The first problem with your essay is that you did not use the proper punctuation marks. You have commas where you should have periods, which leads to very confusing sentences as the thought process become interconnected instead of individualized. Causing confusion for the reader as the topics move from one to another continuously. You also have a problem with the way you use capital letters in your essay. The first word of every sentence after a period is always capitalized. The word that comes after a comma is not capitalized. Let me show a sample of these problems below:
In the 21st century,Appearence of a person does matter,But at what cost does the appearence comes will matter. Appearence shows persons attitude,eligance and nature. Its obvious that everybody wants to look better,Its the intrincity of human beings to look better. In the world where hunger and poverty still prevails,Spending extra on appearence will be questioned and debated.This should have instead been written this way:
In the 21st century, the appearance of a person does matter. How much it costs for the person to look that way also matters. The appearance of a person shows his attitude, elegance, and nature. Everyone always wants to look better, and they will not hesitate to spend to achieve that look. In the era when hunger and poverty prevails, it is understandable why spending extra on appearance becomes a questionable and debatable matter.
Please be mindful of your punctuation marks, spelling, and capitalization usage. The reason your essay scored poorly is not based upon the content of what you wrote, what you wrote are pretty solid reasons. The problem, is that you were careless in the way you formatted and wrote the essay. Try to revise the essay using more care in the way you format and write your thoughts then post it here again. We can work with you on properly writing this paper if you are willing to rework it.