Writing Feedback / 'Public Health is the golden path'. Personal Statement for UC's with Public Health Major!! [3]

Hello, I am would greatly appreciate it if someone could criticise my public health personal statement for the UC application. Please be honest, and if it is harsh comments and my essay does not actually answer the question and just goes on a tangent please tell me. Thanks!

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

On the first day of school, I walked into a classroom full of second graders. Sweat started dripping down my face, while it slowly turned more and more red. I was nervous as it was now my job to supervise these unfamiliar faces, meaning I would influence their decisions and lives educationally and physically every day. As an after school supervisor taking care of 27 students, it was my duty to read every student's profile. I learned that I had two twin brothers who both were diagnosed with autism, and three other students that are allergic to peanuts. Once I learned about these student profiles I started doing more research on how I am supposed to handle situations and emergencies such as allergic reactions or outbreaks. Matson tower's over his classmates with broad shoulders, electric blue eyes, short blonde hair, and a gleaming smile that runs from cheek to cheek. Matson who was severely autistic compared to Landon, his brother, would run out of the classroom when he felt lost and not guided when given directions. I had to quickly learn how to take action depending on the situation. I was able to implement effective systems such as counting down, or giving him much more detailed individual instructions using visual, and verbal examples. At this time, I was also taking biology, and nutrition classes at my highschool as a junior. In our sports medicine class, we had a guest speaker come in and talk about medical careers and college majors. Learning about public health from Dr. Murphy was fascinating as he explained how essential it is to educate a community and even the whole world including third world countries about health and diseases. Personally, I was able to connect to the field and test it in the classroom with the second graders. My first test was to determine how aware they were of health problems and how we could make Willow Grove Elementary a more health conscious school. The student's did not have a great understanding of why we took the flu shot so our first project was to answer that question as a class. The students were paired up and did their own research and each group had to create a poster and present it. Once they were completed we posted them around the elementary school. Eventually, by the end of the year we were able to plan a blueprint and list of material to create a garden in our school and build a fence around it. As a class, we discussed the benefits of a garden and how it positively impacts the environment and our health. Eventually, we had green, red and yellow peppers, tomatoes, mint, parsley, and oregano. Once we were able to collect a fair amount of vegetables and herbs, we donated them as a class including a letter to a non-profit organization. The student's response to their achievements by the end of the summer was so rewarding that I reassured myself that Public Health is the golden path.