Student Talk / Why Do Colour Prediction Games Attract So Many Casual Players?" [2]

The presentation lacks an effective introduction. The background of color games and the objective of the game should be explained to the reader in a summarized form. That is so that readers unfamiliar with the game will understand what the game and the concept of the paper is all about. You need to include an opposition presentation as well so that the flow of discussion will be clear in the introduction. The paragraphs presented seem abrupt without the proper summarized reasoning presentation.

Separate the discussion between the reason for the popularity of the game and the mental relaxation aspect. Those are 2 different topics, that are not really connected in terms of subject and thus, unable to properly transition from one topic to the next. Each should have its own fully developed discussion paragraph.

The opposing discussion is not as well developed as the supporting discussion. It should have a few more sentences in it to qualify as a fully developed paragraph. Try to add a reference to an example of the gameplay in question. Do not leave that paragraph as the last paragraph of the discussion. Write a summarized concluding paragraph that would support the point of view that you are trying to push in the discussion.

Letters / Impact Entrepreneurship - Motivation Letter for EMMIE [2]

The letter feels like it has room for improvement. While I liked how you discussed your background and experience in the earlier part of the essay, I do not think it will be enough to convince the reviewers to give your application a chance as yet. There is a disconnection between your experiences and the universities you have chosen to study at. I know that the reviewers will better appreciate your presentation if you can somehow create a connection between each university, what you will be studying there, and how it addresses a specific problem, or will allow you to improve a specific weak point/s within your current field. It isn't enough to simply say that you will address the SDG programs, how the study path will help you do that is also important. I believe that you need to better connect the academic and professional expectations in your motivational letter to create several stronger motivational discussion points for the reviewers consideration. This is a good presentation but, it can be better. Let's aim for the best possible presentation to get you the best possible admission chance.

Graduate / Personal Statement for Erasmus Mundus Joint Master IMSISS Programme [2]

You need a clearer introduction in the first 2 paragraphs. Your department and its problems should be mentioned first, in relation to the actual problem department. Draw upon the conflicts and less then effective resolutions and agreements that both your departments use to address the naturalization conflicts. From there, introduce how the course you plan to take can help you learn about possible solutions to the aforementioned problems.

Avoid mentioning high school accomplishments. The reviewers will be looking for undergraduate notable performances and will rely heavily on your professional accomplishments for your application consideration. It is distasteful to indicate "Sort of achievements" because that indicates a less than stellar academic an professional performance, which will lessen the consideration for your application.

Writing Feedback / more students should be encouraged to go to vocational schools. do you agree or disagree [2]

There are several grammar problems with this essay that need to be addressed, along with the incorrect response format. This is not an extent essay prompt so you cannot 'partly" agree with the statement. Either fully agree or disagree with it. There is no halfway.

With regards to the grammar problems, I would like to start with the most obvious problem. You need to improve your preposition / article usage in the paragraph. Review the preposition rules when it comes to sentence usage. It is not correct to say "Choosing university". The more appropriate reference is; "The choice of university."

There is an LR problem as well. You misspelled "partly" as "parthly". There is also the redundant use of "some" and "several" in the same sentence.

Idiom usage in your essay is also incorrect. It is "On the one hand" not" In the one hand." There is also the incorrect word word agreement usage" Several argument" should be in plural form and written as 'several agreements".

To summarize the errors in this essay, you need to focus on your grammar lessons as you make the most mistakes in this aspect of your writing. The GRA errors alone will ensure that you fail the actual test. There is room to improve now that you know what you have to focus on studying in your lessons.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? [2]

Your prompt restatement omits important aspects of the original topic and does not properly respond to the guide questions. As such you have changed the prompt discussion topic from:

OT: In some countries people spend long hours at work
YT: the amount of time people spends at work averages around 8 hours per day. Longer hours can be observed in some areas or part of the labor force in each country.

The additional information of an 8 hour work day is irrelevant and not represented in the original presentation. Therefore, points will be deducted due to the alteration and additional, but unsupported information. You also did not establish if this, in your opinion is a positive or negative development. The result of this paragraph will be a failing preliminary TA score. That means, the essay will not receive a passing score, no matter how well you discuss your established opinions. Full scores cannot be given because the discussion is not based on the expected discussion points.


