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Posts by Holt [Educational Consultant]
Name: Mary Rose
Joined: Oct 17, 2016
Last Post: 19 hrs ago
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Holt  Educational Consultant  
19 hrs ago
Writing Feedback / People have a tendency to store knowledge on the internet at the present time [2]

Excellent work in making it very clear to the examiner that you are stating your personal opinion throughout the essay. By using the correct pronouns, you will certainly increase your scores across all considerations, specially in the C+C and GRA sections. However, you should not have discussed the disadvantage in the essay. The idea is to prove that your opinion (advantage) is the correct one. So the discussion format should have been:

Sentence 1: Perceived disadvantage
Sentence 2: Reason it is seen as a disadvantage
Sentence 3: Why it is an advantage
Sentence 4: Give a supporting example
Sentence 5: (optional) Additional connected supporting explanation

You cannot prove that your idea should be listened to and believed by the examiner when you are trying to prove and disprove both sides. The job of the writer is to ensure that he always disproves the side opposing his own opinion. High scores are sure to follow if the writer can accomplish that.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
19 hrs ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Crimes committed by young people are increasing in major cities throughout the world [2]

The thesis statement is useless. It does not accurately restate the prompt nor establish the discussion platform for the topic. The examiner will read the presentation and realize that the student is not familiar with the topic or, he did not want to create a score increasing reasoning summary for some reason. By not indicating that he has good English comprehension skills and, that he is capable of summarizing his discussion thoughts as he would be required to do in a formal class, he has proven an inability to use the English language in a manner that would help him communicate with others. The one thing examiners hate reading are empty prompt restatements that never include a writer's opinion. It usually results in a failing preliminary score. There is however something the writer did right, he used a first person pronoun to indicate his empty opinion. Where no reasons are provided, the writer's opinion becomes invalid.

Based on the given discussion, the writer appears to have sound knowledge of the topic. However, by using two reasons per paragraph where one was sufficient, he created an under developed reasoning paragraph for each presentation. It is best to use only one reason (when indicated) and develop that reason fully or, use 2 connected reasons that can be seen as coherent through the use of transition sentences and phrases.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
20 hrs ago
Writing Feedback / TASK 2 people tend to have children later in life [2]

Do not place the basis of the writer's opinion / thesis statement in the first sentence. Always follow the uniform presentation format of:

Sentence 1: Restate the topic
Sentence 2: Writer's opinion
Sentence 3: Reason for the opinion

By following the standard presentation and placing the information in the correct sections of the paragraph, the writer will be able to achieve a higher preliminary score due to the clarity of his idea presentation / thesis statement. Any information that is not contained in the original prompt and presented ahead of the thesis will result in point deductions. That said, the discussion basis would have been highly beneficial to the score had it been placed in the correct section of the presentation.

Old age refers to senior citizens or people whose ages no longer allow them to bear children. Advanced age simply means a person who is in the later stages of adulthood, still young enough to have children. The writer clearly shows a lack of proper English word usage in this case. It will be noticed and deducted from the LR score.

Word count and point deductions will be applied for the 2nd reasoning paragraph that counters the writer's original statement. Due to the sudden change in opinion, the score will now be based on an unclear opinion and under developed discussion presentation. Always remember that the A/D essay is based on a single opinion defense. It is never comparative.

Will the essay fail due to these errors? There is a likelihood that it could happen.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
20 hrs ago
Writing Feedback / The increasing rate of immigration is causing substantial changes in societies [2]

The prompt restatement is ill effective for a number of reasons. The first, is that is deviates to a totally unrelated topic prior to the actual restatement. The restatement should only be one to two sentences long and should not include information about unrelated discussions (not included in the original discussion). The second, is that the writer's opinion is not clearly stated in the presentation. Rather than stating the reasons for migration, he just repeated what the discussion will be about. This does not establish a discussion platform for the succeeding paragraphs and does not meet the task accuracy requirement regarding opinion clarity within the introduction paragraph. In other words, the first paragraph is an epic fail and will cost the essay precious score deductions that could have been used to pass the test instead.

One cannot compare the reasons for migration with its results. Those are different topics that emanate from different discussion points. The writer has incorrectly used the transition phrases "On the one/other hand" in this case, which will result in GRA deductions as he shows a lack of proper sentence formation using the correct transition phrases.

