Your prompt restatement is a failing paragraph. The establishing topic sentence does not meet the basic interpretation requirements as you have included information and reasons that are not a part of the original presentation. That alters the direction of the essay discussion in the process. It is this misinterpretation of the original prompt presentation that led you to not properly respond to the proper writer's opinion sentence. Your essay has already failed right off the bat. Your TA score will be scored based on an unrelated discussion and opinion. It may be impossible for you to achieve even a base passing score since the preliminary score is already a failing one. You are not using the proper first person pronouns in the presentation, which makes the discussion come across a a general opinion rather than a personal one. Then, the concluding paragraph is too short. You need at least 40 words in that section to qualify it for scoring consideration. The overall essay is a failing score one.
Have you written this statement in response to the AAS? You neglected to mention what scholarship this is for. Based on your university choices though, I am going to assume that is what you are applying for. Based on what I have read, your response is off base. You are giving a general response with vague references. You have to go into this statement with specific responses per university. The idea is to show that you see the value of every masters course in relation to your professional needs in terms of development or increasing your skill set. The post study reference is not necessary in this case. Focus only on the skills and theory reasons for your university choices.
Being an Erasmus Mundus motivational letter, I was expecting a far more interesting and informative presentation than this. Your letter is not as informative as it could have been. The discussion points are too clipped, summarized, for the reviewer to consider this letter an essential part of your application. There is a need for you to be more open in this letter, developing more than what you have here. Take these points, but explain further. Make sure the motivation always pops, regardless of what aspect of the prompt you are discussing. Only one part of the letter should be brief. The rest needs to be better threshed out at those are considered the most important consideration aspects of your motivation.
Since this is a personal statement, it should not touch on your academic and professional exposure. The personal statement is meant to allow the reviewer to assess if you would be a social fit for their student community. That has more to do with who you are beyond the classroom and the workplace. That is why paragraphs 2,3, and 4 seem to be out of place in this discussion. The essay will definitely become shorter without those paragraphs, but it would be more adherent to the personal statement requirements. It will allow you to deliver more of a personal insight into who you are as a person, rather than as a student or professional.
My opinion is that you do not really respond to the question being asked. Your introduction is confusing and not really directed towards the area of study you are interested in. Maybe you believe you delivered a qualified response in that paragraph, but you did not do an effective job of translating your idea into a believable word format. It would be better if you revise the total essay so that you can clearly explain:
1. How your beliefs will be supported by RSM as an MSc student. 2. What specific aspects of study will address your theoretical and practical needs. How does RSM meet these personal requirements of yours?
Reasons for choosing the university should be more related to the area of study and exposure you can get from both the university and the country. That is not what appears in your explanation.
When you mention the type of image, it would be best for your score if you immediately include information about the number of line graphs and what these represent. When you do it in the 2nd sentence, it becomes more difficult for the reader to separate the image references in their minds. Always remember, it is understood that the reader will not have access to the image so you must ensure that your summary helps develop the idea clearly in their minds. Failure to do so could affect your GRA score.
The overall presentation is acceptable. Acceptable is not good enough. Try to develop your analysis and reporting presentation by 2 more sentences per paragraph to meet the maximum scoring requirements per paragraph. Show more intellectual ability in your writing task.
The most ideal word count for a task 1 essay would be 175 words. That would assure you of a good score per consideration section. 200 would be the maximum word allowance since you only have 20 minutes to develop this written task. Do not cut into the Task 2 writing time as much as possible since it would be extremely bad for your Task 2 score if you do not meet the full writing requirement due to time miscalculations on your part.
A pie chart was mentioned in one review. What happened to the analysis of the 2nd chart? Make the analysis and comparisons of the 2 pies clear. Address these individually and ensure that the reader is informed about the information difference. You did not do that in this presentation and yet, you managed to over write the essay. There is something wrong with the way you wrote the essay.
Unfortunately, I am not impressed by the writing level you have presented in this essay. Rather than sounding like the work of a college graduate with enough experience to discuss a comparison of electric vehicles at a post college level, you presented a paper that reads like a high school student wrote it as a part of a simple research paper presentation instead. It is not really notable in information, nor does it catch the interest of the reviewer. You have to understand that the papers being presented for consideration will be far more complicated than what you have developed and would show more learning potential and career promise for the applicant. The only way to fix this essay would be to have a professional do the writing for you. Do not use an AI in this case because the AI may not be able to provide the correct comparison slant for the topic.
