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Posts by Holt [Educational Consultant]
Name: Mary Rose
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Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: What can be done to encourage exercising in the elderly? [3]

A properly written 40 minute essay should contain no more than 300 words. By writing almost 400 words, you are actually risking not being able to complete such a discussion during the actual test. You do not have to go into an extended discussion of the given topic. The examiner wishes to read only a simple response that shows your ability to write in academic English and, most importantly, that you can understand English discussion instructions.

In the first paragraph, you will be seen as having established a good restatement. Your response to the first question was uniquely posed, but you failed to properly respond to the second question. Therefore, the thesis statement is incomplete and will be facing deductions because you neglected to answer the second question, thus leaving only a partially relevant writer's opinion for the examiner to read. However, the succeeding discussion paragraphs are well developed and should help you overcome any other deductions your essay may face.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: What is better for children - life in one place or changing home frequently? [2]

The prompt restatement is quick and to the point. However, the establishing discussion facts, based on the advantage and disadvantage query in the original prompt is missing. As such, the paragraph does not meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement and, the quick version of the advantage and disadvantage topics for discussion, used to establish the writer's opinion, is missing. The examiner will not be able to award full scoring considerations for this paragraph.

The paragraph in relation to the advantages of moving around is not well developed. That is what happens when you present a secondary reason, but then lack the time or knowledge to actually convince the reader that the second topic is connected in some way to the previous discussion in the same paragraph. That paragraph will not get a full score credit either.

Other aspects of the essay are acceptable and shows how well you understand the given discussion subject. Those will receive decent marks but may not be able to boost your score considering the previous problems.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 essay-Advantages and disadvantages of global communication [2]

The essay is over written, not necessarily over-discussed. The length of the essay will not assure it of a passing score. It will however, ensure that you may not be able to complete the paper within the 40 minute writing allowance. You are risking leaving the paper unedited at this point. Creating an opening for mistakes that you could have easily corrected to remain in the essay, accidentally lowering your score across the rubic in the process.

In terms of establishing the discussion factors through responses to the guide questions, the essay fails to clearly establish the writer's opinion. One fo the scoring considerations that establishes the high passing or low passing score of the essay is the proper representation of the discussion topic and quick response to the guide questions, something the current presentation fell short of.

The over discussion resulted in some GRA issues that were left uncorrected, like I said before, because you focused on writing an extremely long paragraph when in reality, you only need 5 sentences to establish simple and convincing explanations for the given topic.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - University education and attendance to the classes question - optional or mandatory? [3]

Since this is a task 2 essay, it should have at least 250 words written into it. You only wrote 192 words, The result of the non compliant word count is an immediate failing score. The reason for that is 2 fold:

1. Perdentage point deductions will be applied based upon the lacking word count leading up to 250 words. Based on the heavy lack of word count, the starting score for this essay will already be in the failed category.

2. The overall essay will be scored based upon the premise that the overall discussion is not fully developed. This is a reason that leads back to the shortness of the essay in terms of word count.

These 2 reasons alone will be more than enough for you to fail the test. It is improtant that you write at least 250 words for the task 2 essay going forward to avoid the auto failing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: the proportion of revanue made from seven most popular kind of movies in US cinema [3]

The summary statement is almost a full cut and paste of the original presentation, the paragraph will receive an automatic failing score due to a lack of proper restatement based on personal understanding. You did not do enough work to change the original presentation words and sentence positioning. These show that you are incapable of writing an original summary, it proves you do not really understand what the image is about. You even misidentified the single image as images, the plural form, showing further English word usage problems and a lack of grammar rules knowledge. Incorrect word usage is actually a major problem in the overall presentation. You have already failed the test at this point. There is no sense in reviewing it further.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / Sports sponsorship has become a popular marketing tool used by several corporations [3]

This essay will examine both standpoints before concluding that I side with the former.

