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Posts by Holt [Educational Consultant]
Name: Mary Rose
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Holt  Educational Consultant  
5 hrs ago
Writing Feedback / It is argued that schooling from early age would be ideal for the children' development [2]

While the prompt restatement and opinion is not grammatically accurate, it is still understandable enough for an ENL. Your thought process is clear even if the word choice is not. Your opinion is understandable even though it could use further clarity. This paragraph will not get a failing score, but it will not get a high score either due to the word choice and sentence structure situation.

Please make sure to use the 3 reasoning paragraph next time. Ensure that you use the third person pronouns in the first two paragraphs that discuss the prompt provided public opinions. Then use the first person reference in the third to indicate your personal interest. The first 2 paragraphs need to explain the basis of the public opinion, what makes it right and (in transition) what makes it wrong. For your personal statement, explain why you support a particular public opinion. Base this on your personal knowledge and experience.

As of now, the current 2 paragraph essay provides a general discussion presentation. It does not differentiate between the public and personal opinion. The default understanding will be that you presented only your personal opinion of both public statements, which is not how the essay should be formatted.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
5 hrs ago
Graduate / Motivation Statement for MS Game and Media Technology in Utrecht University [2]

I like playing computer games, and I enjoy trying all kinds of niche games.

Like is not enough of a reason to want to study this MS course. Unless you can create a statement that indicates a dedication to developing games, I would not refer to "like" in the essay.

overlaps with the computer science major in programming, mathematics and AI to a certain extent.

Specifically mention the overlapping points and why these have prepared you for the demands of the masters course. The reviewer will be interested to learn about how your multifaceted training managed to merge into one applicable learning process for you. It may even be a notable highlight of your application.

improving my personal projects

This is a very interesting point that needs further development. Be specific about how you see yourself applying your future studies to the projects. What aspects of your personal projects will benefit from the advanced studies?

The academic motivation is very clear in your writing. My last suggestion leaves room for additional development. Try to add a professional aspect to the motivation letter. Talk about your simple career plan and how these studies can help. For example, you can infer that you plan to start your own gaming studie after graduating from the MS course, making it more imperative for you to complete these studies.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
5 hrs ago
Scholarship / SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION FOR ERASMUS MUNDUS FOR MASTERS IN MANAGEMENT AND ENG OF ENERGY & ENVIRONMENT [2]

The global demand for energy ...energy industry.

You can strike this totally from the presentation because it does not offer any insight into your motivation. You have to focus directly on your intersts. So use the current second paragraph as your first / introduction paragraph. If it doe snot directly relate to your interest sor motivation, take it out of the essay.

I worked with a Dr. Fred Ogunkunle to get a bio derived alternative to chemical pour point depressant, which is not environmentally friendly and more expensive.

Will he be a recomendee for you? If not, do not mention his name. If he is, or you received some accolades for your participation in his project, then expand on the discussion. The current presentation doesa not give this reference any weight worthy of consideration by the reviewer.

this would be pivotal to solving some of the problems in my home country.

Display knowledge of how the study track directly applies to problems you wish to resolve in your own country. How will your learning from specific professors help enhance your existing skills? What can you contibute to make the study track even better?

Truth be told, you have written more of a personal statement than a motivation letter specifically for the EM program. The parts I reviewed here are the sections of the current presentation that have somewhat of a direct relation to the program. You could build your revised essay on these observations. Remember, EM is all about language learning, international relationships, and an opportunity to study abroad for those looking for international career growth opportunities. Work those aspects into your writing.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
5 hrs ago
Scholarship / "A suitable candidate" - Could you help me out with the Stipendium Hungaricum (Scholarship) essay? [2]

The privilege to study at one of the best universities in the world for free is the most attractive aspect of this scholarship

Wanting to study for free in a foreign land is not an acceptable reason to apply for the scholarship. There needs to be an interest in what the country, the educational system, and the potential internships offers. Use the guid questions to build your reason for wanting to apply for the scholarship. The clues leading to a proper response can be found there.

My mother is a surgeon here in Azerbaijan.

This is of no interest at all to the reviewer, who will base his review of your letter on the prompt requirements. Did you even bother to read the requirements? it is fairly obvious that your letter is not following the required information presentation format. You are about to get placed in the reject pile at this point.

