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Posts by xdx24
Name: Dixing
Joined: Dec 21, 2014
Last Post: Dec 7, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
From: China
School: Hefei No.6 Senior High School

Displayed posts: 11
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xdx24   
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / How do cars affect our life and what can we do to address the problems cars caused [3]

Hi, guys! I am writing an essay for our school's practice exam. Here is my essay and thanks in advance!

Original Question: The car has made travel much more convenient but it has brought with it number of problems as well. Describe what these problems are and discuss what can be done to address them.

Since Watt invented steam engine, industrial age has revolutionized our way of living, especially in transport. As a kind of modern transport, cars have simplified travelling and moving. Whereas, the problems come along with cars have also risen onto the surface of iceberg. This essay intends to discuss what problems cars caused and give several practical solutions.

Due to the use of liquid petroleum, the waste of running engine normally would be released into air directly which potentially causes numerous environmental problems. For example, the acid rain can destroy natural habitats and affect food production. As a result, farmers cannot grow the food stuff necessary to feed the population.

Another severe problem caused by excessively use of cars is its effect on human health, most notably on the respiratory system. The number of people suffering from breathing problems such as asthma and bronchitis in US alone has increased by more than four hundred percent.

Besides the effects on individuals, cars have transformed many countries as well. Take an example of United Arab Emirates. In Dubai, with the enormous amount of money made by selling oils, local people become wealthier and are able to afford five cars for each family in average. And since wealthy car owners are reluctant to move to bus stop under the burning sun, they rather choose to drive in comfortable private cars. Consequently, the whole city turns into gridlock everyday.

Various solutions have come out including hybrid cars, advanced public transport system and etc. Propelled by electric motors, electric cars are considered as a significant solution to the current problem.

In conclusion, even we can enjoy the convenience of cars, we still need to think the aftermath that excessive car using will bring. The car can be a useful tool as long as we can reduce the side effect of it. And to solve the problem, we need to put more clean-energy cars into practice.
xdx24   
Dec 27, 2014
Undergraduate / Lying down on the snow, I was desperately waiting for someone to notice me and help me; application [3]

Sorry about this repost, but I am unable to edit previous one. So I modify some sentences to increase readability and I am looking for some advices. Do please comment, thank you!

Listening to the howl of the wind, I was standing on the top of Pyhätunturi, one of the most popular skiing resorts in Finland. I have learned how to ski in Jalasjärvi and it turns out to be such fun. No reason for me to not try the skateboard. However, this time I tripped and fell over. I failed to keep the balance and lost my mind. When I tried to get up, a wave of pain and nausea hits me. I yelled for help. There were few people around. But, fortunately, another exchange student noticed and helped me. I was carried off on a stretcher eventually. This is only the beginning of my struggle. The resulting injuries caused a forced stillness and inability to work. Though the injuries from the accident were not severe: a broken wrist, torn ligaments and tendons in both wrists, yet they make it painfully difficult to take care of myself. Being able to use only few fingers and having limited use of the other hand made routine tasks struggling. I cannot even dress myself properly. I was unable to unfold cans with a knife or scissors unless I could open it with my teeth! Everything took time, concentrated effort and something I didn't know I had: enormous patience. Instead of rushing through breakfast, riding to bus stop, leaving my bicycle lying down on the ground every morning, I could only wake up early and walk to pull-in. Everything slowed down and became a meditation. After two weeks of doing things slowly one at a time, without being able to ride, only leaving house for school, I found peace and calmness since my failed attempt to keep balance. I learned when life is frantic and unsettled, resist the urge to do many things at once. Do one thing at a time and do it slowly and thoughtfully.

The first day I walked into school clumsily, arm-in-a-cast, I was astonished to find out that not only didn't my injuries matter to others, but they expected me to be in charge. They would still let me to do all the work as usual, moving tables and chairs, writing pages of homework. I failed to take notes down and did not pay full attention to the teacher despite my mind was in fact functioning perfectly. And what I learned second is that people will only consider you as a victim only if you choose to act like a victim. Therefore, on the second day of school, I decided that I cannot give up learning simply for "losing" my left arm. At the end of class, I got A in all subjects compared with B+ I got from last semester.

At the beginning of my recovery, some of friends were so very kind. They asked me how did I feel and sent me warm greetings. I felt so good to recall because I knew now how good receiving kindness felt. Each time someone was kind, friend or stranger, I asked myself how many times I have sent my greetings to others. Though some other friends were busy with their own lives and some struggled, I was grateful for each kind regard I received. Through introspection, I learned my third lesson: no matter how busy or troubled life is, catch the opportunity for an act of kindness, even a small one will make a difference.

