Undergraduate / This is optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude - William and Mary essay [2]

any feedback or constructive criticism would be appreciated.

prompt: Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extra curricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude

At the start, I am considered an average human being containing a random set of 23 chromosomes received automatically from both of my parents to help create my identity. I feel and believe that I am a small part in a vast universe; I am a blade of grass in millions of acres of fields. However, I know this is not true. As Walt Whitman said, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself!"

I am much more than a number or another statistic. I am much more than the amount of exhausting AP classes or the good grades I had to take for the chance to go to my dream college to get my dream job to live my dream life. I am much more than the clubs I participated in tirelessly and the clothes I wore or the hairstyles I chose. These things do not define me as a whole, and I would never let them. And I am definitely too much to fit into a mere 500 word essay.

I am Mahlet Haile, eldest child to first generation refugees from Eritrea and Ethiopia that always pushed me to do my best and to take every opportunity that they did not have. I am Mahlet Haile, a girl who enjoys sitting in my backyard during the springtime, under the tree with beautiful pink blossoms that don't smell as beautiful, just to get a break from a stressful day. I am Mahlet Haile, an avid traveler and explorer that hopes to one day climb up the Great Wall of China or ride a camel to the pyramids in Giza. I am Mahlet Haile, the uncoordinated teenage girl with the scar on her left leg because she fell off the lunch table in eighth grade. I am Mahlet Haile, the girl who took 14 years to embrace her identity. My past, present, and future are all aspects of my true identity; the identity that I singlehandedly created myself, not just things I was born with and received by default. If I end up being successful, then so be it because I know I would have been the creator of my successes. The choices I make daily affect all aspects of me. I believe that we have the power in our fates and we are the cause for our victories and our failures.

The parts of me that make me, me, are unique to one person in this universe; me. I sing in the shower and put barbecue sauce on anything and everything. I hate the sound of mechanical pencils or Styrofoam rubbing together. I'm a nervous and carefree person, a walking contradiction. Is it so bad to be a contradiction? As humans, do we not have multiple aspects to one person?

please help its urgent

Undergraduate / Growing up, education and opportunities offered in America were emphasized in my family. Common app [2]

I wanna submit it to William and Mary, UVA, and GW today. is it good enough? any feedback is great
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Growing up, education and opportunities offered in America were emphasized in my family. Education was the most important thing in our home because my parents believe that with success, comes knowledge. I'm the child of first generation immigrants. My mother is an Ethiopian immigrant who came here for education. My dad came for a different reason. He is an Eritrean refugee who came here to escape the Eritrean war of independence from Ethiopia. Eritreans lived in paranoia that they would be killed by the Derg regime for any reason, at any second. Before high school graduation, the Derg forced him in the military to fight against his own people; to fight with the people who killed his sister, cousin, and his country. He escaped to Sudan.He left behind his family and his aunt that raised him, my namesake, Mahlet .When he got to Sudan, he started working to save up money to go back. When he came to America in 1987, he had the dreams of education ,but never the opportunity. My parents came here to live the American dream. I'm a representation of everything that they wanted. To my parents, I represent the prosperity and the opportunity of the American dream. Seeing how my father struggled, but persevered for my sisters and I to have an education, made me the young woman I'm today. I'm a strong minded, independent, and motivated person, always seizing opportunities. I put education first, which instilled a deep rooted appreciation for knowledge and curiosity in me. Whenever I complain about school, I think about how my dad struggled to get us to where we are, and my mindset changes. I'm the oldest sibling, which means I'll be the first one at college; I have opportunities to further my mind and be able to become anything I desire. I know that whenever I put my mind to something, it will happen. For example, when I wanted a 5 on my AP lang exam, I studied religiously to get it. Because of my hard work, I got my 5 and then two 4's. I don't want to struggle the same way my parents did, and my parents don't want me to either. I want to make the sacrifices my parents took to come here, worth it; i want to make the American dream that my dad gave up on, come alive through me. My father sacrificed everything to see his family prosper. He sacrificed his schooling to save his family.He saved his money so he could put his children through college. He worked endless shifts to make this dream a reality. Believing in the idea of "American opportunity" motivated me to work twice as hard for everything . My parents always encouraged us to strive in school because they knew that with education and knowledge, all the doors would be opened for us, all the doors that were closed for them. They want to see us do better than them, to prosper. I am a living legacy of what my parents and I want for me. The American dream comes from sacrifices. Its something that all people strive to achieve. When I walk that stage and receive my high school diploma June 2016, I know my parents will cry tears of joy. When I walk the stage in June 2020, receiving my college degree, my family and I will be glowing with pride. And when I'm doing a job that I love, my American dream and the American dream my parents sacrificed for their children, will be fulfilled. Politicians argue that the American Dream is dead. That is not true. I am the American Dream.

Undergraduate / This essay is for my Duke application and I was wondering if it would be considered good. Im tryna [4]

submit it today. thanks guys.
If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.

Quite honestly, I did not know much about Duke till my aunt mentioned it to me my freshmen year. That changed after she handed 15 year old me a pamphlet about "The Blue Devils". I was immediately hooked on to the beauty that is Duke. I was fascinated by the beautiful chapel and its Gothic architecture, the global diversity of the students, and the great medicine program( one of the top in the nation!). I mean, why wouldn't I want to go to a school that offers me all I want plus more?

At Duke, I can see myself researching and studying abroad for HIV in South Africa. At Duke, I can see myself developing a strong relationship with my professors because of the low student:teacher ratio. At Duke, I can see myself going to support my blue devils against the Hoyas. Overall, Duke is a prefect fit for me