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Posts by Michele1248
Joined: Jul 17, 2009		 Last Post: Mar 24, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 20  
From: united states

Displayed posts: 25
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Michele1248   
Mar 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'My family is my motivation' - help with st johns [2]

What motivates you? We'd like to know what activities you really enjoy. Do they tie in with any career goals? Have you won any awards or honors?

My family is my motivation. I have three sisters and one brother, and they are all I really ever had. I lost my mother when I was seven, and I rarely knew my father. My grandmother struggled to raise us, until she lost her life to cancer.As the oldest boy, at the age of eight I was the man of the household. My focus ever since I was a child was to take care of them.

I learned everything in life the hard way, and that taught me to appreciate all the little things. Waking up in the morning, being able to spend another day with my family brought me happiness. I am the first in my entire family to go to college. My motivation is to motivate my family, I want all of us to take our experiences and become something positive. The closest to any reward that I ever received was a thank you card from my sisters and brother on fathers day, and that meant more to me than any other reward that I could have received. What I gained in the process of motivating my family, was the motivation to pursue my dreams to become a social worker so that I can help families like mines.
Michele1248   
May 26, 2010
Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

thanks for all your help i love the way it is coming along

After receiving my bachelor's degree in public health from Temple University, I thrived academically and professionally for an entire decade. I continued my studies in the medical school program, and now as a graduate, and in my last year of residency, I am finally about to receive my white coat. In the many years I have invested in school, I am now able to look back and appreciate the hard and good times I have endured. I am proud I chose Temple as the school to help me accomplish my goals. Temple has equipped me with the confidence, strength and knowledge to go out into the professional world and become the best. I have so much for which to thank Temple that this one letter cannot adequately describe my appreciation.

During many years of schooling at Temple, I also met my lifelong love, and with our union we share a very vibrant-intelligent two year-old. Having to be a role model to my little girl, I set high expectations for my family and myself. As a family we are now saving for the purchase of our first home, where we can install the principles of an important education and the perusal of dreams. In my near future, I also plan to travel around the world working with Doctors Without Borders and help save people around the world. With my taking part in Temples Study Abroad program I have been able to receive experience and a head start in pursuit of my dream. My attendance at Temple University is the key to the very high powered engine that drives me toward my envisioned future as a doctor. Temple helped me become the very strong-dynamic woman I am today, so thank you, Temple, for being the start to my personal and professional life.
Michele1248   
May 23, 2010
Research Papers / can someone help me with my research paper of against death penalty? [8]

you can also take an ethicla stance in the essay, you can use Kant's view Where every human like has dignity or when you talking about people that agrees and you showin their arguments use the utilitarian view, "The greatest good for the greatest number" and talk about how the death penetly is for the greatest number of people because by exicuting these people keeps the communities safer...welll that ideas for the body of the essay..I think you should start it off with a famouse quotes talk a little about your topic and state your thesis...this the outline i used for mines

Intro
-att. getter
-Thesis
Body
-process (how it started..to now)
-Claim ( 1 claim that support your thesis)
-Claim (2nd claim that support your thesis)
-Claim ( 3rd claim, the more claims you have the longer your essay will be I had 3 in mines and it made me a 6 page essay)

- then come up with 3 arguments against or for your topic (paragrah for each)...if you want after each paragraph you can write yor rebuttal on y u disagree/ why they are wrong

-Conclusion
What i did with mines because i did not have a rebuttal was stated my thesis 1st
then summary where i listed my 3 claims
final was to leave a impact

hope this help
Michele1248   
May 20, 2010
Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

After receiving my bachelor's degree in public health from Temple University, I thrived academically and professionally for an entire decade. I continued my studies in the medical school program, and now as a graduate, and in my last year of residency, I am finally about to receive my white coat. In the many years I have invested in school, I am now able to look back and appreciate the hard and good times I have endured. I am proud I chose Temple...
Michele1248   
Mar 26, 2010
Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

Booker T. Washington once quoted, "If you uplift yourself, you should lift up others too." After my graduation from Temple University, I continued my studies at Temple Medical School. My prestigious degree from Temple University enabled me to work alongside of the world's best physicians. 10 years after my graduation from Temple University, my most valuable achievement will have to be my scholarship foundation. I have learned the importance of giving back to my community, not only with my work but with an education too. Currently, my scholarships are paving the way for many students to receive a college degree from the University that I am so proudly to be associated with.

