hi, this is a TOEFL writing topic, in addition to gramma and phrase errors, could you please also give me some advises regarding writing style and construction? thanks!
Some people argue using a cleaner energy to protect the environment, but some people say the traditional energy sources such as coal and oil is less expensive, what is your suggestion?
With the rapid technology advance, energy consumption has increased drastically. The negative effects are seemed inevitable. To prevent further damage to the earth environment, I support the idea that people should be encouraged to use a cleaner energy instead of traditional energy sources. Although current technology might be not advance enough to switch completely, it is prefer to use high quality energy materials that with less harmful impact on environments.
During last century, industrial developments bring prosperity worldwide. However, people more than one country suffered from the consequence from environmental pollution caused by factories. The heavy and long-term fog in London is one of the most famous one. The contagious air caused serious diseases among hundreds of people. Also California had similar air problem too. It may only take a few years to make the damage, but recovery would not be done overnight. California government spent 50 years to fight the contamination, and still make effort to maintain the progress.
People learn lessons from past, and thus innumerous inventions and innovation emerged, encouraging people use cleaner energy. For example, Telsa introduced the revolutionary idea that use electric as the engine power of a car, instead of traditional gas. Although the price of electrical car is not cheap, the extra cost outweighs accumulated gas cost. More importantly, it is environmentally friendly. Government also encourage people to use such clean energy by giving privilege to manufactures, such as import tax discount
Before this kind of replacement is accessible to most people, traditional energy is still a dispensable part of daily life. In this case, high quality energy source, like pure coal and oil, should be ensured through authorities. At least, the damage could be controlled in a low range by this measurement
In conclusion, with the past experience of negative effect of traditional energy, and considering the demand of energy would not decline, revolution of using cleaner energy is necessary, and even urgent.