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Posts by Wandelstein
Name: Samuel Han
Joined: Dec 29, 2015
Last Post: Dec 31, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Canada
School: Iroquois Ridge High School

Displayed posts: 2
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Wandelstein   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Beatbox Music Making-Common App Main Essay (Background/identity/interest) [4]

@shealeear8
Wow, thank you so much for the feedback! It was actually one of the most helpful edits I've received. I read your essay and it is seriously exemplar, really the only possible changes would be stylistic or personal preference things.

If you don't mind, I just have a few questions I hope you could help answer.
When you said "Your chosen essay topic is one that is used a lot and I would have advised against this style", can you clarify what exactly you mean?

Are you talking about the topic as in the cliche "music is life" or the prompt that I chose and the chronologically storytelling style instead of focusing more on a moment? I know my essay is MUCH more of an "easy-read" than yours, do you think my writing style should be changed up? Before writing my essay I thought one of those substantive philosophical style essays might not keep the adcom's attention as well as a more straightforward one...

I'm thinking cutting out some parts and maybe elaborate more on one particular moment, especially since this essay was initially a lot longer but was cut down for the word limit.

I guess I had thought my essay was pretty good because of the "unique(?)" factor I have with beatboxing, but the more I edit it seems like the way the whole thing is written out is not great at all...

Thank you so much for everything, congrats on your early acceptances and good luck if you are applying regular anywhere!
Wandelstein   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Beatbox Music Making-Common App Main Essay (Background/identity/interest) [4]

Hi! This is the common app essay draft that I have right now and any feedback/edit/criticism would be greatly appreciated!!! If you feel that this essay should be scrapped or restructured big time, dont hesitate to let me know (I have extra essays)!

PROMPT: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrp! There, the classic lip warm up.This is it Danny. All those practice hours in the basement. Take a quick sip of water; you can't rush in with a dry throat. Remember, no excessive hand gestures and communicate with the crowd.

I run on to the stage as the loudspeaker booms out my name. There's a roar of applause. Mic? Check. 3, 2, 1. Let's go.
I am a self-proclaimed vocal percussionist. I love to practice what is commonly known as beatboxing, a modern art form that involves creating instrument sounds with only one's vocal chords.

Nowadays using four languages a day isn't uncommon; years ago, even two seemed to be more than I could handle. Born in Korea and thrown into an English speaking community in a Mandarin speaking province, I was confused and disoriented. In the midst of this chaotic adolescence I developed my "second language", expressing myself through musical sounds when words wouldn't do my thoughts justice.

When I was old enough to realize that erratically banging chopsticks on cups wasn't considered drumming and mature enough to realize my constant nagging for a drum kit wasn't helping my family's financial struggles, all I could do was listen to music. Amidst these obstacles I was challenged by a quote from my childhood hero Caillou: "Not having should never be an excuse for not doing". Soon, tapping to the beat and imitating instruments became my true childhood hobby.

However, it wasn't until a family trip to downtown Philadelphia that I first witnessed the captivating art of beatboxing. The notion that a human had the capability to produce such articulate sounds without any external technology was a revelation. Upon returning home, I shouted to my baby sister "Check this out!" and started ridiculously attempting to recreate the sound I had just heard. She responded with a disdainful frown, "Oppa yibbe muh gyutseo?" (Do you have something stuck in your mouth?). But I didn't let that dissuade me - at that point, I was already enthralled.

Back then, beatboxing still had little following in my country. For instance, if you googled "beatboxing" in Google, the search suggested various kickboxing positions rather than actual beatboxing techniques. Nevertheless, I persisted in unearthing information about this obscure activity, eagerly perusing every video tutorial that I could find. Of course, like any art form, perfecting different beats and sounds took hours of work. Practicing until I could barely speak anymore wasn't uncommon, and the distressing nasal surgeries that came around from breathing complications did not faze me.

This past summer, I finally had a chance to share my passion for beatboxing with the world. From the days of getting ridiculed by my younger sister, I had come to perform on a stage in front of an 800-strong live audience, standing with the very man who had inspired me to take up beatboxing. Nowadays, I continue to perform at local talent shows and fundraisers, leading my own volunteer music organization around the community.

What is so fascinating about beatboxing is the fact that I don't know what I'll be doing - there's no formula behind it. The satisfaction of impromptu creativity delights me. Often inspired by the emotions, the atmosphere, and the moment, sometimes I start off a technical 12/8 beat like that of a Baroque clarinet concerto with elements of upbeat electro. On others, a laid-back groove with roots in old-school hip-hop might conjure itself for the crowd.

What matters to me the most, though, is that creating music through beatboxing is a door to a world with adventure, thrill, and the truest expression. To me, every single sound has its own emotion, no matter the instrument. Frogs croaking in the pond is music, a waterfall splashing is a harmony. A carpenter hammering timber is a rhythm, children laughing is a melody. In what might seem a strange cacophony of noises individually, those emotions eventually come together to conceive an euphonic beat of boundless possibilities, transforming into something much more than sound, and that in itself excites me.

P.S. I know this is late but I'm really seeking feedback before deadline!!! Please help!
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