These reasons alone are enough for me to safely say that the writer will not pass the test. He cannot pass when he does not know how to properly format his responses in a manner suitable to the prompt.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
20 hrs ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TAK 2: Replace parks and gardens instead of apartment buildings. Discuss both views. [2]

The overall discussion is off topic. The result will be a failing score because the writer changed the discussion focus from the original which is targeted on "reducing the time people spend in travelling to work" to "advantages and disadvantages of "replacing city centers with buildings and apartments with parks and gardens". The writer did not fully understand the discussion focus, discussion instructions and prompt requirements for the reasoning presentations. This will result in an overall failing score immediately.

A problem with the clarity of thought and idea presentation is also evident in the essay as the thoughts are not easily understandable due to sentence construction and word usage errors. The writer did his best to come across as knowledgeable with everyday English words, but the opposite is what he proved to be true. He has no control over his English language skills.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Graduate / SOP in artificial intelligence, applying to COMMAS, Germany [2]

The essay is not as rounded as it is required to be. The focus of this paper is only on the applicant's qualifications as a candidate and nothing more. It does not touch on the paper based development of the applicant for review and consideration. Review the prompt requirements again. compare it to whatis written. It should be fairly obvious to anyone that major aspects of the presentation are missing. Sorely lacking are the reasons for studying in Germany and how one hopes to benefit from the program. This paper is focused on the applicant's qualifiers alone. The balance of necessary data is not there at all. Write a new essay that fully represents all considerations.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / Considering the amount of money that we can earn when choosing a job - WRITING TASK 2 [4]

The writer forgot to reference the correct response format in both the opinion presentation and summarized conclusion. As such the paper will be deemed to be delivering a response in an unexpected form. The extent response prior to the reasoning foundation is not present in the statement. This is more than enough reason for a lower scoring consideration.

The discussion format went from a single opinion to a comparison consideration. Being a prompt deviation from the original discussion format, the essay cannot receive scores for the C + C section as the discussion has been made irrelevant to the prompt. This lack of proper discussion presentation shows that the writer did not understand the instructions, even though he understood the topic. The essay will fail.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Research Papers / Impact of Climate Change and Deforestation within ecosystems Research [2]

There should be a narrowed down discussion focus in the paper. The writer is over-reaching by trying to cover too much ground. One way of doing this would be by choosing a less discussed path for the paper. All of the topics he has opted to discuss are already run of the will and over presented. By allowing himself to find a leas discussed topic, he will avoid the pitfalls of topic development as he previously mentioned. Surely he has a passionate stance about a more unique topic in relation to the discussion. This can easily become a tiresome topic so finding a unique or lesser known aspect for the research should help bring a new perspective to the issue.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Scholarship / Imagine being a young girl - BBA Personal statement, GKS scholarship undergraduate [3]

The essay is the product of a scatter brain. A person whose writing has no direction because he cannot meet the scholarship requirements due to a lack of relevant experiences, accomplishments, and motivation. His thoughts are all over the place because business administration is not his true calling. The educational foundation and subsequent activities are clearly not related to business administration. The foundation is more related to media arts with a forced reference to BA later on. Specific accomplishments that would prove a BA skill is also unclear. BA is often mistaken for Accountancy by the writer. Though related, the 2 have differing study focuses. It will do the applicant well to reconsider the major be wants to receive a scholarship for and change the application accordingly.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 - Bar chart - Information about high school graduation in 3 countries. [2]

This is a 3 paragraph report. It is missing another paragraph to complete the analysis aspect. A problem that arose because of the lack of proper comparison considerations in the report. The writer knew exactly what information should comprise the analysis but did not know how to correctly utilize the data for maximum effect. He kept compressing data into single sentences where multiple sentence usage would have helped create 3 well developed paragraphs. Save for data reporting, no actual analysis is reflected in the presentation. There are also sentences where references are exaggerated, leading to redundant references. The writer must understand that by knowing how to divide the report into relevant sections, he can successfully meet the paragraph, reporting, and analysis requirements.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
2 days ago
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: Films produced by five countries between 2005 and 2009 [2]

There is a lack of clear image identification within the presentation. A specific image name is required for the presentation to help differentiate it from other graph types. The image title also helps meet specific summary requirements. The writer also misidentifies the coverage years. He indicated 2005 as the start but it is actually 2007, making the information provided incorrect and misleading.

