keds51
Oct 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Music and science are 2 domains, 2 pillars, 2 passions ; Common app- Topic of Choice [6]
hows the grammar in this version?
hows the grammar in this version?
keds51
Oct 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Music and science are 2 domains, 2 pillars, 2 passions ; Common app- Topic of Choice [6]
comments?
comments?
keds51
Oct 12, 2009
Undergraduate / Music and science are 2 domains, 2 pillars, 2 passions ; Common app- Topic of Choice [6]
I sit down on the floor, cross legged, eyes closed, with my mind attempting to be calm and composed. My thoughts are focused on the resonance of "sa, pa, sa", three pivotal notes in Hindustani Classical Music, a vocal art form from India. The art form embodies the essence of creativeness, in which practically everything I sing is governed by only me and my thoughts. I'm the director, the composer, and most importantly, I am the singer.
I first visualize the notes I want to sing. I envision them in front of me, in the mid air right in front of my face. They are mere specks, and my job is to connect these dots into a curve so smooth, so accurate, that the tune, the rhythm, and the melody will be flawless. Once I have the notes in mind, I open my mouth and confidently start singing.
Wrong. The pitch was wrong. I didn't hit the apex of that lower note. Frustration overcomes me, but I start over. I focus my mind once again, and clear my thoughts of everything except for the notes I want to sing. I take a deep breath, hoping that the synapses between my thoughts and my vocal chords are successful, resulting in perfect pitch and sound of the note. Not bad, I hit the note successfully. This trivial accomplishment drives me through the rest of my practice. The ambiance consumes me as I delve into the mood.
Now the fun begins: improvisation. Each improvisation is like a test, a game of trial and error. Every note I sing tests my creativeness and originality. After all, it's simply a quick calculation of permutations and combinations. As I sample one note with another, altering the speed and rhythm like variables, analyzing the harmony of the combinations my mind creates, I realize that music is but an experiment.
As I sit hopelessly at my computer, enduring long hours of research for a science project, I decide to cross-apply some of my creativeness that inspired me while singing. I make an effort to play around with variables like notes, and vary the intensity of certain variables like I do to the rhythm when singing.
Thinking of a novel idea, then formulating a procedure, and finally conducting the experiment was quite challenging for me in the beginning. As I researched to a greater extent, my curiosity amazed me as I found the vast range of knowledge beyond my AP biology lab intriguing. I devoted several hours after school each week completing my experiment, and my toil and hard work came to fruition when I got to represent my school at the statewide and international level through my research. Despite the mechanical procedures linked with scientific experimentation, I realized that science is a systematic process embroidered with ingenuity and inspiration, much like music.
Music and science are two domains, two pillars, two passions; the passions that exemplify my multifaceted personality. I often perceive myself as a dualist, someone trapped between the middle of two complementary dimensions, a formulaic and a spontaneous approach. My two passions seem to balance each other, as one's strength can be applied to the other's weakness. Who I am is what my passions make me: a romantic dreamer and a rational thinker, an optimist and a realist, a musician and a scientist. I want to experience this duality my whole life, where I can practice a creative and formulaic attitude as a career. Through my passions, I've realized that the relationship between music and science is beautiful, idyllic even. Almost like a DNA strand, where one strand is music and one is science and together, they form the double helix that defines not only who I am, but also who I want to become.
PLEASE COMMENT. I'm DESPERATE!!
I sit down on the floor, cross legged, eyes closed, with my mind attempting to be calm and composed. My thoughts are focused on the resonance of "sa, pa, sa", three pivotal notes in Hindustani Classical Music, a vocal art form from India. The art form embodies the essence of creativeness, in which practically everything I sing is governed by only me and my thoughts. I'm the director, the composer, and most importantly, I am the singer.
I first visualize the notes I want to sing. I envision them in front of me, in the mid air right in front of my face. They are mere specks, and my job is to connect these dots into a curve so smooth, so accurate, that the tune, the rhythm, and the melody will be flawless. Once I have the notes in mind, I open my mouth and confidently start singing.
Wrong. The pitch was wrong. I didn't hit the apex of that lower note. Frustration overcomes me, but I start over. I focus my mind once again, and clear my thoughts of everything except for the notes I want to sing. I take a deep breath, hoping that the synapses between my thoughts and my vocal chords are successful, resulting in perfect pitch and sound of the note. Not bad, I hit the note successfully. This trivial accomplishment drives me through the rest of my practice. The ambiance consumes me as I delve into the mood.
Now the fun begins: improvisation. Each improvisation is like a test, a game of trial and error. Every note I sing tests my creativeness and originality. After all, it's simply a quick calculation of permutations and combinations. As I sample one note with another, altering the speed and rhythm like variables, analyzing the harmony of the combinations my mind creates, I realize that music is but an experiment.
As I sit hopelessly at my computer, enduring long hours of research for a science project, I decide to cross-apply some of my creativeness that inspired me while singing. I make an effort to play around with variables like notes, and vary the intensity of certain variables like I do to the rhythm when singing.