You are already applying for a PhD scholarship. One of the highest levels of academic study. So application information should not be going back t elementary school. Data shared in the essay should refer to your most recent, post masters degree studies instead. There should be a track of continued learning and career progression present in the discussion. It should not back track to pre-college days, it should start from post college days instead. The prompt may seem open but the reviewers will be looking for certain information that has a demarcation line. At a certain point, they will not consider information provided. Not when it time travels to a period when your dreams were just starting. You are expected to have already achieve some of your dreams at this point. You should be able to discuss that thoroughly in this essay in relation to the prompt requirements.
The story about your grandma and how she inspired you to become a sonographer is the worst story you can share. You had no actual exposure to sonography that would have impacted you in a way that would lead to a career choice. Researching a career based on the dream of someone else, and without a valid reason coming from that person does not boost interest in your application. It actually serves to lessen the interest in your application because you have no solid ground to base your interest in the course on. There is no real calling for you towards that career. The last paragraph works even further against your application since it is a totally unrelated medical incident being presented to the reviewer. He will not believe anything in this essay because of the lack of plausible information coming from it.
Paragraph 5 should be further developed. That paragraph offers you the opportunity to further enhance your qualifications as a potential student and scholar at the university. You already started it on a strong note, but then pulled back when it came time to discuss your student strengths in relation to what the university and its associate teaching arm represents. You have to make that paragraph stronger.
Never beg for a scholarship. Remove paragraph 6. You should get the scholarship based on your own merits instead of pleading for the scholarship because of your financial situation. Note that the scholarship prompt does not ask you to do that. Doing so could work negatively in terms of your application consideration.
You need to set up an actual scenario in the response to the prompt. The situation has to be hypothetical in relation mental health. This current presentation is way too brief to meet the 200 word requirement. It also must present an actual, possible problem that you would need to address in terms of mental health within the workplace. The depiction given is not strong enough. It does not meet the required application considerations. It would be better if you write a new essay so that you can consider creating a different scenario and address the possible leadership requirements you will need to display so that you can effectively resolve the situation. Language does not always have a mental health connection so you will need to figure out how to connect the 2.
The essay lacks in required substance overall. It does not provide information as required by the list of writing prompts in the application packet.this is a mere academic biography, which, although a necessary part of the application, should not be only content of the packet. You have selectively responded to certain aspects of the written interview rather than responding to all of the questions. That is more than likely because of your lack of actual qualifications prior to applying for the program. A GKS scholar should have at least 2 years or related work experience or exposure. Practical encounters that prove you have the theoretical and technical skills to complete the course. Try to create a more focused paper if you can. Your narration tries to cover too many unrelated information in the presentation. Develop a single outlook paper.
Your networking essay is too busy. It is without a clear and accurate direction that would show how your network has managed to help you mount a successful event or solve a potentially explosive work situation. The reviewer is going to look for a solid method by which you utilized your existing network. He will also look for an impressive way by which you managed to expand your network either through the expansion of your existing contacts or, creating new contacts. He has to see that you have the ability to form professional relationships that matter in your field. This essay does not accomplish that. Even more disappointing is that you have not why your networking abilities will be beneficial to Chevening members of the past, present, and future. If you do not have an existing network to share and develop, you will lose an opportunity to the applicants who can offer such a scenario to Chevening.
Do not waste the time of the admissions officers with petty information such as how to address you. That is not a required part of a motivational letter and would be better discussed using a more relevant writing prompt. The motivational letter is not to be used as a background explanation. Just get to the point about your motivation for your interest in this course.
My journey so far has equipped me with a distinct viewpoint that combines the practical aspects of business with technology.
Again, this is information that would work better as section of your personal statement. This is not discussing a motivation but a background so it is not considered relevant information. Avoid filling the essay with unnecessary information. 2 paragraphs of not motivation related content and the admissions officer will set aside your application due to irrelevant content. You need to present your motivation early on. Do not make that wait till the 4th paragraph. Open the letter with the 4th paragraph instead and expand on it. You do not need to write a lot of information, you should concentrate on writing relevant information only.
Remove the reference to your academic background. That should not be included in a motivational letter. The story about the mother of your friend can be included as a part of your motivation to study in Turkey. However, your reference point may not he believable to the reviewer since it is a friend of tour mom that suffered from cancer. The personal motivation is weak. Normally, the inspiration comes from a direct relationship with you such as a family member or a close friend of yours. Theblast paragraph does not work as a valid reason to study in Turkey. Promoting a nomadic lifestyle may be acceptable in Mongolia, bit could prove to be insulting to Turks. It would be best not to touch on that topic in that manner.