Over the years, being an alumni to the university is continuing to help me build an outstanding resume within my field.

this was all i can get can u guyes help me with some ideas
Michele1248   
Feb 9, 2010
Essays / A descriptive essay about a problem in my school, help with my thesis [2]

I had to write a descriptive essay about a problem in my school, I need advice on how I can make my thesis more stronger

What is our tuition going to? While I uncomfortably sat in my fine arts class, I began to think of what my tuition money is going to. I paid tuition so that I can learn in a comfortable environment, but is that what I received? No, instead I seat in an elementary size desk, jammed in a straight line between others, and succumbed to confused ventilators that seems as though it debates weather the room should be hot or cold. The administration office should put more funds into the comfort of students, while they are attending in a classroom.
Michele1248   
Nov 24, 2009
Essays / Effects of violence - Essay intro [2]

Im working on my intro to my essay effects of violence but i want to make it stronger any ideas

Breaking News, "A 13 year old boy was shot in the head, while playing outside with his friend," or "Six innocent people were shot and killed, when a gunman shot into a crowd," Incidents like this make headlines too often. What breaks into someone to make them want to kill another human being? People who are violent often grow up in abusive home, are exposed to violent media, and feel as though they need to prove themselves.
Michele1248   
Jul 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Family influence - violence essay [14]

I'm not that good at editing, but I think you should take the first part out about violence and start it from here
I learned quite early growing up as a twin that you have to fight for what you want and what you believe in.
Michele1248   
Jul 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Notoman I am going to use your revision, I really like it. Thanks so much you really help me out alot. I agree with Simone, with all of you'll help it came out to be a great piece.

I really do want to get in penn state but I have my ged and I know they are not that fast to accept someone with that, but I feel if I have a powerful essay it will better my chances of getting in.

Thanks to everyone, you guyes really help me out alot. I feel real confident with this essay and I could not have done it without all of you'll help. :*)
Michele1248   
Jul 18, 2009
Undergraduate / (cheerleading labour) - PENN STATE PERSONAL STATEMENT [6]

Hey Brittney, I am also applying at Penn State. I just finished my statement: the title is "want to be a doctor" you could scroll to the bottom to see my finial revision.

for the closing you can probably try and through penn state in it; like I would bring my hard work and determination with me to penn state.. just try throwing it in there some how to see how you like it..

I know the word count is annoying but if it would brighten up your essay, try it.
Michele1248   
Jul 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Thank you for all your help Notoman. I apologize it is characters that they want, above is in Sean's revision but it is still 1500 characters. So i need to cut it down a bit more. Thank you for the pointers, I do agree and I will add it into my Statement.
Michele1248   
Jul 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Thank you so much. I agree it sound so much better now.

I fix the grammar. but it's still 1532 words and spaces. I have to take some sentences out to make it 1200... Which sentences should I take out?
Michele1248   
Jul 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Thank you so much for your help, maybe I could try to combined it and talk about my reasons for wanting to be a doctor, but got thrown off track thats when i got my ged, learning from my experience I more so value the importance of getting a degree and becoming a doctor.
Michele1248   
Jul 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "Want to be a doctor" - Penn State, personal statement [26]

Hi I need to write a personal statement, but I'm having a lot of trouble starting my essay.

Please choose one of your activities or another experience you would like to share and provide a short description of its importance to you. Include why that commitment could be relevant to your student experience at Penn State.

I want to be a doctor, I chose penn state because of all the great programs they have. I have a ged so me getting in a good college is slim to none, but at penn state they have small campuses that are not that competitive to get into.

I don't know what to write about I want a topic thats just going to jump off the page.
I did volunteer work at a local hospital; should i write about that and say thats why i chose to be a doctor or should I write about me getting a ged (which is no real big difference from everyone else that got one)

can someone please help me?
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