el_jerry16
Nov 8, 2015
Undergraduate / Risking it all: UC Personal Statement [3]
Hello everyone, I am applying to UC this fall and would like some feedback on my personal statement for the general prompt.
Here is the prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Here is my essay:
Since graduating high school, I'm most proud of my ability to construct a future by designing a step-by-step plan to achieve my college education. When I was young, my parents took a risk to bring their children to the U.S. from Mexico, leaving everything they knew so we'd have the opportunity for a better life. Also, they helped support their families by dropping out of school and going to work with their parents raising animals and growing crops. So they spent their childhood laboring from sunup to sundown with a limited education. Once in California, my parents constructed new lives as they began adapting to a new culture with the help of relatives here in the U.S.
Although my parents had limited options and educational opportunities, they've continued to model their positive qualities including a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility while building a future for their children. Today, my dad still works hard in construction, yet comes home extremely tired and aching while my mom works long grueling hours in a meat market so we could experience greater future opportunities in education. Now I've decided to contribute my strong sense of responsibility and hard work ethic to succeed in earning a college education as the key in building my long-term success and constructing financial stability for my future as well as my parents' long term needs.
Second, I'm also proud of my ability to survive one weekend working with my dad digging a ditch around the entire back yard to put a new sprinkler system. For the next seven hours, my dad and I dug, and then spent an additional two hours to install the sprinklers. Exhausted and tired, my dad told me, "Imagine doing this every day of your life." Until that day, I'd never realized the physically laborious work my dad performed every day during his lifetime. In fact, my dad's immense jobs consisted of providing irrigation systems throughout entire communities with the constant stress from his boss to finish a task on time. This weekend experience provided me an honest reality check by making me realize the necessity of a college degree while also gaining a tremendous amount of respect for my father's tenacity and strength to continue such difficult work I could barely survive in a weekend with my dad.
Currently, I'm attending Oxnard College completing my transfer prerequisites majoring in Civil Engineering. My short term goal includes transferring to University of California in fall 2016 to pursue my Bachelor's Degree in Civil Engineering. My long-term goal includes continuing my education by acquiring my Master's Degree in Structural or Water Resources Engineering to help others with constructing and maintaining infrastructure while also rebuilding and designing new structures. After watching my parents struggle without an education to build and support my sisters and me, I've decided to commit my hard work ethic to attend college while also fulfilling my parents' goals of a better life. Over the years, I've admired my dad's driven determination in helping people build structures as well as bringing water resources to them through efficient pipeline systems. Since then, he has influenced me to study my major of Civil Engineering to make a difference for others in communities while also supporting my family.
Thank you!
Hello everyone, I am applying to UC this fall and would like some feedback on my personal statement for the general prompt.
Here is the prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Here is my essay:
Since graduating high school, I'm most proud of my ability to construct a future by designing a step-by-step plan to achieve my college education. When I was young, my parents took a risk to bring their children to the U.S. from Mexico, leaving everything they knew so we'd have the opportunity for a better life. Also, they helped support their families by dropping out of school and going to work with their parents raising animals and growing crops. So they spent their childhood laboring from sunup to sundown with a limited education. Once in California, my parents constructed new lives as they began adapting to a new culture with the help of relatives here in the U.S.
Although my parents had limited options and educational opportunities, they've continued to model their positive qualities including a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility while building a future for their children. Today, my dad still works hard in construction, yet comes home extremely tired and aching while my mom works long grueling hours in a meat market so we could experience greater future opportunities in education. Now I've decided to contribute my strong sense of responsibility and hard work ethic to succeed in earning a college education as the key in building my long-term success and constructing financial stability for my future as well as my parents' long term needs.
Second, I'm also proud of my ability to survive one weekend working with my dad digging a ditch around the entire back yard to put a new sprinkler system. For the next seven hours, my dad and I dug, and then spent an additional two hours to install the sprinklers. Exhausted and tired, my dad told me, "Imagine doing this every day of your life." Until that day, I'd never realized the physically laborious work my dad performed every day during his lifetime. In fact, my dad's immense jobs consisted of providing irrigation systems throughout entire communities with the constant stress from his boss to finish a task on time. This weekend experience provided me an honest reality check by making me realize the necessity of a college degree while also gaining a tremendous amount of respect for my father's tenacity and strength to continue such difficult work I could barely survive in a weekend with my dad.
Currently, I'm attending Oxnard College completing my transfer prerequisites majoring in Civil Engineering. My short term goal includes transferring to University of California in fall 2016 to pursue my Bachelor's Degree in Civil Engineering. My long-term goal includes continuing my education by acquiring my Master's Degree in Structural or Water Resources Engineering to help others with constructing and maintaining infrastructure while also rebuilding and designing new structures. After watching my parents struggle without an education to build and support my sisters and me, I've decided to commit my hard work ethic to attend college while also fulfilling my parents' goals of a better life. Over the years, I've admired my dad's driven determination in helping people build structures as well as bringing water resources to them through efficient pipeline systems. Since then, he has influenced me to study my major of Civil Engineering to make a difference for others in communities while also supporting my family.
Thank you!
