Writing Feedback / Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. [4]

You have tried to increase the scoring potential of your essay through the use of advanced vocabulary and, what you hope to be excellent explanations of your reasons. The problem is that you have used the vocabulary incorrectly, leading to incoherent paragraph passages and incorrect word meaning in the applications. As such, the overall essay comes across as incoherent. It is difficult to understand the meaning of your paragraphs. You should have simply used everyday English words to help yourself come across more clearly to the reader.

In addition to those problems, you also failed to deliver the correct prompt restatement. You began your discussion immediately instead, leading you to provide the incorrect writer's opinion and thesis statement also. Basically, this essay does not have a writer's opinion nor thesis statement in the introduction. Therefore, the overall essay will receive a failing score.

Scholarship / Medical and wellness services - your purpose course and Institution (AAS, Master of Public Health) [2]

There is a specific prompt that asks you to discuss how the courses you have chosen will help you achieve your career goals. Save the first part of this response essay for that prompt. In this statement, you should be discussing the relationship of your academic needs with your course and university choices. This portion is about considering your strength and weaknesses as a professional. By providing an insight into your skills training and current career expertise, you can properly relate the expanded course and university choices with your academic goals and purposes. Your course and university discussions do not really expand on the information that would help the reviewer decide if you have really chosen the right course and university for your current skills and training.

Writing Feedback / Being dependend in the modern world [3]

You cannot jump to your personal opinion without first comparing the 2 public points of view in individual paragraphs. There are actually 2 ways to approaching the discussion of this topic. You can choose from the 3 paragraph approach and the 2 paragraph approach. What is the difference?

The 3 paragraph approach uses 3 stand alone comparisons, namely the 2 public opinions, then your personal opinion. The 2 paragraph approach allows you to give a personal opinion within the same paragraph as the public opinion.Comparing it to your personal opinion is a good move because it shows that you have a better understanding of the public opinion. This allows the reader to have a more educated opinion of your presentation.

Research Papers / A persuasive essay topic on why its best to prioritize a healthy lifestyle [2]


This is a rhetorical question that would have been best placed at the end of the introductory paragraph. It makes more sense to place it there as a part of the thesis statement and guide question. The first half of the paragraph should introduce the topic and establish the discussion points first.


What is compelling about it? You began a new topic but failed to follow through on it with a personal insight. You have to develop that pov a bit more to create a compelling argument for the statement.


The argument should be that vaping and smoking have the same ill effects on mental health. Recent medical studies have proven that to be the case.

Letters / International arbitration and environmental law - Motivation letter for master admission [2]

What you have written is a personal statement. There is very little motivation focus in the letter so this cannot be considered a real motivational explanation essay. Applicants often mistake a motivational letter for a personal statement, which is what you accidentally did in this presentation. So you cannot use this as a motivational letter. When writing a motivational letter, you should focus on the following information, unless otherwise specified:

1. Your current career status.
2. What you feel you can improve in your career and why.
3. How you see this course improving your handling of your workplace situation.
4. Why you are motivated to study in the school and the country.

Once you address these 4 main discussion concepts, you will have a better directed motivational letter.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the importance of use of force. [2]


Make sure to reference the author before the quotation int he paragraph. That way when you reference the author later on, there is a clarity in the paragraph in relation to whose ideas are being considered. You may want to add your own personal insight into the paragraph to create a balanced discussion. Remember, this is your research paper so your opinion also matters. You can disagree with the information provided if you want to. You do not always have to agree with it. Remember, the paragraph information only becomes valid with the inclusion of your insight. Do not rely heavily on the point of view of others in your paper and end the paragraph there. It creates a lopsided opinion presentation.