Thinking of a novel idea, then formulating a procedure, and finally conducting the experiment was quite challenging for me in the beginning. As I researched to a greater extent, my curiosity amazed me as I found the vast range of knowledge beyond my AP biology lab intriguing. I devoted several hours after school each week completing my experiment, and my toil and hard work came to fruition when I got to represent my school at the statewide and international level through my research. Despite the mechanical procedures linked with scientific experimentation, I realized that science is a systematic process embroidered with ingenuity and inspiration, much like music.
Music and science are two domains, two pillars, two passions; the passions that exemplify my multifaceted personality. I often perceive myself as a dualist, someone trapped between the middle of two complementary dimensions, a formulaic and a spontaneous approach. My two passions seem to balance each other, as one's strength can be applied to the other's weakness. Who I am is what my passions make me: a romantic dreamer and a rational thinker, an optimist and a realist, a musician and a scientist. I want to experience this duality my whole life, where I can practice a creative and formulaic attitude as a career. Through my passions, I've realized that the relationship between music and science is beautiful, idyllic even. Almost like a DNA strand, where one strand is music and one is science and together, they form the double helix that defines not only who I am, but also who I want to become.
PLEASE COMMENT. I'm DESPERATE!!
keds51
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / My relationship with my grandparents had always been rough. Common app essay [10]
The content is definitely interesting. You narrate a good story here, but your essay would be better if you highlight the impact of this experience on you as a person. You touch on upon that when you say that you are persistant, but maybe provide an example to prove your persistance and to prove who you really are.
At first, it seems like a typical story of a Chinese girl who is shunned by her grandparents because of her gender. But it's much more than that.
Make the story unique, and really personalize it. I love the ending and the concept your trying to get across.
Good luck!
The content is definitely interesting. You narrate a good story here, but your essay would be better if you highlight the impact of this experience on you as a person. You touch on upon that when you say that you are persistant, but maybe provide an example to prove your persistance and to prove who you really are.
At first, it seems like a typical story of a Chinese girl who is shunned by her grandparents because of her gender. But it's much more than that.
Make the story unique, and really personalize it. I love the ending and the concept your trying to get across.
Good luck!
keds51
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / "I'm a nerd." - common app essay-topic of your choice-comments? [5]
I see where you're trying to go with this essay. I like your approach, but things get really confusing and muddled around the middle.
You deviate from the topic of being a nerd and talk about all these things which just aren't interesting, to be frank. You spend all this time on little things, but you don't explain them in depth. For example:
What's the purpose of this? I think the last line of this section is powerful, but then you just leave it at that. Try and follow through on what you're trying to say, otherwise you just come off as someone who's trying to be someone else. Instead of trying to fit yourself into this confined definition of a "nerd" try thinking outside the box to find out who you really are.
Good luck!
I see where you're trying to go with this essay. I like your approach, but things get really confusing and muddled around the middle.
You deviate from the topic of being a nerd and talk about all these things which just aren't interesting, to be frank. You spend all this time on little things, but you don't explain them in depth. For example:
It's difficult for me to prove that I'm not unattractive, because everyone has their moments. However tiny I may be (I'm just five feet now and I can still fit into children sizes), I definitely believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
What's the purpose of this? I think the last line of this section is powerful, but then you just leave it at that. Try and follow through on what you're trying to say, otherwise you just come off as someone who's trying to be someone else. Instead of trying to fit yourself into this confined definition of a "nerd" try thinking outside the box to find out who you really are.
Good luck!
keds51
Sep 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Trying my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters; Stanford/Future Roomate [18]
Pink Floyd
Led Zep
The Eagles
Phil Collins
The Beatles
Aerosmith
The Police
Journey
That's just a short list off the top of my head.
It's actually a mix of both. I'm quite mainstream when it comes to hip hop because I recently developed a taste for that. But I like techno, alternative, and even classical music (Listz, Bach, etc).
Also, Liebe, do you have any comments on the other parts of the essay? How is the content?
By the way, what exactly do you mean by Classic Rock? Id just like to know
Pink Floyd
Led Zep
The Eagles
Phil Collins
The Beatles
Aerosmith
The Police
Journey
That's just a short list off the top of my head.
And what do you mean by hip hop? Seeing as how Stanford is in California, are you relating to the West Coast Hip Hop, or the modern lame type of 'Hip Hop' etc etc.
It's actually a mix of both. I'm quite mainstream when it comes to hip hop because I recently developed a taste for that. But I like techno, alternative, and even classical music (Listz, Bach, etc).
Also, Liebe, do you have any comments on the other parts of the essay? How is the content?
keds51
Sep 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Trying my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters; Stanford/Future Roomate [18]
I meant to say that my music range is a spectrum ranging from classic rock to hip hop/rap. So, I used the word eclectic.
Maybe I should make that more clear in the essay.
I understand that classic rock and today's pop music are different genres, but is it really an 'eclectic taste' in music?
I like New Age, New Wave, Electronic (ranging from dream to Minimal), ocassionally pop, Hip-Hop (Not the garbage rap of nowadays),
I like New Age, New Wave, Electronic (ranging from dream to Minimal), ocassionally pop, Hip-Hop (Not the garbage rap of nowadays),
I meant to say that my music range is a spectrum ranging from classic rock to hip hop/rap. So, I used the word eclectic.
