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Posts by atothez1000
Name: Adonay Resom
Joined: Dec 14, 2014
Last Post: Dec 17, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: Addis Ababa

Displayed posts: 5
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atothez1000   
Dec 17, 2014
Undergraduate / During my junior year in high school, I volunteered at an orphanage to teach English to the children [3]

Prompt: Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

During my junior year in high school, I volunteered at an orphanage to teach English to the children and assist the organization in its day-to-day operation. I loved the job and also the children. Even the smallest of affection I showed them replaced the heart sinking frown they had on their faces with a wide and spiritually fulfilling smile. However, my experience at the orphanage was not all rosy, as I also had the opportunity to observe first-hand the orphanage's flawed practices.

The story begins when I decided to donate some of my possessions to the children after volunteering for a few weeks at the orphanage. I brought clean cloths, bag packs, books, and my childhood's most beloved possession - my keyboard piano. As I entered the Administration Office to give my donations, I noticed a pile of old clothes and toys lying at the left side of the room and a large cupboard filled with relatively newer items on the right. I handed my donations to the social worker at the office, who took a quick but absorbed look at the items before putting them in the cupboard. When I asked if I could give my donations to the children right away, he replied, "Do not worry. We will give it to them later. For now, why don't you grab some stuff from that pile and take it to the children?"

I returned to the organization the next day excited to teach the children how to play the piano. To my surprise, however, I found out that the children did not receive any of the items I had donated. Bewildered and confused, I went to the Administration Office to speak with the social worker. I noticed that the piano was still in the cupboard, but almost half of the other items that were in the cupboard the previous day, including the clothes I had donated, were missing. I waited until the social worker returned and asked him what they normally keep in the cupboard. He told me that they keep some of the newer and better quality donations in the cupboard while others are kept in the pile on the other side of the room. At that point, I suspiciously asked, "The cupboard looks emptier than yesterday. Where did all the stuff go?" With a bit of discomfort and hesitation, the social worker mentioned that one of his coworkers took some of the donations home because she wanted some toys for her son's birthday party.

As soon as I understood that the employees were taking the donations that were of good quality, I told the social worker that the practice was morally wrong and that it amounts to stealing from the children. In an attempt to justify the practice, the social worker expressed his belief that good quality donations would only cause jealousy and fights among the kids. After my futile attempts to convince the social worker, I realized that I needed to report this matter, and I filed a complaint to the management. However, no one responded to me, and whenever I tried to bring up the issue, I would get a simple "later" response.

Sadly, I had to accept the fact that what was immoral to me was apparently business as usual at the organization. I also had to accept the truth that someone at my level, a volunteer, does not have the power to create a change at an organizational level. Despite the fact that I felt powerless and defeated at the end, I do not regret my actions and I would still make the same decision again. After all, I believe it is our responsibility to act if we see unjust or unfair practices in our society, and I hope to equip myself with education to better challenge such unfair practices in the future.
atothez1000   
Dec 17, 2014
Undergraduate / Applying to Duke was an easy choice [5]

There are some punctuation problems (such as "overlooked," which must be changed to "overlooked",), so you will want to re-scan your essay for such errors.

Your first sentence doesn't seem to show a correct flow. I suggest you rephrase or rearrange the sentence (specially the "but...home" part in the middle.

Change "Instruction",on the 2nd line, to some other word. Perhaps to knowledge. "Instruction" doesn't seem right.

Change or remove "...its thousands of courses". You don't have to be a genius to see the error there.

Another suggestion I'll give you is to remove the rank of the school. They already know their rank, they are not looking for applicants to inform them about it. It might show them that you have done some research on the school, but I still its better to remove it.

"...beautiful Gothic architecture, and I recently got to ..." I suggest you make these separate sentences. "..beautiful Gothic architecture.I recently got to ..."

Good Ideas in the essay in general, though it is best if you can talk more about yourself and how you'd fit in , because that's what they want in their essay.

Be sure to check your essay for grammatical problems.

Sorry if there are lots of typos. I'm not using a PC.
atothez1000   
Dec 14, 2014
Undergraduate / "The Wakeup Call"; I grew up in a house that values education and hard work. Common App essay [5]

Prompt (Common App prompt #1)

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The Wakeup Call
I grew up in a house that values education and hard work. . As a teenager, the constant advice from my parents was annoying and I never took it seriously.They always said that I have to work hard to help my country and all its people who suffer because of poverty. However, an experience I had when I was on a family trip served as a wakeup call that reformed the precocious principles in which I planned to lead my life and cleared up the vague message of my parents.

I was fifteen when my family and I paid a visit to my father's uncle at the country side. It was at the end of the rainy season when nature unleashes its captivating beauty. In the course of my visit, my cousin and I went for a mountain hike. While wandering about we met with a group of children who were shepherds and farmers that worked at the apex plane of the mountain. Some of the children looked like they were roughly our age, but most seemed much younger than us. Their clothes were shabby and dirty, and their feet had several cuts and scars because they had no shoes and had to with bare feet all day. It was a sad sight to see. My cousin, who was no stranger to the countryside, knew these children. So he introduced me to them. I was surprised to discover that, even though we had grown up in two completely different environments, we had a lot in common. As a result we became friends in a small amount of time. I had an unforgettable bonding experience with these children . When time for departure came their eyes and my heart sunk. A strong bond had been created before we knew how it happened.

What surprised me even more was discovering that these unfortunate kids were my blood relatives. However these kids are severely deprived of so many advantages that I took for granted. When I started to drag my feet down the mountain, my mind was reeling back to my parents' advice about how we should capitalize on our advantage and understand the value of education.

At the base of the mountain people were working assiduously and tirelessly in their fields. Yet,they are not able to harvest enough crops to feed their family, because they use a millennia old crop-cultivation method and technology. This inefficient working method has been part of Ethiopian culture for years as a resultof the inadequate opportunity for formal education. These uneducated farmers are also not capable of sending their children to school, resulting this wretched trend to continue. However, due to certain decisions that my parents have made, I am lucky to have escaped this ill-fated path that my relatives regrettably have to follow.

That is why I believe that I am destined to contribute a solution for this age-old predicament. The touching and revealing moment while departing from the mountainhas become a constant checking factor to live by my parents' advice. I believe it is also my impetus to working hard and succeeding by going to a reputable technology college to pursue my dream in science and technology. That in turn, I believe, shall be a useful tool to help my people.
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