Undergraduate / Waterloo Computer Engineering: Reasons for choosing your program [2]

I would avoid referencing "since I was young" in this case. Most reviewers tend to see such references as exaggerations and ignore such references. It would be better if you provide a clearer educational goal for yourself. Do not focus solely on Artificial Intelligence. Be general in focus. Artificial Intelligence is not the best reference point right now because of the questions surrounding its validity and acceptability in the field. Try to give a general reference. Have a general interest in computer engineering. Do not paint yourself into a niche zone. That is what AI is considered at the moment so it is best to avoid being too identified with it. Pick the Waterloo programs that you are truly interested in and discuss it, do not just enumerate them. That does not tell the reviewer anything about how it will help your learning process.

Scholarship / a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connection [2]

Your reference got as far as the knowledge and skills discussion in the essay. In fact, you did this twice. You totally missed on the networking or connection usage though. You should be presenting ways by which you will be able to continue to promote the benefits of this scholarship program in Vietnam. For programs like these, networking is the only way by which they can grow their influence in promoting the use of the English language in international schools, where the students have almost null exposure to the English language. Add that portion to the response so that you will have an even better response to the given question.

Writing Feedback / Imprisonment is the best solution to crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [2]


Do not include terrorism in the reference. That was not part of the original presentation. Do not add information for the sake of meeting the word count. It creates an exaggerated presentation. Creasing means to fold, that is not the same as increasing which means to grow in number. So 2 deductions will be applied here, inaccurate task response and incorrect lexical resource.

The question was "to what extent?" You did not respond correctly to the given question. The task accuracy score will fail in the preliminary assessment because you did not provide the correct response format. As such, the essay will have already failed as the overall response and discussion presentation is inaccurate and thus, invalid.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Master's program in "Advanced Systems in Automation and Information Technology [3]

Where is the motivation? Where is the professional drive? The personal development consideration? The academic pursuit? The letter is empty. It is going around in circles, without actually making a point. You have not provided any motivational information in the letter. It is nothing more than a constant repetition of why you want to receive the scholarship. You do not need to explain your academic background and achievements as this is not a personal statement. You cannot use this letter as a motivational letter. It does not meet the information requirements for one. You have to take note of the questions I posed above, respond to those, and then adjust the presentation to create a proper motivational letter.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing: Reasons and solutions for teenagers prefering socializing online to meeting in person [2]

The essay is overwritten. You should not write more than 300 words for the task 2 essay. That is because you only have 40 minutes for this writing task. You should be focusing on editing yout 300 word essay to avoid point deductions instead of writing extra long essays which more often than not force grammatical and referencing errors in the essay.

Long essay = point deductions
Short essay = better score, less deductions


Aren't all relationships real? I think you meant to reference online relationships here. This is an easily spotted and corrected error. The problem, is that you focused on length rather than quality of writing. The result of which is a sloppy essay that has so many errors, it will fail based on technical errors.

Writing Feedback / The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types from 2000 and 2009 [2]

It is not enough to simply repeat the first part of the directions in the summary overview. You have to go beyond that to create a complete written picture of the information provided. That means, you should have listed the 4 types of schools that were used for the survey along with the separate years indicated. You cannot say that the survey was done inclusively from 200 to 2009 because the table clearly shows that the measurements were taken in 2000, 2006, and 2009. Those are separate year references. You will lose points for inaccurate information sharing. Your referencing for the different types of schools might also have been in error. You should double check that.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other. [2]


Nobody is asking if the statement is true or not. So you do not have to indicate that it is true. That is not a required opinion, nor is it part of the original topic presentation. The examiner will deduct points for all unrelated discussion references and content in the introductory paragraph.


Be careful of repeated phrases, that will result in deductions in the C+C and GRA sections. Always remembr to proof read your essay once you have finished writing it. Review and edit. Do not be in a hurry to submit it at once. Perfect the content so that you can get the best score possible from the examiner. That said, the essay will be seen as properly developed just the same.

Writing Feedback / People are living longer lives now than they did in the past. [2]


Nobody is arguing this information with you. There is no need to provide an attestation in the paragraph. You simply have to restate the original topic without exaggerations or references that would alter the original topic presentation. This sentence will reduce the first paragraph score in terms of Task Accuracy requirements.