You are not going to receive a score for merely restating the discussion instructions and then giving an irrelevant opinion. You need to provide a relevant opinion that is based on a shortened thesis statement form. What are the reasons you will be discussing the support your opinion? Or, you may say that you side with a certain public opinion and then state the reason. That way you will achieve a proper score based on a completely developed restatement + writer's opinion + thesis statement. Always give the basis of the discussion before going into the discussion paragraphs.

The discussion format will cause a failing score for this essay. There are several things the writer fails to do in this essay:

1. The writer is not explaining the basis of the public opinion using the correct third person pronouns, showing a weakness in the GRA section.
2. The writer does not fully develop his personal opinion based on each public opinion. He must discuss his opinion of each public opinion to show that he understands the basis of each reason, but that he disagrees or that he agrees with it based on related reasons.

3. The writer's opinion is not properly presented in this essay given that it was presented as a part of the concluding paragraph. This will lead to an open ended essay, which always results in an automatic failing score since there is no proper summary conclusion presented.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / People should adhere the conventional standards when beginning to live in a new country [2]

The topic restatement will receive a failing score. It has misrepresented the original discussion by creating a controversy where there is none, and also, there was a topic change in the rewording that totally changed the focus and purpose of the original discussion. The restatement cannot get a passing score becuase it is not related to the original prompt anymore. Based on this error, although the writer's opinion is formatted in the correct manner, the topic it is responding to is not the correct one anymore. Therefore, the preliminary score for this essay will be a failing one. The restatement and response opinion are not related to the original discussion. The discussion is also comparative where it should be a single opinion justification. Therefore, the essay will receive a final failing score after all other considerations are given scoring equivalents.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 7, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ON OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE AND ROLE OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION TO TACKLE THE OBESITY PROBLEM [2]

Since you are not being asked to verify the validity of the presented opinion, you should avoid saying things like "It is undeniable". That is a personal opinion so it shoujld be placed in the correct section of the paragraph, which is the writer's opinion. Do not place such statements in the restatement since that part needs to reflect only the provided information, based on your understanding, to the reader.

While this might be helpful to some extent, I do not think this is an efficient solution.

You are not being asked to measure the extent of the public opinion, you are to quantify your personal opinion in this case.

These are 2 serious errors that will negatively affect your preliminary task accuracy score. The mistakes in presentation and response will pose major point deductions that may lead to the failure of the essay score in the end. You have not provided the correct response format throughout the essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 6, 2023
Writing Feedback / Be friends with ex, agree or disagree [3]

Work on learning how to properly use English punctuation marks. You are not using these properly in the statement. You have hanging sentences, misplaced punctuation, and misused punctuation marks. You will be scored on punctuation mark usage regardless of which English test you are planning to take. Therefore, make sure yo pay extra attention to your usage accuracy. For example, you cannot use the connecting word "Because" to start a sentence since there are no 2 connected ideas to link at that point in the presentation. Score downs will happen because of the lack of quality writing, not because you did not write enough words or explain yourself thoroughly. Some basic punctuation errors can lead to a failing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 6, 2023
Writing Feedback / Language translation platforms popularity - is learning foreign language still necessary? [2]

which will be explained as below.

Do not explain things below. Your writer's opinion is incomplete as it does not provide the simple reason for your support of the previosly mentioned public opinion. While the restatement is acceptable, the lack of a full thesis statement creates a lower opinion score.

This is a compare and contrast essay with a personal opinion presentation. This should be a 4 paragraph essay at a minimum. Every task 2 essay has at least 2 paragraphs in the body, you only have 1. Therefore, the essay will receive a failing score based on 2 reasons:

1. Lack of proper thesis statement
2. Under developed explanation based on the writing format requirement.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 5, 2023
Writing Feedback / The proportion of unemployed persons in England from 1993 to 2012 [2]

The trending statement has 2 problems:
1. The writer used actual data for the presentation rather than an estimated report format
2. Only the last sentence should have been used for this particular writing section.

