Guessit
Jan 1, 2015
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
Okay, you're right there... the rest of it conveys the same meaning and I'd avoid the cliche.
I'll go with that without the ending.
As I sifted through the Inheritance Cycle, I realized the impact the protagonist, Eragon, had on me; his selfless sacrifices, incredible compassion, and a gradual maturity in character inspired me to be confident in my decisions, to strengthen precious familial ties, and to stand strong in my beliefs.
Okay, you're right there... the rest of it conveys the same meaning and I'd avoid the cliche.
I'll go with that without the ending.
As I sifted through the Inheritance Cycle, I realized the impact the protagonist, Eragon, had on me; his selfless sacrifices, incredible compassion, and a gradual maturity in character inspired me to be confident in my decisions, to strengthen precious familial ties, and to stand strong in my beliefs.
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / It is said that when he was born, he watched the world burn. Epic Short Story- Notre Dame [7]
Great story !
The crib either got burnt and became ashes, or it is still there. You said "The baby was lying on a pile of ashes" but in the beginning you mentioned a "crib". Otherwise, it's a wonderful story.
P.S - temme what happens next pls !!
Great story !
The crib either got burnt and became ashes, or it is still there. You said "The baby was lying on a pile of ashes" but in the beginning you mentioned a "crib". Otherwise, it's a wonderful story.
P.S - temme what happens next pls !!
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
That's wonderful ! It's lesser words but conveys the same meaning. I would like to retain the "coming out of my shell" part however, coz that was a major impact the book really had on me. I don't know how, but it just did.
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle; his selfless sacrifices, incredible compassion, and a gradual maturity in character wake me out of my shell and inspire me to be confident in my decisions, strengthen precious familial ties, and to stand strong in my beliefs.
I guess that suits me more and sums up most of the impacts. What do you think?
That's wonderful ! It's lesser words but conveys the same meaning. I would like to retain the "coming out of my shell" part however, coz that was a major impact the book really had on me. I don't know how, but it just did.
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle; his selfless sacrifices, incredible compassion, and a gradual maturity in character wake me out of my shell and inspire me to be confident in my decisions, strengthen precious familial ties, and to stand strong in my beliefs.
I guess that suits me more and sums up most of the impacts. What do you think?
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to becoming a valiant Dragon Rider, sacrifices, compassion towards comrades, and growing maturity throughout the series instills confidence in me to take decisions, strengthens my bonds with friends and family, and inspires me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life; the book created a new me, in a nutshell.
Is that better?
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to becoming a valiant Dragon Rider, sacrifices, compassion towards comrades, and growing maturity throughout the series instills confidence in me to take decisions, strengthens my bonds with friends and family, and inspires me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life; the book created a new me, in a nutshell.
Is that better?
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
Another revision, I couldn't edit the above in time.
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to becoming a valiant Dragon Rider, sacrifices, compassion towards comrades, and growing maturity throughout the series instilled confidence in me to take decisions, urged me to strengthen my bonds with friends and family, and inspired me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life; it was filled with surprises to enjoy, and on the whole, the book moulded me into an individual who was strong at heart, compassionate, and did not hesitate to voice out his opinions when necessary.
OR
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to becoming a valiant Dragon Rider, sacrifices, compassion towards comrades, and growing maturity throughout the series instilled confidence in me to take decisions, urged me to strengthen my bonds with friends and family, and inspired me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life - it was filled with surprises to enjoy; the book moulded me into an individual who was strong at heart, compassionate, and did not hesitate to voice out his opinions when necessary.
The two revisions are basically the same thing, just a small difference towards the end.
Another revision, I couldn't edit the above in time.
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to becoming a valiant Dragon Rider, sacrifices, compassion towards comrades, and growing maturity throughout the series instilled confidence in me to take decisions, urged me to strengthen my bonds with friends and family, and inspired me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life; it was filled with surprises to enjoy, and on the whole, the book moulded me into an individual who was strong at heart, compassionate, and did not hesitate to voice out his opinions when necessary.
OR
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to becoming a valiant Dragon Rider, sacrifices, compassion towards comrades, and growing maturity throughout the series instilled confidence in me to take decisions, urged me to strengthen my bonds with friends and family, and inspired me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life - it was filled with surprises to enjoy; the book moulded me into an individual who was strong at heart, compassionate, and did not hesitate to voice out his opinions when necessary.
The two revisions are basically the same thing, just a small difference towards the end.
