Leomarto
Oct 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / Can we lose our cultural identity because of the mass communications and transport? IELTS TASK 2 [4]
Hi @Bayuwibowo
I think you should strive to make your ideas flow in a more consistent and progressive manner which will demand more work but the following corrections will assist you in figuring how to do that.
Globalisation cannot be avoided these days since the development of technology in communication and transportation.
You can restructure this statement into
Advancements in communication and transportation technologies have made globalisation unavoidable...
Some people believe it will lead to wipe out the nation culture.
Some people believe it will lead to the total erosion of the nation's culture
Even though this matters carrying an immense benefit,
I don't understand what you wanted to convey in this sentence...
I definitely agree that sooner or later mass communication and transport will vanished our cultural identity.
I definitely agree that these advancements will lead to the eventual collapse of our cultural identity
Technology in transportation such aero planes gives us a lot of benefit like travel around the world just in few hours. Besides that, the mass transmittal information media let us to keep up to date withrecentcurrent global news.
Hi @Bayuwibowo
I think you should strive to make your ideas flow in a more consistent and progressive manner which will demand more work but the following corrections will assist you in figuring how to do that.
Globalisation cannot be avoided these days since the development of technology in communication and transportation.
You can restructure this statement into
Advancements in communication and transportation technologies have made globalisation unavoidable...
Some people believe it will lead to wipe out the nation culture.
Some people believe it will lead to the total erosion of the nation's culture
Even though this matters carrying an immense benefit,
I don't understand what you wanted to convey in this sentence...
I definitely agree that sooner or later mass communication and transport will vanished our cultural identity.
I definitely agree that these advancements will lead to the eventual collapse of our cultural identity
Technology in transportation such aero planes gives us a lot of benefit like travel around the world just in few hours. Besides that, the mass transmittal information media let us to keep up to date with