The last sentence of the trending statement does not indicate what the labor force is in charge of? Why? You need to provide a better insight using the available information. The last paragraph sentence can use better analysis and reporting skills. Something this essay is not capable of since you have shown several problems in several scoring sections for this particular task. You need to focus on reporting clarity if you want to pass this test. Make sure to work on your sentence development via reasoning and logic improvements.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 5, 2023
Writing Feedback / If old people are no longer physically, mentally, or financially able to see themselves.. [2]

a large amount of individual

Is your personal opinion a part of this statement? There is no personal opinion and solution summary presented. You may want to reconsider the writing task requirements. Your opinion represents one aspect of the discussion consideration and preliminary scoring requirements. That went missing and will adversely affect your preliminary score.

The point of the essay is difficult to find. The discussion seems to be long, but pointless. It is pointless because the summary is not clear about the purpose of the essay, what your task for the writing is, and how it will be presented. As such, the essay is more confusing rather than informative. The paragraphs tend to wander from its actual discussion purpose, making the discussion even more vague than ever in regards to the actual or central point of the discussion. It is not a passing score essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 5, 2023
Writing Feedback / Essay about bar chart distances traveled per person per week in terms of 5 types of transport [2]

There is no way that this essay will get a passing score in the actual test. The most problematic areas of the presentation are in the cohesiveness and coherence section. You are not dividing the sentences into proper individual idea presentations. That causes a lack of logic in your discussion presentation, which affects the coherence and cohesiveness of the paragraph. While I commend your effort to create an analytical paragraph, you are just rushing through it. You need to slow down and write in a manner that can easily be understood by both native and second language English speakers. Learn to use individual sentence ideas to your benefit. The task 1 essay cannot be rushed in presentation, which is what you did here. You must ensure that the analysis of the presentation is clear enough to warrant a higher than average passing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 5, 2023
Writing Feedback / Essay about contacting with intelligent life forms on the other planets [3]

The writer's opinion is missing from the prompt restatement +writer's opinion paragraph. The introduction is incomplete because you did not provide the complete paragraph information as suggested by the writing task. As such you cannot receive complete points for that paragraph. There is no thesis statement present in the form of your personal opinion. That is a requirement for the scoring to be provided for that paragraph.

The essay will actually get an automatic failing score due to the lack of a proper conclusion. Your personal opinion cannot be discussed in the form of the closing summary. There are only 2 places where that opinion could have been discussed in this essay:

1. As a part of the opinion analysis per public point of view
2. As a standalone paragraph that explains an independent point of view.

Since neither of this criteria were met, and there is no proper summary conclusion for the presentation, the essay will get an automatic failing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 5, 2023
Writing Feedback / Should rich countries lend a helping hand to poorer nations when some catastrophic events occurr? [2]

You must use first person pronoun references in these types of opinion essays. The essay is not writing itself. You are the writer and it is your opinion that is being discussed. Remember that the writing guide question asks "Do you agree or disagree?" The keyword being YOU. The task accuracy preliminary score is also partly based on the clarity of the writer's opinion presented in the thesis statement. Format the paragraph properly and ensure that you use personal pronouns throughout to keep the reader reminded that you are the person airing an opinion in this paper. While the reasons that you wrote are of value, the fact that you used a general, rather than a personal discussion format will lower the score for this paper.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 3, 2023
Writing Feedback / The propotions of the data of automoblie possession in Britain over a period of 36 years [2]

The summary overview should not only indicate the number of years but also the period of time from the starting to ending year of the measurements. An indicator of the measurement used would have also helped add to the short form information presentation. The trending statement is no longer valid as a trend as it does not only report the highs and lows, but uses a thorough analysis of the overall information already. That is already a reporting paragraph rather than a trending statement.

Where the summary and trending statement is over analyzed, the actual reporting paragraphs lack in analysis. These are just reporting paragraphs, meaning the analysis requirement was not met. These cannot be considered paragraphs either since these contain only 2 sentences, when the academic requirement is 3-5 sentences per paragraph. The sentence number is what highlighted the lack of reporting analysis in the paragraphs.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 2, 2023
Writing Feedback / The chart illustrates distances traveled per person per week (in kilometers) in terms of 5 types of [2]

As there are several types of bar graphs in use during this test, you need to be highly specific about the image identifier if you want to gain a higher score. This is not just a graph, it is one of 3 types of graphs in use in a task 1 essay. You should indicate that the image is a columnar bar graph. What does that do? It shows a coherent explanation of the image and also, increases your LR score since you are using a very specific identifier for the reference.

