I have a secret. And up until this past summer, I have been ashamed by it. Intrigued? Well, here it is.
I'm a nerd.
Now I know the images running through your head right now. Images of people getting shoved into lockers, keeping their pens in their pocket protectors, targeted by the football team to be on a first name basis with the environmental club's compost...the list keeps on going. Countless movies have been made about the "stereotypical nerd," but for me, that definition doesn't fit exactly. See, I'm a closet nerd. I mean, I am in the accelerated classes at school, but that isn't what makes me a nerd.
An example of how I'm a closet nerd is this-I recently looked up the definition of nerd in the Merriam Webster's dictionary, just because I was curious. But what I found didn't exactly fit into my preconceived notions. The Dictionary defined a nerd as, "an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially: one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits." I was outright surprised by this description. I still can't believe that a dictionary could be so biased in their definitions. I was so completely thrown off by this definition that I decided I had to make a change.
It is not my intention to come across as conceited or anything, but I definitely don't think I'm socially inept. I have three groups of friends that I spend my time with, with some outliers thrown in for good measure. We may not be the "popular kids," but we are definitely not shunned by any means. And unstylish? I don't think that anyone in my school would say that I was unstylish. I take fashion risks. I wear what makes me feel confident. Usually, I even get complimented on my fashion choices. I have been wearing my mom's cowboy boots to school since back in tenth grade, way before Steve Madden started selling them by the thousands. It's difficult for me to prove that I'm not unattractive, because everyone has their moments. However tiny I may be (I'm just five feet now and I can still fit into children sizes), I definitely believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
When I was in both elementary and middle school, I felt the ubiquitous pressure to be "cool" and "fit in." Back before what I like to call the high-school-enlightenment, individuality was spurned. It was the epitome of cool to shop in Abercrombie kids, which I was barely able to fit into. Everyone wore the same clothes from the same stores, watched the same television shows, and overall acted the same. It was not meritorious to be smart or dress differently. The kids who did think outside of the box? It was not a good thing to be seen talking to them-it started a rumor mill that you were becoming one of them. Gradually as I got older, I stopped stifling my individuality. I also stopped being friends with the dictators of what was "cool" and what was "not." However, throughout my whole educational career, I was still a closet nerd.
So how exactly do I fit into the definition of a stereotypical nerd? It's quite simple, really. Ever since I was a child, I have loved to read. I have a skill of reading extremely fast, and it's not unlikely for me to go through two books in a weekend, probably more if I am intrigued. My reading abilities did not make me a stranger to the public library's children's room. In fact, I was there so often, they offered me a job. This skill for reading goes hand in hand with a love of learning. When I am interested in something, I immerse myself in everything revolved around it.
I started ballet at 13 a year after I was inspired by a "Ballet Classroom Number" on stage of my best friends' dance recital. During that year, I spent hours upon hours watching ballet videos on YouTube, reading ballet books, and generally inhaling every aspect that I could about ballet. I had taken sporadic years of dance, but it never was my passion-not until I started ballet. What continues to draw me into ballet is the structure of everything. Every class is organized the same way, with the same overall moves coalesced into very different combinations. I found a fervor that I had never felt before with ballet, and I worked very hard to achieve my goal of being allowed "en pointe." Now I am an intensive student at the New Jersey School of Ballet, and I love every minute of it. In this case, my "nerdiness" assisted me in soaking up the knowledge of ballet-the French language used for the movements and the ability to remember combinations and recall everything from the class before, as fast as needed.
Only just recently have I been able to admit to my secret. I lost the will to be the same as everyone else and I now take pleasure in being an individual. I feel that the dictionary definition did, at least, get one thing right-my devotion to intellectual pursuits. In order to be un-biased in a definition, I propose a new one. A nerd has always been seen as someone who's uncool. But maybe they were just confident in their idiosyncrasies. To me, a nerd is "someone who is not afraid to be an individual, especially when it comes to their interests and academic endeavors." And I, for one, am proud to come clean and finally confess. I am a nerd.
tell me what you think!
I see where you're trying to go with this essay. I like your approach, but things get really confusing and muddled around the middle.
You deviate from the topic of being a nerd and talk about all these things which just aren't interesting, to be frank. You spend all this time on little things, but you don't explain them in depth. For example:
It's difficult for me to prove that I'm not unattractive, because everyone has their moments. However tiny I may be (I'm just five feet now and I can still fit into children sizes), I definitely believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
What's the purpose of this? I think the last line of this section is powerful, but then you just leave it at that. Try and follow through on what you're trying to say, otherwise you just come off as someone who's trying to be someone else. Instead of trying to fit yourself into this confined definition of a "nerd" try thinking outside the box to find out who you really are.
Good luck!
My first thought is that the dictionary is unbiased. Mainstream dictionaries are neutral. My guess is that there are different kinds of nerdiness, and there are certainly misconceptions about that. I think I'm kind of nerdy too, because of my academic pursuits. But I also played football, have had some very nice relationships, and generally fit in.
So I think it might help if, at the beginning, you define what nerdiness is to you. Maybe you can leave off the dictionary meaning, and focus on the social meanings. That might give you a more solid direction.
