Posts by mheshmati

mheshmati

Feb 2, 2015

Graduate / As a developing youth, I maintained an adamant bond with my late grandfather [2]

I really liked and enjoyed your essay which means the content is perfectly fine but you might as well have some grammatical mistakes that you should go over with. but over all it was an amazing essay

good luck

mheshmati

Jan 25, 2015

Undergraduate / I was born in Toronto Canada, into a very troubled and unfortunate family; reasons for transferring [4]

well the college that I'm enrolled right now is a two year institution therefore in order to earn a Bachelor degree I must transfer to a four institution. and as for the content where would you think is the best place to draw the line. I've heard the more personal it is the better...

PS writing this was extremely hard for me and I was mostly looking for someone to correct any grammatical mistakes but thanks anyway. at least you tried.

mheshmati

Jan 25, 2015

Scholarship / People that are nobody and wants to be somebody. APU Japan: Scholarship Essay [3]

ok so you need a lot of revision since the sentence structure doesn't follow well. here is my recommendation
getting a scholarship isn't only for the smart and people in need, it is also for people who are nobody(not really sure if you want to use this word but anyway) and want to become somebody, to make a change, and strike for a better future. a scholarship would be truthfully a great finical support which is a way of cheering students up. as if for me, I want to show my hard work and dedication, and make my family proud by getting a scholarship at APU. a scholarship would a great support and encouragement for me to be involved and active in the community as well as keeping me focused.

in conclusion, I would like to say that the APU tuition reduction scholarship is an opportunity to support my education, giving me a chance to be focused on study and reaching my dreams to become an ambassador or even work in UNICEF!

I like the conclusion
and just an advice, you don't want to mention you will become a good student once you won the scholarship, just state that it will be an encouragement to achieve you're dreams and goals since it is supporting you in many ways.

best of luck :)

mheshmati

Jan 25, 2015

Undergraduate / I was born in Toronto Canada, into a very troubled and unfortunate family; reasons for transferring [4]

this is my application essay. they are mainly looking for the content, no specific instructions that I must follow. I would really appreciate if someone would look it over:)

I was born in Toronto Canada, into a very troubled and unfortunate family. My parents always fought and I never had a normal, loving, and supportive family as many others do. At the age of four my family moved to Iran and that was where my parents finally got divorced. After my parents' separation, I didn't see my mom until four years later; therefore, I learned from a very young age, to be independent and to be able to take care of myself.

As I turned seven years old, I went to an all-Persian school and due to my inability to speak Persian I had very hard time at making friends and performing well in classes, so school was just like my house, a nightmare. I remember I would sit by myself at lunch break, daydreaming about the day that everything will change, the day where I will have my own little loving family, a day where l have a career that can show and prove that I'm not useless and I'm more than just a girl. Therefore from a very young age I realized I wasn't ordinary so I had to work harder, be stronger, and I should be willing to sacrifice and put more effort into my work in order for me to succeed and reach my goals.

At fourth grade, when I moved to another school, I decided to start fresh and be the change I always craved for. With being positive and determined I started receiving straight A's and found many friends. School wasn't just school anymore, it kind of became a home to me since it made me feel good about myself.

Eighth grade, my sister and I came to America to live with my mother as my father requested. My sister and I were actually glad since we knew we can continue our education in America, a country filled with endless opportunities to offer, plus we thought we will finally be able to have the family we always wanted.

When I first came, school once again became a struggle for me due to my lack of English communication but I was able to get through it by believing in myself and not giving up. After eighth grade, I got enrolled in a homeschooling program and I was able to complete it in thirteen months since I was eager to take the next step, college. As many other students, I had difficulty figuring out what I want to major in for my bachelor degree but after watching Gifted Hands (a movie about a neurosurgeon) and reading a post on Humans of New York about a guy who majored in neuroscience, I became very interested biopsychology and human brain and its capabilities.

Once my sister told me no one ever had the choice to choose into what family they are born in and how the couple first years of their life is going to be but everyone absolutely has a choice to make about their future; and I choose to be happy, successful, and strong. Everyone always laughed at me when they found out I want to go to America and continue education because that's not an option for women; but here I am, still strong, determined, and ready to face the challenges along the way and take advantage of the opportunities offered along the way. I had a very hard life and it was a bumpy road with many dead ends but I'm proud of myself for coming all the way to here without giving up. However I don't want to look back on my life anymore, I want to move forward and make a change; and I want University of Michigan be part of that change.