Writing Feedback / IELTS - Paying for clothes, haircuts and beauty products - just to enhance own appearence? [3]

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay was:

In the 21st century,Appearence of a person does matter,But at what cost does the appearence comes will matter. Appearence shows persons attitude,eligance and nature. Its obvious that everybody wants to look better,Its the intrincity of human beings to look better. In the world where hunger and poverty still prevails,Spending extra on appearence will be questioned and debated.

Not all human beings are having basic necessary things for living. For example countries like africa are having 70% of children suffering from malnutrition and another 25% of children and mother die at pregnency due to lack of necessary nutrients.Thus it makes sense to not spend extra money on appearence, On the other hand, there are benifits of looking good.

Today's modern world gives more importance for looks. There are business driven by looks like acting in cenima,Working in five start hotels etc. Where people need to spend extra money to maintain there looks.The extra money they spend will earn more reputation in the industry.A recent study shows that,People working in film industry have spend a miillion in 2014 for cosmetic makeup's and clothes. This clearly shows that people spend in millions on look and earn back in billions.

Hence spending extra money for appearence has both pros and cons.So in world where hunger and poverty still persists,Philanthrophy is the way to go,So that all get the basic necessary things for living.