Could you please revise this letter and comment on it; I feel it is a bit long and weak.
'Dear Hiring Manager for YPP,
I am addressing you to apply for the Young Professionals Program Examination Procedure at the field of Architecture. As a young graduate Architect, I am confident that I fit the profile of a P2-level Associative Architect, as described in your official United Nations site.
Having recently completed a five-year curriculum I obtained an equivalent of a Master's degree in Architectural Engineering from the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki's School of Architecture. I have completed my studies granted 'excellence' with a grade of 9,07/10 ranking in the top three of my semester.
During my diploma design thesis, I have had the opportunity to develop a prototype building typology for a new type of library and algorithms that dealt with the area of 'content management' of digital collections. Furthermore, my participation in a plethora of intensive, off-curriculum workshops has deepened both my collaborative skills as well as my ability to achieve goals in limited timeframes.
Contemporaneously to my studies, I have been gaining practical experience in the field. Through this experience, I received profound knowledge on understanding and delivering technical drawings and documenting projects. Among others, it offered me valuable experience in the construction industry and building codes. From all the above experiences, I came to find that my major strength is the ability to deliver positive results under any given circumstance.
I consider the actions of the United Nations Organization to be profoundly influential globe wide and therefore being part of this organization appeals greatly to me. A job with you is a great step towards a globally active career.
Thank you for your time and consideration.'
It should be really great, as to pop out from the mass; the competition is really hard!
Thank you everybody
'Dear Hiring Manager for YPP,
I am addressing you to apply for the Young Professionals Program Examination Procedure at the field of Architecture. As a young graduate Architect, I am confident that I fit the profile of a P2-level Associative Architect, as described in your official United Nations site.
Having recently completed a five-year curriculum I obtained an equivalent of a Master's degree in Architectural Engineering from the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki's School of Architecture. I have completed my studies granted 'excellence' with a grade of 9,07/10 ranking in the top three of my semester.
During my diploma design thesis, I have had the opportunity to develop a prototype building typology for a new type of library and algorithms that dealt with the area of 'content management' of digital collections. Furthermore, my participation in a plethora of intensive, off-curriculum workshops has deepened both my collaborative skills as well as my ability to achieve goals in limited timeframes.
Contemporaneously to my studies, I have been gaining practical experience in the field. Through this experience, I received profound knowledge on understanding and delivering technical drawings and documenting projects. Among others, it offered me valuable experience in the construction industry and building codes. From all the above experiences, I came to find that my major strength is the ability to deliver positive results under any given circumstance.
I consider the actions of the United Nations Organization to be profoundly influential globe wide and therefore being part of this organization appeals greatly to me. A job with you is a great step towards a globally active career.
Thank you for your time and consideration.'
It should be really great, as to pop out from the mass; the competition is really hard!
Thank you everybody