Posts by bertojuergen

bertojuergen

Jul 18, 2015

Student Talk / The aim of life [56]

Why are we here? I personally do not know. But what I know is that we have been granted an opportunity to live, and the best we can do is live our life to its fullest and make every moments as good as possible. Sure it's not easy at times, but that's the fun part of it =)

bertojuergen

Jul 18, 2015

Writing Feedback / [GRE Argument] Recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewel [3]

Hi thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it =)

I'm confused by one sentence in this paragraph. Do you mean that the location where Hopewell was located was in an area that prevented such attractions from being built?

Indeed, maybe there is another way to say it?

In the last paragraph, I'm unsure if you want to use accreted or accounted.
I tried to use accreted, I think it will be better if I just use increase eh?

bertojuergen

Jul 17, 2015

Writing Feedback / Buying beauty products is a good way of spending money. Others believe that there are betters things [4]

Despite the importance of presentation, other aspects of life is of paramount importance, so they deserve more investment ~~more~~ . The ~~main~~ (most important?) one is education, because it offers people skills and knowledge. ~~They are what numerous employers demand these days~~ (i think you could say "Which are needed to secure good occupation"). Even if a person has superior presentation, he or she will not secure a post if they do not have proper qualifications. Another significant area is health. A healthier life is far more important than appearance what is superficial to a certain extent.

and also, you could change "presentation" with "appearance"

I did what I can =)

bertojuergen

Jul 17, 2015

Writing Feedback / [GRE Argument] Recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewel [3]

The following recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
"Two years ago, the nearby town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. Therefore, the best way to improve Hopewell's economy-and generate additional tax revenues-is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author of this memo suggest that Hopewell town adopt similar strategy of Ocean View town by building a golf course and resort hotel to improve Hopewell's economy. This statement, however, were made based on several fallacious assumptions as well as committed false analogy.

To begin with, the author claimed that tourism in Ocean View increased after golf course and resort hotel were established. It is not clear, however, whether this establishment fully contributed to the increase of Ocean View visitor. For example, there might be other festivals which caused tourist visited Ocean View. To strengthen his/her argument, the author would benefit from presenting clear relationship between tourism increase and golf course and resort hotel establishment.

In addition, the author made an analogy between Ocean view and Hopewell, but is these two cities were similar? It is possible that Ocean View located near the ocean and so, building a resort hotel there was plausible. But is this action really implementable in Hopewell? For all we know, Hopewell could be surrounded by mountains, which caused building a resort hotel in Hopewell did not make any sense. In order to support his/her claim, the author should present better evidence whether Hopewell and Ocean View geographical condition is similar.

The author also stated that Ocean View's tax revenue has accreted for 30% during 2 years period, however the author did not present clearly in what scale is this 30% increase. This 30% increase would be significant if tax revenue rises from $1,000,000 to $1,300,000, whereas it could be less significant if it rises from $1,000 to $1,300. For all we know, Hopewell's tax income was already greater than Ocean View's. It would be better if the author could present actual numbers, rather than unrepresentative percentage.

In conclusion, the argument is not forceful enough to persuade the Hopewell town should build a golf course and a hotel resort to improve Hopewell's tax revenue. Before any final decisions are made, the author should make his/her argument more cogent and logical.