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Posts by itzamo
Name: Arun Mathew
Joined: Feb 27, 2015
Last Post: Mar 2, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

School: European University Munich

Displayed posts: 3
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itzamo   
Mar 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Good friends are as valuable as pearls in life; TOEFL essay [3]

Para 1: I think you can introduce the relation you want to give an example in this essay as friendship. Though it is understood, you can state it.

Para 2: It would be good to indicate how honesty works well in friendship.
Para 3: You can give the comparison between your 2 friends.
Para 4: The reason how you qualify their friendship
Para 2 & 3 just need some modification and in my opinion can be concised.
Para 4: Can be conclusion based on your example, scientific research and your opinion once again stated.

Additionally there are some cosmetic errors in grammar, verbs spelling which you can do a correction on word.

Cheers,
Arun
itzamo   
Feb 27, 2015
Graduate / I have been an ardent football fanatic ever since I kicked my first football. MBA Sports Mgt Essay [3]

Each of us has been influenced by people, events and situations in our lives. How have these influences shaped who you are today?

I have been an ardent football fanatic ever since I kicked my first football. Part of me being one was because my father himself was crazy about football and he would tell me stories of different games during the World Cup, many of which would not be written about online. I remember watching my first World Cup on TV in 1994 and was amazed at the skills, the commitment, the exuberance, the sorrow, the aggression etc all emotions one could find in an intense movie.

after revision:

I have been a football fanatic ever since I kicked my first football. Part of me being one was because my father himself was crazy about football and he would tell me stories of different games during the World Cup, many of which would not be written about online. I remember watching my first World Cup on TV in 1994 and was amazed at the skills, the commitment, the exuberance, the sorrow, the aggression etc. As I grew older, I focused on my studies and eventually became an Electronics and Communication Engineer. I believed a good degree would enable me to start a career and help towards my path of success. However as I started to work, I came across different situations which required me to act accordingly and as I was a beginner in my career any wrong start would put me a step backward. But this required skills that were not taught in school, or college, or during my orientation period at work. I was under pressure, had to stay long nights, had to handle clients differently, had to show results, take responsibilities etc. and suddenly this seemed like a lot of effort.

This is when my knowledge of famous football personalities began to influence my life tremendously. I was able to relate each situation I was put in, to a sports personality who had gone through a similar experience and how they emerged successfully. There were many great Football personalities who helped me understand how to cope with pressure and look at difficulties from different angles. While I would be under pressure to achieve results, I would look up to a famous football coach who had heavy expectations on his head, fans behind his back and had to deliver positive results every week, consistently keeping the team on top. These are impossible pressure situations and my pressure seemed nothing compared to that. When I had to manage indifferent clients, I would imagine the effort put by another coach who manages Superstar footballers, the Management and media with ease and always keeps his team calm. My people management task was simpler and this gave me confidence to keep my clients at ease. All projects require hard work and dedication, and in this case, I would look at hardworking, professional footballers who had brilliant work ethics always giving 100% as a source of inspiration. The thought of the effort I had to put was minimal in comparison.

Once you set a top standard among your clients, they expect the same result all the time. Whenever I had to consistently provide professional services to my clients, I would look up to another coach who managed a club for 25 years. He not only had to adapt to the times, the competition, the finance etc but also had to keep his team among the top in Europe. Similarly, the task to provide consistent solutions to my clients considering the competition from other companies looked achievable. Lastly, to realize my talent, direct my strength and focus on my goals, I would follow one of the best footballers of all time. Focusing on one's strength to bring out the best in you makes one appreciated by one's colleagues, clients and employers etc.

Every little incident or difficult situation I have been put in, I came out stronger, only by putting myself in the shoes of these famous personalities. I built my experience on this knowledge base, which not only helped me become wiser and gain respect in my professional work environment, but also made be a better human being in my personal life. To me life is all about learning, and thankfully as long as I have a medium of football, I will continuously strive for the best and see life in a larger way.
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