career prospects than their husbands. So , fathers are forced to take over household chores and start bringing the children up.

In conclusion , it proves that despite the stereotypes , father are equally responsible for upbringing of their children.