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Poop: It's only four letters, yet when combined together, provoke disgusted faces and nose-wrinkling [15]
I like how you bring the topic up in this essay. The "research" part you mentioned is fine but on a personal feeling, I'd like it if you expanded that a wee bit. Otherwise, the essay is amazing :) Love it.
I like how you bring the topic up in this essay. The "research" part you mentioned is fine but on a personal feeling, I'd like it if you expanded that a wee bit. Otherwise, the essay is amazing :) Love it.
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
Yes, thank you. I knew it was a crude sentence. I just had to brainstorm. Here is my sentence -
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to a valiant Dragon Rider, inspired me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life, and his sacrifices and compassion towards comrades urged me to strengthen my bonds with friends and family; it moulded me into a new individual who was stronger, amiable and strived towards togetherness and peace.
Yes, thank you. I knew it was a crude sentence. I just had to brainstorm. Here is my sentence -
As a teen, I can closely relate with Eragon, the protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, whose rise from an unknown village to a valiant Dragon Rider, inspired me to come out of my shell and have a new perspective on life, and his sacrifices and compassion towards comrades urged me to strengthen my bonds with friends and family; it moulded me into a new individual who was stronger, amiable and strived towards togetherness and peace.
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
I'm not sure... but the question says so. I did ask elsewhere and the reply was one sentence. But it wasn't a professional or someone.
I'm not sure... but the question says so. I did ask elsewhere and the reply was one sentence. But it wasn't a professional or someone.
Guessit
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / Books for pleasure / Eragon's impact - CMU [14]
List the books (if any) you've read this year for pleasure. Choose one and in a sentence describe its impact on you.
Books
The Inheritance Cycle, Two States
Impact
The protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, Eragon, closely relates to my life as a teenager, albeit in a magical world; his compassion for his comrades, the sacrifices he makes, and his fight for justice inspires me to be compassionate and just, and his growing maturity, especially towards the end of the series serves to provide valuable lessons to life.
Idk how much more to write in one sentence. I'm trying to be as genuine as possible. The series really inspired me, and had me crying when some characters died. But im really not sure how to fit in all this.
[...]
List the books (if any) you've read this year for pleasure. Choose one and in a sentence describe its impact on you.
Books
The Inheritance Cycle, Two States
Impact
The protagonist of the Inheritance Cycle, Eragon, closely relates to my life as a teenager, albeit in a magical world; his compassion for his comrades, the sacrifices he makes, and his fight for justice inspires me to be compassionate and just, and his growing maturity, especially towards the end of the series serves to provide valuable lessons to life.
Idk how much more to write in one sentence. I'm trying to be as genuine as possible. The series really inspired me, and had me crying when some characters died. But im really not sure how to fit in all this.
[...]
Guessit
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / I began my college search during the summer vacation in grade 11. [3]
In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.
I began my college search during the summer vacation in grade 11. It wasa appallan appaling task to review and evaluate all the universities which I had an opportunity to consider. After first discovering BU, the urban campus and strong school spirit appealed to me. BU is the perfect place that combines a major city rich with culture and opportunities with an active campus life.
After finding out more about BU, I discovered its programsemphasisemphasize on engaging with the community and diversity. During high school I had the opportunity to participate in the International Baccalaureate Program. This program ensured that my high school life was filled with critical thinking and diversity. Try to explain a bit more This program required me to apply what I have learned in the classroom through various activities and projects. With over 30,000 students, from 140 countries, I will be able to continue learning about other cultures from around the world in BU. This exposure will complement my studies in Management. I believe that only way someone can use the knowledge from their courses in the future is if they learn to apply it while learning.
As BU offers a wide range of student research, study abroad and internship programs, I plan to take advantage of such opportunitiesat BU so I can extend my learning and become better prepared for the future. BU's values of inclusiveness and engagement with the community alignsynchronizes with my own. For all of these reasonsHence , BU is my dream school, and I am lookinglook forward to being an active student in its community.
In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.
I began my college search during the summer vacation in grade 11. It was
After finding out more about BU, I discovered its programs
As BU offers a wide range of student research, study abroad and internship programs, I plan to take advantage of such opportunities
Guessit
Dec 27, 2014
Undergraduate / I focused on training the muscles I can see in the mirror - it eventually led to postural problems [2]
While I feel the essay has been well-written, topic 2 (failure, and what you learnt from it) looks a little more appropriate (Just my opinion). And you really need to focus on how central it is to your identity. What makes you unique from the masses? The last line does not fit well as a conclusion, it's a one liner and that is not going to look very neat on your application. Emphasize more on how much the event affected you, and that positive aspects you gained from such a realization.