You can only choose one opinion. This is not a compare and contrast essay. This will be another reason the discussion essay will receive further penalties.

Since there is no closing summary, the essay will be provided with a total non passing score since the discussion format does not follow the required discussion representations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - housing owned and rented in the UK [2]

This is an automatic failing score Task 1 essay because it does not meet the minimum word count requirement of at least 150 - 175 words. Writing less than the expected word count does not allow the system to review your writing based on a preset criteria and will therefore, be ineligible for a passing score.

One of the problems with your writing is the way that you use nouns in the first paragraph. There is a sense of awkwardness to be detected in your writing since there are different ownership types indicated in the original image. Therefore, you should make it clear that you referring to "percentage shares" or "ownership types" when explaining the figures that were provided.

Try to learn how to write in simple, complex, and compound sentences. That way you can avoid deductions based upon run-on sentence writing as you do in the later parts of this essay. Additionally, since this is a task 1 essay,the trending statement should be placed with the summary information so that it can help add to your preliminary / TA score.

Graduate / GKS G My Personal Statement of Early Childhood Education [2]

Your discussion is very generalized in coverage when the GKS requires a slightly more in-depth representation of your information. There are no stand out accomplishments achieved or implied in your presentation. Since you are applying for a masters course, your work accomplishments should be one of the finest experiences that the reviewers will ever read. Instead, they are getting a generic representation of a candidate with similar experiences. As a scholar, they will be looking for someone who has been professionally recognized by his office / professional field, a person who has a connection to prominent authorities in the field who can help the candidate achieve his future professional plans, and someone who has been heavily influenced by prominent educators or professionals in the same field. Yes, your essay is long, but lacking in notable accomplishments and influences. These are the aspects that are a major consideration when comparing applications during the first screening round.

Letters / Motivation letter for Erasmus Mundus Master Impact Entrepreneurship EMMIE [2]


Clarify that this is the SDG of your country. Indicate the year by when this is supposed to be completely achieved by the government and that you have networked to help achieve this goal.


Remove this adverb. The common reader tends to take this as a negative that removes the importance of the previous statement. In reality it refers to "in addition to" but is not often read that way by reviewers. It would be best to immediately say, "I also mentored..." to avoid any confusion.

Please also refer to the universities that you have opted to study at for the masters courses and explain what motivated you to make those choices. These should show how you can also contribute positively to the learning experience by explaining how you can motivate others also enrolled in the course.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Some people believe that the best way to solve environmental problems [2]

The discussion is only 259 words. That number does not maximize the full scoring potential of the essay. The aim for the word count that can produce the best possible score is 275 words. There is room to extend the discussion points in terms of clarity. For example, in the prompt restatement + writer's opinion, you delivered a solid paraphrase and correct point of view response. What could have increased the score were the expected 2 supporting reasons for your opinion. That would have boosted the TA score of the essay immensely. By stating the discussion points early on, you can gain more points by using topic anchor statements at the start of each paragraph instead of numerical ordinals which show that you know how to follow that grammar rule, but it does not really advance the discussion paragraph for the reader.

The summary overview is partly incorrect. It lacks the appropriate reverse paraphrase of the given discussion in addition to your reasoning topics. This was a good attempt though. It might get a low but passing score in an actual setting.

Research Papers / Stop Aiding War / Humanitarianism - paper [2]

You cannot base this research paper on one source of information alone. That is what is causing the imbalance in the discussion presentation. The research is slanted towards only one side of the discussion instead of offering a pro and con debate for the reader to basea personal opinion on. Since this trying to serve as an introductory paper, the history of humanitarian aid should be presented at the start.

I actually find the paper confusing to read. The history is a mess. It has to be properly edited and rewritten to make the history and basis of Humanitarian Aid clearer to the reader. What is the purpose of this paper? What is the point of the discussion you are presenting? Information without a directed discussion point leaves the paper lacking in proper resources, guidance, and a logical suggested solution at the end.

Undergraduate / Math - Cite cases in which you thought/attemped in ways different from others & how it affected you. [3]

Your response cannot be considered unique by the reviewer. The experience you shared is quite common among those who are good at math. Your sharing should be something unique an uncommon. For example, a unique hobby or an out of the box mindset. Something that will set you apart from the other applicants. It should be an activity that has a positive impact on others as well.

