Letters / Motivation letter for Public Policy and Developmental Studies review DAAD [2]

You have mnade the same error that the other DAAD applicants make when writing a letter of motivation. The paper you developed is a personal statement instead. It lists an expanded version of your resume, rather than explaining your profession, academic, and personal motivations for applying to the scholarship program. There is a lack of clarity in your presentation. If you are focusing on public policies related to education, then you should clearly show a motivation in relation to your current work. Do not go back to your earliest days of study or your experiences during that time. You are already applying for a masters course. The reasons should therefore, be based on your current exposure and experiences on the job. Whether this is going to be in the realm of public policy or education is your call. There is no need to cite the professors you hope to study under, that is not a strong motivation to choose a course. Avoid all references that sound like you are just explaining your resume, your transcript of records, and your personal statement. It would be best if you wrote a new essay instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: biodiversity and environment [2]


Rural areas are not the same as "untouched natural places". Rural areas have people living there an active development. An untouched natural place would be something like a forest or natural springs. This will be a deduction in your LR and GRA score since you are confusing the reader by misusing the word.


It is understood that you have done proper brain storming and idea development before you started writing this essay. Therefore, your thesis statement should be clear about your response to the question provided. Give a direct response that establishes proper reasoning paragraph topics in the next 2 paragraphs.

Sadly, these 2 errors would more than likely result in a failing preliminary TA score, so your essay, even though counting more than the word count, will start with a failing preliminary TA score. As such, your remaining scoring qualifiers will not be enough to help you achieve a passing score in the end.

Letters / A forestry graduate - motivation letter for master's studies in Europe [2]

Harish, only paragraph 3 is useful in this case. That is the only aspect that has references to your motivation for study. I strongly suggest that you develop your revised motivational letter around the information in that paragraph. The first 2 and last 2 paragraphs do not fit in reference to a motivation. The motivation should relate to what you want to study and why you want to study at this university. There should be a separate paragraph, but still related to your motivation to study in Europe. How does Europe lead in terms of achievements in relation to the concern that you have? These are the aspects of the motivational letter that the reviewer will be interested in.

Scholarship / Chevening Essay on Leadership and Influence - Cybersecurity Background [2]

You have to understand that the leadership qualification you should be presenting is singular but highly notable in terms of leadership skills. One professional experience will suffice provided that you portray leadership of a small or large group. This would include problem solving, team management, and contingency skills that prove you can perform efficiently under pressure. While it does not have to be an extreme presentation of skills, it should not be such an easy presentation as you have now that you gloss over the important parts of your leadership abilities. Expand on your professional leadership presentation. Look into how you can best highlightthose skills that I mentioned. The last paragraph is irrelevant and will not be considered by the admissions committee. Focus on your actual leadership skills alone.

Essays / Points on how to write a personal statement for ugrad scholarship program [2]

The writing guide is pretty straightforward regarding what you should be writing about. An effective response essay will be based upon your comfort level in opening up and providing information to the admissions officer reviewing your application. There are no right or wrong answers. You cannot second guess what will make for an effective response either. All you can do is be honest in your responses and allow the reviewer to get to know you. This is a written interview. So answer it the way you would if you were involved in a face to face interview. Allow the reviewer to get to know you based on the guide questions. Find your comfort level with regards to the information you will be sharing. That is the best way to respond to this application prompt.

Research Papers / APA format essay, topic: Maternal mortality rates for black women [2]


This is a notable and historical event that should be narrated at the beginning of the research to help add validity to your claim about the historical context of maternal mortality rates. Remember that you should be of the mindset that your paper is meant to inform the reader and therefore, should be precise when sharing information, specially about these historical occurrences. Do not leave the explanation regarding this happening for the second paragraph. This is to be considered a part of the evidence of your thesis statement.

One thing that I find lacking in this report is a personal insight into the topic. How does this affect you personally? Why did you choose to use this topic? Are you affected by this? How? Cite an example. The research is heavy, but the insight is shallow.

Research Papers / Is Culinary School a Worthwhile Investment for Young Individuals Entering the Field? [2]


Offer a comparative analysis of the fees associated with culinary school at this point. Use the most expensive school you can think of and then the most acceptable school you can find just to show the truth about the staggering costs of this particular educational choice.


What is the most common entry level salary per day? Per month? What is the basic salary based on? School graduated from? Grades? Skills during application?


Never end a paragraph with an in-text citation. Give an insight before closing the paragraph. Transition it to the next topic.


