Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by hang98
Name: Hằng Nguyễn
Joined: Jul 31, 2015
Last Post: Aug 4, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Viet Nam
School: Hung Yen Specialized High School

Displayed posts: 5
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hang98   
Aug 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Children learn language more easily if they start early in life. [3]

Essay: Children growing up in this changing world will have to understand and speak more than one language. Even though education in a second language traditionally doesn't begin until later, evidence is mounting that children learn language more easily if they start early in life.

Do you agree or disagree?

_________________________________

Answer:
It is general knowledge that entering this ever-changing modern world demands new-comers enormous preparations, including the linguistic basis for future communication in workplace. It is also the rationale behind the parents' tendency to send children to language centre for the mastery of language at early age. From my perspectives, children's early exposure to English is of great benefits on account of its easier acquisition and hence, solid academic foundation.

First and foremost, giving education of English to children at early age possibly enables them to acquire a different language as easily and naturally as their mother tongue. To illustrate, learning English via such digitally animating studying devices as radio, songs, English tales and puzzles will largely promote their curiosity and interest in learning a new language. More importantly, with ideal learning conditions of zero stress and strain, children will feel comfortable without taking the studying too seriously; hence make the maximum use of their potentials. This modern learning approach, however, does not present itself in the conventional education system, where children have a passive exposure to learning English and more seriously, stressfully learn without additional practice.

In addition, the receipt of an early English education in such an ideal interactive conditions will lay the foundation for their later studying. Without doubt, the everyday communication with native speakers in both learning hours and outdoor activities will create tremendous benefits to children's pronunciation. Seeing that frequent practice will automatically establish a fixed way of pronouncing words, an early studying of English will develop good learning patterns for children later on. The same advantage manifests itself in the cultivation of vocabulary; therefore it is of great necessity to nurture the mastery of vocabulary as early as possible.

Aside from the indisputable benefits of the early acquisition of English, it is, however, worthy of serious consideration about the appropriate and effective teaching method. It is advisable that parents not place too much pressure on children to become a genius or a master of English at first place, given its worst case of eradicating the initial interest and inspiration found in the language. Instead, parents should make a great endeavor to create interactive learning conditions, including frequent communication with native speakers or the installment of English learning aids and so forth.

In the final analysis, it is clear that learning English at early age provides young learners with enormous benefits. Not only does it enable children to easily acquire English by instinct but it also forms the basis for children's future development. Also, it is suggested that people take my proposal of an ideal teaching method into consideration so as to have the most effective strategy of teaching children English.
hang98   
Aug 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / University education is the only way to success. Agree or disagree. [5]

I think it's Ok to put statistics as a example in the body paragraph, even it can support your idea a lot. (Notice that this is a typical writing style of Western knowledgeable author in their articles). However, it requires you a mastery of updated information about numerous aspects:economy, eduction, health, etc, which, of course, makes it not always an easy task for you in IELTS or TOEFL with limited time set. Also, the figures about the unemployment in Vietnam does not fit your essay well, because you do not have a general idea to support (you just put it after the connector "In addition").Suggestions: In addition -> That's why the unemployment rate ...
hang98   
Aug 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / All students need relaxation after hours of stressful study [8]

I think you should improve your introduction and conclusion paragraph. They're too short and do not cover your all included ideas.
Some suggestions for you:
Intro: Gone are the days when children feel free and inspired to go to school. Due to the overwhelming importance attached to learning and school, modern children have to experience intolerable pressure and easily fall into stress. For the purpose of this essay, I will elaborate on some rationales behind this matter as well as propose some strategies to deal with it.

Conclusion: From what has been discussed, it is clear that parental expectations as well as the desire to study higher academic level trigger overwhelming strains and make students more susceptible to stress. I seriously recommend that educators should take my proposed solutions into consideration so that our concerted attempt can put an end to this alarming matter.

Hope that my comment can help you improve your later essay. Thanks>>>>
hang98   
Jul 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / What measures could be taken in an attempt to intergrate lawbreakers back into society [2]

Here is my topic: It's better to reform criminals instead of just punishing them. What measures could be taken to intergrate lawbreaker back into society?

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My essay

The lamentable reality that conventionally strict punishments and prison regime cannot reverse the burgeoning crime wave in modern society has fuelled public concern about the effectiveness of these punishments. Rather than being kept in captivity, wrongdoers should be re-educated and transformed into law-abiding citizens. My essay will elaborate on some strategies to help them assimilate back into their hometown.

One way to deal with this situation is to introduce moral education to prisoners. Obviously, the shortest and most straight way to transform criminals is to transform their way of thinking. The introduction of moral education will not only crystalize prisoners' mind about the callousness and brutality of their misdeeds but also reshape their behaviours to the social principles and norms. Although psychological transformation is such a life-long mission, not to mention some difficult occasions when prisoners may fail to resist the temptation of re-committing crimes, the efficacy of this measure far outweighs that of the mainstream corporal punishments.

Additionally, the same benefits can be derived from providing prisoners with more extra physical labours. Instead of being trapped in a four-wall room which leaves prisoners nothing to do but to bring back their hostile past, prisoners should be allowed to participate in such physical works as planting, building or road repairing. Apart from some benefits to prison itself, prisoners can make good use of their time as a good investment and contribution to their community. Also, the more frequent interaction among prisoners themselves can create a replica of the real community. Therefore, wrongdoers can no longer feel the sense of loneliness and isolation which the authoritarian prison regime, in contrast, often embraces.

However, the considerable dimensions of this matter manifest itself when law breakers are released and return to their hometown. Apart form feeling disorientated and receiving nothing but the isolation from others, prisoners face an uphill struggle to start afresh. On suggested measure is to provide them with job training and job opportunities. Once they have a good financial foundation, wrongdoers' concern about their later life can be vastly allayed. Furthermore, it is of great importance for the community to change their attitudes towards prisoners. Given the great endeavor to change themselves, law breakers deserve to be accepted back into the society with great sympathy rather than being rejected.

In the final analysis, it is clear that the alternative of re-educating prisoners to punishing them is critical to transform law breakers into law-abiding citizens.Also, it is suggested that the authority should take my proposals of providing prisoners with physical labours and job opportunities as well as changing the community's overall attitudes into serious consideration so that our concerted attempt to help prisoners intergrate into their society becomes successful.
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