Cover letter to impress my employer

Dear Ms Sarah:

I am Shamalah from Malaysia. I've been out of school for ages. I have only completed 11 years of schooling and started working as a clerk in 1997. Due to my marital status( am separated now), I would like to go to Asutralia or New Zealand to join a good college and work at the same time. I would like you to help me with a good general cover letter or just a letter describing myself and my past working experiences and my current intention. I tried several times to draft something but it never turn out to be a good one. I would really appreciate if you could help me on this. Hope to hear something positive from you.

Thanks
Shamala

Greetings, Shamala!

I'd be happy to help you. The easiest way to do it, because I don't know much about you, would be for you to post your rough draft here, and let me help you edit it. If you still have one of the ones you wrote that you felt was not "a good one," I could help you to make it good! :-)

Don't be shy about posting it. We have students from all levels of learning, many for whom English is a foreign language, and all are welcome to post their essays. If you don't still have one of your rough drafts, I'd suggest you just write down all the relevant facts about yourself, as if you were just telling me in a conversation, and I will help you smooth it out and achieve the right tone for your purposes.

I look forward to learning more about you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Sarah:

Thanks for your speedy response. The current letter which I have is posted below the horizontal line to your attention. I want this to be more expressive as my current situation requires so. Let me tell you a little bit of my background and my intention of going abroad. I am 28 years old and currently working as an office manager with an education consultancy firm. I got married last year March and I am separated for about 7 months ago as things did not work out well between me and my husband. I have finished my secondary schooling in my home country, Malaysia which is equivalent to 'O' Level or 11 year of schooling. I enrolled myself for a Certificate in Information Systems course in a local college here in 1999 but had to discontinue it due to my family and financial problems.

I have great interest in reading and listening to music during my leisure time. My current intention to study and work at the same time in Australia is due to the peaceless mind I am having. I come from a conservative family and my parents feel that my world has come to an end due to my separation and I have nothing more left to live. Making decision on my own is not easy as at times they feel that I should listened to them and act according to them. All these is making my life tough and only leading to depression. So, I have decided to further my studies in Australia somehow and to support my living and studies there I need to get a decent job. Though I dont possess a great paper qualification, I do have 7-8 years of working experience and I have the willingness to learn new things. I am also preparing myself for IELTS exam which would help me in getting me enrol for the studies of my interest. I sincerely hope to get a good decent clerical kind of a job which would help me financially to pursue my studies and lead an average living in my preferred country.

With this, I hope you could have got a rough idea on the tone of the letter should be. I would like to hear from you as soon as possible.

Appreciate your help, Ms Sarah.
Shamala

// removed - the letter was copied from another website //