Undergraduate /
Georgetown Transfer Essay: Asian American Identity Crisis [2]
Hello dendenkim, pretty good essay but as EF_Sheri said do not over use the humor on your essay otherwise you might start sounding somewhat sarcastic, juts remember that you are dealing with a group of professionals such as the committee, not having a casual conversation with a group of classmates. So I would really suggest you to be as formal as possible.
My writing skills are a bit rusty It's really been a long time since I wrote something, but I allowed myself to make a few changes on your last paragraph, and this is how I would say it:
I really love and appreciate all of the friends and unforgettable experiences I have had during my life here at the University of Maryland, but attending Georgetown would represent a real challenge for me, both intellectually and socially, which could help me to grow up as an individual and eventually become a better version of myself. As Benjamin Franklin said, "without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning."[ (I apologize for the cliché end-of-essay quote but it seemed exceptionally apropos)
I wouldn't apologize for the phrase because actually I think it helps you to support your reasons of why you would like to attend Geaorgetown ]. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Good luck!
