Undergraduate / My Name is Damon and I Can Roll my R's [16]

This is my topic of choice essay for the commonapp. I want this to be the BEST it can be because I do not want to have to rewrite this whole essay all over again for the fourth time. lol. By the way, the second actual paragraph has some issues, it's a lot of the same sentences, I just don't know which one sounds the best.

Please critique!

My Name is Damon and I Can Roll my R's

January 1st, 2008

I put on my American clothes, eat my American breakfast, and attend my American school, but I realize something is missing.

August 1st, 2008

It's over? Already? My seven week journey in this country began mid-June and I'm left with just one day. In less than 24 hours, I'll be hauling my luggage down the three flights of stairs I climb every day, taking the metro through the city to Plaza Cataluńa, and then catching the bus to the airport.

I've seen all the sights I had wanted to see, tried everything I had wanted to try, and did everything I had wanted to do but it still seems like I shouldn't be going home. I love the diversity and knowing that I'm a part of it all. Being around the hundreds of different nationalities, languages, and cultures gives me a sense of multiculturalism/internationalism. Being here makes me feel a part of the world. I've made friendships with people from all corners of the world, from Montenegro to Singapore./I now have friendships not only in the USA, but also from all corners of the world, from Montenegro to Singapore. I am now a part of all the diversity I had been wanting to be a part of when I first enrolled in the exchange program. Behind all the flags, races, and languages are people who really are all the same.

I remember back to freshman year when I opened my first Spanish book and saw sombreros, burritos, a map of South America, and J. LO, which always helped ease my confusion. Then, the basic Spanish was "too fast" for my un-trained ears. However, among my classmates, I was considered one of the lucky ones. I could pronounce "perro" (dog), "correr" (to run), and even "ferrocarril" (railroad) thanks to my trilling tongue. After studying all the unfamiliar accent marks and learning more about the culture-which I had thought just consisted of Taco Bell and the Macarena- I was intrigued even more. I knew I needed to immerse myself if I wanted to expose myself to Spanish as much as possible.

Traveling to a country of Picasso, cheek-kissing, and the Flamenco was definitely an immense change coming from suburbia. Nothing familiar existed, yet I loved it. Some major adjusting has taken place, too. I adapted to a bedroom the size of a closet, a starving stomach waiting till 9 p.m. to eat dinner, and sitting through the torture of watching weird voice-overs to American sitcoms. My stay here has been difficult at times, but amazing, to say the least.

Now that I have successfully finished my journey here in this country, I'm simply proud of myself. Proud of proving to everyone back home that I could do it. Proud of waking up at 7 a.m. to attend four hours of Spanish classes, Monday through Friday. Proud of traveling alone to a foreign country. Proud of being able to flow my Spanish. Proud of straying from the norm and experiencing something new.

Proud of being able to say I was exchange student.

Muchísimas Gracias Barcelona.

Undergraduate / Stranded in an airport COMMON APP ESSAY [11]

My topic for my "topic of choice" essay was going to be my experience studying abroad for 2 months, but I heard it was too broad of a topic. SO, I decided on writing about one specific experience, which was before my experience abroad even took place - when I was stranded in the airport due to my flight being cancelled. It's a bit wordy and I have so many things I want to put in it, but I just can't seem to decide which would work best.

Here's the actual essay:

I could choose to tell you about the time when I mistakenly asked my host mom in Spanish for the vitamin "iron" to rid the wrinkles out of my clothes, or maybe the time when my roommates and I poured our soup down the kitchen sink while our host parents weren't watching, or even of my experience studying abroad as a whole, but I know a two month journey squeezed into 500 or some words, is not what my experience abroad was about, nor what you're looking for. So, I'll tell you about the night even before all of that happened, when I was stranded at the Newark airport.

June 15th, 2008

I wake up, my body aching from the unforgiving cushions of the couch. Agh, Has the time passed yet? I glance out the large window at an overcast sky. At least the storm had finally passed, I positively think. I slowly stretch my way up on my two feet and waddle my way to the front desk of the room, saying hello to a few other unaccompanied minors.

"Do you need something?" The UNAM desk worker politely asks, her fingers scurrying on the keyboard.

"Yeah...uh...do you have my new plane tickets?" I respond.

"Of course! Once again, we're sorry for the cancellation last night. Your new flight will be leaving at 8 pm tonight."

TONIGHT!? I scream inside my mind/I internally scream. I had already been put through the angry yelps and pure chaos of airline passengers seeing their flights canceled, an anxious mom trying to reschedule my next flight, and having to sleep in the dreaded Unaccompanied Minors Room. I glance back up at the clock seeing that it is 9:23 am. What did they expect me to do for the next 11 hours? I decide to zip open what was supposed to be my carry-on bag and I see my Spanish Language book eyeing at me. PASO A PASO. Step by Step. I remember back to freshman year when I first opened the book and raised my eyebrows at all the different accent marks. I saw sombreros, burritos, a map of South America, and a familiar sight-a picture of J. LO, which of course helped ease my confusion. I focus back on my Spanish and knew a few airport words would be useful once I would arrive at my long-awaited destination.

I turn the page and notice a small note:

"Damon, how cool of you to want to study abroad! Have fun, be safe, and immerse yourself in the culture as much as possible!"

A smile forced its way across my face amid the disappointment of my flight being cancelled. My Spanish teacher knew I could do it. On the other hand, I dealt with my fair share of critics. "Why are you doing that?" and a few other off-putting remarks only strengthened my desire prove to everyone that I had the endurance and independence to stay in a foreign county for the seven weeks I signed up for. I was going to do it because it's what I have always wanted to do. It had been 7 months since I enrolled in the foreign exchange program and the time I stepped on European soil could not come soon enough. With thoughts racing, my mind slowly slipped into a daydream.

I could see it all. Experiencing an extremely different culture. Watching foreign television. Paying with Euros instead of dollars. Eating paella at a street side café. Adapting to the metric system. Strolling the one-way, bustling streets. People-Watching. Improving my language skills second after second, class after class. Going on excursions with the school. Meeting people from all over the world. Enjoying my life as an exchange student. Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea. Using the metro instead of a car. Spanish flowing effortlessly off my lips. Eating dinner at 9pm every night. Hearing my host mom call my name as if I were her son.

"Damon. Damon? DAMON!" - I wake up from my musing, realizing a UNAM worker yelling my name.

"Your plane will be leaving in one hour."

My mindset brightened and I felt as if I were gleaming/glimmering with joy. Hurriedly, I gathered my belongings, obtained my boarding pass, looked at the airport map, and began running through the terminals. I flew through the security screenings and finally arrived at my gate. I sat down near the big windows as I realized I was now an airport aficionado. It made sense since I had traversed terminals A, B, and C, determined which travel shops had the cheapest items, and SOMETHING. After a short-lived sitting, I knew my journey had really begun when I heard the airline employee shout...

"Now boarding to Barcelona, Spain"

Should I change my "hook" at the beginning of my essay to: "I put on my American clothes, eat my American breakfast, and go to my American school, but I realize something is missing.", keep it how it is, or change it completely?

Please chop out words that aren't necessary and make it more "tight"! Any advice is welcome. I just want my essay to be unique and memorable.

Thanks!