yuunnie
Aug 23, 2015
Undergraduate / Asian Family / Self-Esteem - 'Bump in the road' UCF ESSAY HELP [5]
So far, my life has had many "bumps" in the road. I battle with self-esteem issues and mostly distrust with my family. In many Asian families we are told to respect our elders or suffer the consequences and I'm sure other cultures is the same. In my case, my parents are strict. I feel that because, I don't get to experience as much as others my age. For example others may stay out at late hours of the night and do whatever they want. I know what you're thinking "you're about to go to college why don't you just tell them to back off" Yet, that's already been done and I always have a constant fear of them giving me the boot, It has happened before. I remember I went out to get something from a friend's house that had forgotten. I didn't tell my parents where I was going, because I thought I would return home in less than ten minutes. When I arrived home, my parents were waiting and I know they were worried. Although I am an adult, they took away my keys and my phone. At that point I had enough so I packed my bags and was going to sneak back my keys and drive to my boyfriend's house. Before I could get downstairs, my mom asked where the keys were so I dashed out and tried to get into the car. Before I could start the car I was forced to get out, then they left me outside. but I told them I wanted to leave and call someone to pick me up, I need my phone to see the number of my boyfriend but they refused to give me my phone. My dad told me that he would take me over there, so I got in my car with my stuff and we drove Then my dad pulled into the driveway and told me to wake up my boyfriend's parents. Yet, I didn't want to because I knew they woke up really early to go to work, but my dad insisted. After ringing the doorbell a few times my boyfriend's dad came to the door, when he started talk I couldn't do anything but look at the floor and cry. He started to talk with my dad, then my boyfriend pulled in the drive way, he asked what was going on and my dad told both of them that I wanted to live at their house. But after talking with my boyfriend he told me that I should go home, that made me feel very unwanted, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone to have my back in my time of need and also I felt like my boyfriend lied to me when he said I could stay with him if I ever got thrown out again. That night I eventually went home and didn't speak to my parents or anyone for a whole week I felt like they should trust me more than they do. Even if I have the courage to lash out I have a little voice always telling me that it's rude and I end up not saying anything. I feel like I would be a bad public speaker or anything involving debating, because most of the time I can become timid and somewhat mute. However towards my friends I'm loud and rambunctious and outgoing. At times it's hard to voice my opinions and I feel in a way I have a split personally or a double life per se. my thoughts are that my voice is discouraged because My family would always shut me down like my relatives or parents reminding me of my flaws and that would lower my self-esteem. I always told myself to not let them get to me, but sometimes it's too much. I'm the type of person that bottles everything up and breaks down when it's been too much. It's hard to keep you're cool sometimes I often calm myself down by insulting in silence or just letting loose the water works. I don't like to intentionally hurt people and I dislike conflict. I rarely get in to any verbal fight because I feel if there's nothing nice to say in front of someone you shouldn't say it at all.
So far, my life has had many "bumps" in the road. I battle with self-esteem issues and mostly distrust with my family. In many Asian families we are told to respect our elders or suffer the consequences and I'm sure other cultures is the same. In my case, my parents are strict. I feel that because, I don't get to experience as much as others my age. For example others may stay out at late hours of the night and do whatever they want. I know what you're thinking "you're about to go to college why don't you just tell them to back off" Yet, that's already been done and I always have a constant fear of them giving me the boot, It has happened before. I remember I went out to get something from a friend's house that had forgotten. I didn't tell my parents where I was going, because I thought I would return home in less than ten minutes. When I arrived home, my parents were waiting and I know they were worried. Although I am an adult, they took away my keys and my phone. At that point I had enough so I packed my bags and was going to sneak back my keys and drive to my boyfriend's house. Before I could get downstairs, my mom asked where the keys were so I dashed out and tried to get into the car. Before I could start the car I was forced to get out, then they left me outside. but I told them I wanted to leave and call someone to pick me up, I need my phone to see the number of my boyfriend but they refused to give me my phone. My dad told me that he would take me over there, so I got in my car with my stuff and we drove Then my dad pulled into the driveway and told me to wake up my boyfriend's parents. Yet, I didn't want to because I knew they woke up really early to go to work, but my dad insisted. After ringing the doorbell a few times my boyfriend's dad came to the door, when he started talk I couldn't do anything but look at the floor and cry. He started to talk with my dad, then my boyfriend pulled in the drive way, he asked what was going on and my dad told both of them that I wanted to live at their house. But after talking with my boyfriend he told me that I should go home, that made me feel very unwanted, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone to have my back in my time of need and also I felt like my boyfriend lied to me when he said I could stay with him if I ever got thrown out again. That night I eventually went home and didn't speak to my parents or anyone for a whole week I felt like they should trust me more than they do. Even if I have the courage to lash out I have a little voice always telling me that it's rude and I end up not saying anything. I feel like I would be a bad public speaker or anything involving debating, because most of the time I can become timid and somewhat mute. However towards my friends I'm loud and rambunctious and outgoing. At times it's hard to voice my opinions and I feel in a way I have a split personally or a double life per se. my thoughts are that my voice is discouraged because My family would always shut me down like my relatives or parents reminding me of my flaws and that would lower my self-esteem. I always told myself to not let them get to me, but sometimes it's too much. I'm the type of person that bottles everything up and breaks down when it's been too much. It's hard to keep you're cool sometimes I often calm myself down by insulting in silence or just letting loose the water works. I don't like to intentionally hurt people and I dislike conflict. I rarely get in to any verbal fight because I feel if there's nothing nice to say in front of someone you shouldn't say it at all.