How is this done? Give examples of the activities that are engaged in which foster this. Offer real world examples as to how it helps build the character of the future chef.

Writing Feedback / These days, people in some countries are living in a throwaway society which means people use things [2]

You should write only 300 words at the most for the task 2 essay since it has a 40 minute writing limit, which includes the time you need for editing and revising your essay. The main problem with your presentation is the lack of proper formatting. It is difficult to to find:

1. Restatement + Writer's opinion
2. Reason 1 explanation
3. Reason 2 explanation
4. Concluding summary

If you submit an improperly formatted essay during the actual test, you will automatically receive a failing score because your response is not in the expected format. The response is long, but not always appropriate to the questions being asked in the writing prompt. So you overwrote and went off topic most of the time, adding to the errors that could lead to a failing score in an actual test.

Writing Feedback / [B2 FCE WRITING PART 1] An essay: Progress in technology [3]

Your prompt restatement could be more targeted towards an accurate response. The ideas for writing that were provided ask you to discuss transportation and food production as the 2 main problems that progress in technology should address. You did not mention those topics in your restatement so that created an incorrect topic representation. You also failed to agree or disagree with the given statement towards the end of your topic introduction. These are the elements required for you to create a good and solid thesis statement.

While your discussion paragraphs are not totally accurate, the ideas you present are understandable and come from a personal understanding of the situation. Your reasons could use more explanations but the simple paragraphs work for the purpose of this exercise.

Scholarship / BEYOND BORDERS:How the gks-U scholarship will help unlock my full potential in civil engineering [3]

The essay suffers from a lack of information development. You have to further expand on information about your background and your parent's influence. Since your uncle was a pivotal influence in your desire to become a civil engineer, describe the type of engineer he was and what exposure you gained from him. How did he actually inspire your ambition?

With regards to Korean engineering, you should not repeat information to the reviewer because he is familiar with that information. Instead, envision how you see yourself using Korean engineering in your home country. That way you can use the current information in a manner that shows inspiration rather than just familiarity.

As for your education, try to include information about your accomplishments and publications if any. Remember that you have to be a stand out student somehow since you have already graduated from other courses and are skilled in different areas.

These guidelines should help you achieve the minimum 2 page word count. Just be more open with your writing. Do not limit yourself to superficial information alone.

Writing Feedback / Topic: weekly expenses of families in a country [2]

You cannot use exterior links as a title in your essay. This is a forum rule violation and I expect that you will get a warning for promoting other websites and companies on this forum. Upload the picture to this forum next time. Failure to follow the simple regulations of this forum next time will result in a non-review of your essay.

I cannot judge the degree of accuracy of the information you have provided because the information that should come with the image was not uploaded. Somehow, the summary overview does not come across as providing the complete short version of the necessary information from the image. You are also over reliant on the use of commas in your presentation. The over use of commas does not equate to a properly formatted sentence, nor does it represent a properly presented simple, complex, or compound sentence.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] EMPLOYEES 4-WEEK HOLIDAY A YEAR [2]

Limit your writing to only 300 words for the task 2 essay. You have a total of 1 hour for the task 1 and task 2 essay presentations. You will not have any timer to look at to ensure that you are still writing within the time frames allotted for each task. For task 1, the word allotment is no more than 200 words. For task 2, no more than 300. Write more than these word count as suggested per task and you will definitely not finish on time. Submitting an unfinished task 2 essay will be met with an automatic failing mark.

Follow the correct page formatting as well. Ensure that you clearly separate the paragraphs to make it easier to read and to show that you have properly the task accuracy requirements with regards to formatting the presentation. In truth, the essay you wrote will get a failing score because you did not respond to the question that was posed before you. Though you will get marks for the discussion paragraphs, it will not be enough points to pass the test since you did not respond to the prompt question in the expected format.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing about main fuels in the production in UK from 1981 to 2000 [3]

There is a 150 minimum word count for the task 1 essay. The total for this presentation is only 149 words. Excpect a minute deduction for the missing single word. Always meet the minimum word count to avoid even the smallest task accuracy pre score penalties in relation to the word count.

In terms of the summary overview, the enumerated list of fuel types was not mentioned in the summary, and was incomplete in the trending statement. The complete list must be mentioned at the start to meet the information summary requirements. You cannot mention only one or 2 of these. You must mention all of these so it is best to list it as a part of the summary so that the trend can use the high and low descriptions instead.

