Writing Feedback / The journey from a fresh salmon and potatoes into the Frozen Fish Pie ___ IELTS Task 1 [2]

This is a big improvement from the last one! For text that explains a diagram, keep the language simple and explanatory. "Flowery" language is great in story-telling essays, but for something like this that describes how a process works or for a research/science essay, keep it simple. Hopefully the following edits help:

The diagrams illustrate the manufacturing process in the frozen fish pie company. Overall, it can be seen thatT here are two steps for making these pies:producingpreparing potatoes and fresh salmon.

"the" in this sentence would be used if you will be including the name of the company, otherwise use "a" instead.

"producing" implies that the company that is cleaning/slicing/boiling the potatoes also grew them. If this is true, include a sentence about it. If the company did not grow the potatoes, then simply changing it to "preparing" will suffice.

To begin with the first stage , the potatoes are delivered up to one month. Firstly , they must be entered theare placed in the cleaning machine before comingbeing placed into the feeling engine to waste disposal. Secondly , the potatoes are sliced and thento be boiled in the next machine. MoreoverFinally , they are added by chilichili is added and they are sent to the store . Here, the potato's batter is runmade into the another enginemachine to get the fartherthem ready for the next process.

"up to one month" -- what does this mean? Does it mean that they were delivered a month prior to being prepared? Or does it take a month for processing the potatoes until they are done?

"feeling engine" -- what is this? Was it suppose to be a "feeding engine" or something else like scrubbing?
"store" -- this word makes me think that it is sent out of the factory to a store to be sold, did you mean it gets sent to another company or factory to be battered?

Moving toT he second stage, it needs 12 hours or less to deliver fresh salmon. Firstly , tone s of fresh salmons are given lemon juice and salt before going into the steam oven. Furthermore, tT he skin and bones will beare then removed by the workersby handin to a waste disposalunder supervision.and this way is watched by an inspector. After that, peas and sauce are added with the salmonsare added with peas and sauce . Secondly , the salmon's battermixture is blended together with potatoes in the mixer machine. In the end of process , the products are wrapped,and frozen, and then they all areare all collected in the storage beforeand dispatched to the retailers.

"deliver" -- I'm not sure what you mean in this sentence. Try re-wording for clarification? Does it TAKE 12 hours for the salmon to get from where they are harvested to the factory? Why does it "need" 12 hours but then possibly "less" than 12 hours? To do what?

"salmon" is both used as the singular and plural form

Keep up the great work!

Writing Feedback / To be happy, you must have the best profession or other points are crucial? IELTS WR Task 2 [3]

This essay has some really great points to make but as the reader, it feels very vague. Try being more concise with your words, avoid repetition of the same word, and be specific and straight-forward. Here is an example if I were to rephrase the first paragraph:

While some individuals view their career as the most important part of being happy or successful, there are other individuals and cultures that value things like family, faith, or traveling.

Graduate / Written literacy sample. Write about an experience you have had with teaching or as a student. [2]

been one of perseverance

In addition, to being used to define the student's capability.
--Maybe try re-wording this or joining it with the previous sentence? It seemed a little awkward and I wasn't quite sure what you meant.

when I had

While in college, I proved

During my second year in college, I created

Ultimately in the end I graduated, and granted there were times that I wanted to quit I never gave into that temptation.
--Consider making this two sentences or re-wording this single sentence to make it flow a little better.

To put it anther wayI wanted my daughter needed to see that

or difficulties, a person

ons school, or themselves, is

Great response overall! It just needs some quick proof-reading and it is ready!

Writing Feedback / Two main dishes are separated before fish pie is wrapped. The process of their production. [2]

There is a big difference in time between the delivery of the raw potatoes and the fresh salmon.

when potatoes arrive, from the fields, to the production plant after they are delivered, usually within a month.

the peeling process.

the wastefrom peel section is thrown away to waste disposal.
--Consider using different words for what is highlighted in blue to avoid too much repetition.

The sliced potatoes

delivered to join the next process

12 hours is a steam oven

removed by laborers, who are check by the inspector

the cooked potatoes are joined with the other

It is then frozen before

--Hope these edits helped! Continue to work on finding different words which mean to same things to avoid repetition. Thesaurus.com helped me a lot when I couldn't think of similar words or phrases for my essays.

Research Papers / What Parents Should Know About ADHD? Any help is appreciated for a peer review. [2]

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder [...] stimulant medications are the most utilized.

Re-wording these sentences will help "smooth" out the essay. For example:
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a common disorder that is related to difficulties in behavior, particularly in school. Even as the most comprehensively studied pediatric health disorder, there is still public debate and controversy regarding the diagnosis and existing medical treatments. Treatments for children with AHDH include prescription medication, parental training, and behavioral therapy for the child; the most utilized of which are stimulant medications.

It is not uncommon to hear a parent say her or her child has ADHD because they are "very active and crazy."

this idea on without

through advertisement s.

engaging in typical childhood, age appropriate behavior,

children are "unruly" or seem incapable of focusing

With these edits in mind, continue on with the essay.

Research Papers / Peer Review- three areas of weakness? Presidential race in the US and economy. [3]

P1: Bernie S anders
will create coutureculture of dependence
i ncome inequality -- check for the capital throughout the essay

P2: movement in America, it is
Communist Manifesto -- check with your formatting (MLA/APA/Chicago), this will probably need to be italicized because it is a title of a book

the application of all rents of land to a public purpose -- try rephrasing
progressive, or graduated, income tax

P3: socialist party website, its mission
a non-racist, classless, feminist socialist society... where working people own and control the means of production and distribution through democratically-controlled public agencies, cooperatives, or other collective groups -- if this is a direct quote, it will need quotation marks. If it isn't, consider getting rid of the ellipse ("...") and making a new sentence at that point.

of a few. (The socialist party, 2016). I do not -- no need for period after reference and getting rid of contractions like "don't," "can't," will help keep the tone professional

this mission statement, it is
A s ocialist
Saul Alinsky, who
In his book, he creates
Alinsky believed that the ends justified the means. Meaning it was ok to lie and cheat if you win in the end. This is the opposite of American principals. -- You will have a stronger argument if you can elaborate on this. As it stands, it sounds like the author (you) are assuming that the audience/reader knows what you are thinking and are agreement. For writing, especially persuasive writing, being concise, clear, and leaving NO room for assumptions will create the most persuasive argument.

Most of the essay is in need of some basic revision as I provided (commas, capitalizations, formatting, spelling, etc.). For the content, when making a statement, make sure to back it up with as much evidence as possible.

Hope this helps.