Posts by pbjc7991

pbjc7991

Feb 12, 2015

Writing Feedback / We meet many people in the course of our lifetimes. Choose one who is most unforgettable and why. [2]

A good essay. I think the first paragraph is a bit of a drag and unnecessarily wordy. You can try shortening the first paragraph to at most 3 sentences. Other than that, all was fairly good. The essay can become more life-like with some real-life examples, instances or incidents of how this person has influenced you. All the best.

pbjc7991

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / "How", is engineering's key word, "Why" is the medicine's - find answers for both of these questions [2]

Your answer is a little off the track. You use the entire 100 words to describe "what" you want to major in, but you are not making a connection between YOU and your major. Why does Biomedical Engg. appeal to you? What is its significance in your life? How will MIT help you to thrive in this field? Try answering these questions. Reading the answer should say a little more about you and your interests.

pbjc7991

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / The Beatles song "Money Can't Buy Me Love" inundated my ears upon my birth. [2]

I was brought into this world with the sound of music, since one of the nurses forgot to turn off her phone (extra 'off' here removed) and so The Beatles song "Money Can't Buy Me Love" inundated my ears upon my birth. Music has played a huge role in my life from the nights in which I stayed up with my arms slung over a guitar or my fingers dancing over the keys of a piano, to the conversation starters about the best band of all time or best guitar names. Music has taken over the lives of many, but it shaped mine.

I feel your essay is pretty good but you are simply focusing on how music has shaped you. Perhaps a few specifics on your experiences in music would be a better highlight. Also remember that many students write about dance/music as what they do for pleasure so your essay must stand out among so many similar ones. I found little uniqueness and specificity in this essay which could make you stand out.

Please read and review my prompt also. Thank you.

pbjc7991

Dec 31, 2014

Undergraduate / Severus Snape! I was a ruthless disciplinarian who hid his soft side from everybody [2]

It's my first time here. Please read and review this essay for me. Thank you.

Imagine yourself in a tutorial at Williams. Of anyone in the world, whom would you choose to be the other student in the class, and why?

Severus Snape from the Harry Potter movies! When I used to teach classes in our Night School, I could well say I was a ruthless

disciplinarian who hid his soft side from everybody. As draconian as it may sound, I adored this stringent attitude because it helped
me to instill new lessons in students every working day and quite secretly keep improving myself. Although there were a few
missteps, I maintained mutual respect between my students and me because of which, we all gained. I could well say that Professor
Snape, the master of Potions and the connoisseur of Dark Arts, was the invisible force, an inspiration behind my attitude.
Professor Snape inspires me because of his challenging character and extreme sensitivity. Snape knew that the Dark Lord, his
demonic and black-hearted master, will return one day and fish out years of information by reading his mind. He therefore treated
Harry Potter, the Dark Lord's nemesis, with maximal coldness, thus never arousing the Dark Lord's suspicion and also protecting
Harry. He played a challenging role and he inspires me because of the beautiful, brilliant way he handled it. He inspires me to
carefully engineer every step I take so that I may discover any exit in an undesirable situation and get every task accomplished the
right way.
Severus would make the perfect classmate for me because of our similarities in story and character. We even share a similar love
story, making him an ideal friend too. To have him in the class would be like being excited to learn something new every day! He will

motivate me to flourish through tutorials at Williams and succeed in every mission I assume in my academic life as I prepare for
higher studies. With Severus, I will develop into a multi-faceted, dynamic individual.