While I feel the essay has been well-written, topic 2 (failure, and what you learnt from it) looks a little more appropriate (Just my opinion). And you really need to focus on how central it is to your identity. What makes you unique from the masses? The last line does not fit well as a conclusion, it's a one liner and that is not going to look very neat on your application. Emphasize more on how much the event affected you, and that positive aspects you gained from such a realization.
Guessit
Dec 27, 2014
Undergraduate / I am a righty, born as a lefty. "Lefties are inferior and crazy", I hear my grandmother say. [2]
That's a well written essay. Just my 2 cents into it :
You could emphasize a little more on how the correction to right handedness affected you and also expand a little bit on your achievements after that rather than a blunt single line - "The girl who wrote fifty pages of research paper on evil spirits of Tale of Genji, the girl who back-peddles on unicycle in the city of Tokyo, and the girl who loves Sudoku and chess.". I believe that's what the prompt is asking for, how a particular stereotype affected you and your behavior.
Also, while I do see the stress you've placed on being unique, I do not think it is necessary to repeat the fact that you are special, especially seeing that they are one sentence apart. (Referring to "I am special because I am me. ---- . They are all me, and that makes me special.")
That's a well written essay. Just my 2 cents into it :
You could emphasize a little more on how the correction to right handedness affected you and also expand a little bit on your achievements after that rather than a blunt single line - "The girl who wrote fifty pages of research paper on evil spirits of Tale of Genji, the girl who back-peddles on unicycle in the city of Tokyo, and the girl who loves Sudoku and chess.". I believe that's what the prompt is asking for, how a particular stereotype affected you and your behavior.
Also, while I do see the stress you've placed on being unique, I do not think it is necessary to repeat the fact that you are special, especially seeing that they are one sentence apart. (Referring to "I am special because I am me. ---- . They are all me, and that makes me special.")
Guessit
Dec 27, 2014
Undergraduate / Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. [7]
I did try writing a para related to any research plans that I might have but I found it too similar in context to what's already been written (thinking computer, Artificial Intelligence etc.) . Thanks for your offer however :-)
I did try writing a para related to any research plans that I might have but I found it too similar in context to what's already been written (thinking computer, Artificial Intelligence etc.) . Thanks for your offer however :-)
Guessit
Dec 26, 2014
Undergraduate / Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. [7]
I'm seriously limited by the "one-page" condition. I want to write a lot more, but then that would be exceeding the limit.
I'm seriously limited by the "one-page" condition. I want to write a lot more, but then that would be exceeding the limit.
Guessit
Dec 26, 2014
Undergraduate / Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. [7]
@vangiespen
Thank you for that, mate. The problem I'm currently facing is that I don't have a lot of information on CMU. That said, I shall definitely do more research on the internship programs and update my essay accordingly. As for the introductory paragraph, yes, I totally agree with the way it looks like, though that isn't what I meant. Thanks again ! Will put the updated essay shortly :)
@vangiespen
Thank you for that, mate. The problem I'm currently facing is that I don't have a lot of information on CMU. That said, I shall definitely do more research on the internship programs and update my essay accordingly. As for the introductory paragraph, yes, I totally agree with the way it looks like, though that isn't what I meant. Thanks again ! Will put the updated essay shortly :)
Guessit
Dec 26, 2014
Undergraduate / Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. [7]
Here goes my 575 word, 1 MS-Word page essay. Also, I'm an international student looking at CMU as one of my top choices for comp science.
ESSAY STARTS HERE
I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. When I first came across the fact that the computer knows just 2 numbers - 0 and 1, namely, I was shell shocked. Something that looks so complicated and provides so many functions in daily life, was nothing but appropriate combinations of those numbers. To me, there was a deeper philosophical meaning; everything complex could be broken down into simple steps. From a very young age, I wanted to know the working of a computer, how the entire digital world was compressed into a small chip - the microprocessor, how two simple states - on and off, could be combined to make complex logical decisions, and choosing Computer Science as my stream in my senior years gave me access to this sort of knowledge. This served to pique my curiosity further and I decided to choose Computer Science as my major at a widely reputed institute such as Carnegie Mellon.
