Writing Feedback / Some people argue using a cleaner energy to protect the environment [4]

hi, this is a TOEFL writing topic, in addition to gramma and phrase errors, could you please also give me some advises regarding writing style and construction? thanks!

Some people argue using a cleaner energy to protect the environment, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion?

With the rapid technology advance, energy consumption has increased drastically. The negative effects are seemed inevitable. To prevent further damage to the earth environment, I support the idea that people should be encouraged to use a cleaner energy instead of traditional energy sources. Although current technology might be not advance enough to switch completely, it is prefer to use high quality energy materials that with less harmful impact on environments.

During last century, industrial developments bring prosperity worldwide. However, people more than one country suffered from the consequence from environmental pollution caused by factories. The heavy and long-term fog in London is one of the most famous one. The contagious air caused serious diseases among hundreds of people. Also California had similar air problem too. It may only take a few years to make the damage, but recovery would not be done overnight. California government spent 50 years to fight the contamination, and still make effort to maintain the progress.

People learn lessons from past, and thus innumerous inventions and innovation emerged, encouraging people use cleaner energy. For example, Telsa introduced the revolutionary idea that use electric as the engine power of a car, instead of traditional gas. Although the price of electrical car is not cheap, the extra cost outweighs accumulated gas cost. More importantly, it is environmentally friendly. Government also encourage people to use such clean energy by giving privilege to manufactures, such as import tax discount

Before this kind of replacement is accessible to most people, traditional energy is still a dispensable part of daily life. In this case, high quality energy source, like pure coal and oil, should be ensured through authorities. At least, the damage could be controlled in a low range by this measurement

In conclusion, with the past experience of negative effect of traditional energy, and considering the demand of energy would not decline, revolution of using cleaner energy is necessary, and even urgent.

Writing Feedback / Some people think the extra-curriculum school work and activities shall be decided by students [7]

This is a TOEFL writing topic:
Some people think the extra-curriculum school work and activities shall be decided by students, while others do not think so. What do you think and why?

I agree that students should have right to choose the extra-curriculum school work and activities they want to take, but only partly. For one thing, this decision should within certain choices range that offered by their school. Of course, when making this course pool, schools should take both entertainment and educational functions into account. Then, school should control the time that students spend on their extra-course that preventing them from interfering the main courses.

First of all, it is not feasible to let students to decided whatever they want to learn because the teaching resources and funding that one school could provided for extra-curriculum are limited. For example, if there is only one student interested in taking photography class, in order to fulfill the demand, not only teacher's time, but also equipment have to invest to this course. Imaging hundreds of students that all have different course requirement. I doubt there is any school could afford that amount of cost.

Although labor and financial sources are limited, schools should make efforts to offer as much diversity as possible to help students discover their interested fields and relax them from daily study as well. After course pool has been settled, students may use their free right to choose what they want to take. Considering a student who barely takes exercises, like myself, which sometimes not because I don't like it, but lack the motivation and right guide to do that. If I have this chance to choose exercise courses, like tennis course, as my extra-curriculum activities, it will definitely improve my health condition, and further improve my study efficiency.

Finally, schools should control the maximum time that students spending on their extra-course. Certainly there would be many curriculums that more interesting than main courses, like math or history. But as courses during extra hours, schools should rightly guide students with their priorities by regulating times on extra courses.

In conclusion, students should have the right to choose the course they want to take during extra time. However, this choose should within certain restrains. Schools should take the responsibility of guiding them to the right track.