It would be best for you to brainstorm such an activity. I am sure you jave one, it just hasn't occurred to you yet. I don't advise that you use this essay at it does not meet the prompt expectations. It cannot be edited to be a stand out response either.

Letters / "capable organisations" - a motivational letter [4]

The presentation is not interesting enough. It feels like you just went for the most obvious answers and used those to formulate your statement. There is no sense of a personal attachment to the line that you wish to study. Even the aspects that should have you excited about the course does not reflect any excitement on your part that should be jumping off the page.


Be more specific. Open the statement with an actual problem that you had to solve at your bank that led to your interest in this field. Do not keep your answer so safe that it does not offer any insight into your actual situation in the workplace. You need to create a proper idea of your profession and the problems you deal with that require you to study these advanced courses.

Graduate / Statement of purpose for master application - Semiconductor [2]


This does not show a solid direction in terms of your career path. You are telling the reviewer something that is general in coverage and does not fully represent a solid purpose for your studies. What you want to learn is different from what you wish to achieve in your career. It is the latter part that is important in this presentaiton.


Discuss more of this in this paragraph. Remove the first part. Normally, I would ask you to discuss your thesis in relation to your masters course but, where that is absent, you should discuss a related activity instead with greater detail.


What contribution can you make that would help strengthen the already existing program and results? Define the alignment that you are supposed to have that will align your accomplishments with this and also, explain what what sort of research you hope to do that will work in accordance with the existing group research. How can the 2 help each other in terms of improving research results?

Writing Feedback / Argument Essay: Should Universities Do Away with Greek Life? [2]

Your presentation of the need to improve the Greek Life is one that is very interesting to read about. The basis of the paper is sound, relying on well known public information. There are some aspects that you improve upon or add to the discussion that I believe would make it better though. For instance, you could include that the public perception of the Greek Life is heavily affected by the parody films and misrepresentation of Greek Life in Hollywood movies, which is one of the strongest exposures that the your college bound kids have. The believe that the movies are the reality of Greek Life and tend to live that way. So one of the best solutions is to evolve the system from what the public perceives, based on misinformation. You could mention successful members of the Greek Life from politics, medical science, and other fiels, who represent what is good about the life and serve as role models in the correct manner.

Undergraduate / "Seek knowledge in the Land of China" - Personal statement for CUHKSZ [2]

The advice that your parents gave you is the anchor point of this whole essay. Therefore, saying you were not interested in studying in China at first negates your opening anchor sentence. You should avoid saying that so you can keep the consistent image of someone whose parental influence drove you to focus on studies and grades that would allow you to eventually study in China. We need to see your enthusiasm with regards to how you prepared to study in China. That is going to be the main selling point of your essay. Make it appear that you are fulfilling a bucket list and a family ambition by working on gaining admission to CUHKSZ

Research Papers / Draft research on dispensing the wrong medication [2]

The introduction lacks a sense of urgency that should be included in an essay that discusses such a life threatening topic. You could create a better hook in the introduction by using a story regarding incorrectly dispensed medicatication and the aftermath of the event upon the patient. That will create the need to immediately address a solution to this problem. The reader will be more interested in the paper once you engage their logic and emotion in the presentation.


Avoid closing a paragraph with a citation. These paragraphs require the writer to provide an insight into this information sentence,. Your opoinion, rather than the citation, is the most important point of view in this essay.


Use another, more recent human interest story to open this section and drive your point home. This time, do not use an adult story, use an infant incorrect prescription instead. Foolow that story to the end of life cycle of the child that resulted from the wrong medication being given. Then continue to discuss other important aspects of this section. It will show how the health sector has overlooked this problem up to the present time.