However, medical degree is not all there has to be to open and develop a clinic.

Are you applying for a masters in languages or in medicine? I am confused at this pooint. You were really focused on learning languages for the most part. Now you want to open a medical clinic? Which is it?
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / " It is beneficial for teenagers to receive pocket money from their parents". Do you agree? [2]

There are several problems with your opening statement. The first, is that you used a direct cut and paste of the topic provided in the original presentation This will result in an automatic TA failing score as you cannot present an original thought based on the provided information. Cut and paste of the original will ensure an automatic failing score for the overall presentation, even as you are given minimal scores in the other sections later on.

You are also not providing a clear opinion regarding the topic. You both agree and disagree with the given statement. Resulting in another failing TA score due to the writer not having a clear opinion pertaining to the given discussion instruction. At this point, you cannot expect to pass the test at all and it will be useless for me to continue reviewing your work. There is absolutely no way you will achieve a passing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Should students pay for their colleges' tuition fee, or government? [2]

a bunch of opportunities

This is highly non-academic in reference. Avoid using too much everyday English words that are informal in presentation. Remember that you are still writing an academic paper, even if it is conversational in tone. Respect for the academician must be evident at all times.

pursue their careers

Do not confuse studies with a career. Studies refers to the learning of a student aligned with his interests. A career is an occupation or profession. You have been regularly mixing up these two references in your current presentation. The misuse of these words will definitely pull down your LR score.

Furthermore

This is a run on sentence representation. Your thoughts are tied together but not properly explained nor justified in a convincing manner. There are no proper and believable examples provided to support the claims made. Try to avoid compressed statements for clarity purposes.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne [2]

Two things are missing from your summary overview. The first is the number of charts. The second, is the type of charts. You also do not identify that the infomation presented is for both ways, using the same start and end points in reverse formation for each image. Identifying the image by destination would have helped with that clarification. You are also using a singular reference platform for what should be plural indicators since there are 2 images presented. Be consistent. These must be discussed in plural form due to the non-singular number of images.

Monday's

You do not need an apostrophe here because you are not indicating a possession of an item. The apostrophe version is used only when indicating ownership.

In terms of the ticket price in the flight trip in week 2,

This is confusing. You are not grouping the discussions properly. You should be compelting each comaprison discussion for the charts in single paragraphs. One paragraph for week 1 and 2, based on destination each. I find the information presentation confusing to follow and difficult to connect with either of the given images.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Children with mobile phone discussion [2]

As a basic rule, you must not begin the discussion of your opinion in the prompt restatement + opinion paragraph. This is only a 3 sentence paragraph comprised of:

- Discussion topic
- Reasoning basis
- Writer opinion + thesis statement

The first 2 sentences in your paragraph are personal opinion presentations that have altered the prompt discussion and its actual reasoning. So your essay will be deemed task inaccurate in terms of restatement, regardless of how proper your opinion statement is.

Your prompt restatement will be the main cause of the failure of your essay. It fails to properly restate 2 things before your personal opinion:
- Public opinion 1
- Public opinion 2

If you compare the original statement with your representation, you will see that you failed to recreate the statement based on the supplied reason. So the essay cannot move forward and be scored in a manner that will allow it to pass. If your restatement is not attuned with the original, then the essay has already failed a major part of the requirements for scoring.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - ESSAY ABOUT ECONOMICS [2]

The chart illustrates

Your summary is well developed. It properly enumerates the markets involved and the trends that the collective comparison shows. It is really a well analyzed summary. However, it falls short of a proper image identification. Yes, the presented image is a chart. However, you need to be specific about the type of chart because you could have been presented with a pie chart, a bar chart, or a columnar chart. The specific image identification helps should that you truly analyzed the image and that you are familiar with measurement images. Good job, but it could have been better.

in just a year

ear
You may as well mention the starting year since it was mentioned in the image. If you see an identifier for some information in the image, then use that specific reference in your statement because it will be the starting point for clarity in your cited presentation. Remember, you mentioned specific years later on in the paragraphs. Be consistent in your information citation to help with the C+C score of your essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / The tables give information about the temperatures and daylight hours in 4 cities during same week [2]

during the same week in the final month of the year

Make it clear that the measurement was done during the same year for the same last 3 days of the year. It is not the same week during the final month of that year. You need to clarify that statement because of the chart reference to specific dates. Name the dates in the summary. You can gloss over it in the body, but not in the summary.

