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Posts by shadels27
Name: Jacques K
Joined: Aug 11, 2016
Last Post: Aug 14, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States
School: Newton North High School

Displayed posts: 4
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shadels27   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / What it means to be a teacher? The Myth and the Reality. [2]

Teaching: The Myth and the Reality - What Truly Fascinates, Mystifies, and Enthralls Me

Hello!
The prompt I am responding to is "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story." I am responding to the interest portion of the question. Thank you for all of your help!

To make sure that this application is as encompassing as possible, I've chosen to write about an interest that truly fascinates, amazes, and mystifies me; what it means to be a teacher. As far as my memory serves me, I've wanted to be a teacher. From sitting in my father's introduction to communications class at Boston University as a third grader to watching my favorite teachers concoct a world of intellectual stimuli, education has captured my attention in ways not many other things have. Though my seven-year-old self, sitting in on a college level communications course wasn't necessarily in my academic element, it spoke to me in an unprecedented way and I haven't looked back since.

Upon my first opportunity, I took it upon myself to be exposed to the world of teaching that students do not necessarily see. As I scoured my school's course list for my upcoming junior year, I spotted the almost hidden course offering of a teacher's assistant in a history class. I was thrilled to see that class on my schedule the first day of school. I was assigned to a sophomore world history class and was supervised by the teacher, Ms. Razzaqui. Though I spent only a semester there, I learned so much and experienced things I never thought possible for a 16-year-old. One of my fondest memories of my time with her was a quick aside comment Ms. Razzaqui made that blew me away. She would spend between 4-7 hours a night just preparing assignments, grading papers, and making new lesson plans for the next day. All that work just to stay on pace. She was doing something much greater than herself; to help the next generation to be the best they could be. She had a passion in her heart that was so powerful, she was able to find the unrelenting strength to go day in and day out. That kind of passion I want to find in teaching.

As a teaching assistant, part of my training was attention to students who were falling behind. One experience that stuck with a student who saw real growth. His essay writing was fundamentally struggling and he needed one on one help. Though I was only present for a semester, I witnessed one of the most incredible things in my life; with my help, he truly grew. His essays became more coherent and his analysis was tighter and more fluid. I had never helped someone that way before, and the feeling that it gave me was astounding. When I left, he was not all the way there, but there was a marked improvement. I had left a mark on someone's academic life and he learned something from me. I

Really what separates teaching from other interests I have and why I want to include it is how it translates to something larger. Though I spent only a semester as a student teacher, I learned new levels of patience, perseverance, and passion. It would not be fair or incorrect to say that my time there has not made me a more forgiving and hard working person with a newfound appreciation for the underappreciated heroes of the world. My passion for teaching has moved far past the typical parameters of a hobby and is starting to become a positive addition to who I am and who I intend to be through college and beyond.
shadels27   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Brits spent much more money than other Europeans on some consumer goods [3]

Hello llmy!

In an attempt to give feedback that already has not been given before, I'll keep my comments brief.

Overall, this is a good analysis of these bar graphs, but I do have one comment that I feel could strengthen your analysis. The sentence "Overall, it is immediately apparent that Britain people spend more money than the other three countries in all consume" I feel would be better put at the end of the second sentence as a good summarizing sentence of the data described. You could replace that sentence with an intro into your data analysis.

Good luck and good writing!
shadels27   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'put limitations on the internet' - IELTS task 2: solutions for reducing internet potential risks [2]

Hello, rockprincess!

First and foremost, I believe this is a great start to a good, enthralling essay. I do, however, have a few comments.

Watch your grammar. Especially with certain prepositions, for example saying "reduce the potential hazards", "the" is not necessary and can clutter up a sentence. Similarly, with the first paragraph, the phrase "lead to possible risk situations" could be fixed with "risky situations."

Secondly, this essay does not feel as academic as it could be. Sometimes, the language feels slightly colloquial, but considering I do not know the manner in which the essay is to be stated exactly, that could be a non-issue.

My third and final point is to maybe to go into a little more detail with explaining the dangers and solutions to unsupervised social media. A good addition, in my opinion, is to possibly include an anecdotal or a real account of the dangers of unsupervised social media to create a stronger argument. Additionally, it could be helpful to find an example (like the cycling track) that happened in real life to further strengthen your argument.

Best of luck to you and your writing!
shadels27   
Aug 11, 2016
Undergraduate / Teaching: The Myth and the Reality - interest that truly fascinates, amazes, and mystifies me [2]

To make sure that this application is as encompassing as possible, I've chosen to write about an interest that truly fascinates, amazes, and mystifies me; what it means to be a teacher. As long as I could remember, I've wanted to be a teacher. I remember sitting in my father's Introduction to Communications class at Boston University at seven years old and being absolutely enthralled by how he carried his class. Now seven year old me wasn't necessarily making astute philosophical observations about his pedagogical style, but I remember thinking to myself, "that's what I want to do one day." Something clicked and I haven't looked back since.

Upon my first opportunity, I took it upon myself to be exposed to the world of teaching that students do not necessarily see. As I scoured my school's course list for my upcoming junior year, I found a small listing that I'd never previously seen. The course was a teacher's assistant in a history class. My heart lit up and it was my first course input for the year. Working under Ms. Razzaqui, my supervising teacher, I learned many things. First and foremost, teaching is without a doubt one of the most mentally strenuous professions there is. One of my fondest memories of my time with her sophomore world history class was a quick aside comment she made that blew me away. She would spend between 4-7 hours a night just preparing assignments, grading papers, and making new lesson plans for the next day. All that work just to stay on pace. At first, I was taken aback and was reconsidering teaching, but I came to an important realization; she does the work she does not for the pay, or the flexibility, or the vacations. She does it because it means something that's much greater than her. Again, for the second time in my life, I felt that gravitation that I felt almost eight years before in a communications classroom at Boston University. My short time there made me realize things about teaching that I hadn't considered. It really is one of the most taxing professions that one can undertake in this world. The work it takes to even get there in insurmountable let alone the hours put in day in and day out for students who, sometimes, don't even seem to care. It takes a lot and since then, I've been doing my damnedest to make myself that person. I found myself working harder, longer, and better than I'd had, marking my best high school academic year. I rediscovered a beautiful and thought provoking interest that had gone past a typical likeness; I wanted it to be my future. Teaching isn't just something that one decides to do on a whim, it requires an intense amount of time, patience, and work. It struck me as not just a proud profession, but one of incredible passion, passion I want to find.

Really what separates teaching from other interests I have and why I want to include it is how it translates to something larger. Though I spent only a semester as a student teacher, I learned new levels of patience, perseverance, and passion. It would not be fair or incorrect to say that my time there has not made me a more forgiving and hard working person with a newfound appreciation for the underappreciated heroes of the world. My passion for teaching has moved far past the typical parameters of a hobby and is starting to become a positive addition to who I am and who I intend to be through college and beyond.
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