There are also instances of punctuation mark misuse in the presentation. The writer led the reader to further confusion because of it. The paper is difficult to follow and understand. This is due to the carelessness of the writer when sharing information and developing paragraphs. By not proofreading his work, he has managed turn an otherwise passing essay into a low scoring to failing presentation.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jul 2, 2022
Scholarship / Monash Indonesia - Data Science Scholarship [2]

There is no clear vision for your career path in this essay. The compilation of ideas may have proven to be a foundation for the vision but howthese come together to create a new, unique, and solid vision for yourself as a new pioneer in this field does not exist. Paragraphs 2 and 3 do not serve the purpose of the prompt. There is a lack of pre- Monash training and skills development and application as these relate to your career vision. The response is long and over the word limit but fails to meet the discussion requirements. It will be beat for the with to rethink his career plans in relation to this application. Right now the response is irrelevant. There is no true familiarity with the program and how it will assist in the vision development.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jul 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 - line graph - illustrates the amount of spreads consumed from 1981 to 2007, in grams [2]

While the witter produced text above the word count minimum, he could have scored better if he had written at least 175 words over 3 paragraphs. That is where the scoring problem of this report lies.

The summary overview is understandable even as there is a broken English problem with the sentence reference which affected the set- up in terms of GRA. The trending statement was also overdone to the point where report comparisons were being presented instead of trends.

The analysis paragraphs are incomplete as the numerical data for each spread type is only partially used. All of the numbers should be part of the comparative report. Ups come with downs. Otherwise the comparison is confusing and of nouse to the reader in terms of information.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jul 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / SERIOUS CRIMES SOLVE BY DEATH PENALTY OR OTHER SOLUTIONS. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS [2]

The discussion does not represent the correct for this discussion. It only portrays the personal opinion of the writer, rather than the necessary public opinion explanation + personal opinion insight. The essay lacks balance, proper substance in relation to the public opinions, and, like I previously indicated, a proper pronoun based comparative discussion. The writer cannot decide to discuss the topic willy nilly. The writer must always provide an insight into the 2 public opinions through a correct and balanced public v. personal opinion consideration. Without it, the essay does not carry the correct balance of reasoning and analaysis. The writer cannot receive a passing score with this writing. Not when the essay does not use the correct comparative format.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jul 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Travel by air have a lot of negative effects to the environment. Should it be restricted? [3]

While the writer does have a problem with the proper writing of English sentences, these are not enough to confuse the reader. His ideas can still be well understood specially when he represented the original statement and his personal opinion. He remembered to present his opinion basis at the end, which resulted in a positive boost for an otherwise problematic score for that paragraph. This is the problem that the essay has within the overall presentation.

He should not be using a proprietarial apostrophe when not indicating ownership. This is another problem that ESL students have when writing English essays. A lack of proper punctuation usage knowledge often lowers their GRA scores to the failing level.

The second reasoning paragraph will not be scored because it does not support the writer's opinion. When a score does not support the writer's idea, it is considered a prompt deviation and results in the essay getting an overall score based on an under developed explanation. Both reasoning paragraphs must support the sole opinion presented in the writer's opinion and thesis statement.

alot

Incorrect word usage. This phrase is composed of 2 words: "a lot". There will be LR reductions included in the deductions.

*Scoring is done privately. Contact me for details.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jul 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay about the influence of international sports events on a country [2]

When creating the prompt restatement, the writer must always review the prompt requirement. There are 3 statement that need to be represented. The 2 public opinions + the personal opinion. He cannot state one public + personal opinion alone. He must represent both public opinions in the restatement as it was mentioned separately in the original prompt prior to indicating his own opinion. The prompt restatement is going to be scored as inaccurate in reference to the original presentation.

