Writing Feedback / Greatest learning outcome and impact of the experience [3]

Choose one extracurricular activity or one employment opportunity you have listed above. In 300 words, or fewer, describe the impact of this experience and the greatest learning outcome for you.

After un unfair newcomer experience, I was determined to become the voice to represent all of the newcomers and ELL(English Language Learners) students. Despite my lack of leadership experience, I felt the urge to make a difference in the school and became the president of the Newcomers Club. This commitment has not only provided me opportunities to pursue my passion but also become one of my greatest learning experiences.

Through my experience with leading the newcomers, I was able to develop my teamwork and leadership skills. I engaged 20 ELL enthusiasts, and together we hosted events to facilitate appreciation of diversity of the ELL population and to promote a sense of community. During the organization of these events, I was able to build confidence on teamwork abilities and communication skills from collaborating with my executive team, requesting funding with my principal, negotiating with food vendors. In conjunction, I also acquired important characteristics of being an effective leader. I came to understand the value of effective delegation and the importance of being able to lead by inspiring and engaging others.

In addition, I learned the value of friendship and now consider it an impeccable part of my life. I was always taught to be a self-dependent individual; although I love helping my friends, I seldom ask them for big favours. However, during the process of planning the Asian Heritage Tea Ceremony, I had to seek help from my by-then twelfth grade students in the culminating period to ask them to represent their cultures. To my surprise, they were more than happy to spend their precious time to solve my dilemma. They brought complete sets of equipments and their speech made the students awestruck and intrigued by the essence of the tea ceremony. My friends' support made me realize that genuine friendship is all about helping each other during moments of difficulties and with friendship, one can achieve so much more.

Overall, this experience has allowed me to believe in my potential and my ability to make a difference in other people's life, and will allow me to take on the leadership positions during my time at .. university.

please help me to polish this essay and reduce word count!!!! thank you so much

Undergraduate / Demonstrate TEAMWORK and LEADERSHIP in 500 words. University supplementary due soon [2]

Consider all the extracurricular activities (community involvement, paid and/or volunteer work experience, entrepreneurial ventures) that you have been involved in during the past four years. Select three activities that you feel demonstrate your leadership abilities best. Focus your description on elements that demonstrate: teamwork, initiative, achievement, commitment and breadth. Each description should focus on one activity only.

For the main activity description, use an essay format, NOT bullet points. Please limit your description for each activity to 500 words. We recommend you type up and edit your essays in a separate word processing program and then copy and paste into the description field when you are satisfied that it is complete

(70 words over) At a young age, my mother told my sister and I that we needed to always stay together like a pair of chopsticks. This was my earliest interpretation of teamwork. Since then, my understanding of teamwork has grown as I participate in many group projects and workshops. The NOW program has taught me the most significant lesson so far.

The NOW program stands for Newcomer Orientation Week (first mention, this sould be explained) and is a week-long orientation to student life in the Ontario school system; NOW is funded by both TDSB and Citizenship and Immigration Canada. This year, the program was held at eight different schools across Toronto and helped 250 students, including the 50 participants that I particularly led.

Having been selected was a peer leader, I participated in a weeklong peer leader training workshop, which was led by numerous experienced settlement workers in the Thorncliffe Neighbourhood Office. I was divided into a group with eight other elite peer leaders from different schools. Through various team-building activities from composing a characteristic group cheer, entering a banner competition to an egg-protection activity, we had the opportunity to learn about our differences and similarities and become close friends. From hearing distinctive ideas and voices, I not only grasped other's experiences with dissolving conflicts, but also fresh ideas to plan events for the newcomers. At the end of the workshop, my team was confident and ready to welcome the participants.

However, it did not go smoothly as we expected. Since we had a large crowd,it was necessary to speak with a microphone; however, many of the peer leaders were not comfortable with using the facility. Thus two other peer leaders and I were the primary speaker in front of the participants. In addition, I had previously worked with the settlement worker from my involvement in a school club; hence, she often would ask me to lead the group discussions and activities with the participants. As a result, many other peer leaders felt disappointed. I overheard the members who did not speak up as much complaining regarding this issue and decided to make a change. On the third day, I encouraged the rest of the peer leaders to get out of their comfort zone and handed over the microphone to them. Upon learning a peer leader's birthday was coming, I initiated a surprise birthday party for her with the rest of the group, which I believed would eliminate our doubts to each other. Moreover, I voluntarily nominated the more quiet peer leaders to be the hosts of the talent show that we organized on the last day even though I had wanted the position. Instead I took the responsibility to motivate more participants of the program to prepare their own shows and had close contact with each participant. At the end, I found that I made the right sacrifice; the two peer leaders were excellent comedians and amazed the crowd with their talents in telling jokes.

From this two-week of program with the seven other peer leaders, I learned that it is easy to establish a team but hard to maintain. To work with a team, you not only have to exert your full endeavour, but also make sure there is a fair distribution of work. Till today, I still keep in touch with the peer leaders and they are the chopstick

I am still working on the conclusion, but I wanted to know if the content I have right now demonstrates my leadership and teamwork ability. Thank you so much!!!!!! Please correct the grammar mistakes and other flaws. I am open to criticism

Undergraduate / How to show my leadership and initiative for IVEY application? [2]

For the main activity description, use an essay format, NOT bullet points. Please limit your description for each activity to 500 words. We recommend you type up and edit your essays in a separate word processing program and then copy and paste into the description field when you are satisfied that it is complete

Initiative

My role as the president of the Newcomers Club in my school has taught me valuable skills and lasting lessons about leadership.

