Posts by danielwong

danielwong

Sep 2, 2015

Writing Feedback / High school students should voluntarily participate in payable community services [3]

Unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school. Agree or degree ?

Everyone should take responsibility for the society, as well as students. Therefore, in the opinion of some people, voluntary community service should a mandatory part of high school programmes, for instance, volunteering in a charity or training younger children how to play sports. In my opinion, I completely agreed that high school students should voluntarily participate in community service, but we should pay for them as an official labour.

There are several reasons why community service should be a part of the studying programmes. First at all, through community service, students can improve their social experiences, as well as their soft-skills, which are very important for their studying and career in the future. For example, they can learn how to hold a charity activity or enhance their sport skill when they teach young children sports. Furthermore, they can also gain their commitment with the society through meaningful volunteer activities.

In the other hand, we should consider that community service could be optional for the students. The school should not definitely force students to do what they are willing to. Otherwise, it will probably cause bad reaction. Moreover, the students might be paid for working as an official labour, because through that they learn how to earn money by themselves and take responsibility for what they done. If service is unpaid, they will take less commitment on it.

To conclude, I strongly believe that community service in high school programmes will very helpful and important for the students, because they can take many advantages from it.

danielwong

Sep 2, 2015

Speeches / From Algebra till love affairs. Who Am I? [3]

In my opinion, it is better to know yourself than you hope the other know you.

I am who I am.
You are who you are.

danielwong

Sep 2, 2015

Writing Feedback / One person can't know everything so a group work is more effective than an individual work [3]

I would like to feedback on your essay. Hope that it would be helpful for you.

The first sentence - "Today, working onin groups is a matter that everyone defend, but it really helps people to work more efficiently."

This sentence "do complicated projects without working on groups", you could paraphrase that in "handle complicated projects independently".

You should notice that "work in group" not "on group".

This sentence "I believe that students learn more efficiently in group-working ~~i[s~~ ]f they work on groups, because ~~on a group one have a more variety of information and learn important personal skills~~ trhough that they can exchange varied information from each other and improve their soft-skills."

"demands more time to reach a conclusion than working ~~alone~~ independently". ~~"because demand much more time to reach a conclusion"~~ this sentence is redundant.

"So it is not efficient", "so" is behind "," not ".", you should better use "Therefore, it seems not efficient".

"when I was at university, I used to work on groups of 3 or 4 students and each one ~~had~~ have different skills". Compound sentence should be with ",".

"I ~~vividly~~ remember that~~I was more pl~~ anner I was good at planning ~~while a friend of mine~~ and my friend was ~~more organized~~ strong at organising, so I identified which tasks we should do first and she took notes"

"During all our life, we ~~will~~ have to interact with people, so we ~~need to~~ should learn itgroup-working skill as young as possible~~since a child~~ ."

"It is important teachers to stimulate students work on groups since they are young in order to develop different abilities, such as, communication, managing people, listening people and sharing their knowledge." - "Teachers play an important part of encouraging students to work in groups in order to develop different abilities, such as communication, managing people, listening to people and sharing their knowledge.

"prefer to working alone"

"If they did not do that, they can lose some opportunities, like promotion."

"To conclude, ~~It is almost~~ impossible one person knows everything so it is much more efficient working on groups because everyone can contribute with different knowledge. ~~Besides that,~~ working on in groups is an ability we learn and develop during our life and must be stimulate since we are a young. I strongly recommend people who prefer working by themselves to make an effort to work on group in order to ~~try~~ develop~~ing~~ import skills,~~that~~ which will be useful in their profession life."

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In my opinion, you should improve your grammar first, because you have some problem with compound, complex sentence. This is very important point that you should make clear in IELTS test.

There are many changes in your text, but keep going on. Reading more sample writing and articles will be helpful for you.

danielwong

Aug 31, 2015

Writing Feedback / Foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Advantage outweight disadavantages [3]

Nowadays, the importance of foreign language has been recognized not only in the school, but also in the society. Therefore, many experts think that children should start learning foreign language at elementary school rather than middle school. In my opinion, it is good for children to learn a new language. However, it could be overloaded for them to learn many subjects at primary school.

There are several reasons why children should learn foreign language as soon as possible. Firstly, there has been little scientific research into such in which ages children learn language much better, so there is an evidence to support the above idea. According to the result of the research, from the ages of 5 to 10, children can easily master a new language, because their brain have enormous spaces to adapt to new things. Furthermore, children have better memory system than adult. They can remember things, such as languages, in a long time. This reason is that they learn things through imitation. In my homeland, children begin learning a second language at primary school. They learn English in class, as well as activities, for example, singing, visiting zoo with English-speaking tour guide, etc.

In the other hand, we should consider the overloaded situation at primary school now. It is a contentious issue for many parents. They argued that their children have to learn so many subjects, and some of them are unnecessary. Additionally, children need free time to develop themselves and enjoy their childhood. We should not force them to learn too many subjects at primary school. For instance, children in my home have to learn 12 subjects and a second language, such as English, in 2 semester annually. They are completed overloaded due to this kind of educational.

In conclusion, I strongly agreed that foreign language is very important to learn. However, it might be learnt at primary school as an optional subject, which is not mandatory.