The essay cannot be given a passing score since not all of the public views were discussed. The writer cannot be selective in discussion. His prompt deviation will result in the failure of the essay. His personal opinion may be merged with the public opinion he supports but he cannot skip a discussion of that public opinion in the correct manner in favor of just his personal opinion. That is not the correct nor expected response format.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jul 1, 2022
Undergraduate / What I've done and how I plan to achieve my goals at UIC and beyond - UIC prompt [2]

There is nothing in this essay that responds to the 2 main questions. What has become clear from this response is that you have absolutely zero preparation for a liberal arts education while a high school student in your home country and, you have no idea where you want your career to head should be lucky enough to complete a liberal arts degree at these prestigious universities. The responses are general in reference where it should be specific in information. This essay cannot be used in any form. The writer needs to reflect on the seriousness of the questions and deal with the response in the same manner. Forget how one prepared to study in Korea. That is no even a factor in this essay. It does not relate to the liberal arts question. Focus on proving a proper liberal arts foundation in relation to the chosen major instead.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 1] THE NUMBER OF SHOP CLOSURES AND OPENINGS IN A COUNTRY FROM 2011 TO 2018 [2]

The trending paragraph is no longer a trending paragraph. It turned into a report already due to the over-information and comparative discussion provided in the section. Therefore, the essay will be deemed only partially format compliant and receive TA deductions due to the lack of a proper trending statement or correctly formatted trending paragraph. Say less in the trending statement. Play safe and discuss only 1 trend to establish the presentation requirement. The rest of the comparison can be made in the reporting paragraphs.

Even though the essay is over the maximum 200 word requirement, it cannot possibly gain a passing score because of the lack of grammar range in the presentation. The paragraphs have a standard requirement of 3-5 sentences. Any less than that, 2 sentence presentations, are not considered properly developed paragraphs. There is a lack of proper analysis in the presentation. There is no real mix of simple, complex and compound sentences, only run-on sentences, which will result in a failing GRA score.

*I did not access the image link due to forum rules disallowing access to exterior links. We will not be responsible for any malicious coding or malware that may have accidentally attached to the link that could damage or infect the computers of the other users here. Next time, upload the image to the server for safety purposes. If an image link is provided a second time, no advice will be provided anymore.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / TECHNOLOGY AND TRADITIONAL CULTURES. AGREE OR DISAGREE [2]

The prompt restatement is acceptable, along with the thesis statement. However, the question response is not within the expected format. This is not a mere agree or disagree essay. This is a measured response + opinion statement. So, one cannot merely "personally agree" with the statement. The writer's opinion must indicate to what degree he agrees (fully, totally, extremely) in order to establish the strong opinion response the writing needs to score well.

There is no comparison being made in the discussion since the writer cohesively discusses his opinion based on sound reasoning. A reference to "On the one hand" is unnecessary of there is no "On the other hand" comparative discussion present. Do not mix up the cohesive transition devices in the presentation. It creates a confusing presentation format and shows an unfamiliarity with the discussion requirements / formats based on various task directions.

The same sex marriage example is incorrect as that is not a technology related discussion. A more appropriate technology based example would have been brick and mortar (traditional) banking as opposed to online (digital) banking and why traditional banking is no longer relevant in todays world.

*Contact me privately for scoring services. Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / Fewer to become a teacher in secondary school, give reasons and solve it [2]

The prompt restatement is highly inaccurate. The given opening sentence is a writer's opinion, which is not represented in the original prompt. The discussion is about the lack of teachers in secondary schools. Something that the writer has totally skipped in his prompt restatement. The rephrasing is therefore an immediate failure. Then, the writer once again, fails to establish his thesis statement for his opinion response. He will not receive any scoring consideration for merely repeating the discussion instructions. The writer has already failed a major part of this test that will ensure he is not going to get a passing mark for the written task.

The writer also continues to show a lack of control over simple English sentence structures. He offers confusing statements by not using everyday English words. The discussion does not have a coherent and cohesive flow because of his improper focus on using advanced English words. If he cannot focus on overall sentence presentation improvement, then using big English words will be useless since the LR section is only 1 part of the scoring consideration.

There are too many sentence fillers in the paragraphs as well. Rather than using topic sentences, he tries to over extend the discussion merely to meet the word count. Which he barely met since he only wrote 254 words when he should write at least 275 words to highlight his English writing skills. Even with the low word count, he failed to properly discuss the essay anyway. So the word count, whether meeting the requirement or not, did not help his overall score.

Written text must focus on discussion clarity. The discussion does not keep the topic focus. His later paragraphs show a topic discussion deviation that is no longer connected to the secondary school education teacher discussion. Which will be a major reason for additional failing scores.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Live performance neccesity [3]

The opening paragraph fails to represent the interpretation of the original prompt as required by the task. The writer does not respond to the discussion question either. The introduction via restatement and opinion sharing has failed to accomplish the expected format considerations and response structure. The preliminary score will be failing since the introduction has altered the discussion requirements from the original prompt. An established restatement and opinion were not presented at the start, nor was it presented at the end. The essay is definitely going to receive a failing score for not adhering to the examination regulations for this task.

