Sunnydayyy
Mar 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Adults education and the reasons why grown-up people continue studying - IELTS [5]
I think what you wanted to attach are those things. : )
I think what you wanted to attach are those things. : )
Sunnydayyy
Mar 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / Kids who are not born with some sort of abilities and skills can be as successful as talented one [4]
There are lots of errors to fix everything. But, I'd like to suggest you to practice the introduction first.
The question is asking your opinion, not experts opinion. So, for the last sentence of the introduction, placing your opinion would be better than experts' opinions. In my opinion, expert's sayings could be placed in bodis to support your opinions.
I would change your introduction in that way.
-----> It is common to see some artists being born with innate talents perfrom better than others who have made efforts to be excellent.Therefore, some people assert that children without talents cannot be trained as outstanding musicians or athletes, even if they excercise more than other talented people. However, I strongly believe that anyone can become great in music and sports, if they are taught properly and trained harder.
There are lots of errors to fix everything. But, I'd like to suggest you to practice the introduction first.
The question is asking your opinion, not experts opinion. So, for the last sentence of the introduction, placing your opinion would be better than experts' opinions. In my opinion, expert's sayings could be placed in bodis to support your opinions.
I would change your introduction in that way.
Believing that people are born with certain skills and talents has a long pedigree.Overtime,by dicovering more about human brain and behaviors,some experts declare that people can gain many skills in different fields such as sport and music by being trained from young age and childhood.
-----> It is common to see some artists being born with innate talents perfrom better than others who have made efforts to be excellent.Therefore, some people assert that children without talents cannot be trained as outstanding musicians or athletes, even if they excercise more than other talented people. However, I strongly believe that anyone can become great in music and sports, if they are taught properly and trained harder.
Sunnydayyy
Mar 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / These days everyone seems to have more and more possessions (e.g. computers, cars, mobile phones, et [2]
Hello, I am a students studying writing in English. Could you read my essay and fix if there are worng things?
It is true that our materialistic society encourages us to possess more and more products such as smartphones and private vehicles. Regarding this, some assert that people tend to neglect vital human values such as being kind to others and concern for others, which I strongly agree with.
To begin with, people living in materialistic societies are force to purchase many goods coming out every day and they have to work hard to pay for those. Moreover, this trend results in people being not able to think about others as they are often exhausted from their working. For example, some fathers neglect their families and some people cannot see the poverty or the disabled because they merely do not have time to consider them.
Hello, I am a students studying writing in English. Could you read my essay and fix if there are worng things?
It is true that our materialistic society encourages us to possess more and more products such as smartphones and private vehicles. Regarding this, some assert that people tend to neglect vital human values such as being kind to others and concern for others, which I strongly agree with.
To begin with, people living in materialistic societies are force to purchase many goods coming out every day and they have to work hard to pay for those. Moreover, this trend results in people being not able to think about others as they are often exhausted from their working. For example, some fathers neglect their families and some people cannot see the poverty or the disabled because they merely do not have time to consider them.