The paragraph also lacks a clear reference to your opinion and thesis statement. That paragraph will definitely receive a failing score. You did not meet the response formatting requirements in that section. The essay will start with a failing score. I am not sure if you can overcome the deductions with the remaining considerations. That is unlikely. Once you fail in the first paragraph, you cannot receive a passing score at the end.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - national consumer spending [2]

The essay is incomplete. The summary overview does not state several considerations such as :

1. What is the measurement method used?
2. What are the factors that were considered?
3. What is the spending trend on the upward and downward considerations?

As such, the summary overview will not receive a passing score. Simply meeting the word count using the other paragraphs does not mean the analysis essay will receive a passing score. It needs to be properly developed as well.

the last paragrpah is also under developed in terms of analysis considerations. It should have at least 3 sentences in it to qualify as a complete paragraph. Writing less means the information is not properly analyzed.

Letters / Education at the University of Twente - motivation letter [2]

This is not a well developed motivational letter. It is short, which makes it a good draft. An acceptable starting point for the actual, full response presentation. The motivation is not really existing in this letter in the manner that the reviewer would be anticipating. You need to focus more on 3 aspects for your motivation: personal, academic, professional. These 3 should combine to create a full motivational picture for the examiner, who is searching for compelling reasons to accept your application to their masters course. You have plenty of room to explain those reasons, make sure the revise the essay accordingly to qualify for application consideration. Right now, you have an empty motivational letter. There is no true motivation in it.

Writing Feedback / News plays an important part in most people's lives [2]

The essay is due to receive an immediate failing score. Kindly look at the guide writing question again. It asks the questions with the reference word "or". That word means that options are available to choose from. You cannot choose both. Why can't you choose both? You cannot chose both because this is not a compare and contrast prompt. This is a single opinion question which requires 2 paragraphs for its full explanation of your opinion. Since you did not follow the instructions, you will not receive a passing score for this test. Your opinion is not clear and you did not follow the writing format requirements. There is no reason for this essay to pass the test.

Writing Feedback / Abstract: Relationship between customers and supermarkets [2]

I think that you should avoid the mention of the Post Covid 19-era in the paper. It is not really a strong factor to be considered in the points that you have listed. So what is the point of mentioning it? Unless you plan to do a comparison between Covid 19 lock down grocery shopping in relation to the post Covid 19 scenario, then there is no clear connection. You can just discuss the technological trends instead that have led to the changing supermarket shopping mindset of the people. Regardless of Covid 19, it has become easier fofr people to just order their groceries online. That platform already existed long before the Covid 19 lock-down.

Writing Feedback / People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it [2]

The first paragraph is not well developed. The idea behind the original topic got lost in the paraphrasing. The same goes for the writer's opinion. It is a run-on sentence that does not really make sense to a native English speaker. You have to keep your sentences short, and focused on single idea presentations. Otherwise, you end up with a confusing mess in the paragraph. This first paragraph is evidence of that.

Seeing as this is a single opinion essay, you cannot write reasoning paragraphs that support both sides. That is because you are going to be scored on how you best defend your thoughts in support of one opinion only. The essay will receive a failing mark because you do not have enough ideas and supporting evidence presented for either points of view.

Writing Feedback / Many women now have children later in life. What are the causes? What are the pros and cons? [2]


Avoid the use of over used and exaggerated English reference phrases such as this one. Examiners consider its use a memorized phrase from your practice essay writing and essay study days.


This is a personal opinion that is not related to the discussion topic that was provided for restatement. As such, this will be considered a deviation and cause deductions to the paragraphs in terms of task accuracy considerations. This sentence belongs on the last part of the paragraph as a part of the thesis statement, in relation to the writer's opinion.

The essay is over discussed. The standard reasoning paragraph is limited to 2 paragraphs. You have written 3, an unrealistic writing goal during an actual test when you have only 40 minutes to write the essay.