Graduate / Statement of purpose and objectives for studying - KAIST graduate admission [2]

A statement of purpose should not be seen by the reviewers as your academic, technical, or professional history. Rather, they are more interested in learning about your continued learning and 5 year career path. It is always safest for you to discuss your college thesis and any publication based on your studies and research. The publication is an essential part of your statement of purpose because it proves that you have been successful in continuously developing your college thesis into a peer reviewed article, leading to your continuing research as a masters degree student. This can now be a related field or a continuation of the previous research that highlights the newest information in relation to the knowledge development of your field. That is what is lacking in this essay. It focuses solely on your technical and theoretical knowhow, without giving a specific career path relationship or connection. How will your masters studies influence your career over the next 5 years? What specific aspects of your career path will benefit from the KAIST education. The SOP lacks specifics. There is no real reason for the reviewer to believe that your interest in KAIST will be beneficial to both sides. Your statement in relation to that is so generic that it could be used to describe any university and masters degree course. It would be best for you to write a new essay that is more aligned with the improvement review I have given above.

Letters / Motivation letter for admission to Master International Business Engineering IAE Montpellier [2]


It is too soon to state this in the motivation letter. Keep this paragraph general in statement for the time being. Remove this part but keep everything else that you wrote.


This should be a separate paragraph that speaks more about how your experience with the community as a mentor further strengthened your belief that you should pursue higher studies so that (state how you plan to use the masters to improve your mentoring skills).


Now talk about the masters program at IAE. Use that to introduce your plans for after study, as a separate paragraph also.

These are the portions of the essay that I believe need to be refined, improved upon, and polished to make your motivational letter more impressive to the reviewer.

Undergraduate / Leading a Mojita Stall - U of T Supplemental [2]

Again, please clarify at the very start that this is a school project that you undertook. Stop making your projects sound too professional because it tends to mislead the reviewer. Be specific about the project and what year you were in when you undertook it. The topic you discussed is good, but the essay should not say that you called for one last meeting. Instead, since this is a school project, reference a meeting to discuss the problems in sales, with you leading the discussion by admitting to your mistake. For the hindsight response, offer the idea that you would brainstorm with the group about operations and use the group mindset to run the business. Each person will take responsibility for a part of the business and take command responsibility if a particular action fails the business, just like you did when you admitted your mistakes to the group and adjusted the policies to save the business.

Undergraduate / Overcoming perfectionism - U of T Supplemental Essay [2]

You need to be more specific in your essays. You are always over reaching instead of focusing your statement responses. Let me give you sample quick responses that you can expand on. What have you been working on? A Robotics project. How long have you been working on it? 5 years. Who did you turn to to help you complete this project? Think of Someone who guided your interest in Robotics and guided the completion of your project. Do not give an answer that your friend pushed you to finish the project. That means nothing in terms of influencing you and creating your mindset that pushed you towards this career in particular. Vague answers and unfocused topics will never work in statement responses.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Explain the benefits and shortcomings of online classes and traditional class [2]

Is this essay supposed to be a response to a Task 2 IELTS writing exercise? If so, then you need to increase your word count to at least 250 words to meet the minimum word requirement. Less than that will result in an automatic failing score. While you wrote good reasons in response to the question, it could have been better written and formatted for clarity and coherence. You see, the prompt that was provided requires a compare and contrast response. What does that mean? It means that the writer is required to provide a good and bad, pro and con reasoning per paragraph. The format should be:

Sentence 1 - Advantage reason
Sentence 2 - Why?
Sentence 3 -Example
Sentence 4 - Disadvantage of the "advantage"
Sentence 5 - Explanaton
Sentence 6 - Example (optional for task 2)

The 6th sentence is optional because, if you are writing a task 2 essay, then you cannot have more than 5 sentences per paragraph. You may only write a 6th sentence if you still have writing time after reviewing and editing your text or, if you were short on the word count after you finished your draft. If you are writing this for an English writing exercise, then you should write at at least 6 sentences per paragraph.

Undergraduate / Ethnicity targeting - U of T Supplemental Application [4]

It would be best for you to write a totally new response that better explains your observations regarding the bullying, the reasons why you decided not to involve the teacher, and what the result of your decisions at that time were. Trying to revise this version will prove to be difficult due to the limited character count. A full revision will allow you more freedom to get creative and clear with your explanations. It is always good to give an in-depth explanation whenever possible. The information I asked you to include should help you deliver the sensible and clear response that you are looking for. The current version is prone to open questions and loopholes that need to be plugged.