Graduate / Molecular Biology and Public Health - Study Plan for NYCU PhD Application [2]

This is an empty study plan. It does nit tell me what the focus of your dissertation will be or what continuing education you plan to pursue because of your interest in trading up with the professor. How does that work? What study evidence do you have that will prove that your ongoing research aligns with her own? What is the study plan? What is your focus? How does the professor or the university offerings help you achieve the final outcome of your research? While this essay is long and truly speaks of your admiration for the university, it does not have a true study plan proposal present. You cannot use this essay because of the lack of a relevant study plan.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is... [2]

Kindly remember to follow the correct formatting for the written text. Each paragraph must be separated by a space so that the paragraphs are not compressed so tightly and difficult to read.

When reading the writing guide for this essay, it is clear that you misunderstood the writing guide, which led to your incorrect thesis response / writer's opinion. For clarity:

Guide:To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste ?
Response: I believe that not only the national law forces the residents to increase recycling, but also other methods could be tackling the problem.

Review your response and compare it to the question being asked. You did not give a measured response statement. Therefore, you response is incorrect and not in the expected response format. You will have failed a portion of the TA score in relation to your writer's opinion format.

Undergraduate / Applying to Columbia University Undergrad Fly-In Program for the school of Engineering, [3]

Your presentation is highly confusing and difficult to understand because you are trying to respond to several questions within a limited word count. The best approach this this statement is to pick the focus of discussion for your response. That was you can use all of the allowable word count to develop a very clear and understandable explanation. The reviewer will not expect you to respond to all the possible scenarios provided. Rather, he will expect you to choose one aspect of the discussion and then focus your response of fully explaining why you chose to respond to that topic. Doing so will create a highly understandable and relevant response statement for his consideration.

Writing Feedback / It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. [3]

Your reasoning paragraphs are confusing to read. You cannot offer a supporting explanation for each of the given opinions in the original statement. You were asked to provide an opinion as a part of your writer's opinion and thesis statement. You did this very well in the first paragraph, but then failed to fully support your given opinion in the reasoning paragraphs. You have to remember that you are expected to support only your opinion in a single opinion presentation such as this one. When you support both opinions, altering your thesis statement in the process, you will receive a failing mark because of a confusing opinion (GRA deductions) and, what the examiner will more than likely consider an under developed explanation.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Competition vs Cooperation - Discuss both views and give your opinion [2]


The word "each" indicates one, singular. So the term "others" should be in singular form as well (other) using the -S format.

Use the correct comparative discussion format next time. Always present an explanation for the public point of view and then give your opinion regarding it. If you do not support it, then explain why. If you support it, then add to the supporting reasons. Explain each side within 5 paragraphs. In the current format, you are providing only your personal opinion throughout the explanation paragraphs. That will create a problem for you during the actual test because you presented an under developed explanation. A thorough development of both the public and personal explanations should be presented in each of the 2 reasoning paragraphs.

Avoid a run on sentence presentation in the conclusion. Use 2 sentences at the least, to reverse paraphrase the previous discussion points. The standard for the concluding summary is at least 2 properly developed idea sentences.

Undergraduate / Academic Decathlon - [QuestBridge] Essay about the challenges I have faced [2]

This is a compelling story to share for your application consideration. While it is insightful, I feel like the story should start prior to the fire burning down the house. That way the reviewer will have a chance to see how your family dynamic changed and what your previous relationship was with your parents and siblings. However, it would have been nice to read about how you helped your family recover from this unfortunate incident. It just seems like you are nothing but just angry at your parents because of the situation. You did not contribute anything to help solve the situation. It would be great if you showed that the experience helped you mature as an individual somehow.

Writing Feedback / Men and women should not share the same responsibilities [5]



You are not writing in the right format. This is a simple agree or disagree essay. This is not a measured response essay. While your responses are acceptable, they cannot be given a full score because of the incorrect response format that was used.


Your example must relate to the previous discussion otherwise it will be considered invalid. In this case, the example is good, but not applicable because you were speaking of educational exposure and attainment rather than political accomplishment.


There is no connection to education in this case. So the statement is incorrect. Rather, the statement has to do with gender stereotypes in society which has slowly been changing and allowing for an equal balance between the two genders.

Writing Feedback / CHILDREN AND TV vs. SPENDING TIME OUTDOORS [2]

The writer's opinion did not meet the task accuracy requirements of the presentation. You only repeated the required information for the reader instead of creating the necessary thesis statement that would have proven that you understood the writing requirements for the succeeding paragraphs. The TA score for this essay will not be a passing one in terms of preliminary scoring. Next time provide a concise response by using a thesis statement.