Let me be clear though, the discussion paragraphs are on point, coherent, and cohesive. Those will receive full scoring marks as deemed fit by the examiner. However, well developed reasoning paragraphs cannot help achieve a passing score when the prompt considerations were not properly represented at the beginning and end of the presentation. The failing score could have been offset a bit had he indicated a relevant and direct response to the question provided in both sections.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 29, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 about gap year out of formal education [2]

Please remember that the main score of this essay will be based on 2 important preliminary aspects that can be found in the prompt restatement and writer's opinion paragraph. These factors are:

1. An accurate paraphrasing of the original topic and its discussion basis. This helps the examiner assess the writer's English comprehension skills.
2. A correct personal opinion statement composed of 2 sentences (advantage and disadvantage) that directs the examiner towards a clear understanding of the writer's opinion as based on his personal knowledge and experience requirement.

So what is missing in this presentation? Though not clearly stated in the instructions, it is important that the writer use a wide grammar range that showcases his personal opinion via first person pronoun use. What it does not need, is the reference to the university research which is not a requirement for scoring well in a task 2 essay. Yes, the information can be made up, but it must reference personal knowledge in the first person form. It must never be presented as a researched or general statement. That is what the TA and GRA scoring basis is all about. Proper grammar usage and knowledge of English writing rules.

The essay should indicate that what is being provided is the writer's insight by starting the thesis statement with "I believe that the advantage is... while the disadvantage is..." Then every paragraph thereafter must indicate the writer's insight with anchors like "I have personally heard that this decision is not popular because..." Then indicate the opposite with "From my personal experience, my gap year taught me that..." The latter reference prevents the need to mention researched information or data.

The conclusion is too short. It does not follow the required 40 word / 2 sentence concluding presentation. The recap is not properly offered to the examiner.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 28, 2022
Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages of changing jobs IELTS writing task2 [4]

The first paragraph starts off as highly confusing since the opening sentence is hanging, with a verb but without a subject. It also goes against general English writing rules since the first word was not capitalized. There is also an over usage of inappropriate advanced vocabulary. The chosen words are not part of everyday English use.

It also uses the pronoun "you" which is not really acceptable since the reference pronoun suggested is first rather than second person. There is no clear opinion provided via a 2 topic reasoning summary either. The prompt restatement and personal opinion paragraph are not correctly presented to the examiner.

The writer has a consistent GRA error where he keeps referring to a second person (you) when the pronoun usage requirement is "I" and its variations since the instruction is to "Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience." The keyword of the instruction being " your", indicating a first pronoun use throughout the essay. There will be score reductions as the writer does not reflect an understanding of pronoun applications in essay writing.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 28, 2022
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Polution and Solution essay (problems caused by deforestation) [2]

The most severe problem with this essay is the lack of proper sentence development in relation to the discussion. The writer is incapable of writing coherent English sentences and paragraphs due to his lack of proper vocabulary usage, the result of his lack of English word knowledge. The essay will immediately fail in the GRA section because of the lack of proper sentence structure and confusing idea presentations.

When these 2 problems arise, the essay will also automatically fail in the C+C section since the clarity of the discussion and its interconnection within sentences and paragraphs are faulty as well. There is no chance that this type of writing will get a passing score.

The writer must first build his English vocabulary and then, and only then, practice writing simple and complex English sentences. His word usage must be relevant to the discussion and the meaning should be applicable to the idea he is trying to present. Fail to accomplish these and he will be sure to fail the test.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 28, 2022
Writing Feedback / Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Playing a game is fun only when you win. [4]

2 things one has to remember about the first paragraph presentation. One has to do with English comprehension and restatement skills. The other, has to do with familiarity with IELTS discussion questions.

1. This is the section that is scored in terms of task accuracy. It is based on the writer's ability to understand the question, stick to the discussion, and offer a relevant response or opinion based on the discussion instruction. Therefore, the writer should not make up any information just to make the paragraph longer. Some tasks have 2 sentence presentations. Other restatements can have up to 5 sentence representations. It all depends upon the original topic content and presentation. In this case, this should have been a 2 sentence restatement, without the "survey" representation since that is not a part of the original topic presentation. That created a topic misdirection which will result in a failing restatement score.