Maybe I should make that more clear in the essay.
keds51
Sep 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Trying my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters; Stanford/Future Roomate [18]
zouztingt,
do you mean the music portion is too formal, or the essay as a whole?
zouztingt,
do you mean the music portion is too formal, or the essay as a whole?
keds51
Sep 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Trying my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters; Stanford/Future Roomate [18]
So, I decided to rewrite this piece, because I wasn't fully satisfied with what I had before. I'm not sure if this version is better or not. PLEASE comment!! (RIP up this essay, I need the feedback!)
NEW VERSION----
Dear Roomie,
As you enter our dorm room, I guarantee that the first thing to catch your eye will be the gallery of photos, magazine cutouts, movie stubs, concert tickets and other quirky items displayed elaborately on my wall. My wall is my canvas-you will find that a lot of my life experiences can be vicariously lived through after a brief skim of my wall.
You may notice my family pictures from Mexico, or my Indian relatives drenched in bright colors after celebrating the Indian festival of Holi. You will probably see plenty of pictures of my friends, and witness my high school life, whether it may be at a debate tournament, homecoming, the International Science Fair, or senior prom.
On the other side, I will have hung up posters of The Beatles and Coldplay, my two favorite bands of all time. I have a rather eclectic taste in music: on one end I'm heavily influenced by my dad's love for classic rock and on the other, I find the music of today's pop culture, hip hop and rap, rather appealing as well. Don't worry; I'll make sure to keep the volume down when it's late at night and you want to sleep.
Another thing that will strike you is my stash of foodstuff--we're going to need some brain food while cramming for a test, writing a long paper, or just something to nibble on while we study together.
Honestly, seeing people happy makes me happy. My friends often say my laugh is infectious. So even if you're having a bad day, after hearing a couple of my corny jokes and my laugh, I'm sure you'll crack a smile.
I like to live in the moment and I try to make each day count. I can't wait to meet you, have some fun adventures together and add some new pictures-experiences-to that wall.
Yours truly,
INSERT NAME
PS-- mods,
should I create a new thread for this essay?
So, I decided to rewrite this piece, because I wasn't fully satisfied with what I had before. I'm not sure if this version is better or not. PLEASE comment!! (RIP up this essay, I need the feedback!)
NEW VERSION----
Dear Roomie,
As you enter our dorm room, I guarantee that the first thing to catch your eye will be the gallery of photos, magazine cutouts, movie stubs, concert tickets and other quirky items displayed elaborately on my wall. My wall is my canvas-you will find that a lot of my life experiences can be vicariously lived through after a brief skim of my wall.
You may notice my family pictures from Mexico, or my Indian relatives drenched in bright colors after celebrating the Indian festival of Holi. You will probably see plenty of pictures of my friends, and witness my high school life, whether it may be at a debate tournament, homecoming, the International Science Fair, or senior prom.
On the other side, I will have hung up posters of The Beatles and Coldplay, my two favorite bands of all time. I have a rather eclectic taste in music: on one end I'm heavily influenced by my dad's love for classic rock and on the other, I find the music of today's pop culture, hip hop and rap, rather appealing as well. Don't worry; I'll make sure to keep the volume down when it's late at night and you want to sleep.
Another thing that will strike you is my stash of foodstuff--we're going to need some brain food while cramming for a test, writing a long paper, or just something to nibble on while we study together.
Honestly, seeing people happy makes me happy. My friends often say my laugh is infectious. So even if you're having a bad day, after hearing a couple of my corny jokes and my laugh, I'm sure you'll crack a smile.
I like to live in the moment and I try to make each day count. I can't wait to meet you, have some fun adventures together and add some new pictures-experiences-to that wall.
Yours truly,
INSERT NAME
PS-- mods,
should I create a new thread for this essay?
keds51
Sep 7, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
The main point of this essay is to convey how my passions have helped define who I am, and who I want to become.
Also, Sean, I got rid of the indecisive bit in the revised essay.
The main point of this essay is to convey how my passions have helped define who I am, and who I want to become.
Also, Sean, I got rid of the indecisive bit in the revised essay.
keds51
Sep 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
what schools would it be disastrous for?
what schools would it be disastrous for?
keds51
Sep 5, 2009
Undergraduate / Participating in the regional science fair (Common App- Short Answer) [4]
Hi,
This is a rough draft of the short answer prompt for the common app.
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
Participating in the regional science fair has given me more knowledge and experience than I could ever gain from doing any other activity. I've done a research project for the past two years now in various subjects such as botany and environmental science. My sophomore year project focused on testing the immune system of plants and the following year, I developed an innovative and effective way to purify water using phycoremediation (algae). Formulating an experiment, alone, and conducting it was not easy. After presenting my project, I witnessed how much knowledge is culminated in one fair. I feel like I truly have an impact on science because so many certified judges are eager to learn about my research. The skills I learned from doing this research have definitely helped me realize that I have the potential to be involved in a medical related career.
Hi,
This is a rough draft of the short answer prompt for the common app.