Undergraduate / RSM BSc / head of Finance - Diversity question [5]

The way that you have framed your explanation makes it appear like you are discussing a professional experience. You must reframe your presentation. Make it clear that you are talking about your position as the president of the Finance Club. This differentiation is important because when you say you are the head of finance, that is automatically attached to a company and a professional experience. Your grasp of the English language is proving to be a problem for you in most of your presentations because you misinterpret the prompt and end up misrepresenting yourself in the process, such as in this essay. Always remember to classify your experiences as that of a student. That way there is no confusion once the reviewer assesses your response.

Undergraduate / Ethnicity targeting - U of T Supplemental Application [4]

The situation that you described is something that often occurs in international classrooms. The portrayal of yourself as a group leader who kept what could have become an uncontrollable bullying situation is an asset to the presentation. These are 2 impressive aspects of the explanation that is sure to make a mark on the reviewer. However, while taking charge of the situation is good on paper, the lack of your reference to seeking an authoritative solution in the form of involving a teacher, guidance counselor, or another authority is a shortcoming in your presentation. Since this will be a definite question in the reviewer's mind, you should explain why you were forced to take charge of the bullying without involving the school authorities. That way, when you reference that, having a better understanding of racial discrimination in relation to bullying at present, you would involve the school authorities should it happen again. That way the narrative would offer a full circle discussion in response to the questions.

Undergraduate / RSM BSc / head of Finance - Diversity question [5]

Do not discuss irrelevant experiences in the essay. While I can understand why you are referencing your professional experience, that is not what you are being asked to discuss and therefore, have shown that you are incapable of following simple writing instructions. The prompt clearly states that you are to use personal or academic references. Nowhere does it indicate a professional preference for the discussion. As such, your essay will be disregarded as a part of your application since it does not fulfill the information requirements correctly. This means, that even your potential contribution to diversity in the school, while valid, is not going to be given much weight since it is not based on the correct foundational discussion presentation.

Research Papers / Social Media's Negative Impact on Individuals [2]

There are information inaccuracies in your presentation. For starters, Social media, which is the reference point for this paper, is only 25 years old. It first appeared in the early 2000's and continues to evolve into various forms and exist in various platforms, venues, and types. Repeat the research for your paper. You need to be historically accurate in your referencing so as to avoid confusion in your discussion. Social media has not been around for centuries.

Refer to a thesaurus to provide various alternative references to social media. It cannot simply be called media because "media" refers to various incarnations such as mass media, electronic media, digital media, and other forms of media. Your paper tends to be inaccurate when discussing social media because you are not careful about how you reference and present the discussion,

Letters / Motivation Letter for Master's Program of Communication Science at VU Amsterdam [3]

The motivation letter does not offer information that would show how the masters program would help you achieve your unspecified career goal. An effective motivation letter always kicks off with an introduction to your decided career path. What sector of the entertainment industry do you see yourself working in? Create the idea of your ambition and why you are decided upon pursing it. Why do you consider it important to work on this field on a personal, social, and career development scale? I do not get a sense of a clear motivation in this letter. Instead, it is just a discussion of your academic skills and foundation that you think has prepared you to attend and complete this course. You are lacking a presentation that shows how you have already used these skills as an undergraduate, which would indicate a preparedness to complete the Communication Science masters program.

Undergraduate / RSM BSc - Why International Business Administration? [2]

You cannot use 4th grade exposure to sales within a controlled environment as an influence reference for Business Administrator. The reviewer will be looking for at least high school level exposure to business dealings and your engagement in the business during that time as the main influence for your interest in business. The reviewers have never believed that a primary school exposure, specially below the age of 13, can be considered a real decision making moment. A child of that age is, in their opinion, not sure of what career path they want to follow yet due to a lack of understanding based on their age.



You are not yet a student at the university under Business Administration. Use the correct future time reference. These are what you will be looking forward to learning from by participating in the activities.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement Master MOTIS IN France [2]

The reviewer would much appreciate if you could connect your undergraduate history and work experience with the student qualifications for the masters course that you are applying to. When it was indicated that you give a detailed description, that meant you have to should show a clear connection between specific course offerings and your own academic and professional experiences. This would indicate a more credible preparedness on your part to undertake and complete the masters program. You may opt to indicate the difficulties you are facing theoretically and professionally, which will be addressed by completing this course through specific courses as well.