2. There are 2 different types of agree or disagree presentations in an IELTS test. The first is the simple, agree or disagree response. The other is the extent of agreement or disagreement based on an emotional response. The response for this essay should be the simple one ( I agree with this statement because...) instead of the complex one (I completely...) based on the question provided. The response does not meet the expected response format and will result in a lower than expected response score because of the improper response format.

These are the 2 reasons that the essay will start with a handicap score that will need to be overcome in the later paragraphs if the exam taker is to pass the test.

From my personal experience,

Owing to the fact that the experience is not something that happened to you but to a friend, the reference "experience" is incorrect and will confuse the reader. When referencing the experience of someone else, it is better to indicate "Based on my personal knowledge" to clearly indicate that the narration will be about someone else and not you;

This is a 2 reasoning paragraph presentation. It does not require 2 reasons. What it does require is a concluding summary, which was not provided by the writer hence leaving an open ended essay. The lack of a concluding summary often pushes the examiners to give the essay an overall failing score because the writer showed an inability to present a properly formatted discussion.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 28, 2022
Writing Feedback / These days, there are more human deforestation activities caused serious results of the environment [2]

The prompt restatement should never contain any repetition coming from the original prompt. Not a single sentence, phrase, or word should be seen in the writer's version because that will automatically result in a failing TA score for the restatement section. It shows the writer needs to use memorized words or cut and paste phrases to express himself. In other words, he has a limited vocabulary that hinders his ability to explain what the original prompt is about. This is a serious problem that can be found in the second sentence of the first paragraph.

The writer's opinion is not clear since he does not present establishing A v. D discussion topics. Additionally, a statement was made that the writer will present a conclusion to the discussion. That is a prompt deviation since only a comparative discussion is required for the discussion essay.

Based on the starting errors for the essay, the TA score will be based on preliminary non-passing score considerations. Making it more difficult for the writer to receive a passing mark. The main problem will be the presentation of a conclusion which altered the discussion requirements, proving the writer's inability to understand basic English writing instructions.

Another problem the writer shows in the presentation is an inability to make himself understood in English. His sentences are mostly written in broken English that make it difficult or confusing to understand. Though his thoughts may sometime be understood, the lack of discussion development to prove his point creates less than accurate discussion presentations.

The writer does not show an ability to pass the test at this point due to the problems previously mentioned. He needs to do better in his ESL classes overall if he is even come close to a base passing score by the time he takes the test.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 28, 2022
Writing Feedback / In recent years, pressure on school and university students has been increasing and they are pushed [2]

Kindly remember that the direct question to be responded to it "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" Deliver a clear opinion response that uses one of the two keywords from the question. Using the correct keyword will result in meeting the writer's clear opinion statement requirement in the TA section.

While flowerly language is good in creative writing, it does not help a student trying to gain a high LR IELTS score. That is because these creative word usage and references result in confusing statements. The writer is expected to deliver this discussion using everyday English words in the correct context. For example a "constellation" will not be used in daily conversation for any topic unless one is taking an astronomy class or speaking with an astronomer. The word is used without proper consideration of its actual application to the idea being presented. While the writer uses several advanced English words in the presentation, these only served to lower the LR score as these do not properly apply to the expected conversation.

Based on my observation of the writer's skills, he understands the topic, is capable of discussing the same, but is trying too hard to impress using incorrect vocabulary and references. It creates an exaggerated discussion that overemphasizes to the point of confusing the reader. Which will result in GRA deductions as well.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 27, 2022
Writing Feedback / Even though organic fruits and vegetables are more expensive than conventional fruits and vegetables [3]

Three errors in the prompt restatement section. All having to do with discussions that are not represented in the first presentation.

1. This is not referenced as a controversial type of food.
2. There is no representing argument statement
3. There is no emotional response requirement. A simple opinion statement would have sufficed.

These mistakes in task representation could very well result in a preliminary failing score since the restatement and opinion requirements were not properly met.

The writer did an excellentjob of defending his (incorrectly overstated) opinion. The discussion is both cohesive and coherent, which could offset the early failing score a bit.