Carnegie Mellon has an immense international reputation that attracts students far and wide. The School of Computer Science offers a rigorous curriculum in my favored field that encompasses everything I could possibly want to know in a computer. To have the computer think like a human has been a longstanding problem in the modern world but with the resources Carnegie has to offer, I'm highly optimistic that it is possible. The curriculum's wide range of topics ensures that one does not lose pace in this ever-changing world of technology, and also sharpens my logical thinking and analytical skills. Computer science is not all about programming and it is essential to know the physical demands a system places and the limitations faced in maintaining such systems. Carnegie's curriculum offers such a valuable insight and bridges the gap between theory and practical use. It provides a deeper understanding of important concepts and develops critical thinking in an individual.
It is no wonder then that my second choice is Electrical and Computer Engineering at the Carnegie Institute of Technology. Ever since I was introduced to semiconductor technology and devices, I wanted to build my own computer from scratch, doing everything from the microprocessor to the monitor. To me, the computer is a beautiful product of physics and mathematics, and electricity is its life force. An education at the CMU would prove invaluable to my understanding of these fields and coupled with my goal of creating a "thinking computer" that would be beneficial to mankind, I can only marvel. I strive to extract the good in technology to make the world a better place to live in, and make such beneficial technology available to the masses.
The community at Carnegie Mellon is vast and diverse and the right kind of community I would like to place myself in. It synchronizes with my taste to be exposed to different cultures and gain knowledge about the world in general. It also serves to strengthen my understanding of people and brings me a step closer towards achieving my goal. Knowing how people react to different situations under different circumstances is critical to developing a decision making system.
An education is not about gaining knowledge; it is about being practical and applying such knowledge to serve as pillars towards growth. A curriculum that not just provides in-depth learning but also improves my personality and makes me a contributing individual on the whole, is something only a reputed institution like Carnegie can offer.
Here goes my 575 word, 1 MS-Word page essay. Also, I'm an international student looking at CMU as one of my top choices for comp science.
ESSAY STARTS HERE
I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. When I first came across the fact that the computer knows just 2 numbers - 0 and 1, namely, I was shell shocked. Something that looks so complicated and provides so many functions in daily life, was nothing but appropriate combinations of those numbers. To me, there was a deeper philosophical meaning; everything complex could be broken down into simple steps. From a very young age, I wanted to know the working of a computer, how the entire digital world was compressed into a small chip - the microprocessor, how two simple states - on and off, could be combined to make complex logical decisions, and choosing Computer Science as my stream in my senior years gave me access to this sort of knowledge. This served to pique my curiosity further and I decided to choose Computer Science as my major at a widely reputed institute such as Carnegie Mellon.
Carnegie Mellon has an immense international reputation that attracts students far and wide. The School of Computer Science offers a rigorous curriculum in my favored field that encompasses everything I could possibly want to know in a computer. To have the computer think like a human has been a longstanding problem in the modern world but with the resources Carnegie has to offer, I'm highly optimistic that it is possible. The curriculum's wide range of topics ensures that one does not lose pace in this ever-changing world of technology, and also sharpens my logical thinking and analytical skills. Computer science is not all about programming and it is essential to know the physical demands a system places and the limitations faced in maintaining such systems. Carnegie's curriculum offers such a valuable insight and bridges the gap between theory and practical use. It provides a deeper understanding of important concepts and develops critical thinking in an individual.
It is no wonder then that my second choice is Electrical and Computer Engineering at the Carnegie Institute of Technology. Ever since I was introduced to semiconductor technology and devices, I wanted to build my own computer from scratch, doing everything from the microprocessor to the monitor. To me, the computer is a beautiful product of physics and mathematics, and electricity is its life force. An education at the CMU would prove invaluable to my understanding of these fields and coupled with my goal of creating a "thinking computer" that would be beneficial to mankind, I can only marvel. I strive to extract the good in technology to make the world a better place to live in, and make such beneficial technology available to the masses.
The community at Carnegie Mellon is vast and diverse and the right kind of community I would like to place myself in. It synchronizes with my taste to be exposed to different cultures and gain knowledge about the world in general. It also serves to strengthen my understanding of people and brings me a step closer towards achieving my goal. Knowing how people react to different situations under different circumstances is critical to developing a decision making system.
An education is not about gaining knowledge; it is about being practical and applying such knowledge to serve as pillars towards growth. A curriculum that not just provides in-depth learning but also improves my personality and makes me a contributing individual on the whole, is something only a reputed institution like Carnegie can offer.