The analysis paragraphs need more work to show a better coherence or understanding of the images on your part. You limited yourself to 2 reporting sentences in this presentation. There should be at least 4, no more than 5 sentences here since the first half of the paragraph should report the information, while the last part should analyze the information. You did not do a very good job of representing the latter.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 2, 2023
Writing Feedback / The diagram belows show the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on [2]

You have to familiarize yourself with the various images provided for the task 1 essay. An ordinary picture will never be given for analysis. In this cas,e you were provided with a procedural diagram or procedural illustration. Either reference would be correct as both refer to a cycle of development in relation to a process.

during the natural environment

A natural environment is not a time reference. A natural environment is a reference to the surroundings of a person or a place. This incorrect word usage will reduce your LR score since the reference used was inaccurate in terms of meaning and reference. Make sure you build your English vocabulary by understanding the meaning of a word before using it as a reference in a sentence of any sort.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 2, 2023
Writing Feedback / The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling e train between 1970 and 2030 [2]

The summary overview is not only lacking in information, it is also rude and shows a lack of proper academic writing knowledge that will lead to a failing score in the GRA section. Never, not for any reason, write any portion of a task 1 or task 2 essay in all caps and bold. That is considered shouting at the examiner and of course, is so rude that you will get a failing score in the relevant sections. Aside from these main violations, you also wrote a run-on sentence that neglected to mention the type of measurements used in the graph. I realize that you may have seen other students writing their summary overviews in the same way. I have cautioned those students against the same practice for the same reasons I provided to you here. Stay within the sentence requirements per paragraph. Never write less than 3 sentences to meet the scoring requirements.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 1, 2023
Research Papers / Research Paper for ENG Class on Photography, Social Issues, and Public Awareness [2]

The first paragraph was an empty introduction. It did not contain any information of value that would have hooked the reader into proceeding with reading the paper. Now, the second paragraph, that is where the nitty gritty importance of photography in relation to social issues and public awareness was found. My suggestion is to delete the current first paragraph, opening instead with the second paragraph. That is how you effectively hook the reader. That is how you provide a deeper insight into the topic, without muddling the presentation with information immediately.

I know that you want to say something of value in the 3rd paragraph. You started writing about it, then suddenly stopped. Why was that? You need to develop that paragraph further so that the next paragraph will have a better basis for the continuing discussion.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 1, 2023
Writing Feedback / Task 1: The table and chart below show the time spent at leisure and household activities on Britian [3]

The two charts

Incorrect image identification. These are not mere charts. The upper image is a table and the second image was a bar chart. There were differences in the identifiers that should have been used to help you accurately reference what images were provided for comparison and reporting. You also failed to differentiate between the information each image contains, leaving the reader confused by the image references you provided. These errors will affect your TA score negatively. You actually did a pretty good job of reporting the information provided and properly differentiated the images in the reporting paragraphs so perhaps the first error was just an oversight on your part.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 1, 2023
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career [2]

are wondering

There is no wonderment present in the original prompt. The original sources are the opinions of people. 2 different opinions. Nobody was wondering about anything. That is a prompt deviation that altered the original content. Your rephrasing will receive a failing score. Your prompt restatement is faulty and does not accurately represent the 2 public points. Your opinion basis is also incorrect since it does not consider the 2 public opinions provided. The preliminary score for this essay will be a failing one.

When it comes to the discussion paragraph, you also provide only your personal opinion of both topics. The expected response format requires you to present a personal opinion after you have explained the previous public perception. Otherwise, you will not have an opinion to oppose or support.