My passion to be the voice of others had started due to the rejection of voting rights for ESL students in the student council election in my junior school. As one of the victims, I was outraged by the school's decision to neglect the voices of this mistreated group and also disappointed to see many of my classmates afraid of taking actions due to their foreign accents and shyness. Thus, I was determined to make a change; I believed that by uniting the voices of all ELL students, we could together change the way the school and other students viewed us. However, my ambition had to be postponed because my family moved to Toronto. I continued to accomplish my ambition in the new school by running for the president of the Newcomers Club.

The role has helped me improve on my public speaking and teamwork skills. I became actively involved in the community and arranged group volunteer opportunities for the club members with a plethora of volunteer coordinators. I recruited over 20 newcomers and ESL students to join the club. Under my leadership, the club started a tradition of hosting annual ELL Appreciation Week events during the Ontario's ELL week. One such event involved inviting my school's ELL population to a free lunch to promote a sense of community. To achieve this, I proposed the event and asked for funding from my principal and also negotiated with food vendors on discounts. I utilized my marketing experience from my involvement in other clubs to successfully advertise these events and the meaning of the club, which is to facilitate appreciation of the various cultures the ESL students hail from.

By hosting events to celebrate Asian Heritage month, not only did ESL students with an Asian background feel proud of their own cultures, many Asian Canadian students who had not visited their home countries were able to recognize the significance of their roots. Upon the success of the Appreciation Week and many other events, the club won its recognition within the school from both the students and the teaching faculty.

However, the biggest challenge I faced was to efficiently use the power of my club members. As president, I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility and given the lack of a clear work division within the club, I did most of the work myself in my first year. As a result, I was overexerting myself and felt I was the only voice in the club. Thus, in the second year, I took a different approach: I created different committees and distributed work amongst the members while my main role was to oversee and resolve conflicts. Although many of the members were scared to take the lead at first, I encouraged and guided them. The result was tremendous: my workload in the club decreased and many members grew more passionate about the club.

My two years of experience as the leader of this group of ESL activists rewarded me with significant life lessons and skills that will allow me to take on other leadership roles during my time at Western University.

I am 42 words over. Please help me reduce some redundant words. Please critical!!!! and tell me if this experience shows my leadership ability

Undergraduate / "Commitment and Breadth" - Question about how to demonstrate your leadership along with commitment [6]

Commitment and Breadth

In Grade Nine, I was quiet in terms of involvement in the school and community. Although I was academically accomplished, I struggled to get out of my comfort zone. Being a recruit in the Cadets program was an meaningful experience that awarded me with enrichments in life and taught me the meaning of commitment on three different levels.

The beginning of my Cadets career was full of moments of embarrassment. Due to my fast track and lack of necessary recruit training, I was intimidated by other cadets' confidence in drills and commands and unapproachability. I dreaded going to weekly training and wanted to give up numerous times. My mother, although opposed strongly at first, finally gave in after a long time of argument. This long-waited moment was unexpectedly heartbreaking for me; for the first time, my mother was disappointed in the child, whom she had always bragged about for succumbing to obstacles so easily. That night, I was determined to not only attend the program but excel at it. At this level, commitment meant not letting down my parents.

Upon hearing about the opportunity, I voluntarily joined the marching band of my squadron, hoping this involvement would help me through the program. However, another challenge struck. As a beginner flute player, I had trouble with the mouth techniques and could not play the music in tune with the rest of the band. Determined to master the parade songs before the band competition at the end of the year, I sacrificed my spare time on the weekends and march break practiced the flute with the help with a professional flutist. Nearly after a semester, I was able to produce the band music. Even more importantly, I witnessed a boost in my confidence. At this level, I learned that achievement results from continuous commitment, big or small.

Seeing my quick improvement on the instrument, my band members embraced me into their family open-heartedly. As expected, my involvement in the band which enabled me to reinforce on my drills and marching and familiarize myself with an exclusive group of experienced cadets during the additional band practices. More importantly, I started initiating in the program by participating in various celebration parades, leading a group of younger recruits with their rough starts.

A month before the band competition, the rest of the band and I spent endless hours at band practices perfecting the routine, rain or shine. Dressed in Arcterylx rain jackets and using charcoal hand warmers, metallic instruments in hand, the band marched in an empty field in East Vancouver in the pouring rain for seven hours during the Victoria Day weekend. At this moment, 36 of us forgot individuality and strived to win pride for our beloved squadron. At this moment, I learned that commitment is like the roots of a tree, the engine of a car and the staircase to go up; commitment is a responsibility to fully extracted your efforts and time into achieving yourself, or achieving the group. As a result, our efforts were distinguished with a silver ribbon at the Pacific Region March Band Competition. To a new squadron, this award was a tremendous way to start.

Even after my family moved to Toronto, I continued pursing the Cadets program. My two-and-half year in this program allowed me to acquire important life skills. The program offered me numerous opportunities to improve on my public speaking, resolve conflicts under difficult circumstances, and construct my positive attitude. Most importantly, this program has rewarded me spirit of perseverance and commitment that will motivate me continuously during moments of quitting.