As far as the concluding paraphrase is concerned, the writer did not provide one. Instead, a continuing discussion was provided, leaving the essay open ended. Simply saying " In conclusion" but not providing the correct type of conclusion means no closing summary was provided as required.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing [3]

I am wondering where the writer found a reference to a "trigger topic" for this discussion. Seeing as the original presentation makes no reference to such thinking, the topic restatement is now inaccurate and unrelated to the original discussion.

Owing to the fact that the required response format was not presented in terms of the writer's opinion, this essay has already received a failing score even before the rest of the essay has been read.

Even as the writer's opinion is presented at the end, the essay cannot be given a passing score. That is because the opinion statement format is wrong and also, cannot be presented in the concluding paragraph due to the information recap required in the section.

The overall incorrect discussion approach is what will prevent this essay from reaching the passing mark, regardless of the appropriateness of the reasoning paragraphs.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / The topic of whether a country will gain an edge when its students study overseas [2]

While the writer shows a good understanding of the discussion topic, a problem arose with the incomplete opinion statement. While this is an ague or disagree essay, it has the added requirement of an emotional response to indicate the writers's (non) support of the given statement. Therefore, the paragraph missed out on being fully task responsive by accident. Only partial scoring will apply to the preliminary score.

The overall discussion is also improperly developed as the writer provides an alternative statement discussion Since this is not an A V. D prompt, that discussion format cannot be used. This is a single opinion defense meaning, both paragraphs should support the given opinion.

Missing from the presentation is the expected 4 paragraph format. The concluding paraphrase is not included in the presentation. Thatparagraph is a scoring necessity that can result in the essay receiving a failing score.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people say that doing multiple tasks at the same time can be beneficial, but others disagree. [3]

brings back

Incorrect reference. This phrase indicates "a return" or " to return" Removing the word "back" creates the correct reference as "brings" means "to carry, convey, conduct, or cause" which is the sentence implication.

The reasoning paragraphs are both written from a personal point of view when the comparative discussion format requires the writer to provide a public reference supporting the given opinions. Only after clearly referencing the public consideration should the personal opinion come into play. Therefore, the discussion presentation is incorrect. It does not effectively deliver the expected comparison considerations.

That said, the examiner will still provide scoring considerations overall. The problem is that the wrong discussion format will prevent full score applications.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 26, 2022
Undergraduate / Study Plan to apply for a Canadian Study Permit - Bachelor of Science in Cognitive Systems [2]

The first paragraph is an unnecessary introduction. Focus only on the required discussion elements since your lowe academic history is not relevant to the discussion. Develop a more specific discussion in relation to the university choice The reasoning is highly generic and does not really show a clear study plan. This academic and professional focus must relate to the reasons why taking an alternative course in Pakistan is not an option for you. Since the applicant comes from an obviously well to do family, the consul /visa officer will not be convinced that he will return to Pakistan after graduation. The lack of a solid study plan, career objective beyond a common promise, and lack of convincing ties to Pakistan could result in a denial.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / Schools offer now qualification through distance learning from the internet [2]

2 problems exist with the topic restatement. The first, is that the writer has said the topic is "irrefutable" when the original prompt does not indicate the need for such a strongly worded restatement. The mere discussion point has been exaggerated to the point of altering the original topic foundation. There will be point reductions for that. The 2nd problem is that the phrase:

distance learning from the internet rather than teachers in the classroom.

is a direct cut and paste from the original presentation. It is evidence that the writer utilizes memorized phrases via cut and paste to complete his thoughts. Both errors will result in a failing preliminary TA score. Which means the writer will need to present a near perfect opinion statement and discussion paragraphs in order to pass. The second sentence is an unnecessary filler because the relevant writer's opinion was found in the last sentence of the paragraph.The only presentations missing were the reasoning topics basis.

The reasoning paragraphs are underdeveloped as only one of the 2 discussion paragraphs directly relate to the writer's opinion. Scores will not be provided for the alternate reasoning discussion. This is a sad occurrence seeing as how the closing summary was well written in relation to the reverse paraphrase requirement.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people [3]

The discussion essay is presented in a format that does not conform with the response expectations in regards to the opinion question. A direct inquiry was made as to whether this is a positive or negative development. Rather than responding to the question in a relevant manner, the writer opted to change the reasoning presentation to an advantage and disadvantage comparative essay instead.