Writing Feedback / Online classes make conventional classrooms unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [2]

The essay is going to receive an immediate failing score. A quick review of the given statement shows that the writer did not follow the correct writing format in the development of his response. He did not answer the question provided. He instead, created his own topic to respond to. So he cannot receive a passing score credit in the Task Accuracy section. Once you do not respond properly to the given question, the essay will never receive a passing score. The incorrect response shows a lack of English comprehension skills. You do not understand English instructions, which is why you did not provide the correct response format for the test. Always respond in the manner required of the writing guide prompt.

Scholarship / IT usage - reasons why I am proposing to these institutions (AAS) [4]

Do not focus so much on the weakness of IT cybersecurity in your country. The reviewer is not interested in that. He is actually more interested to learn about your professional needs in relation to advanced theoretical study. You must be an IT professional of some sort right? Discuss your current job and how these courses would help you improve your capacity to respond to IT security tasks are needed in your department. You can then highlight these needs in relation to the university and course choices. I think you have more qualifications than you are letting on in this response. Build your image. Convince the reviewer that you are a potentially excellent addition to either university roster.

Writing Feedback / Preventing foreign companies from opening businesses to protect the local companies [2]


All IELTS Task 2 essays are single opinion essays unless otherwise specified as a comparative discussion. Since this essay is being written in reference to an agree or disagree question, you need to choose one opinion to defend in the reasoning paragraphs. Your writer's opinion and thesis statement will receive failing credits because you do not have a clear, singular opinion in the presentation. Therefore, you are not responding to the question in the expected format. In most instances, this would result in an immediate failing score for the essay.

The rest of the essay will be scored based on an under developed discussion since not enough evidence has been presented to support the validity of either discussion. That is because you do not have a clear opinion to begin with. You will not lose points for choosing one opinion over the other. There are no right or wrong responses in this test.

Writing Feedback / The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health [2]

The introduction paragraph needs more clarity. You cannot go from social media to virtual reality (VR) without first establishing a direct link between the two. How did social media evolve from social sites and apps to an alternate digital reality? Is this fast catching on among the youth and other users? What age groups are heavily involved in VR? What assumptions can you make that would reference the effect of VR on mental health? You are to look at VR and social media as 2 different areas. Either you want to discuss social media, or you want to discuss virtual reality in relation to mental health. These are different social platforms with different access and social experiences that may or may not affect mental health.

Writing Feedback / (WRITING TASK 2) Cosmetic surgery [2]


There is no need to say this. You already established the discussion parameters within the prompt restatement and quite well developed writer's opinion and thesis statement. This last sentence actually cost point deductions where none were supposed to be applied if you had not included this reference sentence.

Both reasoning paragraphs are well developed and show a clear thought process when using the English language. You have good control of sentence formations and use enough vocabulary to qualify as an intermediate English speaker. You actually have a very good chance of passing this test. A reminder though, the concluding summary should have a total of 40 words in it to qualify for full scoring credit. You did not reach that magic number. You can write more, but not less than that word count in that paragraph.

Writing Feedback / In some countries, many children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. [2]

One of the immediate noticeable problems that will reduce your score is the way you have disregarded the English writing rules. You cannot write the first word of a new sentence in lower case letters. Such sentence starter words are always written with a capital letter for the first word. This consistent error in your essay writing will most than likely result in a failing GRA score. After all the acronym stands for Grammar Range and Accuracy, which your writing currently does not have. That said, you delivered a strong discussion for both sides. The comparison is well thought out, although not well presented grammatically. You will still get points though since the thoughts and ideas are understandable enough to the examiner.

Writing Feedback / a huge money and time should be spent on wild animals or human population [2]

The prompt restatement is not clear. I am not sure if it is because the word choices are incorrect or, if the writer translated the original prompt word for word into his native language first, then transitioning back to English, which caused the confusing writing in this paper. The sentences may have made sense in your head, in your native language, but it did not translate properly to English. You also made a mistake in your writer's opinion. All task 2 essays are single opinion presentations. You cannot both agree and disagree with the given statement. That will result in an unclear opinion and cause an immediate failing score for your essay.