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
Participating in the regional science fair has given me more knowledge and experience than I could ever gain from doing any other activity. I've done a research project for the past two years now in various subjects such as botany and environmental science. My sophomore year project focused on testing the immune system of plants and the following year, I developed an innovative and effective way to purify water using phycoremediation (algae). Formulating an experiment, alone, and conducting it was not easy. After presenting my project, I witnessed how much knowledge is culminated in one fair. I feel like I truly have an impact on science because so many certified judges are eager to learn about my research. The skills I learned from doing this research have definitely helped me realize that I have the potential to be involved in a medical related career.
keds51
Sep 5, 2009
Undergraduate / 'German heritage in Maryland' - a draft for the short answer section - Common App [7]
I like your start. But instead of listing your jobs and duties, maybe organize it a little better so you can share your insight from the experience (in addition to what you have so far)
I like your start. But instead of listing your jobs and duties, maybe organize it a little better so you can share your insight from the experience (in addition to what you have so far)
keds51
Sep 5, 2009
Undergraduate / "my mother rubbing her eyes in exhaustion" - UCF personal statement [4]
You conveyed the message well, without it seeming like you're asking for sympathy. I think you can work explaining/describing how your situation actually affected YOU and you're aspirations, etc. You do say: Everything I am, my determination, passion, and persistence, I owe to my family and the values they placed in me.
I thin you should elaborate on that part; you can make it much stronger.
Otherwise, you're off to a good start.
You conveyed the message well, without it seeming like you're asking for sympathy. I think you can work explaining/describing how your situation actually affected YOU and you're aspirations, etc. You do say: Everything I am, my determination, passion, and persistence, I owe to my family and the values they placed in me.
I thin you should elaborate on that part; you can make it much stronger.
Otherwise, you're off to a good start.
keds51
Sep 5, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
thank you so much for all your comments.
im still not sure if I should explicitly state the transitive property, and what it means in the intro paragraphs
or should I leave it for the admin officers to figure out themselves?
thank you so much for all your comments.
im still not sure if I should explicitly state the transitive property, and what it means in the intro paragraphs
or should I leave it for the admin officers to figure out themselves?
keds51
Sep 5, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
Hi guys,
I've rewritten the essay (edited out the Libra metaphor and changed some of the body paragraphs)
PLEASEEEEE comment. I really need the feedback! thanks guys!
--------
It never occurred to me that the more I try to understand who I am, the more I stray away from my natural self-the real me. It's always been such a challenge for me to figure myself out. Why do I do what I do? What got me to where I am today? The fact that I wasn't able to answer these rhetorical questions perturbed me.
At the culmination of my junior year, I came to a realization, an epiphany. I realized that I didn't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I was able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it was the cultivation of my interests which defined who I was. As much as I wanted my life to be spontaneous or nonlinear, I began to realize that even my passions followed an effortless, simple transitive property: if a=b and a=c, then b=c.
Music is life. Ironically, my initial exposure to music was through my parent's exercising their authority. I was five years old and my dad enrolled me in Hindustani Classical Music with Anupama Dalal. As I entered the first day of class, I had no notion of what I was getting myself into. Hindustani classical vocal music is one of the most melodic and uplifting art forms, but also one of the most difficult. Not only does this form of singing require a knack for taal (beat) and sur (tune) but it also is also heavily dependent on the culture, with each lyric conveying a certain aspect of the Indian tradition. The more complex it got, the more motivated I was to try harder. The frustration I experience when failing countless times at getting the correct note, the amount of times I confuse the taal (the beat) and the thousands of times I give up because I can't master the song perfectly only augment my passion for music. So, it's probably not a coincidence that this will be my 12th year studying the art of Hindustani classical music. They say that most people enjoy what they're good at, but music is one thing I'll love no matter my skills in it.
Music is a Science. Combining the laws of physics and biology, music is indeed a science. However, I feel that there is a much more profound relationship between these two phenomena. Music, for me, is like an experiment; the notes being the variables, and the melody that the combinations create being the result. It's simply beautiful the way that I am able to apply the same fundamentals to both musical creation and scientific experimentation.
My interest in science first peaked when I was in middle school, and I was one of the few girls doing the science fair. I owe my involvement in science, once again, to my father, who convinced me that it would be a great learning experience. Of course, it was much more than that. Because I got the opportunity to go to the California state fair in middle school, I was encouraged to continue this rewarding activity in high school. Thinking of a novel idea, then formulating a procedure, and finally conducting the experiment was quite challenging for me in the beginning. As I researched to a greater extent, my curiosity amazed me and I found the vast range of knowledge beyond my AP biology lab intriguing. At that point, my hobby, consisting of reading science magazines and researching occasionally, transformed into a passion. I devoted several hours after school each week completing my experiment, and my toil and hard work came to fruition when I got to represent my school at the statewide and international level.
Science is life. This past summer, I spent a month at the University of California, Davis as a participant in the COSMOS program studying the biomedical sciences. I felt like I fit right in. I was living the life of a med student: going to class everyday in the morning, meeting med students, doing research in a lab. I knew this is what I wanted to be doing my whole life. From doing experiments in a lab to performing a simulated angioplasty on a mannequin-- this summer has definitely helped me realize that I want to go to med school. Despite all the hardships a med student has to face and all the years of studying one has to go through, I feel that I have what it takes to pursue my goal of being a doctor. I'm committed and responsible, and I know what I need to do; once I set a goal, I do all I can to attain it.