temperatures of two urban areas

Please review the chart. There is no specification for 2 urban areas. Only country locations. Your information reference misleads the reader and will result in misinformation being delivered. Yes, it is tantamount to Fake News. Do not add references that will not be supported by a review of the image. Your information report has just become highly inaccurate in terms of meeting task requirements.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Undergraduate / Taking Initiative - UBC Personal Profile Admissions - What is important to you and why? [2]

There is a problem with your claim. While you did take the initiative to make your voice heard and I believe that you did meet with the board to make your thoughts heard, the changes that occurred did not happen just on your inititative alone. Rather, a team was created to make this project a reality. That is what you failed to clarify in this essay. A single person alone cannot make all of these changes happen. It requires a team effort. So, while taking the inititiative to start the project was present, the fact that it was a shared effort was misrepresented. Based on what you shared in the essay, the reflection of teamwork and shared initiative are important to you. These go hand in had when you review your statement. One could not have happened without the other. I would suggest that you revise the essay to reflect both teamwork and inititiative as important to you in a related manner. It would make more sense and strengthen your claims.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc Finance & Accounting in Westminster [2]

I apologize for having to say this but, this is a very weak, non qualifying personal statement. It lacks in specifics and notable accomplishments that would have indicated your strength as a student. It lacks specific qualifiers that would make you a notable candidate. You have presented a glossed over summary of your qualifications and experiences rather than specific mentions that would prove your claims. Not a single part of this personal statement proves your ability as a student in relation to the masters course you have chosen. Neither have you provided information to show that you have done proper research into the qualifications that the university is looking for in its applicants. This is only a draft, it cannot be used as the application essay. You have to build on this presentation using my previous observations and suggestions.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Writing Feedback / Large public places and parks are significant for cities' residents [2]

Do not begin the discussion of your opinion in relation to the topic in the prompt restatement + opinion presentation. This paragraph should only contain your version of the original prompt (1 sentence), your opinion (1 sentence), and your thesis statement (1 sentence) for a total of 3 sentences in the prompt introduction paragraph. The minute you present your opinion in this paragraph, the examiner will score this section based on prompt restatement inaccuracies as you are already altering the original presentation. It no longer contains the original elements of the discussion in the section that requires it. If you must present your opinion, do so in the last part, in the form of the thesis statement. Not a full discussion, just a topic reference.

I like to think lots of think

Word usage error. You think of a lot of THINGS, not think. Perhaps this was a case of mistyping on your part since think and things are similarly spelled. Be careful when typing and always review your work for proper word referencing to avoid word usage deductions.

places, consequently, the

Punctuation error. There should be a full stop, a period between the words since Consequently indicates a different topic from the first one. One sentence, one topic is the rule. Seperate different topics per sentence.

Aside from these errors, you did an acceptable job of presenting your reasoning discussion paragraphs. Just remember to be more careful with your grammar and word usage. These are the sections where your errors were spotted in this essay. Make sure to avoid the same mistakes going forward.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
1 day ago
Scholarship / Tell us about your expectations for the SECCLO programme, career aspirations, relevant experience [3]

What is missing from your statement is evidence of in-depth research into the applicant skills requirements of the program. While you do display great talent, training, and educational foundations in relation to your masters course of interest, you do not explain how these make you the ideal candidate for the program. You speak of the belief that SECCLO is the program that will serve your needs as a learner. However, you do not really back these up with a balanced discussion of expectations versus program offerings. These have to balance out in the sense that they support your learning needs in a manner that highlights the best of the program, along with the best of your abilities. I will grant that you provided a perfect run-down of the prompt requirements, but that was all you did. The essay is weak because it does not create a convincing foundation of your list in relation to the program. Revise the essay after you have better familiarized yourself with the program requirements. When you know what the candidate qualities are, you will be able to serve up a perfectly balanced response essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Undergraduate / UBC application essay question - "tell us about who you are", confident, curious, goal-driven [2]

you only read the first sentence of the full prompt. The full prompt asks you to "Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why." As you can see, based from the full prompt requirement, you talked about who you are from your perspective, not the perspectives of the people you interact with daily. You responded to only 2 aspects of the full prompt. You talked about yourself and the things you are most proud of. Both are incorrect approaches to this essay.

