Undergraduate / I discovered a greater sense of purpose and ardor. I felt at home breathing in the Haitian air. [7]

Any critique? How can I word this in a higher level of language?

Why are you drawn to the area of study you indicated earlier in this application?

The moment I stepped out of Port-Au-Prince airport and breathed in the foreign, humid air, I strangely felt at home. Venturing out of my comfort zone and into this unknown, Caribbean territory, I smile at my ardor and commitment to international relations.

IR is not my academic interest; rather, it's a field that spins my world. Raised in a multinational family, I spend my weekends skyping or emailing my extended family and friends across the continents, cultivating my proficiency in three languages and familiarity in two others. These Saturday evening conversations promoted my international understanding, and exposed me to the social, cultural, and political differences between my home in the US and my family in the rest of the world. As a child, the conversations were friendly and fun, creating this image of a small, peaceful world in my five year old brain. As I matured out of my innocence, global conflicts and poverty distort my childhood vision, compelling me to pursue IR and serve humanity.

Undergraduate / "Finding my future in my name" - Common App [5]

Hey guys, I would really appreciate it if anyone can read my common app essay and tell me if it makes sense. Also, I know I have a lot of grammatical mistakes and awkward sentences, but I cannot seem to find them. I am also 30 words over the word count, does any part seem repetitive that I can delete or remove. Thank you soo much in advance!!!

Common app prompt #1
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Finding my future in my name.
What began as a story of self-discovery and liberation unexpectedly pivoted into a revelation of my name, Faizus Saleheen. For 17 years, I have been writing my own story and creating my future, completely oblivious that I am on a train to my destiny to be the "Faizus Saleheen." Did I discover my name, or has it subconsciously created me?

Born in a village broken as the hearts of its people, I was raised by parents who barely survived the 1971 Bangladesh genocide, where children and women were kidnapped, raped, burned. Unlike most children, I was never read "Goodnight Moon" at bedtime, and I missed the train for Hogwarts from Harry Potter. Instead, the magical protagonist from my bedtime story was Rashed, a young freedom fighter from Bangladesh. Disney and Cartoon Network were absent from my childhood. In lieu, I found myself immersed into the world of activism, into the captivating stories of Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela. Rather than Hogwarts, I lived my preteen through the eyes of a child from Afghanistan in The Kite Runner. All these adult, unfiltered stories were fed to me at an early age. Some might think these stories would scar me or get me depressed; however, they filled me with optimism. No one -- not my father, not Rashed, not Mandela -- succumbed to the injustices of the world. In fact, everyone of my heroes had, in the stark face of adversity, gathered an optimistic passion for humanity.

My upbringing was blessed by the tales of many humanitarians, fomenting my unquenchable passion for human rights. As I matured, these stories became my closest companion, a slice of worldview, as indispensable as sight. But, I must admit, I felt daunted by all these global crises. Merely an empathetic student, I could only read about these crimes in the comfort of my home. It was finally the Arab Springs that triggered every muscle in my body to protect my human family. These people were dieing for the three most celebrated words in United State history, "we the people." Seeing photos of a generation being inhumanly gassed reminded me those historic photos during WWII. It was at this point, I committed myself to no longer acquiesce human rights abuses, but to join the fight against it.

Last summer, I had the fortune opportunity to intern at an NGO devoted to Syrian refugees. Flying to the Turkey-Syria border, I encountered the aftermaths of the worst atrocities imaginable, where even young Syrians had bodies depicting battlefields. It was in this worst of humanity that brought out the best in me. Their stories broadened my horizon by destroying my preconceived notion of activism. So often has been said, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat forever." However, this aphorism cannot simply be applied to talented Syrian refugees who can more than just fish. Just all the fishes in their pond were dead due to the the brutal war. Motivated by their life-risking efforts to survive, I worked tirelessly to breed new fishes that will not only empower them, but rekindle their hope. Working with graduate students, we created a vocational program that will supply Syrians with qualification to find work in Turkey. With fresh fish in their pond, Syrian refugees will have the resources to provide for themselves and invest in their future.

I have no single childhood trauma or great religious conviction that led me to pursue my passion. What I do have is my name. My parents never revealed the truth behind "Faizus Saleheen," always telling me, "you are named after your ancestors." It was an elderly Syrian in Sakarya refugee camp who used to be a professor of Arabic etymology that tapped the very core of my existence and future.

"Salam! Ismee Faizus Saleheen!" I dress his wounds as I tell him why I am here.
In English, he tearfully replies with, "You are truly the Faizus Saleheen, the 'Champion of Human Righteousness'"

A self-fulfilling prophecy?

Again what i need helpwith most is cutting those 30 words