Use anchor or subject sentences. Do not waste time extending the essay with just word fillers. Every word you type must be in an effort to respond to the question. Not just meet the word count. Meeting the word count, but not actually saying anything of substance will not help you get a higher score.

Scholarship / Degree in Law in South Korea - Personal statement GKS [3]

You must underscore from the very beginning that you plan to pursue a degree in international law and not just law. That is a necessary clarification because the laws of Korea are applicable only to their country and therefore, limits their lawyers to practicing in Korea alone. However, as an international law student or as a political science student, you could pursue the practice of law outside of Korea in the NGO's that you mentioned.

While your writing is smooth an informative it is not a stand out piece. You do not have any references to notable accomplishments or influences that would push the reviewer to believe that you would actually be able to complete a legal degree in Korea. You need to strengthen those influences and achievements.

Writing Feedback / How many exchange students from universities between Europe and Australia - IELTS 1 [2]

The trending statement is a bit confusing to read. The lack of reference to what years are being indicated contributed to the lack of understanding of the provided information. It is important that the 4 sentence trending statement be clear next time. It has to refer to the high and low of each year, and the year must be indicated from the start.


The reader does not have access to the image so referencing the position of the image on the page is not necessary. It is however, necessary that you refer to the year indicated as the anchor sentence or subject sentence at the start of the paragraph.

You have made a good attempt at describing the image. It was actually a good job had it not been for the problems I indicated in the preceding observation paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / [WRITING TASK 1] the number of enquiries in one city over a six months [4]


The slash that was used to separate these 2 forms in the image does not mean "and by". The slash means "or". There are only 3 methods listed. However, when you indicated "and by", you changed that information from 3 to 4 options. That created an information deviation which would not be good for your score in an actual setting. You would have received point deductions because of the incorrect information delivery.


The information "started", referring to the beginning of the information. It is the past present reference in relation to time indication.


Do not use exaggerated terms in your description . This is a professional and academic presentation. You only need to present the facts. Simply saying that it "grew" would have had a better scoring impact than "weakly grew" due to the exaggerated nature of the reference. You are dealing with an image here. Be factual in your presentation.


Again, do not exaggerate. You could instead say "increased to".

Scholarship / To become a good student, what qualities are needed? Propose your specific plan for university [2]

Do not focus the discussion in the university, the course you want to take, or the program you plan to join. The question about the good student qualities should be a general discussion. It should be applicable to any and all possible college courses that one may want to enroll in. There is no need to be specific about the qualities in relation to specific fields because the prompt is not asking about that. The reviewer would like to know about the type of student you could be, regardless of your study focus. Revise the essay another time. You need to stop thinking about your major and program and focus on the general considerations regarding what would make a good student.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Drawbacks of lacking reading and writing skill and how government deal with the problem [2]


This is not an acceptable answer. You were asked what the government can do to help the people who cannot read or write. You should be mentioning some programs that the government has either enacted or can enact to help the people. Specific solutions are needed in the writer's opinion to complete your opinion. You do not get any score for vague responses such as the one you gave. You will receive point deductions instead.


I am not sure what you are trying to say here. This could be a GRA deduction due to the confusing statement provided.
LRA deduction. You mean to refer to "relying on" not lying on which means you are lying on top of something. You need to improve your English vocabulary.

Writing Feedback / Living in big city is bad for health [2]

You have written less than the required minimum of 250 words. 248 written words mean you will have some deductions for the missing 2 words in relation to Task Accuracy considerations. Based upon your writer's opinion, you have also failed to respond to the question posed, which is a measured response question. While your opinion may be aligned with the given writing guide, your actual discussion paragraphs are not in line with the proper format for this response.

The extent essay is always responded to as a single opinion essay. You are expected to give 2 strong opinions that prove your point of view to be the correct one. For instance, you may present 2 opposing public views to your own, which you can discuss and explain why these opinions are incorrect. Or, you can simply discuss 2 of our opinions, in support of your point of view. What you must never do is discuss both opinions and giving each one credence in the discussion. Then your essay will fail because you contradicted your own opinion, leaving the reader quite confused as to whether they should accept your opinion or not since you seem to be confused about the discussion yourself.