Sadly, the incorrect paraphrasing and improper response format are the reasons the essay will receive a failing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 31, 2023
Writing Feedback / Data on the use of rail transport in 2007 [3]

The essay is overwritten by 18 words. You are not supposed to write more than 200 words since this is a 20 minute writing task. Any time you take to write a longer essay means you will not have enough time to complete the task 2 essay as expected. You mahny want to use a timer next time you write a task 1 practice test.

Do not use all caps and bold letters when writing the summary overview. While some books and online sites use that format for emphasis while teaching the students, it is not a common practice in the actual test writing. You could lose points in the GRA section due to the obvious writing rules violation. Write the essay as you would a regular reporting paper. Without the caps lock and bold words.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 31, 2023
Writing Feedback / Essay about an industrial area in the town of Norbiton with maps [2]

The summary overview is a bit incomplete. You must identify the image as the present "layout" of the industrial area. That simple missing word actually created an incoherent sentence, which would have negatively affected your C+C score.

The description in the essay should have been representative of the current layout of the town and the future layout. One paragraph per map. That should have been done since you were being asked to compare the drawing. While you did a comparison in the trending statement, it should have been more comprehensive in the reporting paragraphs.

Due to the incomplete descriptions, the essay may find it difficult to get a passing score. The examiner expects to read a complete report, not an imbalanced descriptive essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 31, 2023
Writing Feedback / Urban areas contain a handful of noticeable problems whose main victims are juveniles [3]

It will be better if you do not reference any time frame in your prompt restatement since there was no time reference in the original prompt. All of these prompts are known to be happening in present time, unless otherwise specificed in the prompt. Since this is a first person opinion paper, avoid referencing yourself in third person. It is important that you take ownership of the provided opinion and continue to use first person references whenever possible throughout the essay. That way it is always clear tot he reader that youa re writing from personal experience and knowledge, which will earn you extra points from the examiner since those are expected to be the basis of your opinion anyway.

This is only a 4 paragraph essay. Your format should be:
Sentence 1 - Problem
Sentence 2 - Why is this a problem
Sentence 3 - Example of the problem
Sentence 4 - Solution suggestion
Sentence 5 - Solution explanation

While you will be given ample scores for this essay, it may still be seen as under developed in most instances since the solutions are not really well presented. You should fix that problem by simply using the format I am suggesting above.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 31, 2023
Writing Feedback / Some people think that when criminals are punished, they will not commit crimes [5]

You have written an impressive number of English words here. 283 words for a non-native English speaker is difficult to produce. Yet you managed to do that. So I have to commend you on your ability to find English words to fill the requirements of the task. However, the essay you have written is not going to pass the test. You have written an incomprehensible essay. That means, there is no way the coherence and cohesiveness score of this essay will be a passing one. That is the main reason why your essay is a failure. You are not yet capable of writing even the simplest of English sentences with some degree of clarity that can easily be understood by a native English speaker.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 30, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ON equality for women in work [3]

The essay is composed of only 202 words. It is non-word compliant as the expected minimum count is 250 words. Given the circumstances of the missing word count, the essay will start with a failing score overall. That is because of the word count percentage deduction that will be applied to the essay. It is almost impossible to recover from these type of scoring problems. You will definitely have a failing score at the end.

You need to also understand that you cannot simply mimic the original presentation. You have not presented the original idea in your own words, based on your own understanding. You are merely substituting words in the presentation rather than proving your English comprehension skills. These are the main observable weaknesses in your essay that you should address in your next writing. I will not go into further detail at this point since this is your first essay and you should fix these problems first so you can get a better score next time.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 30, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ON LOCAL LANGUAGE LEARNING VS ENGLISH [2]

There are 2 questions being asked in the original presentation. However, you only responded to one of the two. That means you will receive point deductions in terms of task accuracy. You need to present preliminary discussion points for both questions in this case so that you can receive fulling scoring considerations.

Your discussions are good but too long for this type of opinion essay. You do not need to use too many English words that result in redundancies throughout the paragraphs. Stating your idea once is more than enough to prove your point. The less you repeat yourself, the better your C+C score.