Your language study plan is incomplete. You have introduced your pre arrival preparations but not your post arrival language study plans. Do not use a shortcut presentation for this aspect. Be detailed. You totally skipped your TOPIK preparation plans which you will be taking upon your completion of the Hangul language program when you arrive. Your plans to develop your Hangul proficiency is too simple. You are over confident in the presentation. Do not be cocky. Show an actual language study plan. That should be at least one page long if you are to be intricate with your study plans. The reviewer expects nothing less. I am not confident that you will succeed with such a vague language study plan.
I am not sure why you are using an unrelated historical viewpoint for this discussion. You are expected to rely on modern or 20th century information for this presentation. Shopping is not an ancient tradition, it is a fairly modern development that gained momentum as women became financially independent and empowered to spend money on themselves. The essay should be based upon the ability of women to earn their own money and spend it on themselves. I am not sure why you are writing such a brief paragraph about a topic that could easily be discussed over 4 paragraphs. I am even more puzzled that you would use ancient references in the discussion when clearly, a modern point of view is required. You cannot use ancient references because this is a personal point of view essay.
Your Task Accuracy score will not meet the preliminary passing standards. While you did write a pretty acceptable restatement, you failed to qualify your writer's opinion using the thesis statement format. Therefore, you did not present a clear opinion, as supported by summary presentations, in this section. You cannot receive any score for the writer's opinion section.
It is important that you learn how to think in English so that your thoughts will translate properly and clearly into the written text. The paragraphs have a problem in terms of coherence. You are relying mostly on word fillers to meet the word count, which affects the clarity of your statements. You will also notice that there are some points where you use a full stop (period) before you are ready to end the sentence, resulting in a confusing idea presentation. These sorts of errors will lead you to a failing GRA score. Which will affect your final score negatively in the process.
The first reasoning paragraph will not be accepted by the reviewer. That is because you are contradicting your personal opinion as you previously presented it in the writer's opinion section. Remember that this is a single opinion essay. As such, you will need to use 2 discussion paragraphs to convince the reader tha tyour opinion is correct. When you walk back that statement, the examiner will not only disregard that paragraph, but he will also deduct it from the word count, making your essay come in under the required number of words. This will lead to an under developed reasoning essay, which means you will not get a passing score for this particular writing. You need 2 supporting paragraphs that do not deviate from your opinion to ensure a passing score for this prompt.
The first thing you have to do is lose the quotations from other people in the presentation. The reviewer is not interested in what these people said or how it inspired you. He is interested in your thoughts alone. Granted that these thoughts would have been influenced by other people, they should not be seen as the actual source of your inspiration though. Aim to use your personal experiences and thoughts to create a stronger impression on the reviewer. Why are you concerned about employee retention? How do you see yourself solving this problem in the future? Think about these 2 elements when writing. You may refer to the information gleaned from other sources, but you will have to revise it to suit your point of view regarding the matter.
Keep your writing down to the maximum of 300 words. That way you create a concise essay presentation which will best serve your desire to achieve a high score in every section. At this point, writing almost 400 words might prevent you from completing your essay writing during the actual test. It is important to ensure that you know how many words you can write within 40 minutes so use a timer to keep you on track.
You cannot argue a personal opinion in this essay because you are not being asked to present one. The writing instruction is only asking for a general comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of computers being used in education. These types of essays ask you to present both sides of the discussion so that the reader can generate his personal opinion based upon the information you have presented.
There are so many things wrong with this letter that I do not know where to begin. I guess I have to start somewhere though. So, okay. I'll start my review with the content of the motivational letter. A motivational letter should focus on your professional exposure, along with your personal insight, as to why you need to complete a masters degree. What it should not contain is an academic biography of your college experiences and academic awards. The awards and notations that matter in a motivational letter are those that already directly relate to your professional experience, be it in the form of seminars attended, recognition from the company, or research breakthroughs. All of which would inspire and motivate you to further develop your career
While you have written more than the required word count to get major scoring points for your presentation, the lack of proper paragraph formatting and lack of proper information analysis will ensure that your essay does not get near the passing mark.
Remember that the summary paragraph requires you to properly identify the image provided so that the reader can imagine what the measurement information page looks like. you cannot simply say "The chart" because there are several chart versions available. You need to be specific and say "The bar chart" since that is what was presented to you for your analysis. You also forgot to tell the reader what measurement instrument was used (percentage).