Writing Feedback / Application Fee Waiver (cold email) [2]

The application letter does not show that you are in dire circumstances so that you cannot afford the application fee. Your letter is telling them that you can afford the fee, you just want to avoid paying for it. Your mother can earn the fee, you just don't want to burden her with it. Your uncle could pay the fee, you just don't want him to take responsibility for it. While these are admirable from a family and personal standpoint, it does not bode well for you as a student applicant. What other fees would you not be able to afford as a student? What would be next? A scholarship application because you do not want to burden your family with your academic fees? Do you see what I am pointing out here? Your reason for wanting the waiver is not strong enough because you can afford to pay the fee, you just don't want to. Try to frame it differently if you can to make it appear like you have no other option but to apply for the waiver.

Undergraduate / Dentistry - personal statement for GKS-U Program [2]


Delete this. You have been instructed to write the essay either in full Hangul or full English. You cannot use a bastardized form of writing because you want to show off your Korean character skills. The reviewer will be very irritated by the inclusion of their writing in such a manner. There is no sense in using those characters since you know what it means in English. Stick to the English translation. He will not mind that.

The writing is good when looked at from a personal standpoint. However, when reading this from the point of view of the reviewer, what stands out is that the applicant did not read the writing instructions when he downloaded the application packet. They are several key discussion points that you should be covering in the presentation. Kindly review the writing guide for the personal statement and revise the content accordingly.

Writing Feedback / The Evolution of Rock Music: From Classic Rock to Modern Influences [2]

You are missing a discussion in relation to the pioneering foundation of rock which is rock and roll. While the influences may have come from several other music genres, the actual premise of modern rock stems from Rock n' Roll, as it was termed during the time of Elvis Presley. I think you should include a reference to how rock has always been the statement piece of music for each generation and evolution that is incarnates into. For example, the era of Elvis Presley was about having fun and just enjoying the music. Danceability was a must for that era. The Beatles, they signified an anti - war sentiment later on, which became reflected in the music that they produced. Sure, it was rock, but it has a subliminal message for the listeners. Information like that would show how and why the music evolved into what we know today.

Writing Feedback / Should the goverment support artists such as painters or musicians? [2]


What opinions are these? There is no such reference in the original statement. You should only be providing information from the source and not adding unverified information to the discussion. This addition actually made the prompt restatement confusing. The removal of this reference would have actually created a more understandable paragraph.

The essay is not using the correct discussion format. All of the opinions come from the personal opinion of the writer alone. The requirement is actually a comparative discussion that would allow the writer to compare and contrast the public opinion from his own. The comparison would have met the actual discussion criteria for this essay and allowed the writer to highlight his opinion in a more appropriate manner, since he would have weakened the public opinion or strengthened it, depending upon which side he actually supported in the writer's opinion statement.

Research Papers / Free Take Home Naloxone is not a moral dilemma, but an evidenced based life saving measure. [2]

It is best to avoid rhetorical questions when writing your introduction. Keep the focus on the information you are sharing. that means, you will have to pose your question as statement to make it work in the presentation. You should also provide an overview introduction that explains Naloxone to the reader and how ti affects the user. That way you properly introduce the pro and con of the treatment, allowing the reader to better understand what the paper will be discussing in later paragraphs.

Paragraph 2 contains numerical data which shows that an information source was used. Remember to always cite the sources used in the presentation otherwise you could be accused of plagiarism should the reference be flagged during the plagiarism check of your teacher.

Nalaxone is most useful in cases of an overdose. That is not a clear reference in your introduction. You need to integrate the reference to overdoes situations in that paragraph to clarify how the reference will be discussed and why it is sure to save lives in an overdose situation.


Are you asking a question or making a statement? I believe this sentence should be divided into 2 to make the discussion ideas per sentence clearer to the reader.


Is this a local measure or a national measure?

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING] OBJECTIVITY IN NEWS [2]


You should avoid using direct quotes from the original prompt. This affects your LR and TA score. The expectation is that the writer is able to interpret the given topic in his own words. If you have a problem with synonym usage, you can always refer to the online synonym websites for help. Or you can input the phrase into Google search and read the explanation. That way you can use your own words and interpretation when you write about it. Familiarize yourself with synonyms now, while you are still doing practice essays. It might come in handy during the actual test.


This does not respond to the writer's opinion question. So this will be considered an incorrect opinion and will receive a failing score in the preliminary TA score.