Gradually, I gained back my abilities to lead a colorful life. On the day when the plaster was removed from my wrist, I said to my host father, "Oli hieno päivä!"( What a great day!) The experience made me realized how wonderful my life is and turned me to someone who is grateful and appreciates the life he had. Learning from my failure, I would never forget the art of a balanced life.
xdx24   
Dec 25, 2014
Undergraduate / "Come on man, one more rep, one more!" - Shooting for above average [11]

Hi, man! I like your essay and by the way I can lift about 85kg in bench press :D Back to your essay, I think you should really consider what is your failure. I mean time management is a good point. But you should also write a little bit about your failure. Except that, I think your essay is pretty good. :)
xdx24   
Dec 24, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed.' NYU supplemental essay [5]

Well, I think I used robot as a metaphor for myself. So when I mentioned robtos do all the arduous work, I actually want to mean that I am as hard-working as robots. Is it too obscure? And to be honest, except my academic ability, I am not sure how I can benefit NYU Shanghai. Of course, I will contribute to NYU community and help others, but I think only when I have made some breakthroughs in the field, then I am able to say that that my introspection contributed to NYU. Otherwise, I suppose it's just a kind of characteristic that I have.

These are the qualities I will bring to NYU Shanghai.

--> Introverted as they seem, they are of high intellct and full energy. As a constructor of robots, I have similar characteristics - hardworking, intelligent, energetic and one more than them, introspective. Self-contemplation is one of my daily habits. I always wonder in the evening what I have learned during daytime. These are the qualities I will bring to NYU Shanghai.

So is this expression a bit better? Please check for grammatical errors. Thanks! :D
xdx24   
Dec 24, 2014
Undergraduate / I consider myself a global citizen. I am fluent in both Chinese and English - NYU application [3]

Well there are some typos:
[quote = krcheng]I would be able to travel open my mind and become one step closer to a global citizen.[/quote] ---> I would be able to travel, open my mind and take one step closer to a global citizen.

[quote = krcheng]I will gain a broader perstpective .[/quote] I will gain a profounder pespective .

[quote =krcheng]I was estatic [/quote] I was ecstatic .

I think your essay is decent, good luck! :)
xdx24   
Dec 24, 2014
Undergraduate / NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you and vice versa? [6]

Hi! I just put my essay on the forum and I am sorry for time lag. XD But I think what Song writes is typically Chinese, my original approach is similar. I don't really understand what do you mean by

you should be concentrating more on the academic aspect of NYU and what it has to offer you

I mean I don't know what academic offerings NYU provides, but the university is famous and I just simply wanted to enter.
By the way, my academic ability is measured under the system of Chinese University Entrance Exam. The English writing in the exam is formulatic with limited vocabulary. So sorry again for my poor English. And thank you for your help!
xdx24   
Dec 24, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed.' NYU supplemental essay [5]

Topic: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?

Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed. I have this LEGO MINDSTROM set since junior high school. When my father bought me this set, I was blissful and couldn't wait to try out every part of this set. I used every elements included in the set. Following a building manual, I built up amazing stuffs such as electric guitar, top spinner and so on. LEGO set provides me a platform to create. NYU can offer a even higher platform to me, helping me to fuel my enthusiasm towards robotics. As a self-learner, I searched online to find more ideas and instructions for utilizing my LEGO set, but I couldn't find much information about LEGO in Chinese. Nevertheless, after I knew how to use VPN and got access to Google search engine, I felt like Christopher Columbus, discovering a new world. I found a plethora of building guides and instructions in English. And I joined a few forums to discuss the problems I faced. Through all those process to construct robots I realized how important it is to have a community that shares the same enthusiasm as yours with people willing to help. I believe NYU Shanghai is one of this kind of community where students are creative, and willing to help each other. Not to mention that NYU Shanghai has one of the best global circumstances in China, with students from over 100 different countries all contributing their skills and abilities.

Introverted as they seem, they are of high intellct and full energy. As a constructor of robots, I have similar characteristics - hardworking, intelligent, energetic and one more than them, introspective. Self-contemplation is one of my daily habits. I always wonder in the evening what I have learned during daytime. These are the qualities I will bring to NYU Shanghai.

The multicultural environment and plethora of academic choices at NYU bring together both intellect and creativity providing an atmosphere for growth. The pursuance of international cooperation coincides my intention. I look forward to visiting campus and exploring the city.
xdx24   
Dec 24, 2014
Graduate / Fellowship application essay I am writing for a Masters Program: about leadership and volunteering [2]

I alsoexplained them about internet, video tutorials and video chats

I aslo explained to them about Internet, video tutorials and video chats

This habit of mine forced me take interest in various fields like music, sports, scientific model making and various other activities.

This habit of mine forced me to take interests in various fields like music, sports, scientific model making and various other activities
--->I was intrigued by my habit to participate in music, sports, scientific model making and various other activities. (You can choose if you want to use this expression or not)
xdx24   
Dec 22, 2014
Undergraduate / Lying down on the snow, I was desperately waiting for someone to notice me and help me; application [3]

Topic: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

"Help!" I yelled. Lying down on the snow, I was desperately waiting for someone to notice me and help me out from my skateboard. After a while, a friend heard me and called a manager in ski resort for help. Finally I was carried off on a stretcher. That was what happened when I went to Lapland to ski with other exchange students from AFS organization.

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