Scholarship / Coming of Age - Personal Statement for GKS Scholarship [2]

Remove the reference to language study. There is a specific prompt that will allow you to discuss that in more detail. It is misplaced in this essay and removes the focus from the actual discussion. The content is not really well aligned with the prompt requirements for an undergraduate essay so you may want to review the prompt writing guides, comparing it to your current essay, and then adjusting the content accordingly. Do not worry about your closing paragraph at this point. It is the body of the application essay that you should be focusing on at the moment. Aside from joining skincare competitions, you should mention if you won the competition also. If you did not win, then expand on what lessons you learned from joining the competition.

Scholarship / A traditional South-Asian household - Application for Waterloo Fermat Workshop [3]

When they asked you to brag a bit, you should actually bragged a lot. You should mention specific achievements, instead of giving blanket mentions. Name the awards and competitions you won. It does not matter if you won it for Math or Chess, the two are related in this case. So, go ahead, show off, talk about the competitions and the difficulties, how you finally won the competitions or won the awards. Now is not the time to be simple or down to earth. Everyone else will be bragging away and here to you come, with such a simple and almost embarrassed presentation of your accomplishments. Go ahead and be more specific, the committee members will appreciate it.

Writing Feedback / Do you think it is better to do schoolwork with other students or to work alone? [2]

I do not know where to start with the review of this essay. It is simply not well written, developed, nor discussed. Your word choices and spelling are highly problematic, the sentence presentations are not structured properly, and the thoughts indicated are not understandable to a native English speaker. You are not at the correct writing level yet to consider taking any of the available English qualifying tests. You need to enroll in English language classes. That is step 1 for you. You cannot self study for the TOEFL or IELTS tests at this point. You need to learn the basics of English grammar first. Once you understand those basics, you can move on to practicing for the tests.

Undergraduate / Point of view different from a teacher or employer - FIT Portfolio [2]

The tendency of your response is to be too vague. You are not making enough specific references in the presentation to qualify it as a an honest response. For example, when you say "not long ago", you are not being clear about when the situation actually happened, which is an important consideration for the assessment of your application. Your statement could mean anything from a few days ago, to a few years ago. The validity of the experience comes into question. The comments you made does not address how you actually improved your skills to help address the comments about your performance. You need to exemplify how you successfully made th changes. What did it take for you to successfully change your work ethic to deliver what the job requires?

Research Papers / Going with EV electric cars - resarch paper [2]


You cannot make vague references in a research paper. The model, year of release, and reasons for the failure of the vehicle should also be indicated.

The paper is scattered from the very start. You definitely lack focus. You should aim to make it clear that the paper will be focusing on the comparison of full electric and hybrid car sales. Why the transition to full electric is difficult and why people prefer the hybrid cars instead. You need a stronger and more insightful introduction and thesis statement in this case. You lost me in the first paragraph. I did not want to continue reading it because the introduction did not make any sense. There was a lack of continuity and connection between the two ideas.

Writing Feedback / Living away from home during university? - Ielts writing task 2 [2]

Unfortunately, the way this essay is written is quite incoherent. It will definitely get the lowest marks possible in the LR, C+C, and GRA sections. The thought presentation is problematic. The writer displays an inability to form even the most basic of English sentences. He does not have any grasp of how to form a simple English sentence. There is a clear lack of understanding with regards to word meaning in relation to sentence usage. These are the main reasons that the test taker will not receive a passing score. It is not for the lack of effort in writing, but rather a lack of English language training in the written word. Improve your vocabulary and learn to write simple English sentences first.

Writing Feedback / The following graph shows the percentage of unemployment rates for the female in the UK. [2]

The summary overview and analytical paragraphs do not feel complete. It comes across as having missing information. There is something about the 4 areas specified that is confusing to the reader. Are these area locations, work locations, or some other specific area? The reader will actually come across more confused, rather than informed, based on this presentation. You should have taken the time to double check your information and the clarity of your presentation paragraphs while you had time to do so. In an actual setting, this essay would have received severely reduced points in the TA, C+C, and GRA sections. Those deductions will result in a non-passing score.