Avoid indicating that you will "work" for 2 years. You should reframe that to instead show that you are looking forward to "extending" the learning experience by entering "apprenticeship" or "immersion" experiences at various companies. This is to avoid a possible misconception that you may use the student visa as a stepping stone towards a residency permit or a work visa. Ensure that you clearly state that you will return to Indonesia after you complete the program and relevant training.

Writing Feedback / Real traveling vs reading books - discuss one reason and why you agree or disagree. [2]

I am not sure if you are writing this as a part of an English writing exercise or if this is a part of a Task 2 essay practice test. I'll give you generic pointers for now.

First of all, you need to learn to use paragraphs to help make your response easier to read. Write the introduction to the topic first. You can use 3 sentences for that. Make the 4th sentence your opinion.

Open a new paragraph after that statement. Fully explain the reason that you support. I like how you used examples and considerations from your own culture that helped to drive your point home.

Your final paragraph should be the conclusion that helps you to summarize the previous discussion. You have that presented in this version, but it is difficult to find because of the lack of proper formatting in your presentation.

Letters / Image Processing & Computer Vision AI - Motivation Letter - Erasmus Mundus IPCVAI [3]


What is the end result of this program? What do you want it to do? How and why is it important to society, a particular field, or the development of generative AI? You need to try and make your vision understood by the reviewer for this paragraph to have an impact upon reading it.


What are the research and learning goals per university? Do not discuss them as a bundle in this paragraph. You need to make it clear that you have a plan for study at the university which will result in something supports your goal of AI development. Don't just enumerate the courses and what it aligns with, without explaining what it aligns with. You need to specifics at every turn rather than an enumeration of the program syllabus.


This is a redundancy. You need not repeat what you said earlier in the essay.

Letters / Motivation letter for master's in Cybersecurity for CyberMAC scholarship program [2]


Refresh this presentation since this is a historical event that took place in your country's financial world. Describe the aftermath instead and how the progression of events and its resulting changes in the banking industry, based on cybersecurity influenced your career decision and now, your future career path as a masters degree student. A revelation based on reality will work better than fictionalizing an actual incident that had a direct effect on your academic and professional mindset.


You are no longer a child and you have already completed your bachelor studies. You already have the work experience to back up your masters degree studies. That is what will make you a more viable candidate for the scholarship. Draw your reviewers attention to your current skills and work accomplishments instead. This will prove that you not only a relevant theoretical foundation (based on a summarized college presentation), but the relevant professional foundation that leads towards a more important professional path.


Describe your current career. How does cybersecurity heavily figure into it ? Show the relevance of your interest in the masters course as it relates to your current profession.

Letters / Technical and analytical abilities - REFERENCE LETTER TO APPLY MASTER PROGRAM OR SCHOLARSHIP [2]

This does not sound like the country head wrote the reference letter at all. It appears to be more of a compressed biography of the applicant, which does not tally with the references that the country head would be writing about her. This should be a brief, 4 paragraph recommendation letter more than anything else. The 2 middle paragraphs should reflect on her ability to learn on the job, how fast she applies any corrections given to her, and how she effectively responds to work requirements. The second paragraph can focus on her work accomplishments that were rewarded by the company with recognition of any sort. This letter does not work. The reviewer will immediately recognize that it was not written by the country head, bringing the signature on the letter, electronic or physical, into question. Once there is a suspicion of a fake document submitted, your application will be rejected and you will be black listed from applying for the scholarship in the future.

Scholarship / Sustainable Engineering- Erasums Mundus [2]

You have not done enough research on the Erasmus Mundus Sustainable Engineering program. It shows in the way that your motivational letter does not even come close to being an appropriate letter for scholarship consideration. Erasmus Mundus has several Sustainable Engineering programs to choose from: European Master in Sustainable Systems Engineering (EMSSE), the Engineering for Environmental Sustainability and International Cooperation (EESIC), and the Erasmus Mundus Joint Master in Sustainable Mineral and Metal Processing Engineering (PROMISE). Which of these are you interested in applying to? Choose a program then do the research for the candidate qualifiers. Based on the qualifiers, consider your current theoretical know-how, your theoretical skills and practical abiltiies. Only then would you be able to develop a proper motivational letter draft for Erasmus Mundus.