The weakest part of this essay is the concluding summary. It does not meet the 2 sentence requirement that would show a reverse paraphrase to the examiner. It will not receive a passing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 29, 2023
Writing Feedback / The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 [2]

Since this is a 2 image graph, you should have maximized your presentation to 200 words. That way you could have presented individual analysis paragraphs for each country before presenting the comparison between the two. Being a 2 image discussion, you could have used the 4 paragraph format more appropriately for this presentation. It would have been the better scoring option than just splitting up the summary and trending statements to achieve the look, but not the score of a 4 paragraph analytical essay. Maybe you can try using that format when you write your next essay? You will find that it will offer a better scoring consideration overall for your work. In fairness though, you did a pretty good job of presenting the information in this essay. All I am saying is, with a little more effort, you could have achieved an even better score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 29, 2023
Writing Feedback / Whether or not school children should be taught more about local or world history [3]

This is an essay that will not receive passing score because the response format was not met by the writer. The writing instruction was in the "extent" format but you did not provide that type of response. You used a comparison format instead. This shows that you either:

1. Did not understand the instruction;
2. Disregarded the instruction provided.

Regardless of the reason, you have not provided the examiner with a reason to pass you in this test. You have shown an inability to follow English instructions. Your comprehension abilities will be judged as non-existent and therefore, you cannot be allowed to pass the test. Regardless of the way you responded and the number of words you typed, you have not met the primary requirements for passing the test.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 29, 2023
Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of getting news from the Internet rather than read newspapers or watching TV. [3]

You have incorrectly restated the prompt. There was no debate indicated, only a factual statement. It should have been paraphrased as such. The writer's opinion was supposed to be a single opinion presentation, not a comparative discussion. Your task accuracy score will be a failed one seeing as you did not provide the expected response format in your first paragraph. As such, the rest of your scores cannot achieve a passing bracket because of the incorrect first paragraph. You have improperly discussed the essay throughout. Therefore, you cannot be given a passing consideration. You have just shown a lack of English comprehension skills at this point. You cannot pass the test when you did not follow the discussion instructions nor reword the prompt correctly.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 29, 2023
Writing Feedback / The impact of population growth on economic development [2]

This is a cause and solution essay. So you have indicated several causes of the problems related to the economic impact of population growth. You have properly indicated sources for your ifnormation and explained how these situations occur. What you did not provide were possible solutions to the problem. As such, overdiscussing the essay is not helpful in this instance since you will not get a passing score. It is difficult to achieve a passing score when you have not provided a resolution to the problem as the original prompt asked you to. The examiner will have no choice but to provide a score based on an under developed response presentation. Always remember to double check the prompts, make sure that you have completely responded to all the requirements before you submit the essay. You do not want to fail based on an avoidable error.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 29, 2023
Writing Feedback / In the graph figures for the consumption per capita of Beef, Pork, Broilers, and Turkey in the US [2]

One key element is missing from this presentation. These forecasts all end in December of 2012. These do not just cover a period until the year of 2012. There is a big difference in these references which also affect the accuracy of your report. Next time you have to make sure that you report all of the highlightable information in the summary overview. Additionally, make sure to use at least 3 sentences in the summary so that you avoid any GRA deductions in relation to long sentences.

Information for Turkey is also incomplete. What were the starting measurements? Additionally, pork and broilers have an overlap in measurements that you should be reporting in the comparison portion as well.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 29, 2023
Graduate / Personal Statement for Anesthesia Assistant Master's Program [2]

Thre is a key feature missing in the story of your sister. How did that operation lead to your interest in becoming an Anesthesia Assistant? What were the events that occurred during the operation that related to the amount of anesthesia she received? Was she overdosed by the anesthesiologist? Did she have an allergic reaction that led to her death? What were the relationships that directed to anesthesia as the culprit ? That is unclear in the statement you have developed. You need to show the progression from the event, to the relationship to anesthesia, to your eventual realization that you did not want the same thing to happen to anyone else. Make sure to clarify the events so that the reviewer will see that you were personally affected by everything that happened, leading to the career choice.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 28, 2023
Writing Feedback / Building specialised facilities to train top athletes or providing sports ones for everyone [2]

For the past decades...topic of great interest.