The second paragraph does not meet proper formatting requirements. It is one sentence short of the minimum sentence presentation requirement per paragraph.

Research Papers / The Potential of Artificial Intelligence in Healthcare - AI Persuasive Research Essay for ENG102 [2]

The presentation can do with a better introduction. It is important to look at the historical problems of healthcare that AI can potentially help solve. For example, refer to problems with patient consultation and symptom analysis. AI can shorten the assessment process in most instances, giving doctors the closest or singular illness possibility or possibilities through an interactive assessment process that doctors cannot do. The introduction needs to catch the eye of the reader immediately through the use of an easily relatable reference. That paragraph is weak in that aspect because it does not start with a medical focus. Keep the focus on the healthcare nature of the research from the very start.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010 [2]

It is always best to indicate the number of images provided in the summary overview. That way the reader has a truly clear picture of how the information is being presented to them. That way when you say 2010 and 2015, the reader automatically knows that the information is separated and that each year is represented by a pie chart. I know, you want to do it faster by using the format you used here. Faster is not always better scoring though. Aim for the presentation that will get you a higher overall score at all times.

The rest of the presentation is acceptable. It is clear and concise. You have enough sentences in each paragraph to warrant full scoring considerations. Good job. The presentation is easily understood and the examiner will reward that with a better score overall.

Graduate / AAS - Translation Studies : Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [2]

While you did present some good reasons in the earlier paragraphs for your master's course choice, it is not perfectly aligned with the institutions that you have chosen to study at. To create a more effective reasoning conversation for this topic, you must realize that you have to present the reasons why you chose the universities. The best way to prove that you have given ample thought to your university choices is to match the university with your skills and career plans. Have 2 unique sets of reasons for each university. That way the reviewer will see that you have actually done research into the universities and that you have the background with which to complete the learning path provided to you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WT2: spoken communication is more powerful than written communication. [2]

There is a problem in the opening paragraph. There is no real restatement. as required by the task accuracy scoring measurements. You began the presentation with your personal opinion. So you totally skipped the prompt restatement, writer's opinion, and thesis statement. You basically provided 3 reasoning paragraphs. Creating an invalid first paragraph in the process. It is not the justification of the discussion topic that is needed. It is the response to the "extent" question provided. To what extent to you agree or disagree with the given statement? You created a prompt deviation which will lead to an automatic failing score for that paragraph, meaning the essay will not be able to achieve even a basic passing score after further scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / How many migrants worked temporarily in 4 different countries [2]

The task 1 essay should only be composed of 200 words at the most. You have over analyzed the information to the point where you will not have enough time left to respond properly to the task 2 essay, which is part of the 1 hour time allotment for the essay writing section. Do not focus on your vocabulary usage in the essay. Keep it short and clear. You are supposed to deliver the information in a manner that shows your English comprehension skills in a manner similar to a class recitation or short quiz. This essay will get cut when you submit it because it is too long. You will also end up failing the task 2 essay part because you will not have enough time to completely discuss it, since you used most of the time in writing the task 1 report.

Writing Feedback / Is technology (television, computers, cell phones, tablet devices, MP3 players) beneficial for child [3]

Is this essay meant for a task 2 practice essay? If it is, then you have overwritten the essay to the point where you will more than likely not complete the writing of this essay prompt during the actual test. You have written close to 400 words in this essay. An impossible feat during the actual test when you consider that you only have 40 minutes to properly develop your discussion for the topic provided.

There is a prompt separation in your restatement. Asking at what a child should start using gadgets is different from asking if using gadgets is beneficial to a child. Therefore, your prompt restatement will receive a failing score. You misunderstood the question so you did not correctly interpret it. Now, your discussion paragraphs may have merit. However, the fact that this would be an incompletely written essay during an actual test would mean that you would get a failing score for an open ended essay. You would not have enough time to conclude your discussion in the real setting.