Letters / Letter of Motivation for MS in Electrical Engineering at ETH Zurich [2]

Overall, the feel of the presentation is more of an academic and academic immersion biography rather than a professional motivation letter. That poses a problem because the motivational letter should outline your professional experience and its accompanying accomplishments and relevant training, leading to the more accurate professional foundation of your motivation. The presentation does not have any masters degree studies foundational strengths in terms of work applied interests. All I am reading here are your academic accomplishments which, though impressive, must compete with applicants who have more notable professional accomplishments in terms of publication, career planning, and societal impact as motivations for their masters degree. While the essay is informative, is it not competitive when compared to other applicants. I would rather that you focus briefly on a relevant academic history, focus on your professional experience leading up to your next career pathway, then develop your motivation for higher studies in this sector from there.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Master in Artificial Intelligence at VU [3]


Be career specific in this section to catch the eye of the reviewer. What is your career project that will benefit from these studies? What drove the choice of the university in terms of the goal? You could say something like:

"I am undertaking these studies in aid of my career plan to... The (university name) department of... has the objective of teaching itst masters degree students that ... which will be of tremendous benefit to my professional goals."

That would summarize the full content of your motivation letter and in the process, allow you to reel in the reviewer in terms of becoming interested in your expanded explanations.

Try to better explain the AI driven Healthcare vision that you have. You are dropping the correct information hints and show an interest in AI, but what and how you plan to develop the program and how it will benefit the Healthcare sector in the future should be fully reflected as an important part of your motivation. The right words and references will not help if your motivation and how you plan to pursue it during and after your studies is not made clear in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that " "The busier the city is, the more unhappy its people are." Agree or disagree? [3]


Avoid using traditional, tired phrases in your essay. Most specially when opening a discussion because it prevents the essay from developing the conversational, everyday English tone and word usage that is required for this presentation and LR considerations.


This will cause the essay to automatically get a failing score. Based on the Task Accuracy requirements, your response is not aligned with the given question. Therefore, the discussion response is incorrect. This response reflects a measured / degree response prompt. This is a full opinion prompt. Either yes or no. There is no in-between response. Since the TA preliminary score will be failing due to the incorrect response format, the rest of the discussion presentation will not score highly enough to overcome the preliminary failing score.

Research Papers / My first research paper about government wastage and how it affects our youth [2]


The first part of this paragraph is confusing and lacking in direction. It is scattered in terms of thought presentation. I would rather that you focus on developing this part as the introduction opening. This part has the ability to create impact for the reader. After informing the reader about the total debt, break that information down some more by telling the reader how much each of the young adult population, ages 18-21, actually owes. That will definitely catch the readers eye.

The last part of this paragraph that contains your call to action is not really a solution to the problem. Auditing does not solve the situation for the youth. Try to present a summary of your short and long term solutions that could relate to the auditing discussion.

Undergraduate / The lessons we take from obstacles - UofT One idea application [3]

For a more interesting take that would have the reviewer interested in the background of your character trait, I suggest that you open with an explanation or a story about how you approached a more mature problem. Explain why you approached it that way and work your way back to the start or the reason that you developed this system of approaching problems. Close by indicating that you believe the approach you developed is such that you can apply specific parts, or all of it to new or future problems.

Your current approach is not interesting enough. It is a narrative that every student encounters. It does not stand out as a specific situation. It makes you get lost among the many applicants who are using the same or similar story. You need to find a way to may your learning stand out by using a far more interesting narrative, approach, and presentation.

Letters / The aerospace industry - My career goals in my motivation letter [2]

I am unable to offer a clearer review of your career goals with regards to its relationship to your history in the motivation letter. Without knowing the full content of the motivation letter, it is impossible to tell you if this paragraph works, doesn't work, or should be improved at certain points. All I can see, based on your two submissions, is that there is a clear disconnection between your history, experiences, and your career goals. I do not see how these relate to the use of drones in agriculture. The development is missing. Then again, I am basing these on piecemill content from your essay. If you want an accurate review, I need to read the full, connected paragraphs response that you developed for the motivation letter.