The alteration in discussion focus shows a lack of English comprehension skills. He clearly did not understand the question, resulting in an incorrect response format. That means that the writer did not meet the task accuracy requirements. Failure to properly restate the discussion question via a relevant and related writer's opinion means the essay has failed the test, regardless of the remaining scores awarded to the essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 25, 2022
Writing Feedback / Many benefits for children to learn a foreign language from primary school [3]

The prompt should accurately restate the original topic. Synonyms for references such as experts and their belief in language learning are scorable. Such discussion foundations do not exist in the writer depiction. The writer's opinion is also not clearly stated in the required sentence. He failed to provide a direct answer to the given question; do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Though an opinion was stated, he did not pick one side of the discussion to represent in the reasoning paragraphs. This left the essay without the required single opinion response format. The writer did not provide a clear opinion on the given topic. This is not a comparative essay discussion and should not be discussed as such. The essay has failed to achieve the discussion requirements from the very start.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - The amount of fruit produced in four countries from 1970 to 2010. [4]

The writer has included fake information in his report by indicating that

Turkey took the initiative in producing fruit throughout the period.

A thorough review of the image does not support such a worded claim as only numerical data is provided without any text based references. This makes the TA score inaccurate as a personal opinion does not factor into the report presentation. The writer has misled the reader in terms of data accuracy with this statement. Deductions will apply. Exaggerated claims are unacceptable in all the task essays.

While the analysis is well presented, it is also filled with too much filler words that it is obvious the writer has focused the work only on achieving a good LR score rather than a balanced overall sectional score. Even then some word references are incorrect or do not exist in the English dictionary. The constant over-stretching of sentence information creates confusion due to difficulties in following / tracking the data report.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / Energy consumption by the fuel - line chart in ielts writing task 1 [3]

The trending statement is overdone. It is referencing the wrong trend as well. The trending projection should be indicative of the year 2030 trend since that is the last part of the comparison presentation. The year sequence "now" is also not right since the line graph measurements do not end in 2022. Measurement units should also be established in the summary overview.

When writing a report or analysis, one must indicate the measurements as mentioned in the graph. A more appropriate analysis can only be achieved if proper numerical data is provided. General estimates do not accomplish the necessary reporting and analysis paragraphs. It makes the presentation less than informative. A clear comparison presentation must be established.

As far as effective task 1 presentations go, this one does not effectively achieve the purposes required of the essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / Academic style essay about what are the qualities that make a good leader? [2]

There is no clear personal definition of leadership in this presentation. The definition should only cover one paragraph, rather than several. The spread out definition shows that the writer is not really familiar with the topic, requiring him to try and develop a response over several sentences and paragraphs.

The situation where leadership is necessary uses a good reference point since it is based on personal experience. However, a more explanatory scenario could have been used to better respond to the prompt.

A reference to the examples of effective leaders was committed in the presentation. The - discussion has created a discussion gap. This , is indicative of a rushed essay. It did not pass through proofreading which is why the error was not corrected before the essay was submitted.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - The percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller [2]

This is a 4 paragraph presentation. The paragraph number is dictated by the number of images for comparison reporting. One to two images needs only a 3 paragraph presentation. So this the of presentation would be judged as requiring more development.

Identifying the number of images and indicating its data representation within the summary helps to create a concise overview of notable information. Lack of it prevents the reader from receiving a comprehensive run-down of the long report. The trending statement should be easier to keep track of if the trend can relate to image identifiers.

There should be a more comprehensive report for each year via individual year paragraphs. By creating separate analysis paragraphs more in-depth comparison details that can increase the score can be presented.
Holt  Educational Consultant  
Jun 24, 2022
Scholarship / 'Financial problems'. GKS-U Personal Statement Psychology; Embassy Track [2]

The essay is bordering on incoherent. Though the writer tried his best to express himself in English, his lack of proper English writing skills prevented clear and understandable paragraph presentations. It will be better for the applicant to hire a professional writer to help clear up the presentation problems. Only after clarifying certain points though.

Time sequences to the student council and camp participation are needed. The student council position of the applicant is necessary as it helps explain the problems and solutions he had to handle during his time on the council.

A clearer explanation regarding his interest in Korea and it's educational system in relation to his chosen major is required. That is an important element in the discussion. A professional writer can help the applicant with that.

This type of essay is not at the level expected of a GKS applicant. This version will be ignored and rejected by the screening committee.