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Posts by niirmala
Name: Juwita Nirmala Sari
Joined: Sep 28, 2015
Last Post: Feb 2, 2016
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: Indonesia
School: Global English

Displayed posts: 2
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niirmala   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Predominant reasons for wildlife population alteration (Writing task 1) [2]

Hello, @SaputraPutra! I have some suggestions on your passage.

... between 2000 and present days, whilstand the table chart illustrate ...
It is important to noticenoticeable that the highest proportion ...
WhileMeanwhile , the percentages of most wildlife ...

... roughly four out of ten, while pollution's levellevel of pollution is a half as much. This has followedIt was followed by over-exploitation, 15 %. In any case, the rest of proportions' level has shown a very small proportion.

niirmala   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 = Causes of Land Degradation in The World and Some Regions [2]

The contributing factors of global land damage (deforestation, over-cultivation, over-grazing, and others) are illustrated by the pie chart, and the figures among the three areas which underwent land degradation throughout the 1990s is compared by the table. As is observed from both graphs, over-grazing owed to the most land degradation, and Europe was the continent with the highest percentage of total land degraded compared to other two regions.

In comparison, the proportion of deforestation required a fifth less than that of over-grazing which had the largest proportion by 35%. It was then followed by the percentage of over-cultivation that was just below 30%, almost identical with that of deforestation. The other causes, furthermore, took five times less percentage than that of over-grazing.

In terms of areas, 11.3% of over-grazing had the highest percentage in Oceania although it only stood at the second stage (13%) as the total land degraded. Following this, the percentage pf North America approximately twice less than that in Oceania. Compared to the three regions, Europe had the largest total land damage slightly above 20% followed by deforestation and over-cultivation as the highest proportion compared to both continents (9.8% and 7.7% respectively).

To sum up, over-grazing was the most primary problem which influenced to land damage in the world, and Europe had the worst land degraded due to three given causes.




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