Within the word requirement, you need to provide:
- your image as described by your parents
- how your friends see you as a person, friend, and confidante
- your civic mindedness as observed by members of any community organization you are a member of.
- Just one notable achievement that you feel best describes who you are as a person and how you deal with adversities in life leading up to your success.

3 of these descriptions need to be written from the third person point of view. Only the achievement can refer to yourself in first person. I am afraid you will need to write a totally new essay that properly addresses the points of view as required. If possible interview these people based on the prompt before writing your new essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 24, 2021
Writing Feedback / GENERATION GAP IN LIFESTYLES, VIEWPOINTS AND BEHAVIOURS [2]

Personally, I am in favor of the above statement

The question was , "To what extent?" The extent is missing in this response. You should have stated the "firm belief" in the opinion sentence first, prior to restating it in the conclusion. It is important that you refer to the correct response format in the first paragraph because you are being scored in the accuracy of your response. Keeping it till the very end means that you will not receive full scoring considerations for your response in the first half of the essay, and will only receive a partial credit for referring to it in the concusion.

for the aforementioned reasons

There is a reason the last paragraph is called the reverse paraphrase. You cannot just mention "the aforementioned reasons", these need to be repeated in short form within the concluding summary. That is because this paragraph is meant to summarize the body of reasons that you provided, in relation to the topic. I wish you had done that properly in this section so you could have recieved a full score credit for the section.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 24, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Adults and students are working and studying from home [2]

since technology are becoming more and more easy to access with cheaper price,

Wrong reasoning. This question tests your knowledge of current events. How you relate the pandemic, Covid - 19, and its aftermath in the workplace and school system would have been the more appropriate reasoning for this discussion. However, since this is just the opening paraphrase, you need not present your reasons in the restatement. You only need to restate the original topic, without your thesis reasons yet. The reason should have been a part of your opinion presentation. By presenting your opinion this early, you accidentally altered the topic presentation and discussion basis.

On the other hand,

Incorrect transition phrase. You cannot say this because you have not changed your point of view. You are still prsenting supporting information in relation to your opinion. The correct transition word would have been "Additionally" to indicate supplementary information.

Please note that you indicated a cheaper price in your prompt restatement, yet you did not mention this again in the reasoning paragraph. This creates a disconnection between the opening statement and the rest of the discussion. These 3 sections must always relate and create cohesive discussion paragraphs. The reasons must always help build up the correctness of your opinion.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 24, 2021
Writing Feedback / Should we encourage the youth to engage in unpaid community work? [2]

should be encouraged to engage more in community work

There is a difference between ordinary community work and free community service. The difference is basesd on remuneration. Ordinary community work allows the youth to receive some sort of honorarium for their participation. Free community work does not. Your reference did not differentiate between the two. The original prompt was clear about this. It is free community work. Additionally, you did not rephrase the term community work in your presentation. You should have used synonyms in its place to show how well you understood the term and your ability to restate the same in your own words.

Take me as an obvious example,

You did a good job of connecting yourself to your social media reason. However, there should have also been a reference as to how you became a better member of the community because you mentioned that as a reason in the first part. An example that shows how you contributed positively and learned something from it would have been a perfect example.

Save for these 2 observations, I would have to say that you understood and discussed the topic very well with several relevant examples. This will be a passing essay in an actual test format.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 23, 2021
Writing Feedback / Essay about should the goverment funding for school fees [2]

has become higher and higher than before

This is a very elementary form of word usage and referencing. This is not the way a college graduate would write an academic paper. it is imperative that you learn to use more academic and western ways of delivering your ideas. That means, avoiding such elementary words. It would have been more academic to have referred to "has increased" or "continues to increase over time."

I disagree with this notion for some reasons behind.

This is an empty thesis statement. It is empty because it fails to establish the discussion platforms for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. An effective thesis statement will state the topics that will be discussed in support of your opinion. The sentence should be phrased as "I disagree with this opinion because (reason 1) and (reason 2)." The task requirements will be more than met with such a statement presentation.

the government is the sponsor, not the payer.

