maddy1579
Mar 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / The cool night breeze whistled softly, blowing lightly through my hair [5]
Can someone help me finish this?
The cool night breeze whistled softly, blowing lightly through my hair. The sky was a deep, clear blue and the moonlight reflected on people's windows. I could feel the stars smiling down at me. After the stifling heat of the day, I felt relieved. Glad to be free of the hot and stuffy classrooms in school, I was looking forward to going home. Yet, deep in my gut, I knew something was not right...
I twisted the handle on the old door but it was locked. That was strange. The door was always open when I got home. I try fumbling in my school bag for a key. A mass of homework bursts out and ends up in a heap on the floor. I sigh and pick it up. My key was where it usually was, so I shove it hardly into the cold metal and turn the handle.
Once safely in my room, I notice an old, rotting smell coming from just outside. I roll my eyes and tiredly get out of the bed. I was about to turn into my brothers (his names will) room to tell him off before I realise no one is here. I might as well go check. I slowly push the door open. His bead is neatly made and on his desk is his homework. I decided to check if he was doing his homework properly, but when I got there, it was a not. Addressed to me. I read it twice just to make sure what I had read was not some kind of mind game. It said "Help me sis! I'm scared! Someone is chasing me." My adrenaline rose to its maximum and I went pale. Then I remember nothing but dreaming about a monster...
I woke up to a knocking at the door. "Will!" I cried and ran to answer the door. I could see a silhouette by the glass. Within a few seconds it had gone. I flung the door open. "Will!" I cried out into the cold night air. The concrete was cold underneath my feet. I stepped into the front garden, the grass tickling my toes. I opened the gate, and slowly- very slowly- began to walk away from the abandoned house.
Soon I was running. I didn't know where to, all I knew was that there was somewhere I could be safe. A chill went down my spine. At the end of the road stood a figure dressed from head to toe in black. I began searching for a hiding place. Anywhere would do right now. I ended up crouching down behind a bush in someone's garden. Tears escaped my eyes. I had no one. I looked up, but the stars were no longer smiling down at me. They were evil looking, their points more like knives then delicate strokes. I looked down. I was ashamed. But when I looked further down the garden, I was nearly sick...
Can someone help me finish this?
The cool night breeze whistled softly, blowing lightly through my hair. The sky was a deep, clear blue and the moonlight reflected on people's windows. I could feel the stars smiling down at me. After the stifling heat of the day, I felt relieved. Glad to be free of the hot and stuffy classrooms in school, I was looking forward to going home. Yet, deep in my gut, I knew something was not right...
I twisted the handle on the old door but it was locked. That was strange. The door was always open when I got home. I try fumbling in my school bag for a key. A mass of homework bursts out and ends up in a heap on the floor. I sigh and pick it up. My key was where it usually was, so I shove it hardly into the cold metal and turn the handle.
Once safely in my room, I notice an old, rotting smell coming from just outside. I roll my eyes and tiredly get out of the bed. I was about to turn into my brothers (his names will) room to tell him off before I realise no one is here. I might as well go check. I slowly push the door open. His bead is neatly made and on his desk is his homework. I decided to check if he was doing his homework properly, but when I got there, it was a not. Addressed to me. I read it twice just to make sure what I had read was not some kind of mind game. It said "Help me sis! I'm scared! Someone is chasing me." My adrenaline rose to its maximum and I went pale. Then I remember nothing but dreaming about a monster...
I woke up to a knocking at the door. "Will!" I cried and ran to answer the door. I could see a silhouette by the glass. Within a few seconds it had gone. I flung the door open. "Will!" I cried out into the cold night air. The concrete was cold underneath my feet. I stepped into the front garden, the grass tickling my toes. I opened the gate, and slowly- very slowly- began to walk away from the abandoned house.
Soon I was running. I didn't know where to, all I knew was that there was somewhere I could be safe. A chill went down my spine. At the end of the road stood a figure dressed from head to toe in black. I began searching for a hiding place. Anywhere would do right now. I ended up crouching down behind a bush in someone's garden. Tears escaped my eyes. I had no one. I looked up, but the stars were no longer smiling down at me. They were evil looking, their points more like knives then delicate strokes. I looked down. I was ashamed. But when I looked further down the garden, I was nearly sick...