Here's my first UCF essay. Please feel free to give me advice on how to improve--thanks. Heres the topic: If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances:
I sat there, nervously tapping my pencil on my desk, staring at my calculus test, drawing a blank inside my head. It wouldn't matter how many times I closed my eyes and tried to recall the steps as to how to solve number one; I still didn't know the answer. I remember going through this torture throughout the whole test, and before I knew it, time was up.
This wasn't the first time I had experienced this, either. From day one, there wasn't a day I didn't spend hours on end trying to understand the basics, whether it was simple limits or basic derivatives. Test after test, I watched my grade rapidly decrease to the point of failure. Being an avid student, this couldn't be happening to me. It was at this time I realized I needed to do whatever it took to bring my grade back up.
Coming in early and staying late after school, I had my teacher thoroughly take me step by step through every homework problem. My parents also hired a tutor who really helped me grasp the concepts, in turn, helping me not only pull my grade up but understand what I was actually doing. By the end of the first semester, I raised my grade from an F to a B+. Reflecting back, I've never worked so hard to do well in school. I now know the endless hours I dedicated to that class was the biggest obstacle I've ever encountered and overcome.
Honestly, I think that you should choose a new obstacle.. the admission officers probably wouldnt be interested in this because many students go through a struggle with a new subject.
I don't know if this topic will be good enough. It's fairly standard and cliche. If the whole point is overcoming yourself and finally asking for help then I would emphasize it more.
I actually don't mind the topic, but changing the last sentence could do a lot for the essay. You don't want to restate the prompt.
The whole point was that I've always been a great student, keeping school as my number one priority.I've always worked hard and have always acheived really good grades, so calculus was the first time I worked hard and wasn't getting good results. How can I bring this out through my essay?
[Honestly, I think that you should choose a new obstacle.. the admission officers probably wouldnt be interested in this because many students go through a struggle with a new subject.(danceislife_e)]-- I would have to disagree, personally because people have different perspectives. It might not seem like that to you, but it certainly was for me.
Please help Llamapoop123 !
I enjoy the way describe your experience, it's a lot more interesting than when people list facts. The way you show your exasperation and flow from your intro is very good.
It is a rather cliche topic, but if you think about it people are all very similar and go through the same problems. Think about a personal obstacle you've faced, it will most likely be a lot more unique.
Honestly, I can't think of another obstacle... that's why I chose this one. If I made some changes, do you think it could still be a good essay?
The whole point was that I've always been a great student, keeping school as my number one priority.I've always worked hard and have always acheived really good grades, so calculus was the first time I worked hard and wasn't getting good results. How can I bring this out through my essay?
^We understand but this is still very very plain. The fact that you take this so seriously can also show that you are an inflexible person. Asking for help is something that should be common amongst high school students so your inability to ask for help until your grade dropped all the way to a F can be interpreted as blind arrogance.
I'm sorry but my creativity is limited. Maybe the others can offer suggestions on how to modify your piece.
If you've gone through a similar experience of divorce maybe you can write about that too? I can always list suggestions about how it's changed things for me, if that would help you out at all.
Thanks for the advice! The only difference is that my parents got divorced when I was 2, and now even though they are divorced it hasn't been that big of an obstacle. I guess I'll just have to find something else... whatever it takes to write a good essay, I guess.
Thanks again =)
That's funny, my parents were also divorced when I was 2. It hasn't really been that much of an impact for me either, except for the moving, but it's all in how you look at it. The admissions officers aren't going to know anything about if it really affects you or not.
And no problem =]
The admissions officers aren't going to know anything about if it really affects you or not.
And no problem =]
^Well...if you're a good lier. It kind of sounds crude to exaggerate or lie about the implications of divorce.
wow, no way! well i mean there are some obstacles, but I assume that the one they want us to describe is what has really changed us, and that's why I did one on this subject, but it seems like everyone else is bored by it so im not exactly sure how to solve this problem.