Incorrect. The government is the sponsor, hence, the payer. The payments are taken from the collected taxes from the people. These taxes are allocated to government sponsored universities and colleges. The government represents the people, whose taxes go to supporting the studies of their children for free. Therefore, it may be correct that the students payback the tuition fees when they graduate to help those who will also benefit from the subsidized education program. Do you see the error of your argument?
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 23, 2021
Writing Feedback / GENDER - Writing Task 2 - Several renowned organizations are headed by men [3]

Women usually face trouble with promotion in companies,

Do not present your personal opinion in such a direct manner yet. It should be the last sentence in the statement. Fill the second sentence with your question response first, followed by your reasoning / thesis presentation. Then the task would have been appropriately formatted. The opinion topic reasons are always presented last.

etc

Non-academic word usage. This reference was not really needed in this presentation. In fact, it is never used in any academic writing paper. Avoid such empty references as these do not add to the relevance and content of the statement.

To begin with, almost all women are more loyal, honest, dedicated to what they are responsible for than men.

The discussion in this paragraph does not circle back to the basis of your reason. That of women losing out on promotions even though they work harder and better than men. Compare the work ethic of both genders in this paragraph to prove that women should represent half of the powerful offices in a workplace.

Women also play an important role in the family's finances.

How is this relevant to their promotion trouble in companies? Both your reasons are not cohesive in the sense that niether represent a defense of your thesis statement. There is no connection between the writer's reason and his defense explanation. These need to relate to promotions, which was the center of the writer's thesis statement.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 23, 2021
Writing Feedback / Nowadays people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games [2]

The positive alteration

The techonology is not changing, which is the meaning of "alteration". Rather, the techonology is "developing" from the original state. Improvements are being made rather than changes (alterations). Word choice error. The sentences in this presentation are also a bit problematic in terms of time references. +S at the end of "lead" would have made the word usage more proper as it would inficate present tense or current time references.

Take a case as an example,

What case? If this is in reference to your family, then say "Take the case of my family for instance." The missing subject made the verb confusing to understand. The example does not relate to the way people access computers and video games. It is not convincing because it has not connected itself with the discussion basis. Insert the technological reference in the example as best as you can.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 23, 2021
Writing Feedback / Children's success depends on their parents [2]

for the following reasons.

To provide a stronger thesis statement. Indicate your agreement with a sense of reasoning. Rather than saying "for the following reasons", it is better to say "based on my beliefs that (reason 1) and (reason 2). These will be further explained below. " Such a representation accomplishes 2 things.

- It outlines the discussion topics for the 2 reasoning paragraphs
- It clearly accomplishes the task requirement through a thorough presentation of your opinion and opinion basis. The latter being an extra scoring cosnideration for the TA score whenever indicated by the writer in his opinion statement.

Researched by the Ministry of Public Security

Since the instruction is for the writer to use personal knowledge or publicly known opinion, it is best not to indicated "reasearch by" as this means you are not sharing public information. Simply stating that, "the Ministy of Public Security has said" informs the examiner that this is publicly known opinion, even it is actually otherwise. The framing of a sentence also helps to add or lessen the score, based on the discussion evidence requirements. It is all a matter of sentence structuring, when wanting to indicate a piee of public information.

Personal will and the learning environment, on the other hand, partly influence a child's growth.

This opinion will not receive a score and the word count will be deducted from the overall number as this part contradicts your personal opinion as indicated in the thesis statement. Being a single opinion essay, your ability to defend your opinion based on 2 valid opinions will be the basis for your C+C score. Suddenly changing your opinion will result in score deductions instead.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Undergraduate / The unlimited possibilities of engineering. Accomplishment that sparked a period of personal growth. [3]

The prompt you have chosen is not properly.related to the writing you have completed. This essay represents your innermost thoughts regarding the method by which you chose your major. It is not really related to a period of growth but, it is related to the development of your personal insight. If I were your formal educational consultant, I would encourage you to consider changing your prompt to any of the following:

- Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it.
- Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time.
- Share an essay on any topic of your choice.

