alyx1207
Jan 4, 2016
Scholarship / Making History - Marching Band Essay [5]
@ vangiespen
Thank you for the feedback. If you don't mind, I have another essay that I need feedback on.
When I first moved here in the United States and enrolled in one of the local elementary schools in a suburban town in O'ahu, I had to adapt into a whole new environment. My parents had no experience yet living in a brand new environment, and in June 2004, we finally settle down in the state of Hawai'i. Because Hawai'i is one of the most expensive places to live in, my family and I lived with my aunt for nine months. A month after moving into paradise, I started attending to one of the local elementary schools and experienced one of the toughest time of my life, learning how to speak English and bullying. Under the guidance of my ELL teacher, I was able to learn how to speak English. In March 2005, my parents were able to rent a home in a small town located in the heart of O'ahu. I was glad, hoping that moving into a new home means that I can transfer to a different school. Sadly, I was wrong. My parents wanted me to finish the school year first before transferring to a different school. Although I didn't enjoy my stay at this school because I was always made fun a lot for not knowing how to speak English, for my accent or for the way I was trying to communicate with others, I told myself that I can do it. After my first school year in Kanoelani Elementary School, I was able to transfer to a school that was actually a lot better than the school I attended before. After four years of being in the ELL program, I was able to communicate with others without being made fun of. Throughout the years after being in this program, my vocabulary grew more and more. I learned from my experience in learning a new language that if I set my mind to it, I will be able to overcome any obstacles that may be in the way. I am thankful for my ELL teachers to have taught me the English language and help me become the type of person that will be able to help my community, whether that community will be immediately around me or thousands of miles away in another country, with the knowledge that I was able to gain and utilize through understanding the English language.
@ vangiespen
Thank you for the feedback. If you don't mind, I have another essay that I need feedback on.
When I first moved here in the United States and enrolled in one of the local elementary schools in a suburban town in O'ahu, I had to adapt into a whole new environment. My parents had no experience yet living in a brand new environment, and in June 2004, we finally settle down in the state of Hawai'i. Because Hawai'i is one of the most expensive places to live in, my family and I lived with my aunt for nine months. A month after moving into paradise, I started attending to one of the local elementary schools and experienced one of the toughest time of my life, learning how to speak English and bullying. Under the guidance of my ELL teacher, I was able to learn how to speak English. In March 2005, my parents were able to rent a home in a small town located in the heart of O'ahu. I was glad, hoping that moving into a new home means that I can transfer to a different school. Sadly, I was wrong. My parents wanted me to finish the school year first before transferring to a different school. Although I didn't enjoy my stay at this school because I was always made fun a lot for not knowing how to speak English, for my accent or for the way I was trying to communicate with others, I told myself that I can do it. After my first school year in Kanoelani Elementary School, I was able to transfer to a school that was actually a lot better than the school I attended before. After four years of being in the ELL program, I was able to communicate with others without being made fun of. Throughout the years after being in this program, my vocabulary grew more and more. I learned from my experience in learning a new language that if I set my mind to it, I will be able to overcome any obstacles that may be in the way. I am thankful for my ELL teachers to have taught me the English language and help me become the type of person that will be able to help my community, whether that community will be immediately around me or thousands of miles away in another country, with the knowledge that I was able to gain and utilize through understanding the English language.