Although I may not be able to decipher my purpose in life or who I am, I've realized that it is experience and commitment that builds character. I've dedicated my entire life to music and a lot of time since middle school to science. My two passions seem to complement each other, as one's strength can be applied to the other's weakness. The relationship between music and science is blissful, idyllic even. Almost like a DNA strand, where one strand is music and one is science and together, they form the double helix that defines not only who I am, but also who I want to become.
Hi guys,
I've rewritten the essay (edited out the Libra metaphor and changed some of the body paragraphs)
PLEASEEEEE comment. I really need the feedback! thanks guys!
--------
It never occurred to me that the more I try to understand who I am, the more I stray away from my natural self-the real me. It's always been such a challenge for me to figure myself out. Why do I do what I do? What got me to where I am today? The fact that I wasn't able to answer these rhetorical questions perturbed me.
At the culmination of my junior year, I came to a realization, an epiphany. I realized that I didn't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I was able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it was the cultivation of my interests which defined who I was. As much as I wanted my life to be spontaneous or nonlinear, I began to realize that even my passions followed an effortless, simple transitive property: if a=b and a=c, then b=c.
Music is life. Ironically, my initial exposure to music was through my parent's exercising their authority. I was five years old and my dad enrolled me in Hindustani Classical Music with Anupama Dalal. As I entered the first day of class, I had no notion of what I was getting myself into. Hindustani classical vocal music is one of the most melodic and uplifting art forms, but also one of the most difficult. Not only does this form of singing require a knack for taal (beat) and sur (tune) but it also is also heavily dependent on the culture, with each lyric conveying a certain aspect of the Indian tradition. The more complex it got, the more motivated I was to try harder. The frustration I experience when failing countless times at getting the correct note, the amount of times I confuse the taal (the beat) and the thousands of times I give up because I can't master the song perfectly only augment my passion for music. So, it's probably not a coincidence that this will be my 12th year studying the art of Hindustani classical music. They say that most people enjoy what they're good at, but music is one thing I'll love no matter my skills in it.
Music is a Science. Combining the laws of physics and biology, music is indeed a science. However, I feel that there is a much more profound relationship between these two phenomena. Music, for me, is like an experiment; the notes being the variables, and the melody that the combinations create being the result. It's simply beautiful the way that I am able to apply the same fundamentals to both musical creation and scientific experimentation.
My interest in science first peaked when I was in middle school, and I was one of the few girls doing the science fair. I owe my involvement in science, once again, to my father, who convinced me that it would be a great learning experience. Of course, it was much more than that. Because I got the opportunity to go to the California state fair in middle school, I was encouraged to continue this rewarding activity in high school. Thinking of a novel idea, then formulating a procedure, and finally conducting the experiment was quite challenging for me in the beginning. As I researched to a greater extent, my curiosity amazed me and I found the vast range of knowledge beyond my AP biology lab intriguing. At that point, my hobby, consisting of reading science magazines and researching occasionally, transformed into a passion. I devoted several hours after school each week completing my experiment, and my toil and hard work came to fruition when I got to represent my school at the statewide and international level.
Science is life. This past summer, I spent a month at the University of California, Davis as a participant in the COSMOS program studying the biomedical sciences. I felt like I fit right in. I was living the life of a med student: going to class everyday in the morning, meeting med students, doing research in a lab. I knew this is what I wanted to be doing my whole life. From doing experiments in a lab to performing a simulated angioplasty on a mannequin-- this summer has definitely helped me realize that I want to go to med school. Despite all the hardships a med student has to face and all the years of studying one has to go through, I feel that I have what it takes to pursue my goal of being a doctor. I'm committed and responsible, and I know what I need to do; once I set a goal, I do all I can to attain it.
Although I may not be able to decipher my purpose in life or who I am, I've realized that it is experience and commitment that builds character. I've dedicated my entire life to music and a lot of time since middle school to science. My two passions seem to complement each other, as one's strength can be applied to the other's weakness. The relationship between music and science is blissful, idyllic even. Almost like a DNA strand, where one strand is music and one is science and together, they form the double helix that defines not only who I am, but also who I want to become.
keds51
Sep 2, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
I edited the Libra metaphor out. Here is the edited intro:
It never occurred to me that the more I try to understand who I am, the more I stray away from my natural self-the real me. It's always been such a challenge for me to figure myself out. Why do I do what I do? What got me to where I am today?
At the culmination of my junior year, I came to a realization, an epiphany. I realized that I didn't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I was able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it was the cultivation of my interests which defined who I was. As much as I wanted my life to be spontaneous or nonlinear, it became apparent that even my passions followed an effortless, simple transitive property: if a=b and a=c, then b=c.
PLEASE CRITIQUE. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. :)
Also, can I get some comments on the body paragraphs? Thank you!!!
I edited the Libra metaphor out. Here is the edited intro:
It never occurred to me that the more I try to understand who I am, the more I stray away from my natural self-the real me. It's always been such a challenge for me to figure myself out. Why do I do what I do? What got me to where I am today?
At the culmination of my junior year, I came to a realization, an epiphany. I realized that I didn't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I was able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it was the cultivation of my interests which defined who I was. As much as I wanted my life to be spontaneous or nonlinear, it became apparent that even my passions followed an effortless, simple transitive property: if a=b and a=c, then b=c.
