Writing Feedback / My discovery of my love, Astronomy - for Stanford summer on intellectual vitality. critique required [3]

Prompt

Stanford students are known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or experience that you found intellectually engaging

I know that death is the final destination, but I also believe that immortality exists. Newton and his apple will forever be immortal among our minds; same can be said about Einstein, Charles Darwin and his 'survival of the fittest' and Da Vinci with his Mona Lisa. And I believe that space and astronomy must define me whenever somebody looks back on my life. I wish to be remembered for unlocking the secrets of the universe.

Space travel and Astronomy has always been a fetish of mine. I hate and love the mysteries this universe presents us. My curiosity is fuelled by the wondrous spectacles, the elusive enigmas like Dark matter and energy.

I stumbled upon science as a little kid reading an ancient encyclopaedia that my dad bought when I was still in my mother's womb. I used to love all the stories of dinosaurs, the prehistoric man and the magnificent stars and planets. Some children are brought up on the little fairy tales while I was brought up on these stories that always seemed too good to be true. Ever since then I was a recognised bibliophile in my class. I had always liked astronomy and when an Astronomy program from Zlife education came to my school I was eager to join. That was in grade 9 when the program after some classes organized a Night sky observation tour in a camp just outside the city. That night when I peeped through a telescope, towards what seemed an insignificant star but instead witnessed the grandeur of Jupiter and its four moons the tiny little pinpricks near the big gas giant I knew I was in love with space. Seeing the nebulas and planets was dumbfounding. I knew I wanted to pursue my interest in astronomy and space.

I need critique on the composition of essay it is merely a first draft. I also need your views on whether the essay I have written does justice to the question prompt