And by the way Llamapoop123, I most likely won't be doing that.
And by the way Llamapoop123, I most likely won't be doing that.
^Yep. It would be pretty illogical to joke around and exaggerate with the topic of divorce.
I think that's good, I was entertained by your attention to detail and description of your problems
By the way Llamapoop123, if I tweeked it a little bit, do you think this essay would be somewhat strong? Or would it still be too uninteresting? Strictly asking for your opinion now, thanks.
hey thanks so much! i like it too im just trying to figure ways of improving so everyone else thinks it is, too.
its really nice to hear good feedback! thanks so much =) again!
^It seems like you really want to keep this essay. I don't believe that it could become a strong essay. The topic limits it a lot. I urge you to think of something else.
If you do not want to change your topic you can wait for others to give you suggestions because I can not think of anything right now to make your essay strong.
Alright, thanks anyways. Some people liked it, others didn't. I guess we can't please everyone.
^I'm not here to convert you :] Only to guide you.
I know... thanks.
Llamapoop123 [Contributor] Edited by: Llamapoop123 Today, 05:42pm #12
elanners:
The admissions officers aren't going to know anything about if it really affects you or not.
And no problem =]
^Well...if you're a good lier. It kind of sounds crude to exaggerate or lie about the implications of divorce.
uhhh I didn't mean to lie or joke about divorce. I only meant that you can exaggerate how it affected you. In my instance, I'm glad my parents are divorced b/c they are happier that way. So instead I wrote about the lack of stability.
Also, I'm assuming that you play piano, so maybe you had to overcome a musical obstacle? When I played piano I had a hard time converting from Conservancy style to playing by ear. Maybe you have something like that?
uhhh I didn't mean to lie or joke about divorce. I only meant that you can exaggerate how it affected you. In my instance, I'm glad my parents are divorced b/c they are happier that way. So instead I wrote about the lack of stability.
^I wasn't talking about your case. I'm just saying that if divorce did not affect the writer then writing about how it did affect them would be illogical.
just made a suggestion no need for attitude
Hi Kelsey.
I have to agree with everyone else. Topic is rather plain and really cliche.. If you want to keep the topic, emphasize how the obstacle changed you and make it truly personal.
Please read mine (check my profile).
Your best bet is to show how this differentiates from what any other student would have done. You can explain how your not use to a obstacle in your life so this was knew to you. Or something like that
well written but subject is too common, find something more unique to you.
I did end up keeping this topic. I fixed it and I think it makes more sense now. Let me know what you think. (Topic: describe obstacle in ACADEMIC/PERSONAL life and describe the circumstances)
As I nervously tapped my pencil on my desk and stared at my calculus test, I only drew a blank. It wouldn't matter how many hours I spent studying the past night or how many times I would try to recall the steps for solving the problem; I still did not know the answer. I went through this torture throughout the whole test, and before I knew it, time was up.
Up to that point, school had always been my number one priority. I always did my homework, turned my assignments in on time, and never did I once put less than 110% effort toward anything I did. It was hard to admit passing calculus was not going to be an easy task, yet I told myself I would not let this one course keep me from doing my best.
No sooner did I take action, coming in early and staying late after school so my teacher could thoroughly take me step by step through each homework problem. My parents lent a hand by also hiring a tutor for me who really helped me grasp the simple concepts of calculus, from basic derivatives to solving limits. In turn, I not only pulled my grade up significantly but understood what calculus was. Due to all the assistance I had, I was ready to dominate the next test. Not once did I come across a question I was not able to solve. My ability to overcome this academic obstacle, as well as acing that test, felt amazing.
Well, the wording has improved.
you should change the topic, calc is a challenege but when they say personal obstacle I think they mean something more emotional than stressful.
Hey, I am also appyling to UCF and I think you definitely satisfied the prompt. And also, I play piano and was wondering if you could take a look at my essay? Nobody has :( Lol