The essay will most likely receive a failing score because you do not properly discuss the topic as per the guidelines, add to that the fact that you are talking about the newspaper in the concluding summary and the essay could receive an automatic failing score. That is because the conclusion is meant to summarize the discussion. You are not permitted to write about a new topic in the conclusion because that final paragraph is meant to reverse paraphrase the previous discussion points. I really do not believe this essay can receive a passing score based on this presentation.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity [2]


Which countries? This statement is not informative and will confuse the reader. It is best to write a trending statement that will highlight a listing of the countries involved, depending upon their energy production.


You are trying to write a complex sentence, without using logic in your presentation. The information is lacking. What is the figure for the US? If you did provide the figure, then you did not do a very good job of indicating it. You have a problem with sentence clarity due to your confusing idea presentations. This is a problem that exists until the end of the presentation. This will also be the main reason why your essay will receive a failing score.

Writing Feedback / The life expectancy and GDP of certain countries [2]

There is an advised maximum word count of 200 words for the task 1 essay. That is to help ensure that you do not write beyond the 20 minute time frame. This is a quick description essay that needs only a little analysis in the presentation. You do not need to over analyze the image. Writing 223 words makes me fear tha tyou will cut into the 40 minute allowance for the task 2 essay. In which case, you may not finish the task 2 essay and end up with an auto failing score.

The task 1 essay is too wordy. You need to learn to write in a direct manner and avoid over analyzing the presentation. To achieve this, you need to improve your English vocabulary, synonym word usage, and comprehension skills. The shorter but clearer your presentation, the better for your overall score.

Writing Feedback / Enrolling in UEL university with IELTS certificates [3]


We do not allow access to exterior links due to safety and security considerations. Please upload the image file next time or your work will not receive a review. Thank you.


Do not refer to information that is not part of the original image. As per the given prompt, there is no band reference included in the image. Therefore, your summary overview is now incorrect. It will negatively affect your TA score in terms of topic restatement accuracy.


Do not use exaggerated words. This is an analytical report. Embellishments do not help with your score. Just state the facts directly.

Overall, the work contains very little errors that might affect your ability to get at least a base passing score.

Writing Feedback / The graph below gives information about U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008. [2]

This is too wordy for a Task 1 essay. It contains 231 words, which indicates that you took at least 30 minute to write this essay instead of the allotted 20 minutes for the task. Keep this essay short. Do not write more than 200 words and stuck to the 20 minute allowance. Failure to do so endangers your Task 2 essay completion, which will be losing minutes because some of it will be allotted to the task 1 essay. You do not want to take time away from the task 2 essay because you will get an automatic failing score if you fail to complete that writing task within the 40 minute allowance.

I will not review the content of this essay for now due to the overwriting that occurred. This cannot be reviewed because it is not an accurate reflection of how well you can write an essay within 20 minutes. I will review the next one that you will be writing, provided it falls under the correct word number already.

Writing Feedback / Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations? [3]


Incorrect word usage. You mean to say "rising" concerns, meaning a developing of concerns. Raising means to lift of move, or increase an amount. This mistake will lower your preliminary TA score.


Clarify your opinion. :Which government are we talking about? The international or local government? Remember, the errors are usually in the details. So work on making sure that you do not get TA and C+C deductions during the preliminary scoring round. Add up the 3 errors so far and the essay will probably achieve a more than 50% failing preliminary score, indicating that the essay will gain a final failing score as well because too many percentage points were lost during the preliminary scoring review.

Research Papers / How does the United States political climate impact the stock market? [2]

The first 2 paragraphs are very strong in terms of explanation. You are obviously familiar with the political climate and how it affects various aspects of the economy. However, you are missing a thesis statement a possible outcome scenario, as well as a doable solution. These are missing from the introduction, which would have clarified how the flow of the research would be going.


This has already been established in the earlier statements. It becomes a redundancy by this point. You can either use a different introduction or simply go directly into the discussion in the paragraph. There is no need to repeat yourself.

All things considered, this is a very interesting paper and highlights points that are surely to be discussed in the days to come as the political climate heats up leading into November. Address the points I mentioned and the essay will be good to go.

Undergraduate / GKS-U personal statement ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE [3]


Both indicates a plural form of a word. So you have to use the plural form of the word parent.


This may have been the way you were introduced to AKorea but the reviewers actually frown upon and dislike applicants whose most memorable reason for applying for a Korean scholarship, or coming to admire Korea came from K-Pop or K-Novela exposure. The Korean Wave in entertainment should not be mentioned so early in the essay. In fact, you should avoid mentioning that if you have a better reason to refer to.



Do not separate these 2 references. These should be merged as the reason for your interest in Artificial Intelligence. When put together, your application becomes stronger