Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by katetan
Joined: Dec 9, 2014
Last Post: Dec 11, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: China

Displayed posts: 6
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
katetan   
Dec 11, 2014
Undergraduate / My moment of becoming mature came far before the day when I became 18 year-old: When I lost my giant [2]

Ples help me, and let me know if you have questions about the essay:)Any comments are welcome!!
Topic: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Technically, I stepped in adulthood at 0:00 in March 5th 2014. But actually my moment of becoming mature came far before the day when I became an eighteen-year-old girl. It is on that night when I saw my father wearing his presbyopia glasses that I really changed my opinion of being an adult and carrying responsibility.

In the modest light of a lamp, my father was leaning on the head of the bed, having a book on his hand. He tried to read the book but he failed. He sighed, like he finally surrendered to something, and wore his glasses.

I saw all this behind the door after my big fight with him about my summer classes. I yelled at him and spoke maliciously to him because I don't want to spend my summer reading and writing. On the moment I saw him wearing glasses; I think I couldn't catch my breath. I never realized my daddy, my hero was too old to read the book without presbyopia glasses. In my mind presbyopia glasses were for those who aged 70 like my grandfather. My dad didn't have to use these glasses; he was a young man who reached his 40s several years ago. He was a giant, a superman who will never grow old and leave me. To me, he was always there, bearing my untimely bad temper and behaviors, comforting me when I was stressed and yelled at everything. I knew he would get old someday but I didn't realize this day came so soon and hurt me so bad. Maybe in my subconsciousness, I would never lose him and he could be with me till forever. But he was old. And he was growing older every day. He had many white hairs on his head and his wrinkles became more and more obvious.

That was the moment when I realize I was not a little girl anymore. I have my responsibility in my family. I should take good care of my parents and be considerate instead of say inappropriate words and make their heart broken. I ought to be responsible for what I did and what my future would be instead of blame them for all the bad decisions. My parents became weaker and weaker, but I was stronger and stronger. I could protect them from possible hurt and sadness. I should do whatever I can to make sure I wouldn't let them down. This is the time when I pay them back. This is the time when I do something for them. This is the time when I should be a better me not only for myself but also for those who cared so much about me.
katetan   
Dec 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Topic : Competition among friends can destroy a friendship. [4]

I think this is a really good work with great structures and examples that perfectly fit the topic. This is a structure of typical TOEFL writing. And like marina and vangiespen said, maybe adding a transition sentence between the first and second paragraph will make the passage better.
katetan   
Dec 11, 2014
Undergraduate / I was a really loquacious kid. Common application essay 1st topic [2]

I think your essay is more like a "WHY"essay. You talk about why you are interested in physics and what you have done to achieve a higher level.

But you didn't mention a lot about "background" and "your identity". The propose of this essay is to enable the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores. Maybe you can mention more about who you are and how these years shaped your personality. :)

I hope this will help.
Also,would you please take your time and help me on my essay? I am also an applicant this year and I will really appreciate your help.
katetan   
Dec 9, 2014
Undergraduate / In the Tomb-Sweeping Day several years ago, I went back to Kaiping; common application [4]

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS AND OPINIONS.I am happy to receive your advice!!

TOPIC: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

In the Tomb-Sweeping Day several years ago, I went back to Kaiping, the hometown of my grandfather's family. On my way to there I complain a lot about wasting my holiday in this travel. Since I have never been to Kaiping, I do not understand why I should take this trip. My father did not explain the reason to me on the car. But after I got there, I came to understand why.

The village my grandpa used to live in is one of the poorest in the area. Before I stand on the mud road and saw everything there, I do not really understand what they meant by "poor". Cars were unable to run on this road so we had to enter the village on foot. The fanciest building in the village was the two-story house in the entrance of the village. I was told that the building was not a private residence; it was a clinic built by the government. Most of other buildings were old brick houses with thick moss on them. My dad introduced me to a girl, Tan Junling, who was my age but seemed older than me. She told me that she has dropped out from high school to help her family do the farming job. She was in 10th grade and she was one of the best in her class. She said that it was lucky for her to enter high school while some kids in the village dropped out from school after their graduation from middle school. I was shocked. I looked at her: she is thinner and taller than me. Her skin is tanned, hair was in a mess and her nails were big and thick due to the field work. She was a girl of my age; she has the right to be pretty. She should have those make-ups and different kinds of masks like every girl in our age do, but she does not.

I never realize in somewhere 100kms away from my home lived those poor kids whose family could not give them financial support to get into high schools. Moreover, they cannot get what every kid in the city owns. It seemed that born in rich family means everything to a child. Because of money, they can go to school, get in college and have their own business started with money provided by their parents. But kids in Kaiping are just as smart as those who born in better situation. They will make very good students yet they don't have the chance. I feel grateful of my parents. I feel grateful for everything I have and everyone I meet.

I came to understand why my dad took me to the trip. He wanted me to understand that I was lucky enough. I must cherish thing I had. I entered a famous high school, had a group of friends and enjoyed classes of great teachers. I must be blessed to have met such nice people. Although there are always something I don't feel palatable, like mean teachers and school dinner, I should feel grateful as this suffering cannot happened to everyone in the world.

According to my mom, I came back from Kaiping as an angle. I understand that as a kid, I can be wayward and naughty regardless of things my family does for me. But as an adult, I can't take all I had in my life as granted. I must be grateful to everything, even the bad thing happened to me.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