TOPIC :
As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.
TO what extend do you agree or disagree?
Globalisation cannot be avoided these days since the development of technology in communication and transportation. Some people believe it will lead to wipe out the nation culture. Even though this matters carrying an immense benefit, I definitely agree that sooner or later mass communication and transport will vanished our cultural identity.
Technology in transportation such aero plane gives us a lot of benefit like travel around the world just in few hours. Besides that, the mass transmittal information media let us to keep up to date with recent global news. For instance, Youtube has provides billions of videos in every category includes movie trailer, recent news, or the nation culture event. It allows us to learn and understand each rich-culture in the world. So, they tend to keep the culture in different forms.
On the other hand, I extremely agree that technological growth leads us to forget our identity. It happens in developed country as Indonesia. The youngsters of Indonesia inclined to learn western culture then their own nation-culture. Harajuku, Pop, and Music rock are more popular than traditional music (Gamelan) among young generation people in Indonesia. In addition, thanks to airplane technology which bring more foreign people come to another country and disrupt the origin way of life.
The aforementioned evidence reveals that mass communication and transport will abolish the tradition slowly. Where possible, the government should create a regulation in order to protect the cultural identity.
Hi @Bayuwibowo
I think you should strive to make your ideas flow in a more consistent and progressive manner which will demand more work but the following corrections will assist you in figuring how to do that.
Globalisation cannot be avoided these days since the development of technology in communication and transportation.
You can restructure this statement into
Advancements in communication and transportation technologies have made globalisation unavoidable...
Some people believe it will lead to wipe out the nation culture.
Some people believe it will lead to the total erosion of the nation's culture
Even though this matters carrying an immense benefit,
I don't understand what you wanted to convey in this sentence...
I definitely agree that sooner or later mass communication and transport will vanished our cultural identity.
I definitely agree that these advancements will lead to the eventual collapse of our cultural identity
Technology in transportation such aero planes gives us a lot of benefit like travel around the world just in few hours. Besides that, the mass transmittal information media let us to keep up to date with recentcurrent global news.
Bayu, the information you present is quite good and informative. However, the grammar issues still abound in your essay response. I'll try to help you correct them once again. Read the way I corrected the sentence and try to remember how I structured it. Please try to revise the essay using the examples that I provide in the form of corrections. That will help you with your grammar and sentence development during your practice tests :-)
Some people believe it will lead to THE wipe out OF EVERY the NATION'S culture.
Even though GLOBALISATION CARRIES AN IMMENSE BENEFIT
transport will vanished our cultural identity.
Technology in transportation such AIRPLANES gives us
a lot of benefit SUCH AS TRAVELING THE WORLD IN A MATTER OF HOURS.
mass transmittal information media ALLOWS us
Youtube has provides billions of videos in
every category INCLUDING movie TRAILERS, recent news, or A NATIONAL CULTURAL event.
I extremely agree - A simple agreement will do. Such strong passion is not required in these types of essays.
It happens in developed COUNTRIES SUCH as Indonesia.
The youngsters of Indonesia ARE inclined to learn western culture RATHER THAN their own NATIONAL culture.
among young generation people in Indonesia.
In addition, thanks to AVIATION technology which BRINGS more foreign people come to another country , IT DISRUPTS the ORIGINAL way
Your conclusion is weak when compared to your introduction. I suggest you try to not introduce any new ideas as part of your conclusion and simply wrap up the essay with a summary of the discussion.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 Some changes from the intro:
- Globalization is entirely avoidable
- The influx of cutting-edge technologies in both communication and transportation
- This MATTER experiences an immense benefit
- On account of this, cultural identity will be vanished.