You should not be presenting a trending statement as a stand alone sentence. You should merge it into the summary overview for the best scoring effect. All the other paragraphs should have at least 3 sentences presented and also, you should have 3 paragraphs to present in the analysis portion.
Your essay is very wordy but not really very informative. The reviewer does not have the time to read flowery statements such as these. They prefer direct to the point discussions that focus immediately on the required writing information. Try to limit your creativity in the presentation and be more direct in your informational approach. It would help the reviewer a lot to not have to weed through so many words just to get to your point. You should also review the essay to remove the references to the language study plan and the TOPIK test. Those information belong to the Language Study plan and would better suit your intentions in that section.
Since this is a task 2 essay prompt, you should not be writing almost 500 words for the opinion discussion. You only have 40 minutes to complete the presentation. During this time, you should be able to draft, review, revise, edit, and finalize the presentation. Which means you cannot write more than 300 words so that you can focus on the quality of your writing, which will give you more points, rather than the length, which will result in more deducted points due to forced grammatical errors. This essay has many of those errors because you mistakenly thought that the longer the essay, the better the grade. That is a false belief. The more concise your essay, the better your chances of passing the test.
A college transfer is usually based upon the student's intent to learn above the scale that is currently offered by his current college or university. The discussion should be focused on showing how far you have come in terms of learning and pushing the academic boundaries of your current school and why it no longer measures up to your current academic theoretical and practical needs. This whimsical tale does not really run along those lines. While this is your personal background, which is also relevant to the discussion, I do not see how you will improve academically with the school change. You should consider less whimsy and more academic relevance in this presentation.
Your intent to study Human Behavior in Turkey, through this scholarship is not one that will impress the reviewer. You have no true important intention to study in a Turkish university at this point. Your early story is nothing more than a tale to reviewer. There was no follow through in terms of that story being fully related to your intention to study in Turkey. Even your later explanations disconnect from the focus of a letter of intent. This presentation is more of a personal statement than anything else. A statement of intent or a letter of intent should explain your professional and academic reasons for pursuing this course. Unfortunately, the letter falls short of becoming a true letter of intent.
There are various reasons contributing to this trend.
A clear question was asked as a part of the writing guide. You are expected to provide a short response to that question, for development in the reasoning paragraphs. Failure to address the question with a direct response will result in an incomplete writer's opinion, which will affect the clarity of the writer's opinion as scored in the Task Accuracy section. Expect to receive deductions for not giving a clear response to the writing guide inquiry.
This is a connecting phrase. It cannot be used at the start of a sentence since it does not connect one presentation idea to the next. This incorrect connecting phrase usage will result in a GRA deduction.
Consider finding a connection between your interest in Pathway A and your thesis research. You will do well to show a continuing point of interest and study to the reviewer to help heighten your application consideration. Once there is a clear connection, the reviewer will understand how serious you are to attend the program.
contributing to the field.
That may be clear to you, but you have to explain it to the reader. You cannot make blanket statements and expect the reader to understand and justify your claims.
Such as? The main fault of your essay is that you have a tendency to make unjustified claims. There is no evidence coming from you that would prove any of the information you have provided. So the reviewer is informed only on a limited, and possibly irrelevant basis with regards to your application.
Your paragraphs tend to overwhelm the reader due to the volume of information you try to cram into each one. It will be better if you divide the paragraph content into related focus points via a properly targeted discussion paragraph for each of your idea presentations. You have to understand, the essay becomes difficult to follow when you have more than 1 topic focus per paragraph. The reviewer will find it extremely confusing to follow the discussion you are presenting. It is important that you highlight these discussion points on a solo basis. Your application is interesting, but confusing to track. Try to revise the statement to be better targeted, allowing each idea to shine on its own through its own paragraph presentation.
A gothic story should engage the senses of the reader from the start. The sense of dread, terror, fear, and uncertainty should be set up in the first scene, regardless of whether it is written text or a scene from a movie. Your work is trying to achieve that but you do not have the experience to pull it off. The best thing that you can do at this point is to read the works of Edgar Allan Poe, the master of goth. Once you have read his work, you will have a better guide or template that would help you develop your own gothic style of writing. You have the potential. The idea is right. It is the execution that is flawed.