PLEASE CRITIQUE. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. :)
Also, can I get some comments on the body paragraphs? Thank you!!!
keds51
Aug 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Trying my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters; Stanford/Future Roomate [18]
Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate the feedback.
I guess what I wanted to convey goes a little beyond what is actually said in the letter. All the little things I wrote about actually connect to an aspect of my personality. Ie. The part where "I try and play the piano even though I've never learned, because I think it's a beautiful instrument..." parallels with my persistent and determined nature. And the fact that I like roller coasters shows that I'm an enthusiastic person, willing to take risks. Also, my wide taste in music indicates my willingness to accept change and my ability to enjoy different things.
I kind of picked things about me which connect to parts of my personality. Is that a little too farfetched? Or should I explicitly state in the letter how the little intricacies about my likes/dislikes have a deeper meaning?
Thank you.
Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate the feedback.
I guess what I wanted to convey goes a little beyond what is actually said in the letter. All the little things I wrote about actually connect to an aspect of my personality. Ie. The part where "I try and play the piano even though I've never learned, because I think it's a beautiful instrument..." parallels with my persistent and determined nature. And the fact that I like roller coasters shows that I'm an enthusiastic person, willing to take risks. Also, my wide taste in music indicates my willingness to accept change and my ability to enjoy different things.
I kind of picked things about me which connect to parts of my personality. Is that a little too farfetched? Or should I explicitly state in the letter how the little intricacies about my likes/dislikes have a deeper meaning?
Thank you.
keds51
Aug 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Trying my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters; Stanford/Future Roomate [18]
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
NOTE** I was really struggling on writing this one, attempting to make it witty or humorous, but nothing seemed to work. In the end, I just wrote honestly about some of the things I like,and how they somewhat make me who I am. I'd appreciate any comments. Thank you.
Dear Future Roomie,
As we begin this four year journey, I would like you to know that I haven't quite figured myself out yet, so I'm going to try my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters (max). I'm (INSERT NAME), by the way.
I love sitting out on the edge of a sidewalk on a sunny summer day, just watching the cars go by on my street while reading a good book. I'm not much of a chocolate person, but I love chocolate cake, especially from the Bijan Bakery near my house. My favorite drink at Starbucks is Passionfruit iced tea. I love pensï my favorite pen is the Pilot needle point ink pen. It writes really well, and I love using it to write those essays in my AP Lit class. Music is life. Currently, I'm into techno music, but I tend to go through phases in which my favorite genre changes about every two months. That brings me to my next point: I'm very indecisive. I don't know why, but I like getting several opinions before making a decision, but of course, that only makes the decision making process harder. I recently discovered my love for stargazing while at a summer program in UC Davis. I love pointing out the constellations, and viewing the faraway galaxies. It just makes the world feel so much smaller. I'm about 5'3", I have light brown eyes, brown hair, and I'm Indian. People tell me I look pretty exotic for an Indianïthey guess South American, Mexican, Russian, Middle Eastern, even Hawaiian, but no one ever believes that I'm Indian. If there's one thing I regret about my childhood, it is not learning how to play an instrument. I personally love the piano. I can spend hours on my keyboard, just figuring out the melody to songs I already know and even composing a little bit of my own music. Sadly, I've never learned note reading, so I can't actually play songs, but I still hope to pursue my goal of playing the piano some day. I admire art. There are two types of people: those who go into art museums and spend about 1 minute at a painting and move on, and those who spend fifteen minutes trying to read the painting. I fall into the fifteen minute category. A painting has so much to tell, and I find it fascinating that art can be so enlightening. I'm a roller coaster person. I love the thrill of waiting in line to get an adrenaline rush for the next minute or two.
And don't worry. It's okay if you don't like the piano, or techno music, stargazing, or roller coasters. I love meeting new people and trying out new things.
Basically, I like to live in the moment. I try to make each day count. And I can't wait to meet you and have some fun adventures together!
Yours truly,
INSERT NAME
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
NOTE** I was really struggling on writing this one, attempting to make it witty or humorous, but nothing seemed to work. In the end, I just wrote honestly about some of the things I like,and how they somewhat make me who I am. I'd appreciate any comments. Thank you.
Dear Future Roomie,
As we begin this four year journey, I would like you to know that I haven't quite figured myself out yet, so I'm going to try my best to explain myself to you in 1800 characters (max). I'm (INSERT NAME), by the way.
I love sitting out on the edge of a sidewalk on a sunny summer day, just watching the cars go by on my street while reading a good book. I'm not much of a chocolate person, but I love chocolate cake, especially from the Bijan Bakery near my house. My favorite drink at Starbucks is Passionfruit iced tea. I love pensï my favorite pen is the Pilot needle point ink pen. It writes really well, and I love using it to write those essays in my AP Lit class. Music is life. Currently, I'm into techno music, but I tend to go through phases in which my favorite genre changes about every two months. That brings me to my next point: I'm very indecisive. I don't know why, but I like getting several opinions before making a decision, but of course, that only makes the decision making process harder. I recently discovered my love for stargazing while at a summer program in UC Davis. I love pointing out the constellations, and viewing the faraway galaxies. It just makes the world feel so much smaller. I'm about 5'3", I have light brown eyes, brown hair, and I'm Indian. People tell me I look pretty exotic for an Indianïthey guess South American, Mexican, Russian, Middle Eastern, even Hawaiian, but no one ever believes that I'm Indian. If there's one thing I regret about my childhood, it is not learning how to play an instrument. I personally love the piano. I can spend hours on my keyboard, just figuring out the melody to songs I already know and even composing a little bit of my own music. Sadly, I've never learned note reading, so I can't actually play songs, but I still hope to pursue my goal of playing the piano some day. I admire art. There are two types of people: those who go into art museums and spend about 1 minute at a painting and move on, and those who spend fifteen minutes trying to read the painting. I fall into the fifteen minute category. A painting has so much to tell, and I find it fascinating that art can be so enlightening. I'm a roller coaster person. I love the thrill of waiting in line to get an adrenaline rush for the next minute or two.
