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Brits spent much more money than other Europeans on some consumer goods


Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Aug 14, 2016   #1
The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.


The bar chart presents the amount of European expenditure on six distinct products and is measured in thousand pounds sterling. Overall, it is immediately apparent that Britain people spend more money than the other three countries in all consumer items.

A closer look to the data reveals that Britain and France have a considerable expenditure on photographic film and CDs. There are 170 and 165 sales of photographic film for both countries respectively. They surpass Italy and Germany which account for less than 160. Similarly with CDs, the figure for British and French was a lot higher than the others, roughly 160. France and Italy remained the same in toys, at 159, while Britain leads the category at 170.

Turning to perfumes, Britain and Italy witness the highest sales throughout the proportion, 160 and 155 respectively. In comparison, the figure for France and Germany are up to 145. Expenditure of tennis racquets follow a similar pattern, however the number in each items is less than perfumes, about 150. Interestingly, when it comes to personal stereos, consumer expenditure for both France and Germany is equal, at 150.






ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 14, 2016   #2
Hi Nurul, here's my analysis of your essay.

1st paragraph:
... expenditure on six distinct products. (stop here, new sentence)Itand is measured in thousand pounds sterling.
- Overall, it is immediately apparent, that Britain people spend more ...
(I'm afraid that this overview is too general. Too simplistic. Try to write a complex sentence in overview by using connector(s). You can mention not only the highest but the lowest as well.)

2nd paragraph:
- A closer look to the data reveals thatTo begin with, Britain and France have ...
(it seems like an overview. It is because there is no appropriate cohesive device(s) to help you address the main point of this sentence. That is one of the examples.)

3rd paragraph:
- Expenditure of tennis racquets follow a similar pattern. (period However or comma but)However, the number in each items is less than perfumes, at about 150.

Overall, the essay is well-written. I like the tenses consistency that you've maintained in this essay. Keep up the good work and mind all the corrections above. Good luck for the next practice :)
shadels27 2 / 2  
Aug 14, 2016   #3
Hello llmy!

In an attempt to give feedback that already has not been given before, I'll keep my comments brief.

Overall, this is a good analysis of these bar graphs, but I do have one comment that I feel could strengthen your analysis. The sentence "Overall, it is immediately apparent that Britain people spend more money than the other three countries in all consume" I feel would be better put at the end of the second sentence as a good summarizing sentence of the data described. You could replace that sentence with an intro into your data analysis.

Good luck and good writing!


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