Personally, I would ask you the use the topic or idea prompt. It just fits as far as I am concerned. It would work very well for your purpose. It would require a few content adjustments though, but the essay will be better for it.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Scholarship / Hungaricum Stipendium Master Scholarships; this writing as a proof of my interest and motivation [3]

The weakest presentation here relates to the paragraph about why you chose to study in Hungary, Budapest, and the university you have chosen. These must be individually developed in relation to Psychology and your academic interests. A reference to Hungary being a vital historical center for Psychology would help. Refer to notable professionals from the past and present as inspirations for your decision and explain why. How does Budapest excite your need for learning? How? Why would studying in Hungary make you a unique interdisciplinary scientist? Do not skim over there sections. There need to be threshed out as a focal presentation point. Your background does not standout. It is ordinary to a fault. What other accomplishments can you refer to that would make you a competitive candidate? Base these on recent accomplishments of note.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / The activity of cycling is admittedly no longer popular. How to change this trend? [2]

Good discussion with a few grammar and cohesive discussion problems for you to take note of. The errors stem mostly from your being an ESL writer. Better familiarity with the basic rules surrounding English written grammar rules should fix those problems.

It will do you well to learn about what words are non- academic. That way, you will not mistakenly use therein your presentation. Words like etc. should be avoided, specially at the end of a sentence since it cuts the understandability and discussion flow of the sentence. Always have a solid sentence close.

cycling is getting fader in users' minds

This more of a sentence structure error due to incorrect word usage. I understand what you want to say but have to score you down because of GRA requirements. A more appropriate wording would be:

... is slowly fading from commuters minds.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Essays about Causes of stress in modern society and ways to reduce this problem [2]

The essay presentation is actually good, if I were not to consider the scoring requirements of the task 2 essay. I will not discount the fact that the writer truly understood the writing requirements and provided acceptable discussion topics in support of it. That, is where the problem lies. Beyond the enumerated topic list, the writer did not properly develop and support the topics. These were only presented as reasons, without proper in-paragraph transitions, cohesive explanations and supporting reasons, all of which should have resulted in a coherent paragraph.These are the reasons the presentation does not work despite the good reasoning topics. next time, the writer should ensure the logic and connectivity of his discussion points.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / NOWADAYS, SOME PARENTS PUT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THEIR CHILDREN. [2]

It is true that in recent years

This is not a part of the orginal topic presentation. The writer must keep his opinion to himself because there is no reason for a personal opinion to be presented. The truth or falsity of the statement is not in question. Avoid topic alterations as these are score deductions.

desire to see their children succeed and I believe

One idea per sentence. Only related topics or ideas should be in one sentence. Obviously, your direct question response should be found in a seperate sentence.

On the other hand, I do think that parents should not put too much pressure

This is a topic question response deviation. The first half of the paragraph supports the write' rs opinion. This portion does not. This discussion will not be scored as it does not properly support the earlier thesis statement.All discussions must support and focus on the question being asked.

I believe that the writer just got confused with regards to better connecting his explanation opinions. The error was caused by a faulty cohesive presentation within the paragraph.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / A prediction that drivers would be unnecessary in the future due to the development of technology [2]

this trend's merits will outperform the contrasting features.

Wrong word usage. The negative representation of merit is demerit. Contrasting features is not a normal representation for this essay as the phrase relates mostly tophysical features that can be compared or contrasted based on look or feel.

This is a 4 paragraph essay that debates the advantage and disadvantage within the same paragraph. A seperate disadvantage topic is not necessary. The job of the writer is to prove that the opposite is true for each discussion reason in cohesive paragraphs. This essay fails to prove that ability because of the improper writing format. The disadvantage paragraph breaks the paragraph connections and is a barely developed explanation.

The writer should not write more than 4 paragraphs because the writing instruction does not call for a 3 reasoning paragraph response.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / Allowing to visibly carry a gun in public places [2]

I do not agree with this idea

Why? The discussion response is complete, but the thesis outline is messing. Clue in the reader as to your reasons, which will be expanded over 2 paragraphs. The outlined response will add to the task accuracy considerations.

Use connecting words to create sentence clarity. Several sentence miss-out on the use of "is " and "a", which affect the idea presentation in the sentence. This led to confusing statements being made in the paragraphs. connecting word usage is of the utmost importance in essay writing. Always use these reference work or risk sizeable GRA score reductions.

