TJLuschen
Apr 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Whether women are more good at parenting than men is under hot debate. [2]
I think for this type of essay prompt it is better to have a three part essay, where the two sides are discussed objectively in two body paragraphs, and then your subjective opinion is introduced in a third paragraph, which can be combined with the conclusion. Here are some specific suggestions:
Whether women are [better] at parenting than men
... Opinions [differ] from person to person.
... even though men [and women] have ... disadvantages [concerning] parentingfrom women, I firmly ... able to [parent as well] as women
... the role of father [is] tantamount to that of [the] mother.
... considerate and can [provide] children, ... differences. {saying "it is undeniable" and then giving no support or data seems unreasonable to me}
... There [exists] a [societal] belief that women have [the] obligation to
.... father's involvement [to be] ? {what "do we expect" or "what should we expect"?} That belief {what belief? You just gave a rhetorical question, not a belief} is unfair
... I suppose [the] father's role ...
...The research [concerning this topic has] {research is singular non-countable} shown [that a] father's involvement [has] fundamental effects
... the influence exerted by [both parents] should not be ignored.
I think for this type of essay prompt it is better to have a three part essay, where the two sides are discussed objectively in two body paragraphs, and then your subjective opinion is introduced in a third paragraph, which can be combined with the conclusion. Here are some specific suggestions:
Whether women are [better] at parenting than men
... Opinions [differ] from person to person.
... even though men [and women] have ... disadvantages [concerning] parenting
... the role of father [is] tantamount to that of [the] mother.
... considerate and can [provide] children, ... differences. {saying "it is undeniable" and then giving no support or data seems unreasonable to me}
... There [exists] a [societal] belief that women have [the] obligation to
.... father's involvement [to be] ? {what "do we expect" or "what should we expect"?} That belief {what belief? You just gave a rhetorical question, not a belief} is unfair
... I suppose [the] father's role ...
...The research [concerning this topic has] {research is singular non-countable} shown [that a] father's involvement [has] fundamental effects
... the influence exerted by [both parents] should not be ignored.