And don't worry. It's okay if you don't like the piano, or techno music, stargazing, or roller coasters. I love meeting new people and trying out new things.
Basically, I like to live in the moment. I try to make each day count. And I can't wait to meet you and have some fun adventures together!
Yours truly,
INSERT NAME
keds51
Aug 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - What lead me to my goal? [24]
I think that its admirable that you knew your career from such a young age, but I think that it's also somewhat unbelieveable that you weren't swayed away by other career options. If you were, then explain those, and explain how overcoming those options helped you decide and confirm on becoming a heart surgeon.
If you weren't swayed, then talk about how everything you've done in high school, all your classes, your extra curriculars-- how everything fit into this perfect mold of what's needed to be a doctor. You may also want to discuss exactly what makes you want to be a doctor. "Helping people", although true, is kind of sappy.
I think that its admirable that you knew your career from such a young age, but I think that it's also somewhat unbelieveable that you weren't swayed away by other career options. If you were, then explain those, and explain how overcoming those options helped you decide and confirm on becoming a heart surgeon.
If you weren't swayed, then talk about how everything you've done in high school, all your classes, your extra curriculars-- how everything fit into this perfect mold of what's needed to be a doctor. You may also want to discuss exactly what makes you want to be a doctor. "Helping people", although true, is kind of sappy.
keds51
Aug 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Hospice Volunteering - Common App Essay [6]
Wow. I really like your essay. I can totally relate because I volunteer at a hospital as well. I think you should focus more on the impact of the situation on you.
Many of us have probably experienced death of another at one point in our lives, but how has that changed who YOU are? How has it changed your outlook on life, etc.
I hope that helps!
Wow. I really like your essay. I can totally relate because I volunteer at a hospital as well. I think you should focus more on the impact of the situation on you.
Many of us have probably experienced death of another at one point in our lives, but how has that changed who YOU are? How has it changed your outlook on life, etc.
I hope that helps!
keds51
Aug 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
Thanks! So, should I get rid of the metaphor connecting me to a Libra, alltogether? Also, how is the content in the paragraphs? Does it show who I am as a person?
Thanks! So, should I get rid of the metaphor connecting me to a Libra, alltogether? Also, how is the content in the paragraphs? Does it show who I am as a person?
keds51
Aug 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice [16]
Common App/ Topic of my choice
I'm really bad at starting things, must be because I'm a Libra. They say Libras are indecisive and irresolute, and take several different opinions before settling on a final decision. That's probably true because this is my fifteenth time starting this essay. Well, most of those horoscope explanations are so generic, the description can probably match just about anyone. But then again, why do I label myself as a Libra when I know perfectly well the broadness of the horoscope. Why do I confine myself to the identity that is given to me? Since the third grade, I've been "labeled" as the over achieving girl who's always trying to be ahead of the class. I don't know why I let myself fit into the perfect little box society drew for me. There are so many things I didn't know and so many things that I still don't know.
But I'm not all that inexplicable. I wish I was spontaneous, that my life was erratic, but even my passions follow a follow a simple transitive property. If a=b and a=c, then b=c.
Music is life. Those three words are probably the truest words ever said. My dad was the one who really inspired me to learn music. I was five, and at the age where parents enroll their children into every activity possible to keep them busy and out of the house to avoid chaos and havoc. My parents, like other parents, also fell into that "label" of parents who register their kids in a handful of extra curricular classes, and enrolled me in Hindustani Classical Vocal Music with Anupama Dalal. At the time, I had no idea that I would continue it for 11 years to come. Hindustani classical music, originally from India, is probably the most beautiful art form I've ever heard. The frustration I experience when failing countless times at getting the correct the note, the amount of times I confuse the taal (the beat) and the thousands of times I give up because I can't master the song perfectly only augment my passion for music. They say that most people enjoy what they're good at, but music is one thing I'll love no matter my skills in it. No form of communication can express my love for music and I can confidently say that learning Hindustani classical music has made my life worth living.
Music is a Science. Around my sophomore year, I realized how much music and science are interconnected. I mean, I could discuss the mechanics of music and the frequency of the pitch of my voice in relation to how my ear processes the sound, etc, but I feel that there is a much more profound relationship between these two phenomena. Music, for me, is like an experiment; the notes being the variables, and the melody that the combinations create being the result. I know it may seem a little outrageous, but I literally apply the same fundamentals that I do to experimentation to music and improvisation.
