Undergraduate / "my strength in mind, body and soul" - FSU app, vires. [NEW]

As I unravel the events and thoughts that I've had in past and present the philosophy "Vires, Artes, Mores" conforms to the presences of my survival. But Vires-physical, moral, intellectual strength- plays a role that motorized me to continue. My moral strength guided my blinded eyes throughout my teenage years. In my earlier years, my classmates fell like flies to violence; some of them joined gangs or was killed by it. At one point it seems unavoidable. Violence is slowly elevating and I will continue my virtue, Vires fuels me to prolong my journey to success. The first time I encountered cruelty was my sixth grade year; the morning was cold and unpredictable. I sat in the classroom with blank walls, and it was time for us to change to the next class. But, a strictly calm voice was interjected and our school was on temporary lockdown. Of course we thought it was a drill like always because the day before we were in "code red". However time elongated. My classmates and I were excited because science was next and we were avoiding it but then my cell phone was being blown off the hook. My mother called me thousands of times, and then I received a message that read "Are you okay?? Southwood is on lockdown because someone was stabbed inside of the bathroom!" The moment appeared to be longer than ever, the sudden pace of my heart beat increased. My heart was about to pound out of my body, and my legs were weakened by the anxiety that someone could have done such a thing. I refused to believe it, I felt vulnerable; someone could determine my fate just across the hall in the boys bathroom. There's a point in someone's life that innocence is lost, and this moment was mine. The mentality of my adolescent mind was "that would never happen to me" but reality resides right behind my picket fence. Experiencing young hostility towards one another, built my strength and maturity. My Vires was always there; it was just an occasion of when was I going to put it to use. From that point on I was in numerous dilemmas of the cliché sex, drugs, and money. Each time I refused to collapse to conformity. In my future at Florida State I will continue my Vires, my strength in mind, body and soul, and reach the success that I'm destine for.

Please correct me. I need the assistance!!!

Undergraduate / "Becoming a knight" - Application Essay for UCF. [9]

Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Becoming a knight is an opportunity of a lifetime for me. UCF campus is not only a paradise but also provides open doors to fulfill a persons dream. Since I was a child it was my destiny to become someone in the medical profession. The burning desire that is embedded with my soul screams at me to minimize the pain that people suffer. I could reminisce back to when I had patients in my little plastic house; wrapping them as a mummy , giving them coodie shots, and prescription skittles. In order to make a difference in the world, relieving distress within people is the best path for me. UCF is a young school with wise education as an ivy league school. The diversity in Miami is something to grow accustomed to, and Orlando fits that description for me to feel like home is only five minutes away. Cooperation is encouraged at this university, without it nothing wouldn't be able to be finished. Because of my experience with diversity its my state of nature to work well with others, leading to the chances of me joining Volunteer UCF, or take on an internship. UCF gives every student to explore the 12 colleges that they provide including a brand new college of Medicine. Which is extremely beneficial to students with my passion. Being my first choice, I would be proud to represent the silver armor of UCF, and I'm positive UCF would be proud of me.

can you guys help me change the ending because it seems like im begging to be admitted, I want it to seem as if UCF is lucky that they are my choice PLEASE HELP.. be blunt, and as rude as you want to be! thanks