Posts by hathutran

hathutran

Nov 5, 2016

Writing Feedback / The well-known events like World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential. [2]

Question:
Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

ANSWER:
Many people hold the opinion that it is very necessary to hold worldwide sporting events such as World Cup and many other athletic contests, though the rest bear the contrary. In my opinion, I fervently believe that special sporting occasions as aforementioned should be regularly taken place.

On one hand, taking part in such events helps countries to enhance their images and show the hospitality to the world. Firstly, the victory will be marked as their competence in not only sport but also economic and culture. Otherwise, through their friendly and open-minded athletes, other contestants from different countries will have a good impression in gentle acts and kind words. This may help to defuse the hostility between opponent countries and build up an amicable relationship. Besides, worldwide sporting events have been telling many touching and inspirational stories of athletes' courage and determination. This also might help to inspire the human kind and create motivation.

However, while our world is facing to many complex chronic problems, these events seem to be inappropriate. Firstly, hosting an international athletic events may do harm to vulnerable economies. Many countries has used up their national budget to prepare for the occasions which may lead them to be in debt to other financial organizations. Subsequently, public debt becomes a serious problem and then having many countries filed a bankrupt, which devastates their entire people. Otherwise, many international sporting events have been interfered by political power, therefore, it may bring inequalities to some athletes from the target country.

In conclusion, worldwide sporting events should carried on as the way it has been though many downsides still remains. Because people will always struggle for peace and harmony, which such occasions represent.

hathutran

Nov 5, 2016

Writing Feedback / ILTES W-2: it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. [3]

Dear @SYDA, it is INCORRECT to use the semi-colon (;) as the way you did.

It is a fact; people have eagerness ... => It is a fact that people are willing to experience more trendy things such as new museums and town halls . Remember the structure "experience something" not "experience with something".

The old museums and town halls ... => You should add some linking word at the beginning of thesis statement. For instance "On one hand".

The old museums ... The rise in the number of visitors ... =>you should write at least one support sentence after each one. These two seem to be irrelevant because the first one is not clarified yet.

The old buildings have historical and cultural ... => you should put them in the conclusion.

the historical places impart the cultural ... => by visiting historical destinations, many youngsters can learn more about their cultural values including norms, belief, religion...

they may come to know an important function [...] with young to develop their personality. => visiting those places can raise the pride inside them and teach them to respect traditional value.

Dear SYDA, I can partly absorb your main ideas but you should try to put them follow a logic so the examiner can consider your essay as "well-structured" and "easy to follow".

Try to eliminate or reduce some spoken words finally. Good luck !!

hathutran

Nov 5, 2016

Writing Feedback / The percentage of money consumed for several different outgoings by a school in UK [3]

Dear @Wilyaftika23, these are my correction and advices for your work:

The pie charts give the information about the percentage of money outcome because of several factors by particularly UK school with data collected in 1981, 1991, and 2001.

Overall, it can be seen that (...) this percentage was above 40 percent. => you should not add specific numbers to the overview sentence.

The percentage of 'teacher salaries' category was ... => There was a dramatic rise in the percentage of 'teacher salaries' category by 10 percent in 1991.

Besides that => "Besides" or "In addition to that" or "In addition" only

Besides that, over three- years period the percentage ... => You should rewrite this sentence to make it clearer. Sorry, I don't know your question so can't clarify it immediately.

Generally, you should avoid repeating the same word many times, such as "category" or "besides that". Try to diversify your expression. Good luck !

hathutran

Oct 30, 2016

Writing Feedback / The wallet of Europeans under scrutiny - 6 CONSUMER GOODS IN 4 EUROPEAN COUNTRIES [3]

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in 4 European countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph illustrates the differences in spending amount of 6 consumer items categorized into 4 European countries namely Germany, Italy, France, and Britain. It is noticeable that the consumption of each good in Britain plays the largest parts.

To take a closer look, the money spent on personal stereos, tennis racquets and perfumes are relatively less than this of the rest. While France pay least in these goods, Britain maintain its leading position and reach its peak at 160 thousand pounds in perfumes.

The spend on CDs, toys and photographic film is much higher in France and Britain. These two lead in CDs with the spending amount at approximately 158 and 160 thousand pounds respectively. Meanwhile, Italy and France pay the same money on toys at around 158 thousand pounds. The most excessive figures are the British spending amount on toys and photographic film with around 168 and above 170 thousand pounds.

(152 words)

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