This is totally irrelevant to the discussion. There is no mention of this whatsoever in the original presentation. It is not a necessary mention in this essay since it is not supported in any way by the given prompt. This sentence has caused a prompt deviation in your presentation and will cause point deductions in terms of Task Accuracy.

The actual essay does not meet the comparision of opinions against the personal opinion of the writer. You have to provide an opinion for each public explanation provided. That will meet the "give your opinion" requirement for the essay. You cannot discuss a public opinion then suddenly jump to a personal one. You will not receive full scoring points since you skipped one of the public presentation requirements.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 28, 2023
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1- Line Graph- shop closures and openings [3]

The line graph compares

Be more thorough when you are writing the summary overview. Since there are 2 different sets of data being compared in the same image, explain how the information was differentiated and how it helped make the image easier to understand.

The summary overview and trending statement could use more work in terms of information development. Merge the trend with the overview so that you can meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement for the paragraph.

The actual review was acceptable as it indicates all of the information provided in the image. However, the paragraph themselves do not meet the academic standards for writing the task. You need to avoid long sentences, aiming to always present 3-5 sentences at all times, in all paragraphs. You lsoe points for writing long sentences only.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 28, 2023
Book Reports / How does Fitzgerald portray the "American Dream"? Is it something that is achievable? [2]

This statement has all the hallmark signs of an AI written paragraph. While the essay seems to check all of the points properly, from the mention of the comparison characters to the lead, as well as the mention of the American Dream, the method by which it is written indicates a highy summarized version that avoids in-depth comparisons that would prove the writer actually studies the book, or at least watched the film. It is empty when it comes to a comprehensive review of the character situations, movie events, and final outcome of the story progresson. That is where the AI writing is a dead giveaway in this case. It lacks the insight that would have come from actually doing the work needed to respond to the question provided.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 27, 2023
Writing Feedback / The percentages of young unemployed people by age in London and in the rest of England, 1993 to 2012 [2]

You only have 20 minutes to write this task. That leaves you with a chance to write no more than 200 words at the most. It is clear that you did not time yourself with this writing task because you have written an essay only 26 words short of a task 2 essay. It is more than likely that you took more than half an hour to write this task. You will not be able to accomplish the same writing product during the actual test. Not when you only have 20 minutes to complete the task inclusive of reviewing the content, revising the content, and polishing the cohesiveness and coherence of your presentation. I cannot review your paper properly using this sample because you have not written an essay that falls under the expected scoring requirements of the writing task. Please write a more task 1 compliant essay for a proper review next time.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 27, 2023
Writing Feedback / The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise [2]

It was no doubt recognizing

This is an exaggerate claim that in no way makes sense when compared to the information provided in the image. You need to make sure that you deliver clear thoughts and ideas to the reader, without any unnecessary references that would confuse the information you are trying to provide.

Throughout the essay, you try to use English references that do not really apply to the information you are providing. Your grasp of the English language is elementary at this point, which affects the way that you present the information to the reader. The references used are oftentimes out of context and as such, will result in a failing overall score. It cannot be avoided since you can only receive failing scores in the LR, GRA, and C+C sections.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
May 27, 2023
Writing Feedback / The data on the Australian export to four countries including Japan, US, China and India [2]

export of Australian

Australian would refer to the citizens of Australia. Australia is the country that you should have been referring to in this case.

Points will be lost in the summary overview due the the incorrect sentence presentation. You have not proven that you know how to write simple, complex, and compound sentences. All that you have presented throughout the essay are run-on sentences, making it impossible for you to get a good GRA score.

As can be seen

The assumption is that the reader cannot see the image provided. The reference is not correct in this case. You are continuously losing points in your presentation because of your lack of familiarity with the task 1 format. You have to work on your sentence structure and comparison paragraph presentations. You are just reporting the information, but not compairing the information provided.