NamisaChan
Aug 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / It is better if advertisements would not be allowed directed toward children [2]
errors
comments
typo errors
Raising a child is achallengedchallenging task in all ages but at ages of 2 betweenbetween 2 and 5 years old it is critical, because they learn everything they see around. Advertisers take the opportunity to make business with it. Generally speaking, I believe that is better for all concerned if advertisements would not be allowed directed toward child, particularly if they are very young and do not are more likely to be influenced.(Sorry, I couldn't understand this last sentence)
First of all, it is important to consider that childrenisare not mature enough to decide what areis better toforthenthem . Certainly, there are people who try to benefit( take advantage fits better) from it because they know parents want to make their child(perhaps kids fits better) happy so they will buy everything they want. For example, the advertiseradvertisements directed towards children use a lotlots of colors and sounds to call the children`'s attention in order to make thenthem interested toon the product. If their parents decide not to buy the toy, he/she will not accept and start crying.
Hence, in addition to the importance of the lack of maturity(That sentence is quite confusing) , I think that at that time children are learning and discovering the world. So ifthe parents provided everything they want, it might have negatives effects on their lives. Of course, some people would say that prohibiting advertisements to children it is asome kind of censorship. However, in my country, cigarette advertisement s are forbidden because it werewas proved to causingthat it causes deceases like lung cancer. In my opinion advertisementsto young children can make then a consumer people(perhaps you meant this:can transform children in consumers) when they grewgrow up.
By way of conclusión(perhaps you meant:To conclude) , based on the argumentsexploredexposed above, I am of the opinion that children are not mature enough to know what areis better toforthenthem and if the parents provided everything they want, they wouldwill be a consumerspeople when they grewgrow up and this will have negative effects on our society too.
The general idea was good, but I noticed some important mistakes which needed correction...
I'm just a student (I've passed many Trinity Exams, ISE I and II, and now I'm sitting for ISE III) but I've done more than a hundred writings for practising, I remmember my teacher's corrections...
I hope my corrections helped you. :)
errors
comments
typo errors
Raising a child is a
First of all, it is important to consider that children
Hence, in addition to the importance of the lack of maturity(That sentence is quite confusing) , I think that at that time children are learning and discovering the world. So if
By way of conclusión(perhaps you meant:To conclude) , based on the arguments
The general idea was good, but I noticed some important mistakes which needed correction...
I'm just a student (I've passed many Trinity Exams, ISE I and II, and now I'm sitting for ISE III) but I've done more than a hundred writings for practising, I remmember my teacher's corrections...
I hope my corrections helped you. :)