The writer presents a series of valid discussion points that are easy to understand. However, sentence structure and spelling errors will negatively affect the final score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Writing Feedback / All youngsters should do volunteer work in their leisure time to support the community? [2]

it certainly makes sense for youngster's engagement in some volunteering tasks

This is an incorrect response. The provided discussion instruction pertains to the extent of your (dis) agreement with the given topic. It is obvious that you are in agreement with the discussion points, but how strongly you support the stand is not represented.

I strongly cling to my opinion that

This should have been stated twice. Once in the restatement + opinion, then again, in a different phrasing in the concluding paraphrase. That is how this essay is formatted.

Good job staying on track in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You were properly focused on defending your opinion. something that will boost your score. The paragraph sentences are well connected with cohesive thoughts and coherent discussions. The transitions are unique and not reliant on textbook liamsition words. Another plus for this essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Letters / Write a letter of complaint to a store where you purchased a faulty new phone [3]

This letter would be totally ignored and trashed by any consumer help department that recieves it. It does not contain any helpful information that can assist the client assistant with developing a resolution to the problem.several key elements for consideration are missing.

When requesting for a replacement, the purchase date an OR reference number must be indicated along with the store branch.Then the item deception composed of the gadget type, manufacturer, model, and serial number should be included. Then, a description of the usage circumstances will complete the required information. An explanation of actions previously taken that resulted in the written replacement request will allow for the consideration of your request.

The most essential requirements are missing from this letter. It is not a properly formatted and informative email. It might not recieve a passing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 22, 2021
Scholarship / Statement of Purpose of Masters in Miage By Course IKSEM Information Knowledge Systems Engineering [2]

In all honesty, I do not believe that the purpose for studies would be valid in the eyes of a reviewer. The goals you have presented at the end sound very flimsy and unconvincing. You have to consider that a masters course relates to a better future for the student with regards to your current profession and future advancement in the field. Your purpose soundo more like you are throwing ideas out there, not knowing which might stick. What you need is a solid career plan discussion in relation to valid work training , caren experiences, and undergraduate foundation.

The purpose should come piust. The justifications regarding undergraduate and other learning backgrounds that relate to the masters comes second. The third consideration will be your other skills that will enhance everyone's learning experience . The fourth and final purpose should explain why you believe the program is unique enough to assist with your plans. There needs to be an explanation of how the masters course syllabus and university choice merge with your learning needs.

The current essay is very weak in these aspects. These are the reasons why I believe the paper cannot be a helpful statement of purpose.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 21, 2021
Letters / MOTIVATION LETTER (LOM) - REVIEW - M. Engg. in TECHNOLOGY & INNOVATION MANAGEMENT [3]

The discussion about India's ranking was a good start, but it failed to connect to a career motivation. Speaking of how you see yourself as a leader in the field, but without a specific path towards leadership and motivation killed this motivation letter. The background discussion is indepth but without a relevant justification for its relevance to your masters course specifics.

The last paragraph better accomplishes the motivational discussion. Why not try revising the essay by expanding on the last paragraph instead? You can take specific topic sentences from there and actually expand those to become more reflective of your motivations. Right now, it just sounds like a litany of the masters course curriculum. It must be better developed than that.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / Should the government put a tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to eat more healthily? [3]

The prompt restatement is nowhere near the actual topic of the original prompt. I understand that the author was trying to be creative in his rephrasing but, he failed to do so. Rather than delivering a prompt topic accurate restatement, the thoughts presented highlight the writers reasoning opinion instead. Something that would have added to the score if it had been presented in the 2nd or 3rd paragraph instead. Kudos on your creative way of agreeing with the increased tax stance though. It was a unique and will receive a positive scoring consideration.

The health issue concern in the first reasoning paragraph is only considering the medical consideration. There needs to be a connecting mention of tares and its relevance to the health discussion. Afterall, tax is the foundation of the discussion. All reasons need to circle back to taxes.

I was reviewing the prompt and there was no inference as to how the tax was to be spent upon collection. That is a severe prompt misdirection that will carry a heavy score deduction. Avoid such errors by reviewing the original discussion instruction, and make sure you stick to it.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / The average amount of carbon dioxide emitted per each individual person in four European countries [2]

Be mindful of the writing time deadline. Practice writing with a timer in an actual exam set-up. By doing so, you will begin to understand why the 20 minute time allowance will never result in 248 words written. The idea is to write a simple analytical report. A summary of the image information. It need not be over analyzed or presented. 150-200 words will be more than sufficient for this task.