You are spending too much time on introducing your background when you should be focused on the core intent discussions. In my opinion, you can remove the first 3 sentences from the presentation without affecting the later explanation, which is more related to the required information for the essay statement. Expand further on the core skills and development discussion. It is too short. You can use at least 2 or 3 more sentences to do that. That is one of the reasons why you have to remove the earlier sentences. Those simply do not fit the required narrative. The rest of your explanations are informative in the manner required so you do not have to worry about the rest of the essay presentation.
Focus on the coop program. Show that you are familiar with the opportunities the program provides the students, which cannot be found at other universities. Remember that the prompt is a trick question. The reviewer wants to know that you have an academic agenda that can be addressed by the existing Waterloo programs. Try to look into the actual ways that you can learn through the coop program. It is important to provide an actual outline of how you would participate in the program. That way the reviewer will realize the depths by which you have ambitioned to attend the university. It is all about your familiarity with the university offerings that will help you achieve the dream. Be specific, this response is too general in reference for the reviewer to be impressed.
Do not ever give an attestation to the truthfulness or falsity of the given opinion. That is never going to be a task requirement. Doing so will result in a prompt deviation that could lead to an automatic failing score. Why? You changed the writing rules for the essay. You added an insignificant element. That is a no-no in the task 2 presentation.
lifestyle, and this issue c
You should not be using a connecting word in the sentence since the discussion elements are different in focus. The last part should have been written as a stand alone statement also. This run-on, compressed sentence will result in GRA deductions.
You cannot focus your reasoning on youngsters because the essay is addressing a general pandemic. You should be referencing the general population to avoid further C+C deductions.
The line graph summary description is incomplete. To complete the presentation, you should include an enumeration of the 5 items that are listed in the line graph. That is to help the reader identify what items will comprise the analysis paragraphs later on.
Further review of your work shows that the trending statement is missing from the presentation. You immediately moved to the comparison presentation in the next paragraph, which negated the trending statement. The trending statement is more often than not integrated into the summary overview. Kindly remember to clearly indicate the trend in your next task 1 practice essay.
Consider extending your analysis paragraphs. These are too short and quickly presented. The image information was just presented to the reader. A clear analysis was not prioritized in the paragraph presentation. These should have equal importance
One of the major deductions that will be applied to this essay is your lack of proper sentence writing. You are supposed to be familiar with the basic English writing rule which is, the first word of every sentence must be written with a capital letter. You never did that in this presentation. You can expect a failing mark in your GRA score because of this oversight. I am choosing to believe that it is an oversight because you did a pretty good job of explaining your reasoning paragraphs, so that means you are capable of understanding and writing in English. You just forgot how it should be written in sentence form.
I money can only help solve n
There should not be an I in this presentation. Another writing oversight on your part.
You are well within the word count to receive maximum scoring consideration for each section. Your explanations are coherent and cohesive, leading to understandable descriptions of the provided image. While the essay itself can be understood by a native English speaker, this will not be without allowances for incorrect grammar. You will be given a pass for incorrect sentence development, which will be deducted from your C+C and GRA scores. These should be minimal in deduction since you did not leave the examiner confused by what you are trying to explain. Overall, this is a good effort at writing a task 1 essay. It shows enough effort on the part of the exam taker to deliver a high quality paper, which will be considered by the examiner in the final scoring consideration.
The writer's opinion is lacking a proper thesis statement to support the opinion presented. Do not just say you will explain the reasons, indicate a summarized form of the reasons so that the TA requirements regarding writer opinion clarity will be fully met. Your opinion statement left me confused because the basis of your upcoming discussion was not clearly established.
You will get a failing score for this essay because your opinion was not successfully defended in the presentation. You must be focused on explaining only your opinion. Never turn this into a comparative discussion because you were given an extent question. It is a single opinion explanation. You will not receive a score for the non supporting paragraphs. Those words will be deducted from the word count, bringing you under the minimum requirement, and adding to the deductions to your score.
You have a formatting problem in the presentation that will lower your final score. Int he TA section, you are expected to present 3 descriptive paragraphs that will explain the flow chart you were provided. Providing only 2 paragraphs, even when over the word count, will result in scoring deductions. It is important to provide 3 paragraphs for the most thorough explanation possible of the image to the reader. I believe that this happened because you rushed through your presentation. Rather than segregating the chart into 3 movements, you compressed the presentation. In the task 1 essay, you should learn to group the presentation to achieve clear explanation paragraphs. This flow chart can actually be divided into 3 procedure explanation paragraphs.
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