Writing Feedback / There is alot of things which worries me and the scholarschip would be a key to my "golden gate" [2]

How would the tuition reduction scholarship assist you in reaching your goals?

Please kindly give me your opinion about my essay. I have two weeks left to finish it. Thank you!

Essay:
Instead of walking you through my list of worries which a Schorlaship would ease, I reckon it is preferable to show it to you through images: a golden gate, a bumpy road and a comfortable pair of shoes.

In my life exists a golden gate which I have always wanted to open. There is a path lying behind that gate. The path is rocky and difficult to travel on but it promises me wonders and lessons that I could not experience any other way. Traveling down this road, I shall eventually reach my destination where my educational and career goals await me. Since the day it appeared I have craved to discover the world behind that gate, but I never have enough resources to open the door. The Scholarship would not assist me in finding a key to open that gate. The Scholarship is the key. With the Scholarship in hand, I am finally capable of turning the key, unlocking my future and taking one step closer toward my dreams of becoming a marketer.

Opening the door also means having to confront the struggles lurking on the way. To fulfil my ambition, I would need to give my best performance: keeping my head clear and opening my eyes wide. The road will be long, the burden will be heavy and the stress will constantly be presented. One cannot walk barefoot through that rocky road. This is when the Scholarship turns into a pair of shoes which accompanies my every step. Without it or if it is not strong enough, the bumpy road will be undoubtedly more difficult to walk on. Each step will require more effort to take. Each difficulty will be harder to overcome. With a suitable pair of shoes, I am able to pay my full attention to the road and to put all my energy and time in reaching my educational and career goals. A focus mind, a burning heart and a pair of good shoes are all I need to speed up. I am then ready to face any obstacle coming my way.

The APU Tuition Reduction Scholarship is the boost I need to start the journey to my goals and to achieve them faster and easier. Therefore, the Scholarship would assist me by simply but spectacularly being my "key" and my "comfortable pair of shoes".