Do not mistake more written words for a higher score. This is a misconception presented by some who believe that meeting the word count or more will result in a passing score. Wordcount is only a fraction of the scoring element. It is not the only scoring basis.On the contrary, it lowers the score because of avoidable errors that were not corrected because editing time gave way to writing time. This happened several times in this essay.

Quite frankly, the way this essay is presented, it is not possible to accomplish in an actual scenario. You have to learn to write in short but understandable sentences, resulting in coherent and cohesive paragraphs.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / The bar chart compares the number of 15-year old students chose to study French and Japanese [2]

the number of 15-year-old students selecting to study

Selecting to study what? The summary must be clear about its reference to the age group in relation to their interest in studying languages. The current presentation does not make that clear.

Good work on the trending paragraph.That overview was well developed and presented. It clearly showed what the discussion flow will be about.

One thing I noticed is that you tend to use value equivalents throughout the analysis paragraph. That proves to be a problem for the reader who does not have access to the image. A situation that occurred here. Without the image to refer to, I was lost while reading your presentation. Avoid using equivalents and refer directly to the numerical values instead That delivers a clearer analysis to the reader regardless of the image presence in the report.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 21, 2021
Scholarship / NTU SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY - "Accept it and move on!" [3]

The discussion about your belief in the value of acceptance is a good one. The problem.is that it requires a more appropriate progression or development of this belief in your development as a person. The whys and hows of your embodiment of the J.K. Rowling quote needs to be better addressed. Right now, the presentation is jumping around without a cohesive line of thinking.

Opportunity is definitely not a core value so you need to delete that reference and use an actual core value. A quick search will deliver a list with explanations and examples that can help you choose the core value that best suits your personality and /or upbunging. You will need to rebalance your word count when you write the new paragraph.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - A look into students poor behavior; parents support importance [2]

The prompt restatement is over presented to the point where the author already shares personal insights on the topic. That is a no-no. A definite score deduction. Directly restate the prompt and outline the discussion in response to the question. That will only take 3 brief sentence representations. Save the insight for the body of discussion paragraphs. What you did was bigin a discussion (deduction) and fail to respond directly to the question by just restating the discussion guide (deduction). The task requirement was not addressed properly.

Many people hold a belief that schools are responsible for their students poor behaviors, but in my opinion, the problem lies in their family

The question was not addressed by the topic response. The question was:

What do you think are the causes of this?

, in relation to the students attitude at school. Focus on the responsibility of the school.This is a score down prompt alteration. While the parents may spoil the child, the school has disciplinary offices, guidance counselors, and a code of conduct that students are expected to follow on-site, regardless of how they are at home and how spoiled they are. The prior school related refences are whatusually fail. Those are the topics for cause and solutions.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 20, 2021
Writing Feedback / The developments along Olive Drive before and after the construction of new facilities 1980-2010 [2]

The writer opted to identify the changes based on the year representations of the urban plan and design presentations. Yet, he does not use any differentiation tools when discussing the image content per paragraph.This is the greatest inaccuracy in this report presentation. As there are 2 images, the first image must identify itself as being from 1980. The second paragraph image should hold a 2010 topic sentence as well.

The second paragraph should enumerate or describe the ouginal set-up, with particular attention paid to the areas that will have upcoming changes. That way, a comparative second paragraph basedon notable changes can be undertaken.

The current presentation offers a correct comparison but, is rendered useless by the lack of proper identifying markers.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Nov 20, 2021
Writing Feedback / The number of women aged 16-25 in particular country playing sport or watching sport [4]

females

playing sport or watching sport

The subject is presented in plural form ( + S ). Therefore, the activities represented need to be in plural form as well ( + S ). Do not mix singular and plural forums to avoid grammar usage errors and deductions.

The table describes the proportions of females whose age were from 16 to 25 in a particular country playing sport or watching sport.

This is literally a cut and paste of the original image description. It was not restated or paraphrased in a correct way. The writer will automatically recieve a failing task accuracy score. Try to put more effort into using synonyms or trust in using your own words to explain what the image is all about.

The last paragraph does not offer a balanced analysis of the image. An academic paragraph, specially an analysis based one, should be comprised of at least 3, no more than 5 analytical sentences.