During the sixth grade, I started to develop a real interest for science after I met an amazing science fair mentor: Mr. Francis Lee. He was probably the one individual who changed my middle school and high school career. Mr. Lee got me involved in the science fair in 6th grade. I'd say I was one out of the five people in my whole grade doing the fair, and I felt like the nerdiest kid there. Once again, I fit right into that label that was stuck onto me. As I entered high school, I tried numerous clubs and activities, but doing a research project was by far my most favorite extra curricular-and that's when I knew, I had found my niche. Since then, I've done a research project my sophomore and junior year of high school.
Science is life. This past summer, I spent a month at the University of California, Davis as a participant in the COSMOS program. I felt like I fit right in. I was living the life of a med student: going to class everyday in the morning, meeting med students, doing research in a lab. I knew this is what I wanted to be doing my whole life.. From doing experiments in a lab to performing a simulated angioplasty on a mannequin-- this summer has definitely helped me realize that I want to go to med school. Despite all the hardships a med student has to face and all the years of studying one has to go through, I feel that I have what it takes to pursue my goal of being a doctor. I'm committed and responsible, and I know what I need to do; once I set a goal, I do all I can to attain it.
Although my career path may seem clear to me now, I know that as I experience new things, I will choose a different course. I will, no doubt, fall into one of those labels society identifies me with and I will take several different opinions before making any decision. I will make mistakes with the hope of learning from them in the future. I want to live in the moment, and right now, I know I want to go to med school, but who knows where life will take me?
And even after being so sure about my future, I know I will change my mind. Perhaps, because I am a Libra.
Common App/ Topic of my choice
I'm really bad at starting things, must be because I'm a Libra. They say Libras are indecisive and irresolute, and take several different opinions before settling on a final decision. That's probably true because this is my fifteenth time starting this essay. Well, most of those horoscope explanations are so generic, the description can probably match just about anyone. But then again, why do I label myself as a Libra when I know perfectly well the broadness of the horoscope. Why do I confine myself to the identity that is given to me? Since the third grade, I've been "labeled" as the over achieving girl who's always trying to be ahead of the class. I don't know why I let myself fit into the perfect little box society drew for me. There are so many things I didn't know and so many things that I still don't know.
But I'm not all that inexplicable. I wish I was spontaneous, that my life was erratic, but even my passions follow a follow a simple transitive property. If a=b and a=c, then b=c.
Music is life. Those three words are probably the truest words ever said. My dad was the one who really inspired me to learn music. I was five, and at the age where parents enroll their children into every activity possible to keep them busy and out of the house to avoid chaos and havoc. My parents, like other parents, also fell into that "label" of parents who register their kids in a handful of extra curricular classes, and enrolled me in Hindustani Classical Vocal Music with Anupama Dalal. At the time, I had no idea that I would continue it for 11 years to come. Hindustani classical music, originally from India, is probably the most beautiful art form I've ever heard. The frustration I experience when failing countless times at getting the correct the note, the amount of times I confuse the taal (the beat) and the thousands of times I give up because I can't master the song perfectly only augment my passion for music. They say that most people enjoy what they're good at, but music is one thing I'll love no matter my skills in it. No form of communication can express my love for music and I can confidently say that learning Hindustani classical music has made my life worth living.
Music is a Science. Around my sophomore year, I realized how much music and science are interconnected. I mean, I could discuss the mechanics of music and the frequency of the pitch of my voice in relation to how my ear processes the sound, etc, but I feel that there is a much more profound relationship between these two phenomena. Music, for me, is like an experiment; the notes being the variables, and the melody that the combinations create being the result. I know it may seem a little outrageous, but I literally apply the same fundamentals that I do to experimentation to music and improvisation.
During the sixth grade, I started to develop a real interest for science after I met an amazing science fair mentor: Mr. Francis Lee. He was probably the one individual who changed my middle school and high school career. Mr. Lee got me involved in the science fair in 6th grade. I'd say I was one out of the five people in my whole grade doing the fair, and I felt like the nerdiest kid there. Once again, I fit right into that label that was stuck onto me. As I entered high school, I tried numerous clubs and activities, but doing a research project was by far my most favorite extra curricular-and that's when I knew, I had found my niche. Since then, I've done a research project my sophomore and junior year of high school.
Science is life. This past summer, I spent a month at the University of California, Davis as a participant in the COSMOS program. I felt like I fit right in. I was living the life of a med student: going to class everyday in the morning, meeting med students, doing research in a lab. I knew this is what I wanted to be doing my whole life.. From doing experiments in a lab to performing a simulated angioplasty on a mannequin-- this summer has definitely helped me realize that I want to go to med school. Despite all the hardships a med student has to face and all the years of studying one has to go through, I feel that I have what it takes to pursue my goal of being a doctor. I'm committed and responsible, and I know what I need to do; once I set a goal, I do all I can to attain it.
Although my career path may seem clear to me now, I know that as I experience new things, I will choose a different course. I will, no doubt, fall into one of those labels society identifies me with and I will take several different opinions before making any decision. I will make mistakes with the hope of learning from them in the future. I want to live in the moment, and right now, I know I want to go to med school, but who knows where life will take me?
And even after being so sure about my future, I know I will change my mind. Perhaps, because I am a Libra.