Posts by Spade

Spade

Dec 30, 2016

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement: Last Two Summers [6]

Thank you so much for your opinions! @Holt @TheIndoBoy25

I ended up changing it a little bit, and still don't have any time reference since I just didn't have the space to include that information.

How do you feel about my new version? I tried to put a little more feeling in it. (It's phrases since it doesn't have to be in complete sentences).

"Fortunate to visit Europe, Japan, and Korea. Felt the world expand before my eyes as I talked to a local about Florence artwork and ate cheesy topologi. Appreciated my Grandpa's life by participating in Technology Student Association competitions and elated victory, then shared our love for music to young children. Overall, felt happy and new."

Thank you!

Spade

Dec 29, 2016

Undergraduate / MATH - an amazing experience. Talk about an extracurricular activity [4]

Hello!

First, good luck on your essays!

Personally, I prefer your 2nd essay - it flows better and seems less of just a list of accomplishments.

Little notes on your second essay: In your first and second essay, you refer to "it's", which you should specify is the Mathematical Olympiad earlier than in your third sentence. "Bests friends" is incorrect, it should be "best friends". I also don't think you should end your essay on "I'm really gonna miss it", for two reasons. First, it should be "going to" instead of the short form. Second, you might want to say something about looking forward to doing a similar activity at university, since if it was a meaningful activity to you, you wouldn't want to quit after high school.

Hope that helps!

:)

Spade

Dec 28, 2016

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement: Last Two Summers [6]

Hello! Thank you so much for helping me on my essays!

Topic:How did you spend your last two summers? (50 word limit, no need for complete sentences)

I have spent the last two summers traveling the world. My brief taste of a majority of the European countries two summers ago evoked and intensified my desire to experience the flavors of culture. Enjoying and satisfied by my visit to Japan and Korea this summer. I also explored the US (Tennessee, Texas) to complement the National Technology Student Association competition, and appreciated the life of my Grandpa by taking extra chemistry classes and teaching children to play music (He and I shared a love for nearly everything).

Problem: I had my friend quickly look at this answer, and he relayed that it made me seem like a rich brat who had the luxury of travel. However, I wanted to convey the message that I love to experience new and exciting parts of culture, and that I am not a closed person, and that I love to engage in the world around me, even if in a bigger picture. Since I am applying to the STEM field, I also thought it was appropriate to mention the science competition. Other than my lack of grammar, please provide suggestions on how to improve! Thank you!

Spade

Aug 17, 2016

Undergraduate / Large (College admission essay that needs a lot of help and editing!) [2]

Hi Molly!

Wow! That was really well written.

However, it would be helpful if you included the prompt, so others can help address if you're answering the topic given or not.

The beginning sentence seems a little rough and sudden, and it can be fixed by switching the first and second reason. The first reason should come first, etc.

Good luck !

Spade

Aug 16, 2016

Undergraduate / SOP to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application [4]

Hello!

Good job on your essay! There are a few grammar mistakes throughout your essay, but I'll let someone else fix them (since Grammar isn't my strong suit).

Onto more overall comments: Your essay isn't answering the prompt completely. Staring with the 2nd paragraph, you should talk about how your poverty-situation and/or father affected your "academic discipline". You did do a good job, however, of explaining how your dad affected your leadership and social skills.

In your last paragraph, it isn't quite clear what the "system" is. The essay will flow more if you connect it to your economic situation and how life is in your world.

Best of luck editing your essay!

(I've never heard of "crum people" either. But I believe it refers to a useless person. I think that using a simple and powerful word like "useless" is a better alternative to non-universal words, i.e. Crum people.)

:)

Spade

Aug 13, 2016

Undergraduate / Patterns of the Universe: Common App Personal Statement [3]

Hello!
Thank you for giving me feedback! Anything is really appreciated.

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Word Count: 361/650[/b] (I obviously have a lot of space, so if there are any suggestions on what else I can add please let me know!)

Goal: I was hoping to convey my interest in math and patterns, while also getting across that I love problem solving, can concentrate, is interested in everything, never gives up, and thinks outside-the-box.

Twenty-three minutes. The flowery movement of the rotating cubes jerks slightly as a result of my rushed twist. I glance back up at the cramped screen snuggled into the back of the seat in front of me. Twenty-two minutes. Of the six hour flight that frequented my summers, two thirds have been devoted to "The Boy in Striped Pajamas" and Backgammon, but the last third was reserved specially for the Rubik's cube- yet I was no closer to solving the puzzle than when I had started.

Two hours is an exhausting length to be working on single object. But for me, it is part of my daily lifestyle in which I devote massive focus to anything that grabs my attention (which could be multifarious things). It was due to this quality that I never felt truly bored in my life. As a child, I entertained myself in kilometer long lies at Innovation Conventions and Disneyland by counting (fibonacci numbers were useful for counting potted flowers or beams across ceilings). Later on, my mind became intrigued with applying the aforementioned mathematics to patterns in nature (especially the Widmanstätten-like patterns and various fractals). Today, I do not simply notice the patterns, but incorporate into the way people act: how someone decides train timetables, looks at Sagittarius in the night sky, chooses clothing colours for a film and designs Olympic venues.

The world is so unusually unique and wonders numbering billions that I have yet to discover. I know that my goal to understand the universe will take a lifetime, but to ensure that I address each detail thoroughly, I practice every task to near perfection. The understanding that another new challenge awaits and an old puzzle awaits polishing drives me to strive everyday.

My eyes fall up from the cube to the screen. 14 minutes. The Rubik's cube lies neatly solved in my hand- although completed in an unorthodox way (I took it completely apart and reassembled it like Tony Stark or Leo Valdez). I might not have solved the puzzle as said on the instructions sheet, but with the help of the community, I can write my own solutions.